Sabathia Is No Beckett!

So Sabathia beat the Phillies last night, which means Lupica had to throw out his pre-written article about how great Halladay is, and how he owns the Yankees.

I guess that's why he wrote a nasty article about Sabathia.

Oh wait, Lupica hates the Yankees! He would never write a good article about them!

Let's take a look at some of the crap he shits out on Sabathia.

"Sabathia has rarely had his best stuff this season"

"Now Sabathia just looks big"

"Sabathia managed to get his seventh win of this season"

"Sabathia just being a little off his game, again"

"They can get to first place with Sabathia pitching only marginally better than Javy Vazquez"

"Not great Tuesday night. Just good enough"

"Still not the ace of the staff"

Here are Sabathia's stats from last night.

IP: 7
ER: 3
Hits: 5
BB: 3
SO: 7

NOW…Let's compare those stats to THIS game from a non-Yankee pitcher…

IP: 8
ER: 3
Hits: 6
BB: 1
SO: 5

And let's see what the mini douche wrote about that performance…

"He was the real story of this game"

"This is the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be"

"This was the kind of game that big pitchers are supposed to win for their teams"

"Was the ace everybody wants, the one who stands there and says he is going to throw it about 95 miles per hour for the next three hours or so, dig in, see if you can hit it"

Guess who he was writing about - you got it - Josh Beckett, checking out of that 4/17/08 game with a 5.12 ERA.

Joba Owns Beckett And Red Sox; What Does Lupica Say?

Word up, Lupica haters!

This week, Lupica wrote another fucking column about Clemens, and how George Bush shouldn’t give him a pardon.

Who gives a shit, really?

The only person in the world who isn’t tired of Clemens is Lupica.

Give it a rest, Mike. The guy is a total tool. We get it.

Move the fuck on.

Blurbs…

It was pretty neat, I thought, that Charlie Manuel criticized Jose Reyes for being a hot dog on the same day Manuel's shortstop, Jimmy Rollins, couldn't make it to Shea Stadium on time.

Apples, meet Oranges.

A-Rod's friends now are out there saying the whole thing is Cynthia Rodriguez's fault, she drove the poor guy into the arms of other women, and I'm thinking these are the kinds of friends angling for a shot at "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

Sports, Lupica. Try covering it sometime.

Nice job plugging another worthless TV show.

You don't have to like Billy Wagner,

Good.

or the way he blows sky high sometimes, or everything he says, whether he is standing in front of his locker or talking on the radio.

And if you are a Mets fan, you can already be wondering about whether Frankie Rodriguez or somebody else could be the closer here before long.

But you still have to say that Wagner is one of the most interesting people to ever hold down the job of closer in New York.

He sucks in the clutch, and he’s a joke in the post season. He’s got a big mouth and he’s a team divider.

This is why he is “interesting” and deserving of space in Lupica’s dumb column.

You can have “interesting”; I’ll take Rivera.

On Saturday, Joba pitched the best game in his short career, beating the Red Sox in Boston, with Josh Beckett going for the Sox.

Josh Beckett, Mike Lupica’s wet dream from Boston.

Remember this quote by the dwarf?

"The Yankees have a lot. Just nobody like Beckett." - Lupica, 4.18.08

Every sports writer in New York wrote a story about Saturday's game.

Here’s what Lupica had to say…

The Yankee broadcasters kept saying that it made no "sense" for Joba to put a fastball up in Kevin Youkilis' eyes the other night, and I'm wondering what sort of "sense" it made when Joba put two over Youkilis' head last season.

That’s all, folks!

No story, no column, nothing. Just bullshit about Joba throwing at Youkilis again.

Imagine the sports media without Lupica…we’d never learn anything about the Yankees.

Or anything else relevant.

A tough young girl from Sunny Valley, Ore., named Camala (Cami) Million, won the fifth go-round rodeo at the Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids with Cancer last week, and turned in a record time of 19.62 seconds doing it.

Wow, did you snort a line of cocaine with Imus while discussing this story with him?

Even between one season and the next, it remains one of the most amazing things in sports that the Knicks and Rangers, combined, have won two playoff series in the last eight seasons at the Garden.

New York Mets: one playoff series win in the last seven seasons, with the highest payroll in the NL for the last five years.

But hey, at least they got two last places finishes under their belt during that time.

And that neither one of them, despite piles and piles of money spent, has made it past the second round of the playoffs.

Yet once again, no mention of the Mets payroll or lack of success in October.

Can Carlos Delgado win Comeback Player of the Year just for the way he's come back in the same season?

Ask Robinson Cano. He would have won it the last two seasons.

And possibly this season.

The bushier Giambi's mustache gets, the more he looks like a bouncer.

Uninteresting, unfunny and uninformative. Typical Lupica.

If Mike Pelfrey had an unusual nickname, people might get as excited about the way he's pitching for the Mets as Yankee fans are about Joba.

Joba’s ERA is 1.3 points lower than Pelfrey.
Joba’s WHIP is .2 lower than Pelfrey.
Joba has 20 more K’s in 45 less innings.
Joba just owned the Red Sox.
Joba was converted to a starter after every bitch in sports media said it was the wrong move.

Throw all that away; Yankees fans are excited for Joba because of…his unusual nickname?

Sports journalism at it’s finest.

If you're Brian Cashman, you have to make the trade he just made with the Pirates, no questions asked.

But there has never been a single time when the Yankees have traded prospects when we didn't hear that it was the greatest trade ever

So every time the Yankees have traded prospects, it was considered the greatest trade ever?

Typical Lupica: blowing things out of proportion to prove his point.

and the prospects they sent off to a team like the Pirates really didn't matter in the whole grand scheme of things.

Cashman quote : “We ended up paying a pretty steep price in terms of four useful players. But the deal makes a lot of sense for us on several levels.”

Never a single time, right Mike?

Fucking asshole.

I Just Thought You Should Know That.

Don't you love it when Lupishit prefaces some cherry-picked Yankee stat, trying to make a good player look like some sort of hack, with the phrase "I just thought you should know that"?

Like when he compared HOF bound Jeter to wife beater Lugo?

Or his other fucking assholish phrase, "Here's a fun fact"?

Like when he compared 5 tool machine ARod to no glove Ortiz?

Since Lupiskirt declared Josh Beckett the ace of the universe, I like to throw it back in his face with some of my own useless cherry picked stats.

Here's Mister Ace's line from last night...

I just thought you should know that.

Fun fact, indeed.

Lester Pitches No Hitter; Lupica Nauseates

Last night, cancer survivor Jon Lester of the Red Sox pitched a no hitter against the Royals. It's a great story. Even as a Yankee fan, I still pulled for this guy. I'm glad he was able to beat cancer, and is able to successfully compete in the MLB.

Unfortunately, I had to read about this in yet another stupid ass Lupica article.

You go through a lot of stories about steroids and all the rest of it to get to one like this.

Yeah, a lot of stories about steroids...by Mike Lupica! How many fucking lame articles were written by this dwarf about steroids?! I'm guessing 200 million.

At what point will this midget asshole see we are all trying to get past steroids? Fuck, we still hear about Giambi's "non apology" on a weekly basis by this tool FIVE FUCKING YEARS LATER!!!!

So here now on television was Josh Beckett, the ace of the Red Sox staff, putting his arms around Lester and quietly saying, "Unbelievable," with maybe one extra adjective thrown in for good measure.

2008 Red Sox Starting Pitchers:

Dice K - 2.15 ERA
Jon Lester - 3.41 ERA
Tim Wakefield - 4.33 ERA
Josh Beckett - 4.67 ERA
Clay Buchholz - 5.53 ERA

Shouldn't the team "ace" have a better ERA than the rest of the staff? His ERA is more than 2.5 runs worse than Dice K's.

Mikey, save the "ace" label for someone that has an ERA less than 4. Please. Stop embarrassing yourself, you dopey asshole.

Congrats to Jon Lester.

Update on Lupica's Acehole Beckett

Since Lupica triumphantly proclaimed Josh Beckett as "the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be," this is how he has done.

Beckett Stats Since April 27

IP - 34.2
ERA - 4.41
HR - 8

Wow! That Beckett sure is an Ace!

How'd he do last night against the Milkwaukee Brewers, 18th in the league in runs, 27th in the league in BA?

IP - 7
ER - 6
HR - 4
Game ERA - 7.71

Talk about the Lupica Curse!

Nice job, asshole!

Fun Fact We'll Never See From Lupica

We all know how Lupica loves to throw his worthless "fun facts" in our face, by cherry picking some stupid stat that makes some Red Sox player look better than some Yankees player.

So here is today's fun fact that Lupica would never acknowledge...

Mike Mussina
6-3, 3.99 ERA

Josh "Ace" Beckett
4-5, 4.21 ERA

Suck on that, Lupidick!

How did Lupica's bitch do last night?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Blowing A Load On Beckett

So the Yankees and Red Sox went at it again last night, and in typical April fashion, the Red Sox came out on top, and by the way Lupica writes about it, MLB should just cancel the rest of the season, because the Red Sox have an ace.

An ace with an ERA over 5, but still, it's Josh Beckett!

Get your barf bags ready, because there is NO CHANCE we'll get through this article without hearing about Game 6 of the 2003 World Series.

When the Yankees beat the Red Sox, Lupica cries about how long it took. When the Red Sox win, it's about heroes.

This was all hardball between the Red Sox and Yankees last night

Hardball!? You mean it wasn’t the Stanley Cup finals?

He (Josh Beckett) was the real story of this game

Manny Ramirez had 2 HRs and 3 RBI, and Ace Beckett gave up 3 runs.

Sorry nerd, Beckett was NOT the real story.

This is the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be.

A $151 million dollar pitcher with a 5.12 ERA? That's what the Mets hope Johan Santana can be?

The Yankees got him for three runs in the fifth Thursday night.

In two starts against the Yankees this season, Beckett has a 3.68 ERA. Pretty good.

But does he deserve yet another article about how great of an ace he is? Well, he is a Red Sox pitcher, and this is Lupica we're talking about here.

Got nothing after that.

Uh oh, beware the Lupica Poetry!

When Lupica has to resort to his tired sentence fragments for dramatic effect, you know you are going to have to flush twice, because you are looking at a huge pile of shit.

This was the kind of game that big pitchers are supposed to win for their teams.

Yes, this was a HUGE season-altering game for everyone involved.

In April.

The real heat last night came from Beckett.

Three earned runs, eight innings.

This was so much like the game he threw at the Yankees last Sept. 15 at Fenway Park, a Saturday afternoon game, national television.

Uh oh, get ready for that 2003 World Series reference!

And (he) was everything he is supposed to be, everything he was in Game6 of the 2003 World Series against the Yankees at Yankee Stadium

Dingdingding winner!!!!

Was the ace everybody wants, the one who stands there and says he is going to throw it about 95 miles per hour for the next three hours or so, dig in, see if you can hit it.

Lupica Poetry. Can anyone explain it?

Other than...it's stupid?

That is the kind of ace Beckett was last season in Boston.

Yay! Let’s hear it for 2007!

You know who else wishes it was 2007?

David Ortiz.

He had a bad inning last night, gave up those three to the Yankees with two outs in the bottom of the fifth, giving up a double to Johnny Damon and then a single to Derek Jeter, followed by a double to right from Bobby Abreu that brought the Yankees back from 7-0 to 7-3. The rest of the time he was the pitcher the Stadium and the Yankees know and expected him to be

I get it now. When the player you are yanking it to has a bad inning, you just gloss over it, and talk about all the good stuff he did.

Lupica - "You know what Beckett's ERA is in ALL of his shut out innings? Zero!!! Not ONE RUN was giving up in his shut out innings...in his CAREER!!!"

*defiant smirk on his undersized face*

Of course the theatrics last night belonged to Manny.

I see. Beckett gave up three runs, but because of a World Series game five years ago, he is the "real story", a "big game pitcher", an "ace".

Manny's two home runs and game-deciding three RBI?

Oh, that stuff is just silly theatrics.

Finally Farnsworth threw one behind his head. Trying to throw one 100, his manager said. Sure he was. Manny is on the kind of tear that few hitters have ever had over time against the Yankees and they got tired of it and Farnsworth buzzed him.

Holy shit! You mean Farnsworth wasn’t really trying to throw 100 MPH!? I think you are on to something Mike! Girardi must have been covering for one of his players, and you exposed him for the fraud he is! That is some serious crack reporting right there! Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth!!!

The Yankees have a lot. Just nobody like Beckett.

The Yankees could have given up on their young pitchers and $151 million to have Johan Santana, and you would have written an article about every earned run he gave up. You diss the Yankees when they spend for free agents, and when they don’t.

So spare me the dramatic sentence fragment ending to your article.