Cano Sucks!!!

So let's see…Robinson Cano is playing like a madman…leave it to a douche like Lupica to rain on his parade!

So you know: Through Friday night's games Austin Jackson - the kid the Yankees traded away for Curtis Granderson - was hitting .350 for the Tigers and had two more hits for the season than Robinson Cano does.

Lupica was on the right track. If anything, he could have ripped the Yankees for trading Austin Jackson away for Curtis Granderson. Certainly, Austin Jackson is doing awesome, and Granderson, other than lighting up Papelbon, really hasn't done much at the plate.

But why let logic get in the way of Yankee bashing?

At a time when Cano is supposed to be the hottest guy in the world and MVP of everything.

I can't believe I have to waste my time looking up the stats of these two players to make Lupica look like an ass.

Again.

Christ…it took me about 25 seconds to collect these stats…25 seconds I'll never get back!!!

Damn you, Lupica!!!

Jackson stats:
AB - 109
BA - .367
Hits - 40
2B - 7
3B - 2
HR - 1
RBI - 8
BB - 10
K's - 34
OBP - .420
SLG - .495
OPS+ - 146

Cano stats:
AB - 93
BA - .387
Hits - 36
2B - 6
3B - 1
HR - 9
RBI - 21
BB - 8
K's - 12
OBP - .433
SLG - .763
OPS+ - 223

So, what have we learned? Other than Lupica, once again, is cherry picking stats to prove his worthless point?

Austin Jackson has 4 more hits (by May 3rd) than Cano…in sixteen more at bats!!! Give me a fucking break, Mike! Cano leads the league in OPS+!!! Jackson leads the league in strike outs! Look at the home runs!!! Jesus fucking Christ!!! *(&)#Q)(*#@&!!!!11!!!!

Cano isn't supposed to be the hottest guy in the world!!! Obviously, Jose Reyes is!

Speaking of Lupica's inflatable sex toy...

Reyes stats:
BA - .216
HR - 0
SB - 4
RBI - 6
OPS+ - 51

I mean, who really gives a shit about the rest...oh, except Lupica, who claims that Reyes "is the one you want to watch the most"

Please.

And now it's time for more Shits And Giggles!!!

Lupica December 17th column headline - "Champion New York Yankees fall to second place behind Boston Red Sox in arms race"

Yankees team ERA - 3.63 - 4th in AL
Red Sox team ERA - 4.78 - 12th in AL

Oops!

Hot Stove = Steaming Pile of Lupishit

Now that we are in the thick of the hot stove season, Lupica is doing his annual rant about the Yankees overspending for free agents.

I just wanted to take this moment to look back at all the shit that Lupica wrote about Santana last year.

Remember when everyone thought the Yankees were going to get Santana? This is what Lupica wrote:

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals.

And this:

Why won't Santana break down sometime during the length of his contract?

And this:

Put me down as somebody who thinks that Johan Santana is a wonderful pitcher, but not the second coming of Sandy Koufax and not somebody I would pay $150 million on a bet.

So, since the Yankees were about to get Santana, Lupica immediately started slamming the deal.

Then, after the Yankees had no intentions of giving up their future for Santana, the Mets stepped in and made the trade for him.

Look how fast Lupica changed his tune:

The Mets finally showed up for the baseball winter, beat the Yankees and the Red Sox to Santana

Yes, the Mets "beat" the Yankees to Santana…

And this:

This is one deal the Mets have to close.

Suddenly, he goes from "don't sign a pitcher to a long term deal!" to "Mr. Wilpon, I'll wear that cute little French maid number if you get Johan!"

…it is going to cost between $110 million and $120 million in the end…

And, as we all know, it cost $31 to $41 million more than Lupica predicted, and $1 million more than Lupica would have paid on a bet, whatever the fuck that means.

I'm just bringing this all up now, because for the entire 2009 season, no matter how good Sabathia does, we are going to hear about how much the Yankees overpaid for him, and I wanted to remind you how quickly Lupica switched gears about Santana once the Mets made the trade for him.

Let's move on to all the bullshit Lupica wrote in the last few days, starting with the K Rod free agent signing…

There is no binding deal, yet, or physical, but the Mets get the guy they want now, before the Yankees get the big guy they want, which means CC Sabathia, who is big in all ways.

Mike Lupica, who, in a pinch, could take a bath in a thimble, is making fun of Sabathia's size.

Irony - gotta love it.

You can look at it this way: If Frankie Rodriguez is the Mets closer in the 2006 National League Championship Series, the Mets go all the way to the World Series.

When he had his very best chance on a team good enough to win it all - the 2002 Angels, before he was the Angels' closer - he was all you could ever want.

That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, that was also SEVEN seasons ago.

K Rod's post season stats since he became the permanent closer for the Angels in 2005:

Since 2005:

8.3IP, 8Ks, 6BBs, 13 hits, 5.40 ERA

How about the last two post seasons?

2.7IP, 3Ks, 3BBs, 6 hits, 13.48 ERA

Um…ouch?

I guess Mike was too busy fellating Omar Minaya to look at K Rod's stats past 2002.

Next up, the CC Sabathia free agent signing…

No matter what kind of Christmas story the Yankees try to write on CC Sabathia, this has to be the first time in all recorded sports history that a team practically had to beg somebody to take an offer of $161 million

Sabathia said he wanted to go to the west coast and stay in the NL - did you think lowballing the guy would have been a better plan?

The Yankees did what they had to do with Sabathia: Money-whipped the guy they decided they absolutely had to have.

Correct - they had to overpay for a guy they had to have.

He is also not the pitcher that Santana is, Santana being a guy who probably would have pitched the Yankees into October last season

Just like he pitched the Mets into October last season?

It is also worth mentioning Sabathia has about the same postseason record as Chien-Ming Wang.

Post season records:
Wang - 1-3
Sabathia - 2-3

And, just for fun:
Santana - 1-4

Wow, look how bad everything gets when you cherry pick stats.

Maybe CC Sabathia, who is young and has the arm and carried the Brewers on his back in August and September, will turn out to be the guy who puts the Yankees back on top after so many other free agents and superstars did not. Jason Giambi (remember the Yankees bidding against themselves on him?) wasn't and Mike Mussina wasn't and Roger Clemens wasn't the second time around and neither was Randy Johnson. A-Rod sure hasn't been.

Hold the phone, Mike.

Has Pedro? No.

Has Santana? No.

Please, the Mets couldn't even reach the postseason with him.

When was the last time a SINGLE PLAYER "carried" him team to a world series title? When the Yankees had their dynasty in the '90s, who was the one player who carried the team? Jeter? O'Neill? Tino? Rivera?

Let me know when it happens, because it hasn't yet.

Nice job singling out ARod there. I guess two MVP awards in 5 years means you are worthless.

Next up, Lupica wrote some shit about the Yankees trying to get more financing for the new stadium. I don't really understand this shit, so I'll let Brian W from Brooklyn sum it up…

Mr. Lupica-

So, in a week during which the Wilpons and their partners found out that a. Citibank might not be able to pony up for "Citifield" naming rights due to bankruptcy and b. they had been swindled out of half a billion dollars, the Yankees are a fiscal blight. Got it! Save us all the trouble of reading your gibberish. Just write "I HATE THE YANKEES" in the biggest size font possible.

Missed where you were an expert on finance or economics, but when has the fact that you know nothing ever stopped you? May be you could've left your Connecticut mansion and found out that Mr. Madoff was taking his clients' money and wasting it on Democratic pols. But that would involve actual reporting.

On to the stupid blurbs…

I can't be sure of this, incidentally, but I think the governor of Illinois was also in on the bidding for Sabathia and Burnett .

I love when Lupica tries to mix politics, baseball and humor, all in the same sentence!

Someone let me know when he learns anything about, well, politics, baseball and humor.

Recently, a Met fan friend of mine asked me why I hate Lupica so much. I told him because he rips on the Yankees and all the NY teams, except the Mets.

Let's see how many NY teams he rips here…let's start with the Giants…

We keep hearing that the Giants, if they keep winning, get home-field throughout the playoffs, and they do.

Except off the way they played last Sunday in Meadowlands weather, you wonder just how much of an advantage that is actually going to be.

We know that Simms and LT and them used to love to play at home when the wind was blowing around like something from the Weather Channel.

So I guess what Lupica is trying to say is that the Giants are no good in playing in bad weather, correct?

So how does he make his point?

They were total champions in the cold of Lambeau Field in their NFC Championship Game.

Um, right - I guess that game was played in good weather?

And lost to the Panthers, bad, the last time they played a home playoff game.

Just something to consider.

Did you consider that that game was played three years ago?

What a douche.

Moving on to the Jets…

I guess my question for the Jets goes something like this:

If all they wanted to do was throw short passes, which is all they threw against the 49ers, why didn't they just keep Chad Pennington ?

Maybe because he SUCKED as a Jet?

Moving on to the Rangers…

When the Rangers lost to the Devils, 8-5, on Friday night, who was playing goal - Dolan ?

HAHAHAHAHAhaahahaha!!! Oh Mike, you are too funny!

And too short.

Back to the Yankees...

I'm not the world's biggest Andy Pettitte fan, but I wouldn't take a dime less to come back to the Yankees.

Because this isn't about what they think is right with him.

It's about how they want things to look.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with Pettitte's 4.54 ERA, right Mike?

So there you have it. A week's worth of bullshit and Mike gets in all his knocks against the Yankees, Giants, Yankees, Jets, Yankees, Rangers, and the Yankees.

And the Yankees.

I can't wait to read his shit for another baseball season.

Enough-Lupica's 100th Post!!! What Have We Learned?

Yes, you read correctly. This is our 100th post at enough-lupica.com, and that cross-eyed, vertically-challenged lawn gnome still works for the Daily News. I just want to say that I officially consider this blog a failure, and I hope you all die. Okay, okay... I'm totally kidding.

What better way to celebrate 100 posts on this blog than to recap what we've learned over the last 100 entries? And what better way to do that, than to use Mike Lupica's article in today's Daily News as a basis for our research?

(For regular Lupica readers, let me explain what 'research' means. It means that we're going to look through a set of information, compare and contrast it against other pertinent information, and draw logical conclusions based on the results. In other words, something Mike hasn't done in at least 12 years.)

The Red Sox's lead over the Yankees was in double figures at this time last year, and this time last year there was no other team in their division for them to worry about.

A simple search at ESPN.com reveals the following. As of July 7, 2007... the Yankees were 9.5 games behind the Boston Red Sox. The Toronto Blue Jays were exactly 10.0 games back. By Mike Lupica's infallible logic, they were very much in the Yankees rear-view mirror. What's my point? Yes Mr. Lupica... there WAS another team in their division to worry about. The team in Toronto. It took me a grand total of 11 seconds to research this fact and give it to my readership... but you obviously have no use for facts.

The Yankees nearly came all the way back.

After you pronounced them dead several times, Mr. Best Sports Journalist in New York.

This Yankee team is wounded, and not nearly as good.

Reasons why the Yankees were better in 2007: Doug Mientkiewicz, Andy Phillips, Miguel Cairo, Josh Phelps, Wil Nieves, 12 starts from Kei Igawa, Roger Clemens, Luis Vizcaino, Scott Proctor, Ron Villone.

Reasons why Mike Lupica's statement is retarded: Joba Chamberlain, Cano's Annual Post-June Tear, Mussina's resurgence, Giambi's resurgence, Kei Igawa has only thrown 4 innings, A-Rod is heating up, Posada missed like 40 games, despite losing our best pitcher we're still surging and likely to get help within the next 3 weeks.

It is still good enough to beat the Red Sox, off what we are seeing from the Red Sox lately.

Nice veiled shot here. Vintage Lupica. Backhanded compliments. Translation: The Sox are playing like shit lately, so I guess the Yankees can probably catch them. Funny that he never mentions that the Mets play in the second-worst division in baseball.

Damon is right, because even though the Rays lost yesterday, they still have the Yankees by nine in the loss column.

Which is a nice way of exaggerating the fact that the Yankees are 8.5 games back. It's a presumption that the Rays will win their next game. The only time a normal, credible journalist pays attention to "the loss column" is during the last 2 weeks of a season. Our boy LupiCunt does it for effect.

But if last year's Yankees could make the kind of second-half run they did on a Red Sox team good enough to win it all, this year's Yankees can make a run at the Rays, starting tonight.

Again, typical LuPRICKa. He shits on a team for two paragraphs, then throws them a fucking carrot. This team's not as good as last year, and I guess they can make a run at the Sox because they're playing like shit.... but if they could make a run at those AMAZING AWESOME WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CALIBER RED SOX... then I guess they can try to catch the Rays. Fuck you and everything you stand for, Mike Lupica.

We don't know how Joe Girardi manages in an American League East race, if his team can stay in it.

Yeah, we don't know how Joe Girardi manages in an AL East Race!! He might get the shakes, ban coffee in the clubhouse and put Bobby Abreu on an IV of Ice Cream! He might bat Dan Giese in the leadoff spot!! He might decide to call up Kei Igawa to counteract the shortage of SUCK in the bullpen... I mean, since Billy Wagner's probably unavailable.

And we don't know if Brian Cashman, who didn't want Johan Santana, can get the Yankees the kind of pitching help they need, which means more than Sidney Ponson.

1) Yes Mike, we get it. He didn't want Santana. You remind us in every article. How's Santana doing in that intense NL East Race? What? He's 7-7? And his strikeouts are down? And he already looks like he regrets signing that extension across town? Because he feels like he's pitching for the Ringling Brothers team? And the coach mugged him at knife-point in the shower?

2) Yeah, we got Ponson. He was free. At his best, he's a league-average pitcher who gives you a lot of innings. Lets look at what another local team's done to patch together their woeful pitching staff. Nelson Figueroa, Claudio Vargas and Tony Armas. That crazy Omar Minaya has obviously outfoxed Cashman again.

The Yankees have enough to make their run with just a little pitching help.

Oh, you mean like when 2/5ths of our projected starting rotation for the year comes off the DL in a few weeks? Yeah... Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy are still living, breathing humans. They didn't die.

They have enough to make a run if Derek Jeter produces the way he is supposed to, if Robinson Cano, who busted up Sunday night's game with a triple and then scored the winning run in the bottom of the 10th, hits the way he is supposed to.

Cano during the 1st half (Career): .283/.316/.420, 22 HR, 133 RBI
Cano during the 2nd half (Career): .334/.366/.540, 32 HR, 141 RBI (in 400+ less PAs)

Jeter is having what would be the worst year of his career. Statistically speaking, he's one of the most consistent players in baseball history.

So lets all take a moment to congratulate Mike Lupica on these BOLD predictions. Cano has to hit better in the second half... LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES... LIKE HE'S ALREADY BEGUN DOING (19 for his last 50, which amounts to hitting .380.) And Jeter needs to improve... LIKE HE'S STATISTICALLY ALMOST FUCKING GUARANTEED TO DO BASED ON 13 SEASONS OF DATA!!!!!!!

And they can make their run, hang in there with the Red Sox and Rays, if Alex Rodriguez finally starts carrying the team the way he did at the start of last season and the way he is supposed to.

And here's what it always comes down to. A-Rod is supposed to play full-seasons like they're April 2007. That's where the Lupi-bar is set for A-Rod. Anything less than .355/.415/.882 with 14 homers and 34 RBI in a month is unacceptable from A-Rod.

Never mind the fact that you're asking the guy to hit 98 homers and drive in 239 runs. He makes a lot of money!! That's what's EXPECTED OF HIM!!!

When a team isn't scoring enough, isn't getting runners home,

It's probably the collective fault of the entire lineup, especially when you're talking about the Yankees. Damon, Jeter, Abreu, Cano, Giambi, Posada... these guys are supposed to be a Murderers Row... so you should blame them all when you're not scoring runs, right?

that is when the biggest run producer in baseball and the guy being paid the most to have the biggest stick (on the field) is supposed to be at his best, and hitting .253 with runners in scoring position shouldn't be his best.

Jesus H. Christ! By the way, the H. actually stands for 'Hfucking.' Jesus Hfucking Christ!!!

1) A-Rod is 19/75 with RSIP this year, with 17 BB. If he had hit 4 extra singles, he'd be 23/75 and batting .307 with RSIP. Are you telling me that those 4 singles are the reason we're not leading the AL East by 5 games?

2) With RSIP and 2 Outs, here's A-Rod's line - .219/.444/.500 with 12 BB (5 IBB). 7/32 with 12 walks... so maybe it has SOMETHING to do with the fact that teams DON'T PITCH TO HIM!!! When he draws walks, he's un-clutch. When he makes outs, he's un-clutch. So what the fuck do you want him to do when a pitcher doesn't throw strikes!? You want him to hit a pitch that's a foot off the plate 500 feet to dead center?!

Giambi's batting .189 with RSIP. Why not mention that? Isn't he making more money than the Florida Marlins this year? Why is it always A-Rod?

People will put up with almost anything from their sports stars, even the kind of low-rent, high-profile, gag-me publicity A-Rod is getting these days, as long as they produce.

For the umpteenth time, nobody cares about A-Rod's marriage. Nobody gives a shit about his feud with Jeter. Nobody minds if he tans in Central Park or plays Poker!! Babe Ruth played here for Chrissake!! His daily regimen involved a dozen hot dogs, seven hookers and a gallon of grain whiskey!!! And don't get me started on Mickey Mantle! We don't fucking care as long as he hits!! He's batting .323 with 18 homers and 50 RBI in 69 games!!!! Yankee fans couldn't give a shit less if he was fucking Pope Benedict spread eagle on the Vatican steps!!!!

A-Rod comes into the Rays series hitting .323, with 18 home runs and 50 RBI, despite missing more games than he usually does.

That's what I just said... how can you possibly fuck this up?

But it shows you where the bar is with Madonna's bad kaballah guy that it hasn't looked or felt or seemed like nearly enough.

The bar is down the block from your office. You go there and get shitfaced with the midget from the Bacardi & Diet Cola commercials, and then you torment me with these terrible fucking articles!!! We don't care if he fucks Madonna. Frankly, some of us hope there's a sex tape involved. (Hey A-Rod, if you're reading this, think about it... we could make a killing! You'd make back all the money from the divorce!! Call me!!)

I felt like he won his MVP award over the first half of the season, when there were all those days and nights when it seemed as if he were all the Yankees had.

Another vintage Lupica tactic. Opinion. I felt like... I thought. Hey Lupica, when we want your opinion, we'll take our dicks out of your mouth... mmkay?

Everything with Lupica is his opinion... or a baseless comparison to something that already happened. Research is never involved, even in the slightest.

But ask Yankee fans about A-Rod's season so far, and what they want to talk about is moments like the one in Friday's game, when he had the chance to bring his team back and grounded into a force play against Manny Delcarmen with the bases loaded.

What Yankee fans are you asking? Your friends? If Mike Lupica tried to ask a Yankee fan for ANYTHING, he'd be beaten within inches of his life. So how could he possibly know what's on our minds? Which brings me to another point...

WHAT QUALIFIES THIS FUCKING PRICK TO WRITE ABOUT THE YANKEES!?

Nobody on the team talks to him. The fans are loathe to him. He obviously isn't nearly as interested in covering the team as he is in his Reality TV or his Liberal Politics. He's completely out of touch with his readers. Why has this man not been fired yet? Or reassigned? Or banished to the snake fields of Zimbabwe?

You know who hasn't underproduced, even though he's been slumping again lately? Giambi. He has pretty much the same power numbers as A-Rod, and it seems like he has provided a lot more important swings.

Again... it SEEMS LIKE! Which is why it's unwise to evaluate baseball players based on your gut, or what it feels like, or seems like... or what you think. I just pointed out the fact that Jason Giambi has batted .189 with Runners in Scoring Position. Personally, I assign very little weight to the stat... however... it was Mike Lupica's basis for CRUCIFYING A-ROD.

It took me 7.4 seconds to research this stat. And this proves, completely, that Mike Lupica has done absolutely NO research. Maybe the reason it SEEMS like Giambi's gotten more big hits... is because he didn't MISS TWENTY GAMES WITH A QUAD INJURY!!! Maybe? Possible?

And Manny looked like he didn't care on Sunday night when he took three straight strikes from Mo Rivera, in a disgraceful at-bat.

A fucking day ago, this guy was giving us the pitch-by-pitch and raving about how dominant Rivera was. No chance!! Oh my goodness gracious!! Golly golly gumdrops!!! Now it's all because Manny didn't care! Disgraceful! Awful!! Horrible!! Anybody could have struck Manny out!! Jose Canseco could trotted out and thrown 3 knuckleballs past him!!! And then floated away like the Good-Year Blimp with his HGH muscles!!

But lets get to the conclusion.

The Yankees aren't as good as they used to be.

Based on what Mike Lupica sees and feels... which also tells him that Jason Giambi has been carrying the Yankees with his .189 BA with RSIP!! And A-Rod's been killing them with his shitty 18 homers in 69 games.

I can't honestly tell you what's been learned after 100 posts here. I can tell you one thing that we HAVEN'T learned. How to get this little cum-guzzler fired. We need to study. And just for the hell of it... here's some more Vintage Lupica!



In the words of Howard Cosell, I'm just telling it like it is.

I Just Thought You Should Know That.

Don't you love it when Lupishit prefaces some cherry-picked Yankee stat, trying to make a good player look like some sort of hack, with the phrase "I just thought you should know that"?

Like when he compared HOF bound Jeter to wife beater Lugo?

Or his other fucking assholish phrase, "Here's a fun fact"?

Like when he compared 5 tool machine ARod to no glove Ortiz?

Since Lupiskirt declared Josh Beckett the ace of the universe, I like to throw it back in his face with some of my own useless cherry picked stats.

Here's Mister Ace's line from last night...

I just thought you should know that.

Fun fact, indeed.

The New York Mets Payroll is $140 Million Dollars

That's officially the name of every post I write from now on forever. I just want you all to know that. Okay, not really.

As you guys read below, Fafa's too burnt out to take the reigns on this newest nugget of Lupica knowledge, so here I am to take up the good fight against hacky, poorly conceived New York journalism.

Now we will find out if these Met ballplayers are going to be the ones who fire Randolph.

Nope. Omar Minaya's going to fire him... and pray that they start winning, cuz if they don't then he's next. These are his players that are either in decline (Delgado, Alou, Pedro) or underperforming (Reyes, Perez, every Catcher on the Team) or both. Barring something majorly fucking dramatic, Minaya will probably never work in baseball again.

And Monday night, the Mets looked as if they couldn't get a game off a beer-league softball team.

Newsflash to Mike Lupica: They couldn't get a game off a beer-league softball team. They're really shitty. It's not Willie's fault though.

Randolph has been living on the margin since the Mets blew a seven-game lead with 17 games to play last season.

Willie's hitting stats last September: .205/.279/.333, 2 HR, 15 K's, 5 SB, 4 CS
Willie's pitching stats last September: 6 GS, 2-2, 31 IP, 38 H, 21 ER, 6.10 ERA

Waiiiiiit!!! That's right! Willie is the manager! He didn't hit or pitch!!! So who's stats are those? Fuck! Those are the stats for Professor Reyes and Tommy Glavine!!!! Do another dance for me Jose!!!

Let me break this down for everybody out there. The Mets aren't going to get much better than this. You wanna know why? Because their roster is HIGHLY FLAWED. I've listed these reasons before, but I'll do it again. I'll try to be brief.

1) Oliver Perez, Orlando Hernandez, Mike Pelfrey and Nelson Figueroa are not good pitchers. Pedro isn't good any more. Maine is solid. Santana is great. Those other guys can win games when their team scores a lot of runs. But the Mets can't score a lot of runs this year. So those guys can't win much.

2) Reyes has reverted back to an average player. He gets caught stealing too much. He doesn't hit for power and he doesn't get on base enough.

3) Luis Castillo is worthless to a team that already has Reyes leading off. And he walks with a limp.

4) Delgado is a corpse. I'd say the same about Moises Alou, but corpses don't spend that much time on the DL. You carry them out to their position on the field and they don't complain... because they're dead. Alou can't even die peacefully out there.

5) The Mets have given 459 at bats this year to Brian Schneider, Angel Pagan, Damion Easley, Marlon Anderson, Gustavo Molina, Brady Clark, Raul Casanova and Endy Chavez. They've gotten 107 hits for a .233 average and 5 home runs. In other words, they've gotten nothing.

6) Their bullpen is BLEEEECH.

Blaming Willie Randolph for this bunch of crusty old bums and shitty minor leaguers is like blaming Mike D'Antoni if the Knicks don't make the playoffs next season. Even in a perfect world, if he does a perfect job, they're not a very good team.

So yeah, thanks for calling...

Lupica States the Obvious. And He's STILL Wrong.

Lets get right to work...

This is a dream setting for Alex Rodriguez and a dream entrance, seven months after it seemed he had made the worst and tackiest exit any famous Yankee has ever made.

You know, there were two references made in today's paper about the timing of A-Rod's opt-out (SEVEN MONTHS AGO). And there were two articles by Mike Lupica. Coincidence? Thy name is Dwarf!!!

And also, this is A-Rod's dream setting? His team is under .500, Hughes and Posada are hurt, nobody can hit and it looks pretty bad for the Bombers. And A-Rod's at home jerking off about it? Call me stupid, but I thought the guy wanted to win a championship, not be a hero on a bad team. I don't think this is his dream at all.

He will come riding into Yankee Stadium Tuesday and be greeted as if he's riding Big Brown.

Mike, the only person who rides things that are Big and Brown around here is you. When you're with your boyfriend Moises. After his hernia heals all the way.

The Yankees are now 20-24, same as they were after 44 games last year, and are starting to fall behind the Red Sox again.

Key words here. Same as last year, when we made the playoffs. And the Metsies were in Queens, gagging like a country singer who just hit Roger Clemens' nuts.

I can make Clemens jokes too! Just to fight this pip-squeak on even footing. Touche, Mike Lupica!!

The Yankees are in last place in the AL East and have the third-worst record in the league and are 10th in the league in runs scored.

A-Rod's dream setting indeed.

Girardi and A-Rod's teammates will worry about the Yankee pitching problems later, because there is going to be plenty to worry about, even in a baseball season that already resembles one of those seasons where everybody seems to end up 9-7 in the National Football League.

I bet Girardi's pretty worried about the pitching problems right now. And if your point is that nobody is going to run away with the season, then why is the Yankees bad start such a big deal? And why did you spell out "National Football League?" Mike... we know what the fucking NFL is. Do you honestly think we're all that fucking stupid?

Tuesday, and Wednesday, for the rest of the week, the Yankees just want A-Rod to hit. Or we just talk about whether or not they should have traded for Santana a little more.

We just talk about Santana? Who is this "we?" I don't talk about Santana. Fafa doesn't talk about Santana. Maybe when you say "we", you're referring to Mets fans like yourself. Because Yankees fans are mostly over the Santana trade.

A-Rod had huge numbers last season, the best he has had in New York and ended up MVP of the league.

And you still called him a piece of shit choker every chance you got. Like you're doing right now.

Know who else choked? Billy Wagner with his 16.88 ERA in the 2006 ALCS. Cherry-picked stats are fun.

I can't... I just can't any more. The rest is too fucking stupid. Just too fucking stupid.

Fun Fact We'll Never See From Lupica

We all know how Lupica loves to throw his worthless "fun facts" in our face, by cherry picking some stupid stat that makes some Red Sox player look better than some Yankees player.

So here is today's fun fact that Lupica would never acknowledge...

Mike Mussina
6-3, 3.99 ERA

Josh "Ace" Beckett
4-5, 4.21 ERA

Suck on that, Lupidick!

How did Lupica's bitch do last night?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This Is Why We're Here

People often send me hate mail, saying I’m biased in my observations about Mike Lupica, and that I’m just a subjective Yankees fan.

As we all know, Lupica would never go out of his way to make a Yankee player look bad, just for the sake of being an asshole, right?

Well then, what the FUCK would they say about Lupica’s retarded comparison this week, only 24 games into the season?

Here's a fun fact of the baseball season:

By “fun”, Lupica actually means “useless”.

Even though he still isn't close to getting his batting average over the Mendoza Line of .200,

Here comes the cherry-picked stat that some non-Yankee player has over a Yankee player…

David Ortiz has more RBI so far than A-Rod.

Jesus Christ, Lupica! It’s not even an individual stat, it’s more like a team stat!

We know you like to crap all over Arod, but you gotta come up with something better than this!

The last time I checked, batters can’t control how many guys he has in scoring position when they come to the plate. In this case, there certainly have been fewer chances for Arod.

Take a look at this stat, you dopey midget…

Red Sox team OBP = .361 (1st in AL)
Yankees team OBP = .331 (9th in AL)

Of course Ortiz is gonna have more RBI with a lineup that is FIRST IN THE AL IN OBP!

So instead of being a subjective jackass fuck like Lupica, let’s take a look at the rest of the story…
Superman Ortiz - 24 games, 96 ABs
Crappy ARod - 22 games, 86 ABs

Ok, so right off the bat, we can see Ortiz clearly has the advantage, with 2 more games and 10 more ABs under his belt. Would Arod have 10 more RBI if he had the same amount of ABs? With the way the Yankees offense has been sputtering, not likely.

Let’s see what both players have done without the help of their lineups…

Superman Ortiz
Hits 17
Doubles 2
HRs 4
BA .177
OBP .288
SLG .323
OPS+ 62

Crappy ARod
Hits 26
Doubles 7
HRs 4
BA .302
OBP .348
SLG .523
OPS+ 134

Holy shit! Other than home runs, Arod owns Ortiz in every offensive category! How the fuck did that happen? More than double the OPS+!?!?

And Lupica went out of his way to make that worthless comparison? To try and make Arod look inferior to Ortiz by posting RBI stats?

Gee Mike, thanks for your expert analysis!

Next week's brilliant comparison by Lupica - "David Ortiz has less errors so far than ARod."