Hot Stove = Steaming Pile of Lupishit

Now that we are in the thick of the hot stove season, Lupica is doing his annual rant about the Yankees overspending for free agents.

I just wanted to take this moment to look back at all the shit that Lupica wrote about Santana last year.

Remember when everyone thought the Yankees were going to get Santana? This is what Lupica wrote:

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals.

And this:

Why won't Santana break down sometime during the length of his contract?

And this:

Put me down as somebody who thinks that Johan Santana is a wonderful pitcher, but not the second coming of Sandy Koufax and not somebody I would pay $150 million on a bet.

So, since the Yankees were about to get Santana, Lupica immediately started slamming the deal.

Then, after the Yankees had no intentions of giving up their future for Santana, the Mets stepped in and made the trade for him.

Look how fast Lupica changed his tune:

The Mets finally showed up for the baseball winter, beat the Yankees and the Red Sox to Santana

Yes, the Mets "beat" the Yankees to Santana…

And this:

This is one deal the Mets have to close.

Suddenly, he goes from "don't sign a pitcher to a long term deal!" to "Mr. Wilpon, I'll wear that cute little French maid number if you get Johan!"

…it is going to cost between $110 million and $120 million in the end…

And, as we all know, it cost $31 to $41 million more than Lupica predicted, and $1 million more than Lupica would have paid on a bet, whatever the fuck that means.

I'm just bringing this all up now, because for the entire 2009 season, no matter how good Sabathia does, we are going to hear about how much the Yankees overpaid for him, and I wanted to remind you how quickly Lupica switched gears about Santana once the Mets made the trade for him.

Let's move on to all the bullshit Lupica wrote in the last few days, starting with the K Rod free agent signing…

There is no binding deal, yet, or physical, but the Mets get the guy they want now, before the Yankees get the big guy they want, which means CC Sabathia, who is big in all ways.

Mike Lupica, who, in a pinch, could take a bath in a thimble, is making fun of Sabathia's size.

Irony - gotta love it.

You can look at it this way: If Frankie Rodriguez is the Mets closer in the 2006 National League Championship Series, the Mets go all the way to the World Series.

When he had his very best chance on a team good enough to win it all - the 2002 Angels, before he was the Angels' closer - he was all you could ever want.

That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, that was also SEVEN seasons ago.

K Rod's post season stats since he became the permanent closer for the Angels in 2005:

Since 2005:

8.3IP, 8Ks, 6BBs, 13 hits, 5.40 ERA

How about the last two post seasons?

2.7IP, 3Ks, 3BBs, 6 hits, 13.48 ERA

Um…ouch?

I guess Mike was too busy fellating Omar Minaya to look at K Rod's stats past 2002.

Next up, the CC Sabathia free agent signing…

No matter what kind of Christmas story the Yankees try to write on CC Sabathia, this has to be the first time in all recorded sports history that a team practically had to beg somebody to take an offer of $161 million

Sabathia said he wanted to go to the west coast and stay in the NL - did you think lowballing the guy would have been a better plan?

The Yankees did what they had to do with Sabathia: Money-whipped the guy they decided they absolutely had to have.

Correct - they had to overpay for a guy they had to have.

He is also not the pitcher that Santana is, Santana being a guy who probably would have pitched the Yankees into October last season

Just like he pitched the Mets into October last season?

It is also worth mentioning Sabathia has about the same postseason record as Chien-Ming Wang.

Post season records:
Wang - 1-3
Sabathia - 2-3

And, just for fun:
Santana - 1-4

Wow, look how bad everything gets when you cherry pick stats.

Maybe CC Sabathia, who is young and has the arm and carried the Brewers on his back in August and September, will turn out to be the guy who puts the Yankees back on top after so many other free agents and superstars did not. Jason Giambi (remember the Yankees bidding against themselves on him?) wasn't and Mike Mussina wasn't and Roger Clemens wasn't the second time around and neither was Randy Johnson. A-Rod sure hasn't been.

Hold the phone, Mike.

Has Pedro? No.

Has Santana? No.

Please, the Mets couldn't even reach the postseason with him.

When was the last time a SINGLE PLAYER "carried" him team to a world series title? When the Yankees had their dynasty in the '90s, who was the one player who carried the team? Jeter? O'Neill? Tino? Rivera?

Let me know when it happens, because it hasn't yet.

Nice job singling out ARod there. I guess two MVP awards in 5 years means you are worthless.

Next up, Lupica wrote some shit about the Yankees trying to get more financing for the new stadium. I don't really understand this shit, so I'll let Brian W from Brooklyn sum it up…

Mr. Lupica-

So, in a week during which the Wilpons and their partners found out that a. Citibank might not be able to pony up for "Citifield" naming rights due to bankruptcy and b. they had been swindled out of half a billion dollars, the Yankees are a fiscal blight. Got it! Save us all the trouble of reading your gibberish. Just write "I HATE THE YANKEES" in the biggest size font possible.

Missed where you were an expert on finance or economics, but when has the fact that you know nothing ever stopped you? May be you could've left your Connecticut mansion and found out that Mr. Madoff was taking his clients' money and wasting it on Democratic pols. But that would involve actual reporting.

On to the stupid blurbs…

I can't be sure of this, incidentally, but I think the governor of Illinois was also in on the bidding for Sabathia and Burnett .

I love when Lupica tries to mix politics, baseball and humor, all in the same sentence!

Someone let me know when he learns anything about, well, politics, baseball and humor.

Recently, a Met fan friend of mine asked me why I hate Lupica so much. I told him because he rips on the Yankees and all the NY teams, except the Mets.

Let's see how many NY teams he rips here…let's start with the Giants…

We keep hearing that the Giants, if they keep winning, get home-field throughout the playoffs, and they do.

Except off the way they played last Sunday in Meadowlands weather, you wonder just how much of an advantage that is actually going to be.

We know that Simms and LT and them used to love to play at home when the wind was blowing around like something from the Weather Channel.

So I guess what Lupica is trying to say is that the Giants are no good in playing in bad weather, correct?

So how does he make his point?

They were total champions in the cold of Lambeau Field in their NFC Championship Game.

Um, right - I guess that game was played in good weather?

And lost to the Panthers, bad, the last time they played a home playoff game.

Just something to consider.

Did you consider that that game was played three years ago?

What a douche.

Moving on to the Jets…

I guess my question for the Jets goes something like this:

If all they wanted to do was throw short passes, which is all they threw against the 49ers, why didn't they just keep Chad Pennington ?

Maybe because he SUCKED as a Jet?

Moving on to the Rangers…

When the Rangers lost to the Devils, 8-5, on Friday night, who was playing goal - Dolan ?

HAHAHAHAHAhaahahaha!!! Oh Mike, you are too funny!

And too short.

Back to the Yankees...

I'm not the world's biggest Andy Pettitte fan, but I wouldn't take a dime less to come back to the Yankees.

Because this isn't about what they think is right with him.

It's about how they want things to look.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with Pettitte's 4.54 ERA, right Mike?

So there you have it. A week's worth of bullshit and Mike gets in all his knocks against the Yankees, Giants, Yankees, Jets, Yankees, Rangers, and the Yankees.

And the Yankees.

I can't wait to read his shit for another baseball season.

Joba Owns Beckett And Red Sox; What Does Lupica Say?

Word up, Lupica haters!

This week, Lupica wrote another fucking column about Clemens, and how George Bush shouldn’t give him a pardon.

Who gives a shit, really?

The only person in the world who isn’t tired of Clemens is Lupica.

Give it a rest, Mike. The guy is a total tool. We get it.

Move the fuck on.

Blurbs…

It was pretty neat, I thought, that Charlie Manuel criticized Jose Reyes for being a hot dog on the same day Manuel's shortstop, Jimmy Rollins, couldn't make it to Shea Stadium on time.

Apples, meet Oranges.

A-Rod's friends now are out there saying the whole thing is Cynthia Rodriguez's fault, she drove the poor guy into the arms of other women, and I'm thinking these are the kinds of friends angling for a shot at "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

Sports, Lupica. Try covering it sometime.

Nice job plugging another worthless TV show.

You don't have to like Billy Wagner,

Good.

or the way he blows sky high sometimes, or everything he says, whether he is standing in front of his locker or talking on the radio.

And if you are a Mets fan, you can already be wondering about whether Frankie Rodriguez or somebody else could be the closer here before long.

But you still have to say that Wagner is one of the most interesting people to ever hold down the job of closer in New York.

He sucks in the clutch, and he’s a joke in the post season. He’s got a big mouth and he’s a team divider.

This is why he is “interesting” and deserving of space in Lupica’s dumb column.

You can have “interesting”; I’ll take Rivera.

On Saturday, Joba pitched the best game in his short career, beating the Red Sox in Boston, with Josh Beckett going for the Sox.

Josh Beckett, Mike Lupica’s wet dream from Boston.

Remember this quote by the dwarf?

"The Yankees have a lot. Just nobody like Beckett." - Lupica, 4.18.08

Every sports writer in New York wrote a story about Saturday's game.

Here’s what Lupica had to say…

The Yankee broadcasters kept saying that it made no "sense" for Joba to put a fastball up in Kevin Youkilis' eyes the other night, and I'm wondering what sort of "sense" it made when Joba put two over Youkilis' head last season.

That’s all, folks!

No story, no column, nothing. Just bullshit about Joba throwing at Youkilis again.

Imagine the sports media without Lupica…we’d never learn anything about the Yankees.

Or anything else relevant.

A tough young girl from Sunny Valley, Ore., named Camala (Cami) Million, won the fifth go-round rodeo at the Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids with Cancer last week, and turned in a record time of 19.62 seconds doing it.

Wow, did you snort a line of cocaine with Imus while discussing this story with him?

Even between one season and the next, it remains one of the most amazing things in sports that the Knicks and Rangers, combined, have won two playoff series in the last eight seasons at the Garden.

New York Mets: one playoff series win in the last seven seasons, with the highest payroll in the NL for the last five years.

But hey, at least they got two last places finishes under their belt during that time.

And that neither one of them, despite piles and piles of money spent, has made it past the second round of the playoffs.

Yet once again, no mention of the Mets payroll or lack of success in October.

Can Carlos Delgado win Comeback Player of the Year just for the way he's come back in the same season?

Ask Robinson Cano. He would have won it the last two seasons.

And possibly this season.

The bushier Giambi's mustache gets, the more he looks like a bouncer.

Uninteresting, unfunny and uninformative. Typical Lupica.

If Mike Pelfrey had an unusual nickname, people might get as excited about the way he's pitching for the Mets as Yankee fans are about Joba.

Joba’s ERA is 1.3 points lower than Pelfrey.
Joba’s WHIP is .2 lower than Pelfrey.
Joba has 20 more K’s in 45 less innings.
Joba just owned the Red Sox.
Joba was converted to a starter after every bitch in sports media said it was the wrong move.

Throw all that away; Yankees fans are excited for Joba because of…his unusual nickname?

Sports journalism at it’s finest.

If you're Brian Cashman, you have to make the trade he just made with the Pirates, no questions asked.

But there has never been a single time when the Yankees have traded prospects when we didn't hear that it was the greatest trade ever

So every time the Yankees have traded prospects, it was considered the greatest trade ever?

Typical Lupica: blowing things out of proportion to prove his point.

and the prospects they sent off to a team like the Pirates really didn't matter in the whole grand scheme of things.

Cashman quote : “We ended up paying a pretty steep price in terms of four useful players. But the deal makes a lot of sense for us on several levels.”

Never a single time, right Mike?

Fucking asshole.

Shooting From The Lip

Sorry this is late. Well, not really.

This week's worthless article is about tennis.

I mean, really, who gives a shit.

The only sports "experts" in this town who have a hard on for tennis are Lupica and Chris Russo. What the fuck does that tell you?

Let's get right to the bullshit.

The worst possible news for A-Rod was Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook settling.

This is a sports columnist writing this.

Really.

I'm wondering if all the people who thought it was cool for John McEnroe to hug Roger Federer after the Wimbledon final would have had the same reaction if a woman had done the exact same thing?

I know it would have been a serious let down for Lupica.

The other Reyes - Argenis - has covered more ground in a week than Luis Castillo did the whole last month he was at second.

Who?

When the Yankees gave Jorge Posada all that money last winter - how long did he think he was going to be their catcher at his age?

And if they saw him as a future DH, don't you sort of think they have enough of those already?

Because Giambi, Matsui and Damon all have contracts with the Yankees for the next fifty years.

When do the position players start jumping off the assembly line from this crackerjack Yankee farm system?

You mean guys like Cano and Cabrera?

Reality check - take a look at the farm system for that team over in Shea, if they even have a farm system.

David Wright should have been an All-Star on the first ballot.

I guess Lupica is trying to say that David Wright is having a better season than Chipper Jones.

David Wright stats:

94 games.
282 batting average
.380 OBP
.499 SLG
OPS+ 134

Chipper Jones stats:

83 games
.376 batting average
.472 OBP
.614 SLG
OPS+ 189

Is this some sort of joke? How does Lupica justify his stupid statement?

There are teams in the league other than the Mets, you tool.

Fucking sports expert, my ass.

It is probably just one of those crazy coincidences you get in life sometimes that after a week of getting banged around on the front page, A-Rod decided it was time for his little girls to make a road trip.

More ARod personal issues bullshit! Yay!

And by the way?
If you really are hanging around with John Rocker castoffs, you really do have to take a long look at where your love life is.

Please, you would give your undersized left nut to get a piece of anything that Rocker or ARod used up and threw away.

Other than the fact their leftovers are female.

Your loss, Lupica.

When the Mets took the lead from 5-3 to 7-3 against the Giants on Thursday afternoon, my friend Dan Graziano from the Star-Ledger said they were just trying to "Wagner proof" the game.

Mike, you are allowed to say bad things about the Mets; you don't have to quote someone else. I guess you don't want to upset the guys in your circle jerk club.

You know… Reyes, Wright, Wagner, Wilpon, Minaya, etc…

Joe Torre must like managing in a place where if you just hang around .500 and first place, they treat you like your number ought to be retired.

Wow, kind of like how you write articles on the Mets?

If somebody had told you a month ago that Carlos Delgado would have the numbers he has right now, and hit some home runs where he's hit them, tell me you wouldn't have signed for that deal on the spot.

Like I was saying?

When Hank Steinbrenner starts going on and on - and on - about the Red Sox not having any kind of national following, you do want to suggest he get out of the office a little more.

Coming from a guy who reports on Knicks games from his house in Connecticut.

Brett Gardner might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Bubba Crosby.

Master Of The Obvious strikes again!

Question No. 1 about Jason Giambi: When did he decide he was going good enough to start talking about himself in the third person?

When did this happen? I missed it.

Question No. 2: In light of the whole thong story, when you heard him talking about "The Big G," didn't you think he meant a G-string?

Possibly.

Another great article.

About things other than sports.

Thanks, Mike. Another paycheck well earned.

Enough-Lupica's 100th Post!!! What Have We Learned?

Yes, you read correctly. This is our 100th post at enough-lupica.com, and that cross-eyed, vertically-challenged lawn gnome still works for the Daily News. I just want to say that I officially consider this blog a failure, and I hope you all die. Okay, okay... I'm totally kidding.

What better way to celebrate 100 posts on this blog than to recap what we've learned over the last 100 entries? And what better way to do that, than to use Mike Lupica's article in today's Daily News as a basis for our research?

(For regular Lupica readers, let me explain what 'research' means. It means that we're going to look through a set of information, compare and contrast it against other pertinent information, and draw logical conclusions based on the results. In other words, something Mike hasn't done in at least 12 years.)

The Red Sox's lead over the Yankees was in double figures at this time last year, and this time last year there was no other team in their division for them to worry about.

A simple search at ESPN.com reveals the following. As of July 7, 2007... the Yankees were 9.5 games behind the Boston Red Sox. The Toronto Blue Jays were exactly 10.0 games back. By Mike Lupica's infallible logic, they were very much in the Yankees rear-view mirror. What's my point? Yes Mr. Lupica... there WAS another team in their division to worry about. The team in Toronto. It took me a grand total of 11 seconds to research this fact and give it to my readership... but you obviously have no use for facts.

The Yankees nearly came all the way back.

After you pronounced them dead several times, Mr. Best Sports Journalist in New York.

This Yankee team is wounded, and not nearly as good.

Reasons why the Yankees were better in 2007: Doug Mientkiewicz, Andy Phillips, Miguel Cairo, Josh Phelps, Wil Nieves, 12 starts from Kei Igawa, Roger Clemens, Luis Vizcaino, Scott Proctor, Ron Villone.

Reasons why Mike Lupica's statement is retarded: Joba Chamberlain, Cano's Annual Post-June Tear, Mussina's resurgence, Giambi's resurgence, Kei Igawa has only thrown 4 innings, A-Rod is heating up, Posada missed like 40 games, despite losing our best pitcher we're still surging and likely to get help within the next 3 weeks.

It is still good enough to beat the Red Sox, off what we are seeing from the Red Sox lately.

Nice veiled shot here. Vintage Lupica. Backhanded compliments. Translation: The Sox are playing like shit lately, so I guess the Yankees can probably catch them. Funny that he never mentions that the Mets play in the second-worst division in baseball.

Damon is right, because even though the Rays lost yesterday, they still have the Yankees by nine in the loss column.

Which is a nice way of exaggerating the fact that the Yankees are 8.5 games back. It's a presumption that the Rays will win their next game. The only time a normal, credible journalist pays attention to "the loss column" is during the last 2 weeks of a season. Our boy LupiCunt does it for effect.

But if last year's Yankees could make the kind of second-half run they did on a Red Sox team good enough to win it all, this year's Yankees can make a run at the Rays, starting tonight.

Again, typical LuPRICKa. He shits on a team for two paragraphs, then throws them a fucking carrot. This team's not as good as last year, and I guess they can make a run at the Sox because they're playing like shit.... but if they could make a run at those AMAZING AWESOME WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CALIBER RED SOX... then I guess they can try to catch the Rays. Fuck you and everything you stand for, Mike Lupica.

We don't know how Joe Girardi manages in an American League East race, if his team can stay in it.

Yeah, we don't know how Joe Girardi manages in an AL East Race!! He might get the shakes, ban coffee in the clubhouse and put Bobby Abreu on an IV of Ice Cream! He might bat Dan Giese in the leadoff spot!! He might decide to call up Kei Igawa to counteract the shortage of SUCK in the bullpen... I mean, since Billy Wagner's probably unavailable.

And we don't know if Brian Cashman, who didn't want Johan Santana, can get the Yankees the kind of pitching help they need, which means more than Sidney Ponson.

1) Yes Mike, we get it. He didn't want Santana. You remind us in every article. How's Santana doing in that intense NL East Race? What? He's 7-7? And his strikeouts are down? And he already looks like he regrets signing that extension across town? Because he feels like he's pitching for the Ringling Brothers team? And the coach mugged him at knife-point in the shower?

2) Yeah, we got Ponson. He was free. At his best, he's a league-average pitcher who gives you a lot of innings. Lets look at what another local team's done to patch together their woeful pitching staff. Nelson Figueroa, Claudio Vargas and Tony Armas. That crazy Omar Minaya has obviously outfoxed Cashman again.

The Yankees have enough to make their run with just a little pitching help.

Oh, you mean like when 2/5ths of our projected starting rotation for the year comes off the DL in a few weeks? Yeah... Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy are still living, breathing humans. They didn't die.

They have enough to make a run if Derek Jeter produces the way he is supposed to, if Robinson Cano, who busted up Sunday night's game with a triple and then scored the winning run in the bottom of the 10th, hits the way he is supposed to.

Cano during the 1st half (Career): .283/.316/.420, 22 HR, 133 RBI
Cano during the 2nd half (Career): .334/.366/.540, 32 HR, 141 RBI (in 400+ less PAs)

Jeter is having what would be the worst year of his career. Statistically speaking, he's one of the most consistent players in baseball history.

So lets all take a moment to congratulate Mike Lupica on these BOLD predictions. Cano has to hit better in the second half... LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES... LIKE HE'S ALREADY BEGUN DOING (19 for his last 50, which amounts to hitting .380.) And Jeter needs to improve... LIKE HE'S STATISTICALLY ALMOST FUCKING GUARANTEED TO DO BASED ON 13 SEASONS OF DATA!!!!!!!

And they can make their run, hang in there with the Red Sox and Rays, if Alex Rodriguez finally starts carrying the team the way he did at the start of last season and the way he is supposed to.

And here's what it always comes down to. A-Rod is supposed to play full-seasons like they're April 2007. That's where the Lupi-bar is set for A-Rod. Anything less than .355/.415/.882 with 14 homers and 34 RBI in a month is unacceptable from A-Rod.

Never mind the fact that you're asking the guy to hit 98 homers and drive in 239 runs. He makes a lot of money!! That's what's EXPECTED OF HIM!!!

When a team isn't scoring enough, isn't getting runners home,

It's probably the collective fault of the entire lineup, especially when you're talking about the Yankees. Damon, Jeter, Abreu, Cano, Giambi, Posada... these guys are supposed to be a Murderers Row... so you should blame them all when you're not scoring runs, right?

that is when the biggest run producer in baseball and the guy being paid the most to have the biggest stick (on the field) is supposed to be at his best, and hitting .253 with runners in scoring position shouldn't be his best.

Jesus H. Christ! By the way, the H. actually stands for 'Hfucking.' Jesus Hfucking Christ!!!

1) A-Rod is 19/75 with RSIP this year, with 17 BB. If he had hit 4 extra singles, he'd be 23/75 and batting .307 with RSIP. Are you telling me that those 4 singles are the reason we're not leading the AL East by 5 games?

2) With RSIP and 2 Outs, here's A-Rod's line - .219/.444/.500 with 12 BB (5 IBB). 7/32 with 12 walks... so maybe it has SOMETHING to do with the fact that teams DON'T PITCH TO HIM!!! When he draws walks, he's un-clutch. When he makes outs, he's un-clutch. So what the fuck do you want him to do when a pitcher doesn't throw strikes!? You want him to hit a pitch that's a foot off the plate 500 feet to dead center?!

Giambi's batting .189 with RSIP. Why not mention that? Isn't he making more money than the Florida Marlins this year? Why is it always A-Rod?

People will put up with almost anything from their sports stars, even the kind of low-rent, high-profile, gag-me publicity A-Rod is getting these days, as long as they produce.

For the umpteenth time, nobody cares about A-Rod's marriage. Nobody gives a shit about his feud with Jeter. Nobody minds if he tans in Central Park or plays Poker!! Babe Ruth played here for Chrissake!! His daily regimen involved a dozen hot dogs, seven hookers and a gallon of grain whiskey!!! And don't get me started on Mickey Mantle! We don't fucking care as long as he hits!! He's batting .323 with 18 homers and 50 RBI in 69 games!!!! Yankee fans couldn't give a shit less if he was fucking Pope Benedict spread eagle on the Vatican steps!!!!

A-Rod comes into the Rays series hitting .323, with 18 home runs and 50 RBI, despite missing more games than he usually does.

That's what I just said... how can you possibly fuck this up?

But it shows you where the bar is with Madonna's bad kaballah guy that it hasn't looked or felt or seemed like nearly enough.

The bar is down the block from your office. You go there and get shitfaced with the midget from the Bacardi & Diet Cola commercials, and then you torment me with these terrible fucking articles!!! We don't care if he fucks Madonna. Frankly, some of us hope there's a sex tape involved. (Hey A-Rod, if you're reading this, think about it... we could make a killing! You'd make back all the money from the divorce!! Call me!!)

I felt like he won his MVP award over the first half of the season, when there were all those days and nights when it seemed as if he were all the Yankees had.

Another vintage Lupica tactic. Opinion. I felt like... I thought. Hey Lupica, when we want your opinion, we'll take our dicks out of your mouth... mmkay?

Everything with Lupica is his opinion... or a baseless comparison to something that already happened. Research is never involved, even in the slightest.

But ask Yankee fans about A-Rod's season so far, and what they want to talk about is moments like the one in Friday's game, when he had the chance to bring his team back and grounded into a force play against Manny Delcarmen with the bases loaded.

What Yankee fans are you asking? Your friends? If Mike Lupica tried to ask a Yankee fan for ANYTHING, he'd be beaten within inches of his life. So how could he possibly know what's on our minds? Which brings me to another point...

WHAT QUALIFIES THIS FUCKING PRICK TO WRITE ABOUT THE YANKEES!?

Nobody on the team talks to him. The fans are loathe to him. He obviously isn't nearly as interested in covering the team as he is in his Reality TV or his Liberal Politics. He's completely out of touch with his readers. Why has this man not been fired yet? Or reassigned? Or banished to the snake fields of Zimbabwe?

You know who hasn't underproduced, even though he's been slumping again lately? Giambi. He has pretty much the same power numbers as A-Rod, and it seems like he has provided a lot more important swings.

Again... it SEEMS LIKE! Which is why it's unwise to evaluate baseball players based on your gut, or what it feels like, or seems like... or what you think. I just pointed out the fact that Jason Giambi has batted .189 with Runners in Scoring Position. Personally, I assign very little weight to the stat... however... it was Mike Lupica's basis for CRUCIFYING A-ROD.

It took me 7.4 seconds to research this stat. And this proves, completely, that Mike Lupica has done absolutely NO research. Maybe the reason it SEEMS like Giambi's gotten more big hits... is because he didn't MISS TWENTY GAMES WITH A QUAD INJURY!!! Maybe? Possible?

And Manny looked like he didn't care on Sunday night when he took three straight strikes from Mo Rivera, in a disgraceful at-bat.

A fucking day ago, this guy was giving us the pitch-by-pitch and raving about how dominant Rivera was. No chance!! Oh my goodness gracious!! Golly golly gumdrops!!! Now it's all because Manny didn't care! Disgraceful! Awful!! Horrible!! Anybody could have struck Manny out!! Jose Canseco could trotted out and thrown 3 knuckleballs past him!!! And then floated away like the Good-Year Blimp with his HGH muscles!!

But lets get to the conclusion.

The Yankees aren't as good as they used to be.

Based on what Mike Lupica sees and feels... which also tells him that Jason Giambi has been carrying the Yankees with his .189 BA with RSIP!! And A-Rod's been killing them with his shitty 18 homers in 69 games.

I can't honestly tell you what's been learned after 100 posts here. I can tell you one thing that we HAVEN'T learned. How to get this little cum-guzzler fired. We need to study. And just for the hell of it... here's some more Vintage Lupica!



In the words of Howard Cosell, I'm just telling it like it is.

To Resolve Confusion...

Sorry Lupica, the drama isn't all A-Rod's fault after all.

As you can see, Cynthia Rodriguez ran off to Paris with Lenny Kravitz. Yup, that's right. C-Rod is frolicking about the city of lights with he of the Dr. Seuss lyrics and imposter-Hendrix poses.

So I guess that means that this is just your typical break-up. A-Rod and his wife are splitting up. Madonna and her husband are splitting up. A-Rod may or may not be giving the mushroom yogurt to Madge. And Cynthia Rodriguez may or may not be serving her taco to Lenny Kravitz.

Ultimately, the Yankees cranked out a season-high 18 runs yesterday. A-Rod homered again, giving him 17 on the year, despite the fact that he's missed a quarter of the games his team has played with his quad injury. He's doing his job, and his private life isn't really much of our business... although it'll be a little interesting to see him give Jeter a run for his money on the New York Celebrity Dating Circuit.

Welcome to the real world Mr. Lupica. Marriages end, people lie, true love doesn't always last forever, and sometimes the doctor is serious when he tells a seven year old boy that he'll never be as tall as his little sister.

P.S. - Adding a new tag, Rays Annual Late-July Choke. It's coming. Here's to hoping it's another fun tradition like the Sox Annual August Choke.

More Bullshit Regarding This Worthless Article...

I know Mister Six already covered this Lupica article, but it pissed me off so much that I had to add my two cents.

The story about Rodriguez Tuesday really should have been about the time he spent with a cancer patient, an 18-year-old named John Challis he met last week in Pittsburgh.

This story was about the time ARod spent with John Challis. Cheap tabloid shit like ARod hanging with Madonna is so much more important to sports fans than ARod cheering up a terminally ill kid.

Nice priorities, Mike.

Challis was in New York with his dad Tuesday and Rodriguez ended up giving the young man a tour of his Manhattan apartment and then giving John Challis a ride with him to Yankee Stadium. But because he is A-Rod and sometimes he can't keep the genie in the bottle, so to speak, the paparazzi outside his apartment cared very little about John Challis and wanted to shout out questions only about Madonna.

Congratulations, Mike. You just compared yourself to grocery store tabloid gossip writers - you know, where failed sportswriters go to collect a paycheck.

Nice job, ass face.

Just because that is the world A-Rod lives in and the one we live in.

Sports fans live in a sports world and read the sports section for sports stories that sports columnists usually write about. Not only did you choose to write about a trash story, but you somehow got it past your editors to link ARod to steroids because he hung out with Madonna, a former girlfriend of steroid freak Jose Canseco.

This is the shit that you write about? What the fuck kind of sports writer are you?

We already know the answer to that - you fucking SUCK at writing about sports.

Madonna Is A Steroid Dealer

There's really no other explanation for this latest nugget of Lupica genius.

Cashman smiled. "There's some story going around today about him and Madonna. That's the drama."

Yup, that's the drama. Which is to say that this is really just the latest bullshit that the General Manager of the most famous baseball team on the planet has to address. People aren't asking Cashman about deadline trades. They're not asking about Joba's progression as a starter or Mussina's resurgence, or the fact that despite missing 20 games this year, A-Rod is only 3 homers behind Josh Hamilton, Grady Sizemore and Carlos Quentin's 19 for the league lead. Cashman's talking to you about Madonna.

Think about that. Think about how fucking ridiculous that is. That the private business of two adults requires commentary from Cashman because one of them happens to play for the Yankees. Could you ever, in a million fucking years, imagine someone asking Cashman about who's waxing Derek Jeter's carrot this week? Jessica Biel? Minka Kelly? Jessica Alba? Vanessa Minnillo? Maybe it's Adriana Lima or Jordana Brewster!!

Another thing... has anybody ever noticed that Jeter seems to have the "Good Luck Chuck" effect on women? Carey married Nick Cannon. Biel's all tight with Justin Timberschmuck. Alba's engaged and pumping out a unit. Vannillo's with Nick Lachey. And Lima's engaged to Marko Jaric! Everybody he dates seems to marry the next guy that sticks around for breakfast.

A little over a year ago, almost 13 months exactly, there were the pictures of A-Rod in Toronto with a blond "exotic dancer" named Joslyn Noel Morse, the two of them not just photographed together but having been seen entering a strip club together, which still seems like bringing coals to Newcastle.

Yeah Lupica. A little over a year ago. And guess who the only person who still cares about it is? That's right! You, mother fucker!! You've got the memory of a 3 foot tall Lup-iphant. You never forget. And you also never forget to ram these crappy non-stories up the anal cavities of your non-readers. Where's the connection between these two events?

When asked about his blond friend in May of 2007, Rodriguez said, "No comment."
Which is what he said Tuesday on the field at Yankee Stadium when asked about the report in US Weekly that he had been seen making some late-night visits to Madonna's West Side apartment. Rodriguez said "No comment."

Well, there you have it. That's tabloid journalism at it's finest right there. It doesn't get much better than that if you're reading US Weekly or The Sun or The National Enquirer. Wait, you mean... this piece was run in the New York Daily News? A credible news publication that claims to have the number 1 sports section in the city?!

A-Rod said "no comment" about the stripper, and then he said "no comment" about Madonna. The only explanation is that "no comment" is A-Rod slang for "Yeah, I fucked that bitch doggie-style!" He needs his own way of saying things because he's the best right-handed hitter in the entirety of baseball. To make sure there's no confusion.

Now, if these stories about him and Madonna are true - and just for the sake of conversation today, let's say Rodriguez wasn't visiting Madonna for their book club - that means he has joined another kind of list, one that in the old days was supposed to have included Jose Canseco, who has been hinting for years, without proof, that A-Rod may have had more than a passing interest in steroids.

Here's where the magic starts! With a signature Lupica run-on sentence. Look at that baby go! SIX FUCKING COMMAS!! TWO HYPHENS!! This sentence is it's own paragraph. For an ordinary sports journalist, you write this sentence, you spell-check and your work is done!

Just in case you got lost in all the words and punctuation, lets examine what Mike's saying here.

Canseco screwed Madonna ----> Canseco did steroids
A-Rod might be screwing Madonna ----> A-Rod must have done steroids too.

By this logic, do you know who else has used performance-enhancing drugs? Guy Ritchie! Not to mention Chris Rock, David Blaine, Chris Paciello, Billy Zane, Andy Bird, Mark McGrath, Charles Barkley, Carlos Leon, Tupac, Dennis Rodman, Anthony Kiedis, Isabella Rossellini, David Duchovny, Big Daddy Kane, James Albright, Vanilla Ice, Lenny Kravitz, Antonio Banderas, Matt Dillon, Prince, Sandra Bernhard, JFK Junior, Sean Penn, Keith Carradine, David Lee Roth, Warren Beatty, Basquiat, Rosanna Arquette, Megan Mullally, Kelly McGillis, John Starks, Henry Rollins, Jennifer Grey and Henry Rollins.

Oh, and Naomi Campbell. I guess that explains her obvious 'roid rage.

There we have it, courtesy of New York's shortest journalist. The link between steroids and famous celebrities of all kinds is clearly Madonna. Thank God for you Mike Lupica. Now the healing process can genuinely begin.

Coming Next Week: Amy Winehouse spotted in Yankee Clubhouse, Giambi Suspected of Crack-Use.

Lupica States the Obvious. And He's STILL Wrong.

Lets get right to work...

This is a dream setting for Alex Rodriguez and a dream entrance, seven months after it seemed he had made the worst and tackiest exit any famous Yankee has ever made.

You know, there were two references made in today's paper about the timing of A-Rod's opt-out (SEVEN MONTHS AGO). And there were two articles by Mike Lupica. Coincidence? Thy name is Dwarf!!!

And also, this is A-Rod's dream setting? His team is under .500, Hughes and Posada are hurt, nobody can hit and it looks pretty bad for the Bombers. And A-Rod's at home jerking off about it? Call me stupid, but I thought the guy wanted to win a championship, not be a hero on a bad team. I don't think this is his dream at all.

He will come riding into Yankee Stadium Tuesday and be greeted as if he's riding Big Brown.

Mike, the only person who rides things that are Big and Brown around here is you. When you're with your boyfriend Moises. After his hernia heals all the way.

The Yankees are now 20-24, same as they were after 44 games last year, and are starting to fall behind the Red Sox again.

Key words here. Same as last year, when we made the playoffs. And the Metsies were in Queens, gagging like a country singer who just hit Roger Clemens' nuts.

I can make Clemens jokes too! Just to fight this pip-squeak on even footing. Touche, Mike Lupica!!

The Yankees are in last place in the AL East and have the third-worst record in the league and are 10th in the league in runs scored.

A-Rod's dream setting indeed.

Girardi and A-Rod's teammates will worry about the Yankee pitching problems later, because there is going to be plenty to worry about, even in a baseball season that already resembles one of those seasons where everybody seems to end up 9-7 in the National Football League.

I bet Girardi's pretty worried about the pitching problems right now. And if your point is that nobody is going to run away with the season, then why is the Yankees bad start such a big deal? And why did you spell out "National Football League?" Mike... we know what the fucking NFL is. Do you honestly think we're all that fucking stupid?

Tuesday, and Wednesday, for the rest of the week, the Yankees just want A-Rod to hit. Or we just talk about whether or not they should have traded for Santana a little more.

We just talk about Santana? Who is this "we?" I don't talk about Santana. Fafa doesn't talk about Santana. Maybe when you say "we", you're referring to Mets fans like yourself. Because Yankees fans are mostly over the Santana trade.

A-Rod had huge numbers last season, the best he has had in New York and ended up MVP of the league.

And you still called him a piece of shit choker every chance you got. Like you're doing right now.

Know who else choked? Billy Wagner with his 16.88 ERA in the 2006 ALCS. Cherry-picked stats are fun.

I can't... I just can't any more. The rest is too fucking stupid. Just too fucking stupid.

This Is Why We're Here

People often send me hate mail, saying I’m biased in my observations about Mike Lupica, and that I’m just a subjective Yankees fan.

As we all know, Lupica would never go out of his way to make a Yankee player look bad, just for the sake of being an asshole, right?

Well then, what the FUCK would they say about Lupica’s retarded comparison this week, only 24 games into the season?

Here's a fun fact of the baseball season:

By “fun”, Lupica actually means “useless”.

Even though he still isn't close to getting his batting average over the Mendoza Line of .200,

Here comes the cherry-picked stat that some non-Yankee player has over a Yankee player…

David Ortiz has more RBI so far than A-Rod.

Jesus Christ, Lupica! It’s not even an individual stat, it’s more like a team stat!

We know you like to crap all over Arod, but you gotta come up with something better than this!

The last time I checked, batters can’t control how many guys he has in scoring position when they come to the plate. In this case, there certainly have been fewer chances for Arod.

Take a look at this stat, you dopey midget…

Red Sox team OBP = .361 (1st in AL)
Yankees team OBP = .331 (9th in AL)

Of course Ortiz is gonna have more RBI with a lineup that is FIRST IN THE AL IN OBP!

So instead of being a subjective jackass fuck like Lupica, let’s take a look at the rest of the story…
Superman Ortiz - 24 games, 96 ABs
Crappy ARod - 22 games, 86 ABs

Ok, so right off the bat, we can see Ortiz clearly has the advantage, with 2 more games and 10 more ABs under his belt. Would Arod have 10 more RBI if he had the same amount of ABs? With the way the Yankees offense has been sputtering, not likely.

Let’s see what both players have done without the help of their lineups…

Superman Ortiz
Hits 17
Doubles 2
HRs 4
BA .177
OBP .288
SLG .323
OPS+ 62

Crappy ARod
Hits 26
Doubles 7
HRs 4
BA .302
OBP .348
SLG .523
OPS+ 134

Holy shit! Other than home runs, Arod owns Ortiz in every offensive category! How the fuck did that happen? More than double the OPS+!?!?

And Lupica went out of his way to make that worthless comparison? To try and make Arod look inferior to Ortiz by posting RBI stats?

Gee Mike, thanks for your expert analysis!

Next week's brilliant comparison by Lupica - "David Ortiz has less errors so far than ARod."

Article by some other Yankee hating bitch.

Look! It's a writer who aspires to be as stupid and annoying
(and anti-Yankees) as Mike Lupica!

While we’re waiting for Lupica to dislodge his foot from his mouth after Arod told Boras to take a hike, we found a new asshole to bust on.

Here’s an article by Tim Brown, a brainiac from Yahoo! Sports…

Yankees' horror show looking like a sequel

A lot of fans considered the Yankees’ 2007 season to be one of the most exciting.

Glad to know you thought it was a horror show.

The horror show was actually playing at a different baseball stadium not too far away.

On the occasion of Alex Rodriguez's third American League MVP award and with his contract negotiations by now presumably in the seventh-inning stretch, this is a good time to consider what it is A-Rod so desperately desired to come back to.

How about the best chance at getting to the playoffs all ten years of his new contract?

The New York Yankees have lost 13 of their last 17 playoff games and basically dismissed their iconic manager because of it,

They didn’t “dismiss” Torre, you numbnuts, Torre turned down their more than generous offer.

and they just spent nearly $400 million to put the same product back on the field, only with potentially less pitching.

“Potentially less” pitching?

I don’t see Pavano or Igawa anywhere near Yankee Stadium, do you?

I see Joba, Kennedy and Hughes…I didn’t see them in the beginning of 2007.

By the way…

…anyone with half a brain knows that “potentially less” is the same thing as saying “potentially more”. It can go either way.

You just chose to put a negative spin on it to suit your less than stellar article.

Oh, and you also hate the Yankees. Which makes you a biased dick.

So, for the seventh consecutive winter the Yankees are working their way back from something less than a parade.

Along with about twenty five other teams.

Where’s your article about the Mets, yet again doing NOTHING with the NL’s highest payroll, for the 5th consecutive year?

Yes, the champion – again – is in Boston.

Again?

And here I thought the Cardinals won the year before.

Silly me.

The manager is in L.A.

Newsflash, asshole – Joe Torre, the guy who brought NO titles to the Yankees in the last seven years, IS NOT THE MANAGER OF THE YANKEES.

I love it. The Yankees don’t win the series for seven years and it everyone's fault except Joe Torre's, just because he decided to leave.

The ace of the staff – in standing if not numbers – is in Houston.

Roger Clemens is, too.

If they brought Clemens back, you would have thought it was a GOOD idea?

Jeez you are a dumb confused bitch.

They haven't been among the top five earned-run average staffs for four years, and in those four consecutive playoff series losses have had an ERA under 5 once. Their ERA against the Cleveland Indians this October was nearly 6.

Wait a minute! Are you trying to say there is a direct correlation between playoff series losses and poor pitching?!?!

NO WAY.

So THAT’S how you got a job writing about sports!

Hughes had a 2.73 ERA in September (beware the September numbers)

What the fuck does that even mean?

Chamberlain was sensational when not shellacked in insects.

True

Kennedy was great in three September starts, against Tampa Bay, Kansas City and Toronto.

Great! This all suggests that we’ll be better off than we were in the beginning of 2007, where our starting pitchers in the first month were:

Pavano
Pettitte
Mussina
Igawa
Rasner
Pavano
Wright
Karstens
Wang
Hughes

(Arod) being there will help.

Arod will "help"?

Ya think, genius?

The Yankees had better hope he brings his bat, though.

What…the…fuck…

Tim Brown, you are a stupid asshole.

May be A-Rod's last shot to help Bombers opt into Series

Hello Lupica haters! Well look at this - no kissing the ass of Reyes, so you know what THAT means...

It's October Baseball time!

That's right! The time of year when the Yankees are getting ready to play and the Mets are getting ready to play golf.

It's also the time of year when Lupica starts to really hammer the Yankees, because his Mets are, once again, left out.

This article is all about, surprise, ARod!

In three Octobers with the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez has won nine postseason games.

Total.

You mean the Yankees won nine postseason games. Total.

Last time I checked, baseball is a team sport, numbnuts. One player cannot win a game by himself. Not even your butt buddy Jose Reyes, as we all saw this past September.

The most expensive baseball player in this world, the most famous this side of Barry Bonds because of the season he just had, now tries to do much better than that, starting tomorrow night against the Indians. So do the Yankees.

So wait - you are trying to say the Yankees AND Arod are trying to do better this postseason?Get the hell out of here - what a job uncovering that incredible story!

Mike is like Clark Kent, a newspaper writer who has the ability to turn into a super hero!!!

LOOK!!! Up in the sky!!!

It's a bird…

it's a plane…

it's…Repetitive Man!

Their payroll is always around $200 million.

Faster than a speeding bullet!!!

…we will see how aging starting pitching stands up for the Yankees at this time of year.

More powerful than a locomotive!!!

We will see about Roger Clemens, if and when he pitches, if the Family Guy can win the kind of postseason game for the Yankees that Randy Johnson - who was supposed to be the lefthanded Clemens here - never did in his 40s.

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!!!

What a douche. The same shit, over and over.

Is everything (Arod's) fault? Not on your life. No one has ever suggested that it is.

This coming from a guy who (more than) once said this -

…here is the progression for A-Rod, such as it is, since the Yankees made the big trade for him:

2004: Lose in the ALCS to the Red Sox, blowing a 3-0 lead in the process, the most epic calamity in the history of the organization.

2005: Lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Angels.

2006: Lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Tigers.

Tell me again how this is NOT suggesting it's ARod's fault?

But it is also fair to say that if he had done anything against the Angels, if he had somehow provided one huge offensive game against the Tigers - and why shouldn't we expect that from him? - then everything might have been different and the Yankees might already have their 27th world championship.

Maybe if ANYONE did ANYTHING MORE in those series, you wouldn't be writing this dumb fucking article, for the tenth time.

We know you love to lay the blame on Arod, because the Yankees made a great deal to get him, and because he has outperformed your bitch over in Flushing.

By the way, we're all waiting for the article(s) where you dump on Reyes for blowing the 2007 season for the Mets.

No one ever thought after the Subway Series of 2000 that the Yankees, spending the way they did, adding Randy Johnson in that time and Mussina and Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui and Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield, could ever go six years without winning it all.

The Mets spent more than everyone in the NL since they lost the World Series in 2000 - how has all that spending worked out for them?

Nobody thought Alex Rodriguez could go three years as a Yankee without a ring.

That's why people watch baseball - anything can happen.

Arod could go three years as a Yankee without a ring, the Mets can outspend all NL teams for SEVEN YEARS and only have ONE POSTSEASON to show for it.

Funny how you only mention the Yankees.

Fuck you.

How many Yankees can Lupica bash in one article?

UPDATED 7.24.07

Let’s just get right to the bullshit, because there is plenty of it this week.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether Joe Torre is managing a Saturday night game against the Devil Rays in July, or a deciding game in the playoffs.

Newsflash, shithead – the Yanks have to play every game the rest of the way like it’s a deciding game in the playoffs, or else they won’t make it to the playoffs.

Julio Lugo, Red Sox shortstop, was hitting .225 after Friday night's games, with six homers and 47 RBI.

Derek Jeter, who was hitting 104 points higher than Lugo, had seven home runs and 48 RBI.

I just thought you should know that.

I was going to prepare a whole chart comparing these two players, but I figured, why bother…

…Lupica is the only asshole who thinks Lugo is comparable to Jeter.

And that includes EVERYONE in Red Sox Nation.

And just for the record…Jeter has had more than a handful of big hits.

The only big hit Lugo ever had was the one he planted on his wife’s face.

But you won’t hear about that from Mikey unless the Yankees acquire Lugo.

Then you’d never hear the end of it.

UPDATE 7.24.07

Lugo's batting average with runners in scoring position - .255
Jeter's batting average with runners in scoring position - .413

Nice job, shithead.

There have been times when winning Yankee teams didn't have a star center fielder. And there have been times when they haven't had a star first baseman. But it's pretty unusual when they've had neither one.

Jesus Christ! Mikey cries when we have a team full of all-stars, and now he cries when we don’t have stars at first and centerfield.

By the way, it is worth repeating that the Yankees have no excuses the rest of the way.

If they don't make the playoffs, then it is on this general manager, this manager, these players.

Thank you, Master of the Obvious!

Next thing Mikey is gonna tell us is the sun rises in the East.

Guess what? The Mets have had to overcome more adversity than the Yankees this season.

I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to disprove this stupid theory, but I don’t watch the Mets enough to know.

Or care.

Somebody needs to tell the analysts on the YES network to analyze a lot more and root a lot less.

You mean like how you are supposed to write about sports more and bash the Yankees less?

The Red Sox weren't as good as they looked when they built up that big lead at the end of May, it's just that the Yankees were that bad.

Nice way to cover your ass, once the Yankees take over first place.

Really Mikey, it’s not hard to see right through you.

J.D. Drew is so overpaid it's hard to believe the Yankees passed on him, frankly.

And he’s spent so much time on the DL, it’s hard to believe the Mets passed on him, you stupid ass.

Mussina's been a lot of laughs lately, hasn't he?

And this is HUGE news, because of Mussina’s reputation for being a clown.

Seeing A-Rod the other day with his family, signing his book for kids, well, it got me right here.

What a dick – Mikey can’t leave Arod alone, because he is by far the best player in NY, NOT Mikey’s stupid boy toy Reyes.

All in all, these are the Yankees Mikey busted on this week…

Jeter
Arod
Mussina
Clemens
Giambi
Torre

You would think the Yankees are 8-10 in July…

…oh wait, the METS are 8-10 in July!

The only Met player that got any grief from Mikey was Glavine.

So why do the Yankees get slammed so hard from Lupica?

Oh, right, because Lupica is an asshole.

I forgot.

Mike Lupica drowns in Mets Kool Aid

Holy Christ Mike, put down the Mets Kool Aid before you go into some sort of sugar shock.

This week, Mike talks about how the Mets are going to be going toe-to-toe with the Yankees from now on, because the Mets are going to have a shiny new stadium!

Shea sometimes feels as old as dirt. It is the Mets who feel new all over again, even as their new ballpark is built in front of our eyes, on the edges of this season. The Yankees will have their own new ballpark by then. But it will not be Yankee Stadium and they will not draw 4 million anymore. The Mets will draw as big as the Yankees draw when both new parks are open, and will go toe-to-toe with them from now on.

Yes people - the Mets new "Citi Field" (pronounced "Shitty Field") will somehow magically put the Mets in the same league as the Yankees.

Apparently, Yankees fans will stop going to Yankees games because it will no longer be "Yankee Stadium".

And the Mets will draw as many people as the Yankees, because of that new stadium, and because their super cool mascot, Mr. Met, will be there too!

Why people will FLOCK to Shitty Field

Nobody can win the past with the Yankees. The Red Sox can't, the Mets can't, no one can.

Good for you Mike! The first step to recovery is being able to admit you have a problem.

But this is a fair fight between the Yankees and Mets from now on.

Easy, Mikey.

You had a taste of the post season after completely SUCKING for five years. (You wanna talk about payroll? How'd that National League top payroll work out for the Mets in 2005? 3rd place. 2004? Last place. 2003? Last place.)

Come back to us when the Mets actually WIN a world series.

I'll even take a NL pennant, just because I'm a nice guy.

And because you are so pathetic in your desperation.

The Yankees aren't going to dominate baseball ever again the way they did between 1996 and 2000.

Right - because history proves the Yankees never had the ability to dominate.

Well, except for the late '70s.

And early '60s. And there was that stretch in the '50s. And the late '40's.

Late '30s and '20s too.

Other than those times, the Yankees never dominated. And we shouldn't expect them to dominate ever again.

Even with the age we always hear about on their pitching staff, even with 40-year-old Moises Alou playing left and old Valentin at second, there is still something fresh and new to the Mets

Fresh and new?

Could it be the World Series trophy?

Haha, no, that can't be it.

Could it be Billy (We Are Gonna Need Extra Runs) Wagner?

Haha, I don't think so.

Could it be the emergence of Reyes and Wright?

Possibly.

I know what it is - it's Paul LoDuca's posse of underaged girlfriends!

Fresh and new indeed.

It is only the first week. The Mets make us pay attention to them already, as they try to come out of the blocks this season the way they did last season. That was an amazing series against the Cardinals in St. Louis, even if it didn't make up for Yadier Molina. The Braves' series started with that beatdown Friday night.

The Braves series started with a win, and ended with 2 losses.

Fresh and new?

Sounds more like "same old, same old" to me.

There will be almost daily speculation about Roger Clemens, as if the Stadium will fall down before Shea does if the Yankees don't somehow sign a pitcher who will turn 45 this season, one who walked away from them nearly four years ago.

The only one who has been speculating about Clemens for the past year has been YOU.

Time to move on Mike.

Maybe it will be this way for the Mets someday, after they have won a World Series or two.

Mike, they've been around for over 40 years and have a grand total of TWO World Series titles.

Get over this fact - the Mets will never be on the same level as the Yankees.

Ever.

Lets see the Mets match the quality of the Braves last decade first.

Hell, catch up to the success of the friggin Marlins first before you try comparing the Mets to the Yankees.

Get your head out of your ass - one division title does not make a team.

And a poorly named new stadium isnt going to help.

Pass on the Kool Aid Mike - you've had enough.

***

How do I get some kind of reprieve from the daily A-Rod clutch-hitting watch?

You have two choices: turn off the TV or watch him as he destroys the league.

It's not rocket science.

Just because he is light years better than your boyfriend Reyes doesnt mean you cant enjoy watching him.

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers?

I dont know, last October he looked more and more like a statue.

Happy Birthday today to my point guard, Zach Lupica, age 15. Everybody always says you can't measure heart. You keep showing everybody.

SHADDAP!!! No one gives a rat's ass.

Steinbrenner, ARod AGAIN, fawning over Reyes...AGAIN

Happy April Fools Day everyone! Let's kick the day off right by slamming New York's biggest fool, Mike Lupica.

This week's Shooting From The Lip is all about how Steve Swindal is most likely getting the boot from the Yankees family and the person next in line after George Steinbrenner COULD be like James Dolan.

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Yes, people, it took this pencil neck turd a week to come up with an article about something that COULD happen.

Not something that WOULD happen or DID happen.

A week's pay for writing about a hypothetical question.

So this is where we are with the Yankees, where they try to turn "King Lear" into some kind of modern reality TV show

Really, is this the best he can come up with? Total crap, just to piss off Yankees fans?

Oh sure, it COULD happen, but not likely, considering there is no one in sports who is as stupid as James Dolan.

Thanks for the informative article, Mike.

***

When people started calling Alex Rodriguez a "great" third baseman a couple of years ago, I always wondered, relative to what?

This comes from a guy who once said this...

A-Rod is having a wonderful season, and might end up MVP of the American League, even if David Ortiz has clearly been the MVP in the season played so far

Ortiz, MVP?

Is it just me, or dont you think the Most Valuable Player should own, oh, I don't know, a GLOVE?

So a guy plays for about a total of 5 minutes a night on offense and its ok to call him an MVP, but dont you DARE call a converted gold-glove winning shortstop to third base during an MVP season "great".

Shame on you, Yankees fans.

I was reminded during an idle hour the other afternoon that "Spin City" is still one of the most underrated sitcoms of all time.

And reminded again how brilliant Michael J. Fox was in it.

Very valuable information.

Just like everything else Mike writes about - worthless crap.

I think Mike took a ride on the Larry King Bus Of Stupidity.

And the moment we've all been waiting for...yes, its the Weekly Mets Ass Kissing Comment...

You know the best part about the Mets having a game tonight?

It means Jose Reyes is back in season.

This is a wonderful time to be a New York baseball fan.

There are so many players to watch, and so many of them are great players, and some of those great players have a lot of World Series rings.

I would rather watch Reyes play baseball than any of them.

Jesus Christ Mike, keep it in your pants!

I hope you are enjoying his 1 for 4 night and getting doubled up off first on a line drive as much as I am.

How about that baserunning on the error out in left field? Wasn't that exciting, watching Reyes jog to first, expecting to be out?

And how about getting picked off first in the 9th inning?

Fascinating player, that Reyes!

ARod, Yankee bashing, Mattingly, and yes, Rivera...

Holy Christ this guy is relentless. This guy is more obsessed with the Yankees than I am with Lupica's height!

Now THAT is sad.

This week’s Shooting From The Lip is all about how Lupica thinks Arod is sad because he gave up being a shortstop so he could play for the Yankees.

Right.

I’m sure Arod was all broken up about winning that MVP in 2005.

You know, his second year as a 3rd baseman.

And I don’t really think moving from shortstop to third base is as devestating as, say, watching all your friends grow taller with age while you stay the same height.

It was like Peyton Manning offering to let somebody else play quarterback.

Yes, the shortstop on a baseball team is considered the quarterback, and the third baseman is considered the waterboy.

You learn something new every day with the great Mike Lupica.

You know what I think would make him happy, whether the Yankees win the World Series this year or not?

Being a shortstop again.

Yes, I’m sure Arod would be much happier playing shortstop for the Kansas City Royals than winning the world series with the Yankees - who can argue with that logic?

Being a shortstop won't be enough to make A-Rod completely happy, might not be enough because you wonder if he could ever be loved enough, because for all his talent, he has the insecurities of an actress.

You want to see insecurity?

Watch Mike Lupica read that quote to Arod in a dark alley.

Do Mike a favor and bring a fresh pair of pants for him.

Childrens size 10-12.

And now, on to more Yankee bashing...

I keep waiting for the Yankees to announce that Don Mattingly is in the mix at first base.

What? Oh I get it - the Yankees have a lot of guys in the mix for first base.

Funny stuff.

You know what's even funnier?

After Jose Lima, Chan Ho Park and Aaron Sele, I’m waiting for the Mets to announce that Emiliano Mercado del Toro is in the mix for starting pitcher.

And I don't want to sound cynical, because it's not my nature, but what is Plan B if Mo Rivera finally does begin to show his age this season?

Yankees Plan B?

You have GOT to be kidding me.

I think you should worry more about the Mets Plan A.

You know, Billy “8.71 Post Season ERA” Wagner?

And how about the Red Sox?

Plan A was Papelbon…Plan B is now…Joel Piniero???

Rivera will be just fine. Oh sure, he’ll have that annual one week stretch in June or July where he blows two or three saves, and then you’ll get to hear about all this crap again from Lupica.

Are you as excited as I am?

Clemens, comparing Yankees and Mets, the ARod/Jeter non-issue...

What a surprise – Lupica wasted his entire article space on Roger Clemens and what it would do to the Yankees average age if they signed him, and how it would compare to the Mets, who are opening their new stadium, Jurassic Park, within the next few years.

How is this a story again, in February? I must have missed the press conference where the Yankees introduced Clemens as their ace.

This is a topic Lupica has touched on a dozen times before, and he can’t seem to let it go. He also can’t seem to stop bashing the Yankees, but this comes as a surprise to no one. As usual, Lupica just regurgitates the same old crap and somehow still collects a paycheck.

Let’s take a look at some excerpts from this week's “Shooting From The Lip” column…

…we read about the old guys, too, because the Yankees and Mets, both of them, will rely mightily on old guys this season: Glavine, El Duque, Pedro, Mussina, Pettitte.

Nobody is relying mightily on Pedro Martinez this season you jackass – he’s going to be out until September.

Let’s examine what’s left of Lupica’s comparison…

Tom Glavine – 41 years old
El Duque – 41 years old (or more)
Average – 41 years old

Mike Mussina – 38 years old
Andy Pettitte – 35 years old
Average – 36.5 years old

Nice comparison, Mike.

Imagine how the average age of everything would go up if the Yankees had hung on to Randy Johnson…

Imagine if the Yankees traded him…oh right, they did. Another moot point – typical Lupica garbage.

We have a lot of fun with how old the Mets are because of Glavine and El Duque and Moises Alou. But the Yankees won't have a starting outfielder under the age of 32.

Another misleading comparison.

Bobby Abreu - 33 years old
Johnny Damon - 33 years old
Hideki Matsui - 33 years old
Average - 33 years old

Shawn Green - 34 years old
Carlos Beltran - 30 years old
Moises Alou - 40 years old
Average - 34.7 years old

See Mike? I can use stats to work in the Yankees favor - thanks for being unbiased!

By the way Mike, can you try to sound more like an adult newspaper columnist and less like an 8 year old arguing with his mother for the last lollipop? “Waah! But you said I could have the last one!”

Clemens told his son Koby, an Astros farmhand, that he was "80-20" against pitching again this season.

Anyone notice how “80-20” has made it’s way onto Lupica’s list of favorite numbers?

Mike Lupica’s Official List of Favorite Numbers:

1. 200 million
2. 80-20

Cashman seems ready to let go of 1996. Not everybody is, apparently.

Yeah, and Yankees fans seem ready to let go of the payroll issue.

Not everybody is, apparently.

When you were reading about the silliness between A-Rod and Capt. Jeter, starting this time when A-Rod got the first word in, didn't you feel as if it were like some sort of baseball, guy sequel to "Mean Girls"?

Oh I see, the A-Rod/Jeter non-story is now considered “silliness”? That’s why you wrote an entire article about it? (“Bombers Best Not Buddies”, 8.19.06) I guess since it’s considered “silliness”, you aren’t going to bring it up again? Yeah, right!

Nice reference to a Lindsay Lohan movie that no self-respecting sports fan would comprehend. (I had to look it up).

Ya think Mike got a discount at the movie theater because he’s the same height as an average 10 year old?