We love the Yankees. We hate Mike Lupica.
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Sunday, July 22, 2007

How many Yankees can Lupica bash in one article?

UPDATED 7.24.07

Let’s just get right to the bullshit, because there is plenty of it this week.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether Joe Torre is managing a Saturday night game against the Devil Rays in July, or a deciding game in the playoffs.

Newsflash, shithead – the Yanks have to play every game the rest of the way like it’s a deciding game in the playoffs, or else they won’t make it to the playoffs.

Julio Lugo, Red Sox shortstop, was hitting .225 after Friday night's games, with six homers and 47 RBI.

Derek Jeter, who was hitting 104 points higher than Lugo, had seven home runs and 48 RBI.

I just thought you should know that.

I was going to prepare a whole chart comparing these two players, but I figured, why bother…

…Lupica is the only asshole who thinks Lugo is comparable to Jeter.

And that includes EVERYONE in Red Sox Nation.

And just for the record…Jeter has had more than a handful of big hits.

The only big hit Lugo ever had was the one he planted on his wife’s face.

But you won’t hear about that from Mikey unless the Yankees acquire Lugo.

Then you’d never hear the end of it.

UPDATE 7.24.07

Lugo's batting average with runners in scoring position - .255
Jeter's batting average with runners in scoring position - .413

Nice job, shithead.

There have been times when winning Yankee teams didn't have a star center fielder. And there have been times when they haven't had a star first baseman. But it's pretty unusual when they've had neither one.

Jesus Christ! Mikey cries when we have a team full of all-stars, and now he cries when we don’t have stars at first and centerfield.

By the way, it is worth repeating that the Yankees have no excuses the rest of the way.

If they don't make the playoffs, then it is on this general manager, this manager, these players.

Thank you, Master of the Obvious!

Next thing Mikey is gonna tell us is the sun rises in the East.

Guess what? The Mets have had to overcome more adversity than the Yankees this season.

I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to disprove this stupid theory, but I don’t watch the Mets enough to know.

Or care.

Somebody needs to tell the analysts on the YES network to analyze a lot more and root a lot less.

You mean like how you are supposed to write about sports more and bash the Yankees less?

The Red Sox weren't as good as they looked when they built up that big lead at the end of May, it's just that the Yankees were that bad.

Nice way to cover your ass, once the Yankees take over first place.

Really Mikey, it’s not hard to see right through you.

J.D. Drew is so overpaid it's hard to believe the Yankees passed on him, frankly.

And he’s spent so much time on the DL, it’s hard to believe the Mets passed on him, you stupid ass.

Mussina's been a lot of laughs lately, hasn't he?

And this is HUGE news, because of Mussina’s reputation for being a clown.

Seeing A-Rod the other day with his family, signing his book for kids, well, it got me right here.

What a dick – Mikey can’t leave Arod alone, because he is by far the best player in NY, NOT Mikey’s stupid boy toy Reyes.

All in all, these are the Yankees Mikey busted on this week…


You would think the Yankees are 8-10 in July…

…oh wait, the METS are 8-10 in July!

The only Met player that got any grief from Mikey was Glavine.

So why do the Yankees get slammed so hard from Lupica?

Oh, right, because Lupica is an asshole.

I forgot.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

95 lb Lupica takes on 90 lb Victoria Beckham

Well let's see what's new…the Mets lead in the NL East is dwindling, the Red Sox are starting to implode, the Yankees won 11 of their last 14 games…so of course Lupica did what every self-respecting New York sportswriter would do…

…he wrote a very important article...bashing POSH SPICE!!?!?

Yes, our heroic media midget has stooped to a new low. After months of nauseating us with his public affection for his boyfriend, Jose Reyes, he now decides to play the tough guy and drop the hammer on that super evil woman, Posh Spice, and her super evil TV show, "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America."

Look, we know the woman isnt a rocket scientist, but jeez, does her silly little reality show justify a snotty review, by a sports columnist no less!?

Prime-time programming in the summer months is dumber than usual by half.

Wait, The Sports Reporters is going prime-time this season!?

It was probably inevitable that television would get around to a ditz like Mrs. Beckham.

You go Mikey!!! If you jump high enough, you might be able to punch her…right in the kneecap!!!

Maybe the best moment of all was when she got all teary-eyed talking about how much she missed her husband and her kids

There's nothing more exhilarating than kicking a woman when she's down - ain't that right Mikey?

There are two things I find so god damn annoying about this article, besides the fact that an asshole like Mike Lupica wrote it.

1. Look in the mirror - Mike Lupica is so busy writing a worthless article knocking a silly TV show, meanwhile he appears on a weekly TV show on ESPN, the MOST WORTHLESS CABLE CHANNEL OF ALL TIME! You want sports? Don’t put on ESPN! You'll get X Games (worthless) Sportscenter (worthless) Pardon The Interruption (suicide is more fun) and, oh yeah, poker tournaments (kill me now).

If you want to bash what's on TV, Mike, why don’t you point your crusty little midget finger at the network you collect a weekly paycheck from!? It’s a friggin EMBARRASSMENT to sports fans.

2. Check your gender - Mike Lupica spends every moment fantasizing, then writing, about his dream date Jose Reyes. It’s beyond the point of admiration - let's be honest. It's painfully obvious he wants to have a physical relationship with that strapping young Mets shortstop.

So, while he's not jumping all over his inflatable Jose Reyes doll, Mike Lupica takes the time to shit his venom all over this…

"Light in the Loafers" Lupica strikes again.

Grow some balls, you tool.