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Friday, April 18, 2008

Blowing A Load On Beckett

So the Yankees and Red Sox went at it again last night, and in typical April fashion, the Red Sox came out on top, and by the way Lupica writes about it, MLB should just cancel the rest of the season, because the Red Sox have an ace.

An ace with an ERA over 5, but still, it's Josh Beckett!

Get your barf bags ready, because there is NO CHANCE we'll get through this article without hearing about Game 6 of the 2003 World Series.

When the Yankees beat the Red Sox, Lupica cries about how long it took. When the Red Sox win, it's about heroes.

This was all hardball between the Red Sox and Yankees last night

Hardball!? You mean it wasn’t the Stanley Cup finals?

He (Josh Beckett) was the real story of this game

Manny Ramirez had 2 HRs and 3 RBI, and Ace Beckett gave up 3 runs.

Sorry nerd, Beckett was NOT the real story.

This is the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be.

A $151 million dollar pitcher with a 5.12 ERA? That's what the Mets hope Johan Santana can be?

The Yankees got him for three runs in the fifth Thursday night.

In two starts against the Yankees this season, Beckett has a 3.68 ERA. Pretty good.

But does he deserve yet another article about how great of an ace he is? Well, he is a Red Sox pitcher, and this is Lupica we're talking about here.

Got nothing after that.

Uh oh, beware the Lupica Poetry!

When Lupica has to resort to his tired sentence fragments for dramatic effect, you know you are going to have to flush twice, because you are looking at a huge pile of shit.

This was the kind of game that big pitchers are supposed to win for their teams.

Yes, this was a HUGE season-altering game for everyone involved.

In April.

The real heat last night came from Beckett.

Three earned runs, eight innings.

This was so much like the game he threw at the Yankees last Sept. 15 at Fenway Park, a Saturday afternoon game, national television.

Uh oh, get ready for that 2003 World Series reference!

And (he) was everything he is supposed to be, everything he was in Game6 of the 2003 World Series against the Yankees at Yankee Stadium

Dingdingding winner!!!!

Was the ace everybody wants, the one who stands there and says he is going to throw it about 95 miles per hour for the next three hours or so, dig in, see if you can hit it.

Lupica Poetry. Can anyone explain it?

Other than...it's stupid?

That is the kind of ace Beckett was last season in Boston.

Yay! Let’s hear it for 2007!

You know who else wishes it was 2007?

David Ortiz.

He had a bad inning last night, gave up those three to the Yankees with two outs in the bottom of the fifth, giving up a double to Johnny Damon and then a single to Derek Jeter, followed by a double to right from Bobby Abreu that brought the Yankees back from 7-0 to 7-3. The rest of the time he was the pitcher the Stadium and the Yankees know and expected him to be

I get it now. When the player you are yanking it to has a bad inning, you just gloss over it, and talk about all the good stuff he did.

Lupica - "You know what Beckett's ERA is in ALL of his shut out innings? Zero!!! Not ONE RUN was giving up in his shut out innings...in his CAREER!!!"

*defiant smirk on his undersized face*

Of course the theatrics last night belonged to Manny.

I see. Beckett gave up three runs, but because of a World Series game five years ago, he is the "real story", a "big game pitcher", an "ace".

Manny's two home runs and game-deciding three RBI?

Oh, that stuff is just silly theatrics.

Finally Farnsworth threw one behind his head. Trying to throw one 100, his manager said. Sure he was. Manny is on the kind of tear that few hitters have ever had over time against the Yankees and they got tired of it and Farnsworth buzzed him.

Holy shit! You mean Farnsworth wasn’t really trying to throw 100 MPH!? I think you are on to something Mike! Girardi must have been covering for one of his players, and you exposed him for the fraud he is! That is some serious crack reporting right there! Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth!!!

The Yankees have a lot. Just nobody like Beckett.

The Yankees could have given up on their young pitchers and $151 million to have Johan Santana, and you would have written an article about every earned run he gave up. You diss the Yankees when they spend for free agents, and when they don’t.

So spare me the dramatic sentence fragment ending to your article.

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