More Bullshit Regarding This Worthless Article...

I know Mister Six already covered this Lupica article, but it pissed me off so much that I had to add my two cents.

The story about Rodriguez Tuesday really should have been about the time he spent with a cancer patient, an 18-year-old named John Challis he met last week in Pittsburgh.

This story was about the time ARod spent with John Challis. Cheap tabloid shit like ARod hanging with Madonna is so much more important to sports fans than ARod cheering up a terminally ill kid.

Nice priorities, Mike.

Challis was in New York with his dad Tuesday and Rodriguez ended up giving the young man a tour of his Manhattan apartment and then giving John Challis a ride with him to Yankee Stadium. But because he is A-Rod and sometimes he can't keep the genie in the bottle, so to speak, the paparazzi outside his apartment cared very little about John Challis and wanted to shout out questions only about Madonna.

Congratulations, Mike. You just compared yourself to grocery store tabloid gossip writers - you know, where failed sportswriters go to collect a paycheck.

Nice job, ass face.

Just because that is the world A-Rod lives in and the one we live in.

Sports fans live in a sports world and read the sports section for sports stories that sports columnists usually write about. Not only did you choose to write about a trash story, but you somehow got it past your editors to link ARod to steroids because he hung out with Madonna, a former girlfriend of steroid freak Jose Canseco.

This is the shit that you write about? What the fuck kind of sports writer are you?

We already know the answer to that - you fucking SUCK at writing about sports.

Madonna Is A Steroid Dealer

There's really no other explanation for this latest nugget of Lupica genius.

Cashman smiled. "There's some story going around today about him and Madonna. That's the drama."

Yup, that's the drama. Which is to say that this is really just the latest bullshit that the General Manager of the most famous baseball team on the planet has to address. People aren't asking Cashman about deadline trades. They're not asking about Joba's progression as a starter or Mussina's resurgence, or the fact that despite missing 20 games this year, A-Rod is only 3 homers behind Josh Hamilton, Grady Sizemore and Carlos Quentin's 19 for the league lead. Cashman's talking to you about Madonna.

Think about that. Think about how fucking ridiculous that is. That the private business of two adults requires commentary from Cashman because one of them happens to play for the Yankees. Could you ever, in a million fucking years, imagine someone asking Cashman about who's waxing Derek Jeter's carrot this week? Jessica Biel? Minka Kelly? Jessica Alba? Vanessa Minnillo? Maybe it's Adriana Lima or Jordana Brewster!!

Another thing... has anybody ever noticed that Jeter seems to have the "Good Luck Chuck" effect on women? Carey married Nick Cannon. Biel's all tight with Justin Timberschmuck. Alba's engaged and pumping out a unit. Vannillo's with Nick Lachey. And Lima's engaged to Marko Jaric! Everybody he dates seems to marry the next guy that sticks around for breakfast.

A little over a year ago, almost 13 months exactly, there were the pictures of A-Rod in Toronto with a blond "exotic dancer" named Joslyn Noel Morse, the two of them not just photographed together but having been seen entering a strip club together, which still seems like bringing coals to Newcastle.

Yeah Lupica. A little over a year ago. And guess who the only person who still cares about it is? That's right! You, mother fucker!! You've got the memory of a 3 foot tall Lup-iphant. You never forget. And you also never forget to ram these crappy non-stories up the anal cavities of your non-readers. Where's the connection between these two events?

When asked about his blond friend in May of 2007, Rodriguez said, "No comment."
Which is what he said Tuesday on the field at Yankee Stadium when asked about the report in US Weekly that he had been seen making some late-night visits to Madonna's West Side apartment. Rodriguez said "No comment."

Well, there you have it. That's tabloid journalism at it's finest right there. It doesn't get much better than that if you're reading US Weekly or The Sun or The National Enquirer. Wait, you mean... this piece was run in the New York Daily News? A credible news publication that claims to have the number 1 sports section in the city?!

A-Rod said "no comment" about the stripper, and then he said "no comment" about Madonna. The only explanation is that "no comment" is A-Rod slang for "Yeah, I fucked that bitch doggie-style!" He needs his own way of saying things because he's the best right-handed hitter in the entirety of baseball. To make sure there's no confusion.

Now, if these stories about him and Madonna are true - and just for the sake of conversation today, let's say Rodriguez wasn't visiting Madonna for their book club - that means he has joined another kind of list, one that in the old days was supposed to have included Jose Canseco, who has been hinting for years, without proof, that A-Rod may have had more than a passing interest in steroids.

Here's where the magic starts! With a signature Lupica run-on sentence. Look at that baby go! SIX FUCKING COMMAS!! TWO HYPHENS!! This sentence is it's own paragraph. For an ordinary sports journalist, you write this sentence, you spell-check and your work is done!

Just in case you got lost in all the words and punctuation, lets examine what Mike's saying here.

Canseco screwed Madonna ----> Canseco did steroids
A-Rod might be screwing Madonna ----> A-Rod must have done steroids too.

By this logic, do you know who else has used performance-enhancing drugs? Guy Ritchie! Not to mention Chris Rock, David Blaine, Chris Paciello, Billy Zane, Andy Bird, Mark McGrath, Charles Barkley, Carlos Leon, Tupac, Dennis Rodman, Anthony Kiedis, Isabella Rossellini, David Duchovny, Big Daddy Kane, James Albright, Vanilla Ice, Lenny Kravitz, Antonio Banderas, Matt Dillon, Prince, Sandra Bernhard, JFK Junior, Sean Penn, Keith Carradine, David Lee Roth, Warren Beatty, Basquiat, Rosanna Arquette, Megan Mullally, Kelly McGillis, John Starks, Henry Rollins, Jennifer Grey and Henry Rollins.

Oh, and Naomi Campbell. I guess that explains her obvious 'roid rage.

There we have it, courtesy of New York's shortest journalist. The link between steroids and famous celebrities of all kinds is clearly Madonna. Thank God for you Mike Lupica. Now the healing process can genuinely begin.

Coming Next Week: Amy Winehouse spotted in Yankee Clubhouse, Giambi Suspected of Crack-Use.

www.enough-vacations.com?

As you all know, Fafa's on vacation, which means that I'm in charge around here! I can say and do whatever I want! If I were so inclined, I could tackle politics or religion. I could enlighten you all about my personal views on gay marriage. Or I could explain my fool-proof argument for why Rudy Giuliani should be euthanized. But instead I think I'll just complain about crappy sports writing.

I think Mike Lupica might have gone on vacation too, because today's shitty Yankee-bashing Daily News article comes from the usually tolerable, Bill Madden! I don't hate you Bill, but you shit the bed on this one.

Well, I guess this is it and there's nothing left but to accept it: We have come to the end of the Phil Hughes-Ian Kennedy era.

Yeah, I mean... since they both suffered career-ending injuries over the weekend. I guess we can just kiss them goodbye. We'll always have September 2007 though. Wait a second... you mean neither one of them is dead? Or terribly harmed? Then what the fuck is Bill talking about?

Who could have possibly seen it coming? And yet, here we are, the first week of May, and the two whiz-kid starting pitchers, on whose sturdy right shoulders GM Brian Cashman had invested not just his reputation but the whole 2008 Yankee season, are both out of the rotation with no timetable for any return.

So wait... the Hughes-Kennedy era is over because of a bad April? Two first-rounders made a total of 9 bad starts, and one of them broke a rib... and we're done with those assholes forever? And the season is over? That's some really fucked up shit. I hope Bill's exaggerating.

The road from the Bronx to Columbus and Scranton over the years is littered with the broken spirits and dreams of young pitchers developed and hyped by the Yankees only to be abruptly discarded upon meeting failure at the big league level.

Wait, I know this song! I'll cut in with the chorus now!

I walk alone, I walk alone. I walk alone, I walk a--- MY SHADOW'S THE ONLY ONE WHO... Shit, I got carried away for a second. So we're not singing Green Day songs?

Who are these hyped, developed prospects who turned out to be busts? Over the years, we've brought up some minor leaguers. Matt DeSalvo, Tyler Clippard, Chase Wright, Christian Parker, Alex Graman, Jeff Karstens, and guys like that have been mostly bad. But none of them were heralded prospects, or guys we expected to develop into rotation mainstays. They were spot-starters and dudes we hoped could contribute a little.

An organization hyping Brandon Claussen in the hopes of dealing him at some point in the future for a quality player is one thing. Refusing to deal Hughes and Kennedy for the best pitcher in baseball is totally another thing. I think Bill Madden is asserting that the Yankees believed their own hype or something. The fact is that Hughes was the top-rated pitching prospect in baseball according to numerous non-New York-based sources. Everybody loved him. Most of those people STILL love him.

Of course, Cashman is not about to put Hughes and Kennedy, former No. 1 draft picks, in that category. (The category of busts)

Of course he's not. Because Hughes and Kennedy have made a total of NINE. BAD. STARTS. IN. FUCKING. APRIL.

As for Hughes and Kennedy, the much-hyped No. 1's, Hughes is said to be out at least until July with his stress fracture, while Kennedy probably will to have to string together at least four or five good starts in the minors - like Rasner did - before he gets the Yankees' attention again.

So Hughes is gone until he's healthy. Then he'll rehab and come back. And Kennedy's gone until he gets his shit together a little bit.

And that signifies the END of the Hughes/Kennedy ERA? It sounds like they're both going away for a short period of time, and then coming back again. So again I ask... are you exaggerating a little bit Bill?

Just to put the Hughes/Kennedy struggles into perspective, here are some game lines.

Mystery Player A
1) 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 1 BB, 2 K
2) 8 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7H, 2 BB, 2 K
3) 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 H, 5 BB, 8 K
4) 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 4 K
5) 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 2 K
6) 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 3 BB, 0 K

Oh my god! Mystery Player A started out good... and then regressed. And then lost his confidence and got scared to throw strikes! His career must surely have gone down the tubes from there!!! Who could he be?!

John Fucking Smoltz. That's who. At age 21, Smoltz went 2-7 with a 5.48 ERA and a 1.672 WHIP. He was dogshit, but he took his lumps and developed into a pretty good major league pitcher.

Mystery Player B
1) 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 9 K
2) 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 1 BB, 8 K
3) 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 K
4) 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 H, 4 BB, 5 K
5) 2 IP, 0 ER, 2 H, 1 BB, 1 K
6) 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 2 K

This guy is fucking awesome! Wow! I bet that's like Greg Maddux or Sandy Koufax's first 6 games! Wow! The guy didn't even give up a run in 4 of his first 6 outings!! Who could he be?

The answer is Zach Duke. He went 8-2 with a 1.81 ERA as a rook. Since then, he's 13-25 with A 4.82 ERA.

Six starts is a very small sample size. It proves absolutely nothing about how good or bad a baseball player is, or will be in the future.

Some of the best and most memorable pitchers in the history of baseball have started their careers poorly. And some of the worst/most forgettable guys have shot out to fast starts and faded away. Only time is going to tell how good Hughes, Kennedy and Chamberlain will be.

Bill Madden exaggerated a lot in his article. He never admitted it. I'm sad for Bill.