Yanks sweep Red Sox; what does Lupica say about it?

Unbelievable.

The Yankees played perhaps their best series of the season, and the Mets played their worst, and Yankees still get the shaft from Lupica. What a tool.

Here’s a quick list of which Yankees take the hit from Lupica this week…

Carl Pavano (shock)
Phil Hughes
Joba Chamberlain

Beckham's contract could turn out to be a bigger waste of money than Carl Pavano's, if such a thing is possible.

Is Lupica basing this on injuries, or performance?

Because I can think of plenty of players not worth their contract based on performance…

Robert Alomar
Roger Cedeno
Jeromy Burnitz
Kaz Matsui

But see, those names just aren’t as funny as Carl Pavano’s.

I mean, that HAS to be the reason Lupica is still mentioning his name 4 months after season-ending surgery, right?

Who declared Phil Hughes the greatest pitching prospect in all the land, the Yankee announcers?

Uh, well, YOU, apparently, considering no one else has declared him the greatest pitching prospect in all the land.

You know who the Mets want to be?

The Yankees?

They want to be the team that beat them out of going to the World Series last year.

Please explain.

Last September, the Cardinals had a seven-game lead on the 20th of September and proceeded to lose eight of their next nine games and saw their lead in the NL Central shrink to a half game. Five weeks later they had won it all. The Mets can do the same thing.

HAHAAHA Oh Christ, that’s some good comedy right there.

Right now, you know the only guy the Mets have who has wildly over-performed this season?

Marlon Anderson.

Who?

The Yankees can act as if Joba Chamberlain is the most wrongly accused guy since Capt. Alfred Dreyfus, but guess what?

Worst fucking reference of all time.

Throwing over Kevin Youkilis' head in a blowout game the other day, at the end of a three-game sweep, was bush league.

Red Sox pitchers have been beaning Yankee batters for the last ten fucking years, but Joba throwing near Youkilis is bush league?

Seriously, are you retarded?

If it was some sort of accident, let's see the next time he puts two over a guy's head on successive pitches.

If Joba wanted to hit him, don’t you think he would have?

Oh, haha, silly me…I expected Lupica to do some thinking.

My bad.

Oh my god the BASHING NEVER ENDS!!!

Welcome back, Lupica haters!

Last Friday, the Yankees started a stretch in their schedule where they were going to start playing a bunch of playoff contenders for about a month. Let's take a look at how they made out so far.

8.10.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 6-1
8.11.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 11-2
8.12.07 - Beat second place Indians on the road - 5-3
8.13.07 - Beat Orioles at home - 7-6
8.14.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 12-0
8.15.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 6-3
8.16.07 - Lost to first place Tigers at home - 8-5
8.17.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home- 6-1
8.18.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 5-2
8.19.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 9-3

So what can we take from this?

1. The Yankees knocked TWO first place teams into second place.

2. So far, during this "rough stretch" of their schedule, they have played .700 ball.

3. Some douche bags (cough cough Sweeny Murti cough) said the rough stretch didn't start until they played Detroit. In that case, the Yankees are playing .750 ball.

4. Before this rough stretch started, the Yankees were six games out of first place...after 10 games, they are now FOUR games out of first (thanks Gagne, your check is in the mail).

You may be asking yourself, "well, this is all great news, but what does it have to do with that little bitch Mike Lupica?" Well guess what? The little fuck never mentions ONE THING about how the Yankees are completely tearing it up, even after wiping their asses with Cleveland and Detroit. We get the SAME BULLSHIT that Lupica thinks is important...payroll, Giambi, payroll, Pavano, payroll...

Gee, Giambi just makes you believe in happy endings all over again, doesn't he?

Oh my GOD give it a fucking rest with Giambi!

He did steroids, he apologized for it, he met with Mitchell about it, he got a nice pat on the back and he is back to playing again.

By the way, you know who DOESN'T make me believe in happy endings?

Mike's little bitch Guillermo Mota; you know, Public Enemy Number One over in Flushing? He got busted for roids, got suspended, got RE-SIGNED by the Mets, and now he is blowing games left and right for Tom Glavine. Come to think of it, Mota's stupid resigning by the Mets IS a happy ending.

Joe Torre is too old to have to answer questions about Gary Sheffield.

Old? Is that the best adjective Lupica could come up with?

How about "smart"?

How about not even asking Torre about Sheffield, since Sheffield is a fucking moron?

God forbid the NY media sticks to things that NY sports fans actually care about.

There was all this thought after the Red Sox got Eric Gagne that the race in the American League East was over.

But now that he's blown three games in his last nine, Red Sox fans are sort of thinking that the race would be over if they'd never gotten the big guy.

This is as close as Lupica gets to giving the Yankees props. God forbid he actually comes right out and says the Yanks are playing great. Lupica dumps all the credit on Gagne.

What a dick.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for - the weekly "Mention How Much Money The Yankees Like To Spend" moment!

You want to know the difference between the Yankees economy - still - and everybody else's?

They not only spend $52 million on Johnny Damon and $40 million on Carl Pavano and $26 million on Kei Igawa, but when the time comes to write them off, whatever the reasons, it's like some kind of check-writing speed bump.

He could have mentioned how the Yankees filled in open roster spots more than adequately with farm guys like Melky, Shelley Duncan, Hughes, and Chamberlain.

He could have made a favorable comparison to the Yankees trade deadline moves versus the Red Sox getting Gagne.

Haha holy shit! What was I thinking? This is Mike Lupica we're talking about! Haha!

Thank god for Lupica - without him, I would never know anything about Carl Pavano.

There has always been a fair amount of rooting on YES, because that's what you get on all state-run baseball television.

But this year, as the Yankees have come back, there has been more than ever.

I guess this is Lupica's new angle. Since he can't knock the surging Yankees, he'll knock the fucking announcers!?

What the hell, he was bashing the Yankee announcers a few weeks ago too - jeez, who knew that Lupica likes to repeat himself, over and over?

And over?

What a shocker.

I guess it's wrong for the YES announcers to root for the Yankees, but it's ok for a bitch like Lupica to slam them on a weekly basis.

Please.

By the way, while the guys on YES are "rooting" for the Yankees, what the hell is going on in the Mets broadcast booth?

They are an 8-ball and a Wally Backman away from having the entire 1986 team up in there.

Which is kind of ironic - what do the current Mets and the '80s Mets have in common?

They are both massive underachievers.

Yet another topic Lupica wouldn't dare touch on.

This week, it's Clemens that takes the hit!

UPDATED 8.08.07

Oh, look, everyone! Our favorite little dirty bitch Mikey wrote ANOTHER Yankee bashing article! This stupid ass has NOTHING better to write about? How about the Mets losing their grip on first place? How about the Yankees working their way into the Red Sox backyard? How about the Yankees in the wildcard race?

No such luck - we get the usual anti-Yankee bullshit. Again.

There has been nothing remarkable about Clemens except his salary.

Actually, the remarkable thing is that Mikey keeps slamming the Yankees, while the Red Sox lead has been melting away on a daily basis, and the Mets are 17-15 since July 1st.

He is 3-5 and should be 3-6, because when you put your team in an 8-0 hole the way he did on Thursday afternoon and your team ends up losing the game, you're the losing pitcher.

So Mikey wants to tack on extra losses because of Thursday's disaster, but he says nothing about the games Clemens should have won.

June 15 vs Mets (first place team), 6.1 IP, 2 ER, Clemens loses 2-0.
July 7 vs Angels (first place team), 8 IP, 1 ER, Clemens loses 2-1.
July 18 vs Bjays, 6 IP, 1 ER, Clemens gets ND.

Clemens should have gotten the win in those 3 games - so he should actually be 6-4.

But why would Mikey want to confuse anyone with facts when he can just as easily put his stupid ass anti-Yankee spin on everything?

By the way Mikey, how many of those eight runs were earned?

Oh, right. Three.

The Yankees better make the playoffs and Clemens better pitch better the rest of the way, or you know what he is? He is more wasted pitching money.

Oh my god, the horror! Please say it isn't so!

The way Igawa is. The way Carl Pavano was.

Only a dumb baised shit like Lupica would compare Clemens to the likes of Igawa and Pavano.

The Yankees didn't spend high this week to go out and rent - or even buy - a top reliever like Eric Gagne, one who fits their current needs much better than he fits Boston's. Why?

Because they didn’t want to give up anyone named Cano, Cabrera, Hughes, Chamberlain, or Kennedy for some fat mess who'll become a free agent at the end of the season? Because they didn’t want to sell the farm, which you always say they do? You dick?

Because they have already rented the most expensive high-rent pitcher in the history of baseball: Clemens. They are paying him $1 million a start and so far they have gotten three wins out of him.

1. The Yankees can afford it.

2. Three wins that should have been six. (See the numbers above…they are called stats, Mikey).

(Randy) Johnson had an earned run average of 5.00 last season, on his way to 17 victories. Clemens is a little bit under that as he has gotten to 3-5 in those 11 million-dollar starts.

Clemens ERA is 4.23. How is that considered a little bit under 5? That’s almost a full point.

Before Thursday's debacle, Clemens ERA was 3.92.

UPDATE 8.08.07

Clemens gave up one run in 6 innings last night, so his ERA is now 4.00.

Once again, NOT a little bit under 5.

Thanks for not being biased. Again.

Asshole.

Clemens has the 3rd best ERA of all the Yankees starters - exactly what the Yankees expected of him; the third starter.

If the Yankees don't make the playoffs, and if this is all Clemens has, then he is just another pitcher in decline who came here for a lot of Yankee money …Kevin Brown was that guy (trade) and Javy Vazquez was that guy (trade), so were Jose Contreras ($5 mil) and Randy Johnson (trade).

Nice job, Mikey! Three of the four guys you said came here for "a lot of Yankee money" were traded here.

Can you believe this ass munch actually gets paid to write this shit?

I was waiting for Matsui to put the whole thrilla thing back into the Godzilla thing.

Well, now that Matsui is kicking ass all over the league, will you give him props, like you do with all your bitches over in Flushing?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

By the way, I think the reason most people rooted the way they have for A-Rod to hit No. 500 is so Yankee announcers would stop treating routine fly balls to the outfield like the most exciting thing to happen in baseball since Bobby Thomson's home run.

Uh…what?

People cheered for Arod to hit his 500th homerun to protest the Yankee announcers' coverage of routine fly balls?

If anyone can comprehend what the fuck Lupica is trying to say here, please let me know.

Oh, I keep forgetting. Mikey just wants to slam the Yankees, Yankee fans, Yankee announcers, Yankee hats, Yankee keychains.

You know, like most objective sports columnists.

Imus, Crappelbon, Pavano, the usual Yankee bashing crap

One down, two to go!

Now that Mike's coke buddy Imus got the boot from radio, we'll no longer have to hear him over the airwaves - thank god!

Now we just have to figure out a way to get him off TV and out of the newspapers.

This week's worthless piece of crap article by Lupica is all about the cokehead Imus and how the whole apology should have been between Imus and the Rutgers basketball team.

Did Imus get screwed? Yes.

Do I care? HELL NO!

Anything that's bad for Lupica is GOOD for me and good for the Yankees.

Imus had lost his career, at least for now.

Poor Mike - now he can't hear himself come across like a skirt-wearing jackass on the radio.

It was just one more part of this that was all wrong.

On the contrary, Mike - I did a little happy dance, knowing that your connection to the airwaves was cut off like Corzine racing to Imus' suck up session with Rutgers.

No one found his statements acceptable. No one will forget what happened

No one will care a week later, which is basically the case right now.

..and also includes a firing that never should have happened, and solves nothing...
Actually, it solves TWO things -

1. Getting that no-talent corpse Imus off the air, and
2. Getting YOU off the air.

We're all taught as kids to answer bad talk with good talk.

Actually, I was taught "If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all"

I just start websites where I say nasty shit.

The bottom line is this - Imus was a no-talent, and Lupica kissed his ass on the radio and in his piece of crap Sunday column.

That says a lot about the great Mike Lupica.

***

There are some nights when a Billy Wagner ninth inning is more exciting than the last five minutes of '24'

Translation : "I'm too much of a loser to give Mariano Rivera any props".

If you watched Jonathan Papelbon of the Red Sox come out of the bullpen against the Texas Rangers last Sunday night on ESPN, you saw one of the most dominating efforts by a closer you're going to see all season.

Yeah, and if Lupica bothered to mention Opening Day at Yankee Stadium, he could have commented on Rivera striking out the side in the 9th inning.

I think Lupica spent that day getting high on Jose Reyes dirty jock strap, instead of reporting on the Yankees.

You know, the team that OWNS New York?

Well, you could have picked me up off the floor when I found out Pavano was getting pushed back a couple of days with a sore arm.

I'd love to comment on this blurb, but I'm in too much shock...Lupica wrote about Pavano...AGAIN!?!?

How on the money was I with the Carl Pavano joke book?

Get used to it people - we are gonna be reading this shit ALL SEASON.

Sometimes my hamstrings get tight just watching the Yankees play.

Oh, HAHAHAHA I get it!

And sometimes people have the following reaction from reading Mike's column...


Where were the props for ARod?

Oh thats right - Mike cant say anything good about the Yankees.

Just wait until ARod goes hitless in 2 games.

Mike will mention that, and ARod's relationship with Jeter, ARod's fielding, etc, you know, the usual Lupica bullshit slams on the Yankees.

James Dolan again, ARod again, Rivera again...

Sorry about the delay, my hard drive crashed this weekend...

This week's petcage lining was all about how James Dolan is sinking the Garden. Dolan's been doing this for about 6 years now, but somehow Lupica thinks it's headline news.

Once again, leave it to Lupica to rehash an old story!

I guess Lupica can't bash the Yankees because the Mets are looking so sad down in Florida. But, of course, he can slide in a Yankee payroll jab, even when discussing James Dolan!

Call it around a billion dollars spent on basketball and hockey. It is up there with what the Yankees have spent since they last won the World Series

Say it isn't so, Mike! Did you actually mention the "billion dollars" line, again, when referring to the Yankees?

So sad and predictable.

***

I'm not nearly as interested in daily updates on Carl Pavano as I originally thought I was going to be.

Really? Well then maybe you can spare us the mention of his name on a weekly basis?

By the way, you can call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think these recent "no comments" from A-Rod - on Derek Jeter, on Brian Cashman - are a sign of tremendous personal growth.

This coming from a man who stopped growing in the 5th grade.

What the hell does Lupica know about "growth"?

I don't care what Joe Torre's outfield rotation is this season, I just want Melky to play.

That's why you are a writer and not a manager of a sports team.

The Yankees probably were hoping Jonathan Papelbon - the MVP of the first half of the A.L. season a year ago - stayed in the rotation.

Because if Papelbon really was Plan A for the back of the Red Sox bullpen all along, there really was no Plan B. But then, there's no Plan B with the Yanks if anything ever happens to Mo.

What a genius.

Papelbon, aka "Plan A", was, as Lupica puts it, was the MVP of the first half of the season last year. What happened to the second half?

Injury - 22.1 innings pitched.

The Red Sox "Plan B" got them into 3rd place.

What happened to Rivera in the second half of last season?

Injury - 29 innings pitched.

The Yankees "Plan B" won them the division.

So Mike, ENOUGH WITH THE PLAN "A" - PLAN "B" CRAP!

Two weeks in a row we had to read about this - give it up already!!

Worry about the Mets "Plan A" - Wagner is getting smacked around like a little bitch in Spring Training.

Jeez if Rivera had a 5.73 ERA right now like Wagner, Lupica would write an article about it every day for a month!

The same exact article, no less, because Lupica writes the same crap all the time.

Steroids, proposing to Jose Reyes, Pavano bashing

It’s every Yankee fan’s favorite day of the week – Sunday! Because Sunday means another stupid Shooting From The Lip column by our favorite dwarf, Mike Lupica.

This week, Lupica talks about the steroid bombshell that exploded all over the news last Wednesday. As usual, Lupica waits until Sunday to write about it, long after its been covered to death.

Lupica (of course) has to mention Giambi in the article, because he admitted using steroids…3 friggin years ago!

If it is true about Sarge Matthews' kid, he goes in the headlines now, with Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi and all the rest of them.

I guess Mike didn't get the memo that Sheffield has been traded.

Where’s the mention of New York’s latest steroid user, Guillermo Mota? Oh, right, I forgot - Lupica doesn't have time to bash the Mets, only the Yankees.

But of course Lupica has to add a little post-Valentine's Day love note to his new boyfriend, Jose Reyes…

In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate.

Of course you want to see Reyes at the plate - it's gotta be better than having to stomach their ancient pitching staff.

I wonder how Curt Schilling took it when Lupica dumped him for Reyes?

Speaking of Curt Schilling, isn't it funny how Lupica totally fell for Schilling’s bloody sock, but still has NO CLUE what Giambi apologized for?

Interesting.

Now look at all this work Lupica has to do to come up with a cheap shot at Carl Pavano…

You probably have heard by now that a journeyman pitcher named Matt White, trying to earn a job with the Dodgers, has found out there is 24 million tons of stone ledge on some property he bought.

And that stone ledge like this, used for building faces and sidewalks and stone walls, is insanely valuable and can go for as much as $100 a ton.

While nobody thinks they can get all of this stone ledge out of the ground and make White a billion or so dollars, there is plenty enough to make him a millionaire many times over.

And the way I look at it is this:

This guy could end up richer than Carl Pavano!

Ho ho ho! That's a good one, Mike!

Carl Pavano is the butt of just about every Yankee joke, and Lupica had to check in with his "humor".

Way to be original.

So Lupica thinks Pavano's been overpaid?

How about Daisuke "I've never pitched in the MLB" Matsuzaka?

How about Lupica's last boyfriend from the Red Sox, Josh Beckett? Remember how Mike basically proposed to him? Didn't hear too much about him last season, except when NASA complained about all the homeruns he gave up and are now orbiting around the Earth.

Pavano had injuries; what's Lupica's excuse for Beckett?

Oh, that's right...he just sucks.