We love the Yankees. We hate Mike Lupica.
Let us know how much you hate him!
Let Mike Lupica know, too!

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Christmas Present for ReyesDaMan!!

Just because he made some yappy comment about how "The Yankees are all hype and no substance."


So why don't we go position by position here... and obviously, teams aren't finalized yet.  But this is just for fun.  And I'll make some guesses when I feel confident.

Catchers - Jorge Posada and Jose Molina vs. Brian Schneider and Ramon Castro

Posada, even coming off surgery, is by far, the best offensive player here.  Molina is the best defensive guy here.  Castro is the better catcher on the Mets, and he doesn't even start.

Advantage - Yankees.

First Base - Mark Teixeira vs. Carlos Delgado

Teixeira is the second best player at his position in the game (behind Pujols).  Delgado is like... the second oldest player at his position.  Aside from a fluky month and a half... where Delgado hit like Bonds (and was probably taking some form of drug), Carlos was a complete stiff.

Advantage - Yankees.

Second Base - Robinson Cano vs. Luis Castillo

Cano is in his early 20's, coming off a bad year.  Castillo is in his mid-30's, coming off a worse year.  And he walks with a limp.  And he's supposed to be a speedster.  And barring a rules-change, you still can't steal first base.

Advantage - Yankees.

Third Base - Alex Rodriguez vs. David Wright

David Wright is the best third baseman in the NL.  There's no doubt about that.  Sadly for him, Alex Rodriguez is a 3-time MVP, and one of the top 3 players in the entire game.  A-Rod outdoes Wright on offense and defense.

Advantage - Yankees.

Shortstop - Derek Jeter vs. Jose Reyes

Yankee fans are going to jump straight up my ass about this, but I'm going to be honest here.  Jeter's aging.  And I'm not the type to salivate over his calm eyes and intangibles.  I'm a stats guy.  Reyes has better stats.  He loses points for being an immature hot dog though.  And everybody knows you can't get a hot dog at Shea in October.

Advantage - Mets

Left Field - Johnny Damon/Hideki Matsui/Manny Ramirez vs. Fernando Tatis?

As it stands, Damon and Matsui are better, more proven, and probably equally defensively inept to Tatis.  In the event that Manny ends up in the Bronx, this becomes an even more ridiculous advantage.  Tatis had a fluky couple of months before getting hurt.  He hasn't been even decent in about 10 years.

Advantage - Yankees.

Center Field - Melky Cabrera/Brett Gardner/Nick Swisher vs. Carlos Beltran.

Although, if Manny comes to the Bronx, Damon will shift to Center.  Regardless, Beltran is one of the 3 best defensive CFs in the game.  And he's capable if not overwhelming on offense.  He's better than anybody the Yanks will stick in Center this year.

Advantage - Mets.

Right Field - Xavier Nady vs. Ryan Church

Nady went for 25 homers and 97 rbi last year between Pittsburgh and the Yanks.  Church was surprisingly better than decent for the Mets, except for those repeated concussions.  Church is better on defense.  Nady is probably better on offense.  Neither one has fully proven themselves.

Advantage - Even.

Starting Pitching - Sabathia, Wang, Burnett, Chamberlain & Hughes
vs. Santana, Maine, Pelfrey, Niese... and... Oliver Perez!  Or Derek Lowe.

Do we need to get in-depth about this?  You can argue all you want about Santana vs. Sabathia... but after that, it's all Yankees.  Wang, Burnett and Chamberlain are so much better than Maine, Pelfrey and any of those other four names... that it's not debatable.  And whether the Mets get Lowe or Perez, again... this isn't even close.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Bullpens:  Jose Veras, Brian Bruney, Edwar Ramirez, Damaso Marte, Phil Coke vs. J.J. Putz, Dr. Von Heimlich, Gag Me Sidearm, and the Chokin' Twins.

Point is... the Yanks bullpen was solid last year.  Actually a little better than solid.

The Mets pen was the worst in baseball.  I don't have stats to prove this.  But does anybody want to argue about it?  What?  No?  Mmkay.  Putz is the only significant new piece.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Closers:  Mariano Rivera vs. Francisco Rodriguez

Mo's coming off surgery and says he'll be fine.  He's up there in age, but he's coming off a good year.  Rodriguez set the saves record last year.  His velocity was down for most of the season.  And he allows a ton of baserunners.  Paired with some suspect defense, those baserunners could be dangerous for the Metsies.  But we'll see.

Advantage:  Even.

So in closing... the score is 7-2 for the Yankees.  Which could also very easily be the final score of every game the Yankees play against the Mets in the coming season.  Especially when the Yankees get Manny.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas - from Santa's Smug Elf!

What are the sheer odds? Walking by the Oompa Loompa Display at the Stamford Mall, I found a crumpled handwritten piece of paper and picked it up – imagine my shock when I realized I’d actually stumbled upon Limpicock’s Christmas List!

Dearest Santa:

Have you lost weight? You look fabulous, and I LOVE that red suit! Just curious here – you also have red socks?

Now down to business - for Christmas, I want:

1 - Shoe lifts;

2 - The ability to access information quickly so I can try this new approach to writing called “research” – maybe some type of connection that allows my PC to gather information from reliable sources instantly, giving me an almost unlimited ability to better do my job (I know, I’m living in a crazy dream-world, but SOME day) …, wait, scratch that – I don’t care to do a better job;

3 - Shoe lifts;

4 - More readers who hate New York sports in general (and the Yankees specifically), and are mindlessly willing to suspend reality in order to see my views;

5 - an industrial drum of Astro-Glide for when Omar comes over;

6 – a larger soapbox to preach from (people walk by and ask me how much for the lemonade - I HATE that!);

7 – surgery to make my face just a little more smug;

8 – shoe lifts;

9 – a breakout year from: Beltran (to FINALLY bat over .285 since becoming a Met), Reyes (to FINALLY bat over .300 since coming to the majors), and I really want Wright to get rbi’s that mean something;

9 – a weekend getaway at Imus’s ranch for me and the Wilpons (better have some more Astro-Glide waiting there, too … oh wait, never mind – Imus gets it at a discount);

Listen Claus, I’ve been a very smug little boy this year and fully expect you to come thru for me,

Mikey

PS – don’t know if you get news up in the North Pole, but the Yankees have just spent almost half a billion dollars this winter and (obviously) have the highest payroll in baseball – just thought you should know. What do you mean, it’s actually $425 million over various extended periods of time, and that stating it that way is deceiving? You …, you’re QUESTIONING ME??!! You fat bastard, do you know who I am?? I’ll rip that beard off your face and jam it up your … sorry – I lost it there for a second.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Lupica Cancels The Super Bowl

Sorry boys and girls, according to Mike Lupica, NO ONE will be winning the Superbowl this season.

Cancel the rest of the games.

If (the Giants) lose to the Panthers at home Sunday night that makes it three losses in a row. And you know how many teams have lost three in a row in December and then gone on to win the Super Bowl? None, that's how many.

None.

That’s how many.

Since it’s never happened, that means it never will, according to sports “expert” Mike Lupica.

Using "LupiLogic," let’s see why no one else will win the super bowl this season…

The following teams have never won the super bowl, and thus, never will:

Buffalo Bills
Cleveland Browns
Cincinnati Bengals
Tennessee Titans
Houston Texans
Jacksonville Jaguars
San Diego Chargers
Philadelphia Eagles
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Carolina Panthers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Arizona Cardinals
Seattle Seahawks

Let’s see who else will be left out of the Superbowl this season…

The Patriots never won a Superbowl without Tom Brady, never will.

The Jets never won a Superbowl since they moved to Giants Stadium, never will.

The Dolphins never won a Superbowl without Don Shula, never will.

The Steelers have a black football coach not named Tony Dungy – you know how many black football coaches not named Tony Dungy have won the Superbowl? None, that’s how many.

The Ravens never won a Superbowl with a rookie QB, never will.

The Colts never won a Superbowl with Reggie Wayne being their lead receiver, never will.

The Broncos never won a Superbowl with six losses during the regular season, never will.

The Chiefs have Herm Edwards - he never won it all, never will.

The Cowboys? Tony Romo can’t win a playoff game, never will.


You get the idea.

Let’s hope the Giants can win this weekend, so they can go on and win the Superbowl.

Too bad there won’t be any team to oppose them.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Newsflash!!! Mets and Yankees Acquire Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA!!

And our best friend, Mike Lupica, was blessed with the opportunity to cover both deals! But lets run you over the details of each deal first.

Yankees get: New Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA of Old Babe Ruth, age 25.

Red Sox get: Alfredo Aceves, Brett Gardner, Ian Kennedy, Mark Melancon & $20 Million Dollars.

Yankees sign New Babe Ruth to a 10-year contract extension worth $250 Million.


Mike Lupica's Coverage:

Theo Epstein, again, proves what an amazing general manager that he is, by fleecing a boatload of cash and four of the best Yankee prospects of the last 20 years out of Brian Cashman.

The Yankees offered fists-full of money for a guy who's not proven, who might well buckle under the pressure of playing baseball in New York. Who knows how Babe Ruth will respond to the media and the rigors of playing in New York City? Certainly not Cashman, who commits too many years, and too many dollars to a guy who's probably overrated.

And moreso, how does Cashman explain it to his spoiled fans, when Gardner turns out to be Bernie Williams? And when Kennedy and Aceves morph into Pettitte and Mussina? And best of all, if Melancon becomes the next great closer in baseball?

The Yankees have thrown away their future because they're desperate to get young, to get the big name, even if it comes with a big body. An overweight outfielder who's behavior off the field will never be as good as on it.

For Cashman's sake, he'd better hope those prospects are typical "Yankee Prospects." You know, the ones everybody loves until it's time to bring them up to The Show.

And now for the Mets deal:

Mets get: New Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA of Old Babe Ruth, age 25.

Phillies get: Mike Pelfrey, Fernando Martinez, Daniel Murphy, Jon Niese, Nick Evans & $30 Million Dollars.

Mets sign New Babe Ruth to a 15-year contract extension worth $500 Million.


Mike Lupica's Coverage:

This was a deal the Mets had to make. Ruth is a big man who's ready for the big city. In fact, there's no other city big enough for him. The biggest thing about this kid is his talent. He solves so many problems for the New Mets, giving them a big bat in the outfield and an extra large persona inside the clubhouse. And the biggest thing of all for the big kid that's heading to Flushing, is the big hits he'll produce in the clutch.

People might say that the Mets gave up too much, or paid too much, or tried to hard, but there's just no way Omar Minaya could let this opportunity pass him bye. This changes everything for the Mets, who show that they won't back down from anybody.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Hot Stove = Steaming Pile of Lupishit

Now that we are in the thick of the hot stove season, Lupica is doing his annual rant about the Yankees overspending for free agents.

I just wanted to take this moment to look back at all the shit that Lupica wrote about Santana last year.

Remember when everyone thought the Yankees were going to get Santana? This is what Lupica wrote:

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals.

And this:

Why won't Santana break down sometime during the length of his contract?

And this:

Put me down as somebody who thinks that Johan Santana is a wonderful pitcher, but not the second coming of Sandy Koufax and not somebody I would pay $150 million on a bet.

So, since the Yankees were about to get Santana, Lupica immediately started slamming the deal.

Then, after the Yankees had no intentions of giving up their future for Santana, the Mets stepped in and made the trade for him.

Look how fast Lupica changed his tune:

The Mets finally showed up for the baseball winter, beat the Yankees and the Red Sox to Santana

Yes, the Mets "beat" the Yankees to Santana…

And this:

This is one deal the Mets have to close.

Suddenly, he goes from "don't sign a pitcher to a long term deal!" to "Mr. Wilpon, I'll wear that cute little French maid number if you get Johan!"

…it is going to cost between $110 million and $120 million in the end…

And, as we all know, it cost $31 to $41 million more than Lupica predicted, and $1 million more than Lupica would have paid on a bet, whatever the fuck that means.

I'm just bringing this all up now, because for the entire 2009 season, no matter how good Sabathia does, we are going to hear about how much the Yankees overpaid for him, and I wanted to remind you how quickly Lupica switched gears about Santana once the Mets made the trade for him.

Let's move on to all the bullshit Lupica wrote in the last few days, starting with the K Rod free agent signing…

There is no binding deal, yet, or physical, but the Mets get the guy they want now, before the Yankees get the big guy they want, which means CC Sabathia, who is big in all ways.

Mike Lupica, who, in a pinch, could take a bath in a thimble, is making fun of Sabathia's size.

Irony - gotta love it.

You can look at it this way: If Frankie Rodriguez is the Mets closer in the 2006 National League Championship Series, the Mets go all the way to the World Series.

When he had his very best chance on a team good enough to win it all - the 2002 Angels, before he was the Angels' closer - he was all you could ever want.

That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, that was also SEVEN seasons ago.

K Rod's post season stats since he became the permanent closer for the Angels in 2005:

Since 2005:

8.3IP, 8Ks, 6BBs, 13 hits, 5.40 ERA

How about the last two post seasons?

2.7IP, 3Ks, 3BBs, 6 hits, 13.48 ERA

Um…ouch?

I guess Mike was too busy fellating Omar Minaya to look at K Rod's stats past 2002.

Next up, the CC Sabathia free agent signing…

No matter what kind of Christmas story the Yankees try to write on CC Sabathia, this has to be the first time in all recorded sports history that a team practically had to beg somebody to take an offer of $161 million

Sabathia said he wanted to go to the west coast and stay in the NL - did you think lowballing the guy would have been a better plan?

The Yankees did what they had to do with Sabathia: Money-whipped the guy they decided they absolutely had to have.

Correct - they had to overpay for a guy they had to have.

He is also not the pitcher that Santana is, Santana being a guy who probably would have pitched the Yankees into October last season

Just like he pitched the Mets into October last season?

It is also worth mentioning Sabathia has about the same postseason record as Chien-Ming Wang.

Post season records:
Wang - 1-3
Sabathia - 2-3

And, just for fun:
Santana - 1-4

Wow, look how bad everything gets when you cherry pick stats.

Maybe CC Sabathia, who is young and has the arm and carried the Brewers on his back in August and September, will turn out to be the guy who puts the Yankees back on top after so many other free agents and superstars did not. Jason Giambi (remember the Yankees bidding against themselves on him?) wasn't and Mike Mussina wasn't and Roger Clemens wasn't the second time around and neither was Randy Johnson. A-Rod sure hasn't been.

Hold the phone, Mike.

Has Pedro? No.

Has Santana? No.

Please, the Mets couldn't even reach the postseason with him.

When was the last time a SINGLE PLAYER "carried" him team to a world series title? When the Yankees had their dynasty in the '90s, who was the one player who carried the team? Jeter? O'Neill? Tino? Rivera?

Let me know when it happens, because it hasn't yet.

Nice job singling out ARod there. I guess two MVP awards in 5 years means you are worthless.

Next up, Lupica wrote some shit about the Yankees trying to get more financing for the new stadium. I don't really understand this shit, so I'll let Brian W from Brooklyn sum it up…

Mr. Lupica-

So, in a week during which the Wilpons and their partners found out that a. Citibank might not be able to pony up for "Citifield" naming rights due to bankruptcy and b. they had been swindled out of half a billion dollars, the Yankees are a fiscal blight. Got it! Save us all the trouble of reading your gibberish. Just write "I HATE THE YANKEES" in the biggest size font possible.

Missed where you were an expert on finance or economics, but when has the fact that you know nothing ever stopped you? May be you could've left your Connecticut mansion and found out that Mr. Madoff was taking his clients' money and wasting it on Democratic pols. But that would involve actual reporting.


On to the stupid blurbs…

I can't be sure of this, incidentally, but I think the governor of Illinois was also in on the bidding for Sabathia and Burnett .

I love when Lupica tries to mix politics, baseball and humor, all in the same sentence!

Someone let me know when he learns anything about, well, politics, baseball and humor.

Recently, a Met fan friend of mine asked me why I hate Lupica so much. I told him because he rips on the Yankees and all the NY teams, except the Mets.

Let's see how many NY teams he rips here…let's start with the Giants…

We keep hearing that the Giants, if they keep winning, get home-field throughout the playoffs, and they do.

Except off the way they played last Sunday in Meadowlands weather, you wonder just how much of an advantage that is actually going to be.

We know that Simms and LT and them used to love to play at home when the wind was blowing around like something from the Weather Channel.

So I guess what Lupica is trying to say is that the Giants are no good in playing in bad weather, correct?

So how does he make his point?

They were total champions in the cold of Lambeau Field in their NFC Championship Game.

Um, right - I guess that game was played in good weather?

And lost to the Panthers, bad, the last time they played a home playoff game.

Just something to consider.

Did you consider that that game was played three years ago?

What a douche.

Moving on to the Jets…

I guess my question for the Jets goes something like this:

If all they wanted to do was throw short passes, which is all they threw against the 49ers, why didn't they just keep Chad Pennington ?

Maybe because he SUCKED as a Jet?

Moving on to the Rangers…

When the Rangers lost to the Devils, 8-5, on Friday night, who was playing goal - Dolan ?

HAHAHAHAHAhaahahaha!!! Oh Mike, you are too funny!

And too short.

Back to the Yankees...

I'm not the world's biggest Andy Pettitte fan, but I wouldn't take a dime less to come back to the Yankees.

Because this isn't about what they think is right with him.

It's about how they want things to look.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with Pettitte's 4.54 ERA, right Mike?

So there you have it. A week's worth of bullshit and Mike gets in all his knocks against the Yankees, Giants, Yankees, Jets, Yankees, Rangers, and the Yankees.

And the Yankees.

I can't wait to read his shit for another baseball season.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Let's Play...Guess The Closer!!!

Which of these is K-Rod, who just got signed for $37 million by the Mets, and which is Joe Nathan, Mo Rivera, Jonathan Papelbon, Brad Lidge, and, just for shits and giggles, Billy Wagner?

2008 Stats:

Closer A: 69.3 IP, 1.95 ERA, 92 K, 35 BB, 1.226 WHIP

Closer B: 70.7 IP, 1.40 ERA, 77 K, 6 BB, 0.665 WHIP

Closer C: 69.3 IP, 2.34 ERA, 77 K, 8 BB, 0.952 WHIP

Closer D: 67.7 IP, 1.33 ERA, 74 K, 18 BB, 0.901 WHIP

Closer E: 47 IP, 2.30 ERA, 52 K, 10 BB, 0.894 WHIP

Closer F: 68.3 IP, 2.35 ERA, 77 K, 34 BB, 1.288 WHIP





If you said A, B, C or D is K-Rod, then you are...a dumbass!

If you said E is K-Rod, then you...underestimated Billy Wagner!

If you said F is K-Rod, the closer out of this group who has the worst ERA, most walks, and worst WHIP, then you are...CORRECT!

And, most likely, a Yankee fan.

I can't wait to hear Mike Lupica say how the Mets "had" to make this deal.

A - Brad Lidge
B - Mo Rivera
C - Jonathan Papelbon
D - Joe Nathan
E - Billy Wagner
F - K-Rod

Friday, November 14, 2008

Yanks Add Swisher - Great Move

I'm Mister Six, and I approve this deal. Basically, we're buying low on a guy who's coming off his worst year and is almost a lock to improve.

Swisher's a good defensive player, he's versatile, and his salary for the next 3 years is pretty tame, at least in Yankeeland.

Plus when you take into account that he batted .245 on balls in play last year, it's hard to imagine him being that unlucky again. He fits the Yankee mold for patient hitters, drawing 82 walks last year and seeing 4.51 pitches per at bat.

In my opinion at least, that pretty much spells the end of Bobby Abreu in pinstripes... and I have no problem with that. Swisher should be good for .270/.380/.500 next year. He should hit 30 homers and drive in 100 in our offense, and also should return to 30+ doubles.

The way I see it, the Yankees desperately need to move Hideki Matsui. Right now, our starting outfield should be Nady/Damon/Swisher. We don't want to be locked into using Matsui as a full-time DH... especially since, as you all know, I'm a huge advocate of signing Manny Ramirez as our DH.

Stick Posada behind the plate, Teixeira at 1B, Ramirez at the DH and Sabathia in the rotation and the 2008 season is a rap. Mark it down.

As for what we gave up... Wilson Betemit was a huge disappointment. Jeff Marquez was 23, and probably not in line to make an impact in the Bronx any time soon. He's just got too many guys ahead of him in line, and at 23, how long can you hold onto him with no intention of making him more than a Darrell Rasner-type fill-in guy?

Hughes, Kennedy, Brackman, Aceves, Betances, and even Alan Horne were probably ahead of Marquez in line, so it's not a huge loss.

And whenever you get the White Sox to throw in a "prospect" in a trade, you've probably got a pretty good chance of striking gold.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Re: Bloomberg: Third Term?

Everybody's talking about this. Lupica even chimed in on it not so long ago.

They're saying that Bloomberg's indispensable, because of the economic crisis, to which I quote Charles de Gaulle...

The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men.”

Something to keep in mind.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Russo makes me feel bad for Mets fans.

I was feeling all giddy about the Mets collapse, then I watched this stupid ass video.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/26942916#26943643

What the hell is this guy on?

Are you serious, Russo? Look at yourself. You are acting like a complete asshole.

I hope your wife is happy with all that money from your new contract, because she sure can't be proud of being hitched to a loser like you.

It's (not) hard to believe Mets collapse again.

Here we go again, the Mets have another end of season collapse.

Let's see how Mike puts his stupid spin on it.

It was the last of the ninth now at Shea Stadium, last of the ninth in all ways, and they were all standing and begging for one last miracle out of the place.

Didn't happen.

Again.

They didn't want a big miracle now at Shea. Just a small one.

Two runs in the bottom of the ninth in a series in which they only scored FIVE runs total?

That's not a small miracle.

That's up there with walking on water.

They were playing to keep playing now, force a game against the Brewers at Shea tonight, see who would get the last playoff spot in the National League this year.

Ah, there's that Lupica Poetry we've all come to expect when Mikey tries to, once again, dress up a Mets collapse.

It had been 2-2 after Carlos Beltran hit one over the wall in left and toward Citi Field in the bottom of the sixth, made the place sound the way it had always sounded in big moments like this

All two of them.

But on the last weekend of the season and the last weekend of baseball Shea will ever have, the Mets scored a total of five runs.

One Friday, two Saturday, two Sunday.

It is a bit of a problem with the core Mets stars, Wright and Beltran and Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado:

They all do just enough to break your heart in the end.

When the Yankees tank, it's "payroll", "not clutch", "ARod tabloids" and "soft Jeter."

When the Mets fall apart in epic fashion, two years in a row now to the lowly Marlins, with their $120 million less payroll than the Mets, it's a "bit of a problem."

Newsflash, Mike you midget genius - the Mets didn't get eliminated for lack of hitting.

Their bullpen is a fucking joke.

Omar Minaya is responsible for this putrid joke of a bullpen - why the hell are you giving him a pass?

They will just remember the Mets getting passed in the stretch, again, and that is why a lot of these players, and maybe at least one core player, have to go.

Yes, the Mets should pick players' names out of hat to determine who has to go.

Or they could get 2 relievers and win their division by 6 games.

Great things, magic things, had always happened in the late innings at Shea, hadn't they?

16 blown saves by the Mets bullpen.

Now that is some serious late inning "magic."

To the end, the 56,000 wanted to believe, tried to believe, that the Marlins couldn't do it to them again on the last day, the way they did last year.

If only the Marlins payroll was under $20 million.

If only.

So many of the 56,000 had come to see the goodbye ceremonies when the game was over. But really they had come to yell their heads off, make the place sound the way it was supposed to, for one more day.

Many came for the ceremonies; all came to yell their heads off.

No one came to see the Mets win - good thing.

The 56,000 still wanted one more day, because you always do in sports.

Actually, they wanted one more win.

But then Wright, whose numbers were better than he hit down the stretch, popped out and Endy Chavez grounded back to the pitcher. Two outs. It had been two outs and nobody on in Game 6 in '86 before Carter got a single.

22 fucking years ago.

Can you say, "stretch?"

Damion Easley walked now, and that made Ryan Church the tying run at the plate.

Just the way the Mets fans wanted it.

He put a good swing on the ball and for a moment you thought he'd gotten it,

Speak for yourself.

but he hadn't.

Nope, he hadn’t.

The ball ended up in the center fielder's glove and it wasn't just one season ending out there, it was all of them.

Ummm…what?

No roller from Mookie down the line. No game today.

The miracles always came easier at Shea when the Mets were good enough.


Twice in their history.

These Mets aren't.

Two years in a row, the Mets failed miserably against a team whose payroll was over $100 million less than theirs.

Two years in a row, Mike Lupica fails to mention the Mets payroll – all we get is Lupica Poetry.

Another job well done by the dwarf.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Let's Play "Guess The Season!"

Guess what season these pics were taken...

Was it 2007? 2008?

Fun for the whole family!






The Mets Payroll is $140 million...

...tops in the NL...

The Marlins payroll is $22 million, the lowest in the NL.

As Mike Lupica would say, I just thought you should know that.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Special Guest! Kristyn and Frank!!!

We received a great e-mail today from Kristyn and Frank, out in Jersey. After watching Lupica on the Sports Reporters (on ESPRSN - Entertainment & Sports Red Sox Nation-work), Frank was inspired to write the following, which I will now share with you (because I couldn't possibly have said this better myself.)

Mike Lupica, you are a pompous, privileged man who embodies everything that is wrong with sports reporters and the media. You talk down to fans with one snide remark after another. How DARE you say, “You’re forced to see Michael Kay’s stupid baseball team.” That is how you felt about going to the final baseball game at Yankee Stadium?

Real Yankee fans would have given anything to have to “suffer” like you did. Then you say your fondest moment is the 2001 World Series because it made the city feel better after 9/11.

Did you forget the articles that you wrote after Game 7 when you said the same fans were spoiled and how it’s not the law that the Yankees win every year? And you remind us every time you get the chance that the Yankees have not won since 2000!

It’s amazing how you can remind players when they talk out of both sides of their mouth, but I guess you should know because to see a spoiled hypocrite all you need do is look in the mirror.

Incredibly well said, Frank. And thanks again to Kristyn for sending it in to us!

Although, in Lupica's defense, I'm sure going to the last game in the history of the most storied ballpark in the history of professional sports forced him to miss new episodes of "Brooke Knows Best" and "I Love Money" on VH1. You know how much Lupica loves his reality TV.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

How Three Dumb Bitches Ruined The Last Game At Yankee Stadium

So I sat down to enjoy the last game at Yankee Stadium tonight, and I immediately noticed something that pissed me off - there were three dumb bitches sitting behind home plate - the best seats in the house, on the biggest night of the season - and they could not give ONE SHIT about the game.

I found myself watching them more than I was watching the game. It was like talking to someone who had a piece of shit stuck in their teeth, and you can't concentrate on what they are saying; you can only focus on that little piece of shit.

So instead of focusing on the game, I focused on those three pieces of shit behind the plate.

Thanks, bitches - I hope the loads you swallowed for those tickets tasted good.



Thursday, September 18, 2008

Jeter Breaks Gehrig's Record; Lupica Shits On Him

It's been a long time since I posted, mostly due to the Yankees failing to make the playoffs. It's hard to knock a sports journalist when he knocks the Yankees, as bad as they've been playing. One thing I had to look forward to was Jeter breaking Lou Gehrig's record for most hits in Yankee Stadium.

So Jeter went berserk this week and broke the record. Good for him - Gehrig is my favorite Yankee, and it's great to have a guy like Jeter break his record.

So of course, Lupica had to do his best to ruin Jeter's latest feat by writing a "positive" Yankee article. He wrote this worthless piece of shit, "praising" Jeter, yet knocks him through the entire article.

Let's take a look.

- Knock #1

It is good being Jeter even now, when he didn't start hitting until it was too late.

Poor Jeter - not only did he start hitting too late, but he also gets a "positive" article written about him by Lupica, who points out all his shortcomings.

Haha.."Lupica" and "short"...

I bet you never thought you'd see those two words in the same sentence on this website.

It is good being Jeter even with this kind of ending to the Yankee season, and to this version of Yankee Stadium; it's good being Jeter even as the Yankees will be out of the playoffs for the first time in 15 years and this will be eight years since Jeter and the Yankees last won it all.

What the heck, may as well write something disparaging about the Yankees while knocking/praising Jeter.

Raise your hand if you think the phrase "15 years" will replace "$200 million" as Lupica's favorite.

- Knock #2

He didn't do much more than anybody else on the team when the Yankees still had a chance to make it to another baseball October.

Jeter leads the Yankees in hits (for the 5th year in a row) with 176.

Yeah. He's useless.

- Knock #3

He remains the star he has been for such a long time at the Stadium even if he is not the hitter or the shortstop he once was.

Gee, I seem to recall reading this article back in 2000. Or was it 2002?

Maybe 2004.

Whenever Jeter has an "off" year, the sports "experts" love to talk about how Jeter is done.

What a surprise, Lupica is once again driving that bandwagon.

Mo Rivera also hears the kind of cheers that Jeter does at the Stadium. Jeter hears them more often, not just for the records he sets, but because he is still here.

When did Rivera get traded?

- Knock #4

He is not the hitter Alex Rodriguez is, or even close.

Are you trying to say that Jeter isn't one of the best hitters of his generation!?

Jeez, next he's probably gonna compare him to Joe DiMaggio!

(Yes, he really does.)

- Knock #5

At 34, not able to drive the ball the way he did or produce the numbers he did in his glory years

Jeter's OPS+ in his first 3 full seasons
1996 - 101
1997 - 103
1998 - 127

Jeter's OPS+ in his last 3 seasons
2006 - 132
2007 - 121
2008 - 107

While Jeter's OPS+ has been declining, it's clear his last three seasons are better than his first three.

There's only one reason Lupica didn't mention (again) Jeter's 2007 post season failure.

He forgot.

And he still knows how Yankees are supposed to act. The night of the All-Star Game, you looked over in the 14th inning, long after A-Rod had disappeared into the night, there were two people on the top step of the American League dugout: Boston's Terry Francona, managing the game, and Jeter, who'd been out of the game for hours.

ARod left the game before it ended in the 14th inning - it's pretty obvious he left early for one reason…to score some crack!

That is NOT how a Yankee is supposed to act.

- Knock #6

He is not the Yankee that Joe DiMaggio was

This is like saying Mike Lupica isn't tall. It's a given. It doesn't need to be said.

But hey, what's a positive article about a Yankee without unnecessarily putting him down?

He goes across the street with the rest of them next season. It will still be called Yankee Stadium.

Why couldn't they be like every other team and sell out their naming rights…to a company that rhymes with "shitty", for example?

- Knock #7

The new place won't be as good for Jeter

Because, in the new stadium, the bases will be 300 feet apart, and the outfield wall will be 200 feet high!

Poor Jeter.

Lupica can only hope that Reyes will have half the career that Jeter has had.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Really Bob Raissman? Lets Take a Better Look...

So here's the article. More or less, my issue is that Raissman wants Girardi and Cashman to bite the bullet for this season's failures. And he waxes poetic about how Joe Torre could have fixed it all and seen us through to the post-season... and I'm not buying. Lets get started...

Monday night, with the Angels on their way to a 12-1 romp, Michael Kay decided it was safe to lower the boom. Gee, it only took him 144 games to - on Al Yankzeera - figure out the time was right to express disdain for this poorly constructed, underachieving team.

So wait... you mean, they waited until it's basically a mathematical impossibility to really criticize a team that, up until 2 or 3 weeks ago, still could have made the playoffs, and ultimately won the World Series? God forbid! Maybe their job isn't to be sensational and sell newspapers like say... your job. And "poorly constructed" how? Hughes and Kennedy pitched great last year and looked ready to make the jump. Chamberlain was a lock to give them great innings. Wang was a back-to-back 19 game winner. Melky had a nice year in CF in 2007. A-Rod, Jeter, Cano and Giambi were probably the best offensive infield in baseball. Abreu and Matsui can mash. And Posada was coming off a career year. Morgan Ensberg was on the bench, a former 30-homer guy... Betemit had "loads of potential." Damon was our 4th outfielder for crying out loud. Mussina was supposed to be our 5-starter! Who was more stacked than us?

That's why, as the Yankees play out the string, don't expect Kay, or any other Yankees mouthpiece, to mention the name Joe Torre and speculate about what his presence would have meant to this team.

Why is this about Joe Torre? The fucking Dodgers have a WORSE RECORD THAN THE YANKEES!! THEY'VE WON LESS GAMES!! You're telling me that if Joe Torre was the manager, the Yankees would be in the NL West this year? Not to mention that Joe Torre's Dodgers were a below .500 team until they hijacked Manny Ramirez and he batted .400 for a month in the middle of their lineup!!!!

What of Cashman's decision to put all his faith in two young pitchers, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy?

It backfired. We get it. There was no reason to think these kids would be so bad, and so hurt. They were both great in 2007 and looked ready to make the jump to being front-line starters, which they still may become. People have whined for 10 years about the Yankees free-spending ways... and when they go with homegrown kids instead of $20M Santana, you wanna bash them? Pick a side of the fence guys.

Here's the deal: Rewind to spring training. There was all this hype, coming out of YES and other media outlets, contrasting Girardi's style to that of Torre's.

No, Bob Raissman, here's the fucking deal. Everybody got hurt. Everybody. Lets look at who got hurt, and what that cost the Yankees based on 2007 production, or in the case of youngsters, reasonable 2008 projections.

2007
Chien-Ming Wang - 19 wins, 218 innings at a 124 ERA+ in 2007.
Phil Hughes - 10 wins, 150 innings at about a 120 ERA+ projected.
Ian Kennedy - 8 wins, 150 innings at about a 110 ERA+ projected.
Joba Chamberlain - 150 innings at about a 150 ERA+, 180 K's and about 10 wins projected.
Jorge Posada - .338/.426/.543 with 20 HR and 42 doubles in 506 ABs in 2007.
Hideki Matsui - .285/.367/.488 with 25 HR and 28 doubles in 547 ABs in 2007.

2008
Chien-Ming Wang - 8 wins, 95 innings. (Loss of 11 wins, 123 IP)
Phil Hughes - 0 wins, 22 innings (Loss of 10 wins, 128 IP)
Ian Kennedy - 0 wins, 40 innings (Loss of 8 wins, 110 IP)
Joba Chamberlain - 4 wins, 93 innings (Loss of 6 wins, 57 IP)
Jorge Posada - .268/.364/.411 with 3 HR and 13 doubles in 168 ABs (Loss of 338 ABs of OPS .969)
Hideki Matsui - .297/.375/.430 with 9 HR and 17 doubles in 330 ABs (Loss of 217 ABs of OPS .805)

So again, in summation, show me a team that can lose 418 innings of above-league-average pitching, about 35 wins, about 30 homers, 200 RBIs, 50 doubles and 500 at bats of OPS .800+ and still play even .500 baseball. I beg you to do this.

Yes, the Sox lost Ortiz for a while, and Schilling for the year. Beckett and Matsuzaka missed little stretches. Lowell went down for a little while. But their losses don't come CLOSE to what the Yankees have lost this year.

Mussina's overachieved like a mad man. We've gotten half-serviceable innings for Sidney Ponson, Darrell Rasner and Dan Giese. Xavier Nady's been a man on a mission since coming back to the Big Apple. And A-Rod's been his usual freak of nature. Those are the prime reasons that this isn't an 85-90 loss team with the guys that have gone down.

For the sake of comparison, imagine if the Mets lost Santana, Perez and Pelfrey for the year in May, then lost Maine for 2 months starting in July. And also lost Reyes and Delgado for half the year, and Wright for a month. Where would they be right now?

Or for the D-Rays, picture if Kazmir, Shields and Sonnanstine went down for the year in May, then Matt Garza lost 2 months... and then Pena, Navarro missed half the year, and Crawford missed a month.

Yes, I realize that Crawford, Percival and Longoria are out with injuries. By the time they went down, the Rays had what? A 6-game lead? Aside from Kazmir missing a few starts in April, they haven't had an injury in their rotation or bullpen all year. And aside from Baldelli's genetic condition, they've been VERY healthy.

It's a down year for the Yankees. Jeter struggled all year. Melky was terrible. A-Rod and Giambi have struggled with RSIP. There are aspects where people have underachieved... but the bottom line is... that as a whole, this team has overcome a TON just to be above .500. It's not a championship, but it should be a little bit of a moral victory.

And on the bright side, we'll have Mark Teixeira and C.C. Sabathia next year...

So our top 3 in the rotation should be Sabathia, Chamberlain and Wang. And we'll have A-Rod, Teixeira, Nady, Abreu, Matsui and Posada mashing in the lineup. The future is bright.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Wright Time For Another September Collapse! Oh, And The Mets Payroll is Over $140 Million Dollars!!

Somebody mentioned throwing up in their mouth in the comments of the last post. Here's what made me throw up in my mouth.

Yup, it's more Met gush.

There are no victory laps for the Mets, not after last September and not before this September even begins.

Oh, you mean because their bullpen is already in shambles, and baseball's oldest team has a new injury every day?

Jerry Manuel, who has done some job here, tells anybody who will listen that you don't forget what happened last year, you learn from it and you use it.

Yeah, Jerry Manuel's really turned things around! He's hit like 30 homers, OPS'd 1.200, and pitched the Mets to 10 wins since he took over for Willie Randolph! What? He hasn't played a game? And he's probably a worse manager? Are you serious? Then what the fuck is Lupica talking about? I guess he means when Manuel threatened to stab Reyes. That really lit a fire under them.

David Wright is no sure thing to be the MVP of the National League even if the Mets finish the job this time in the National League East.

You're damned right he's no sure thing!! He's batting .293/.386/.524 (OPS+ 141) with 25 homers... which, don't get me wrong, isn't bad at all.

But Albert Pujols is batting .359/.467/.639 (OPS+ 190) and has 28 homers in WAYYYYY less at bats. Not to mention that he's struck out 44 times... the entire year. For all the sick, crazy years this guy's had, this one is possibly the best, especially when he's been doing it with one good arm.

Lance Berkman's OPSing 1.061 so far. Matt Holliday is at 1.021. Chase Utley and Ryan Ludwick are tearing it up. Ryan Braun has 32 homers and 72 extra base hits. Brandon Webb is 19-4 with a 166 ERA+, and if he finishes with 22 or 23 wins, should get some votes...

David Wright, while having a good year, isn't legitimately in the TOP FIVE for MVP this year. Sorry David. Especially not on a $140M+ team with Beltran, Delgado, Reyes and all the other guys who are supposed to be legitimate major league hitters.

This is the way your stars are supposed to produce, when your team needs them the most, and the Mets needed Wright this season as much as they ever have.

As opposed to Pujols, who's shitty Cardinals are in last place because he only hits when it doesn't count, like in batting practice!!

Ermm... wait.... what?! They have a better record than the Mets?! You have to be fucking kidding me. Their starting rotation involves Kyle Loshe, Braden Looper, Todd Wellemeyer and Joel Piniero. They've only gotten 3 starts from Chris Carpenter! They've got more damaged goods on that pitching staff than Hugh Hefner has in the Playboy Mansion! Yes, I'm talking about you Kendra!!

So you talk about Delgado, you talk about Jose Reyes, who has been one of the best players in town this season even if people would still rather talk about what he doesn't do or can't do instead of what he does for the Mets, day in and day out.

Delgado is actually having a solid year... and he proved me wrong, because I said he was dead. Reyes is actually having the best year of his career. His 122 OPS+ is better than in 2006, when everybody loved to salivate over his speed. The steals are down, but the extra base hits are there, and the main knock against Reyes was his OBP... which is sitting at a solid .359.

Fernando Tatis is having the most fluky career revival I've ever seen and has 10 homers and a 123 OPS+. Mike Pelfrey has actually decided to pretend he's a major league pitcher for a while. Whatever... the Mets have the highest payroll in the NL. Why are we even discussing this. They're supposed to be good. It's not all because of Wright. So why is this article centered on him?

But he has been the big player for the Mets at third that Alex Rodriguez has not yet been for the Yankees, despite A-Rod's numbers in a season of his own that has been shortened by injuries.

asfdjhfdajklasdfjklfdsjklfasdjkldfsjklasdljkfdasljksdflkasdjkfasdjflkasdfjhwe
orywqohfwalskdjf;oianweofcnwinfase.

Sorry, I was banging my face into the keyboard. How could I be so blind? It had to be about attacking A-Rod.

A-Rod this year: .312/.402/.590 (OPS+ 160) with 28 homers in 407 at bats. He was hurt, he missed time, and he's been a fucking beast. Jason Giambi's batted .205 with RSIP. Why doesn't anybody EVER write an article about him? EVER?! Because it's more fun to fuck with the best player in the AL. I can't do this. I just fucking can't any more. Seriously, I'm done.

Hey Lupica! You're right! A-Rod is a fucking asshole. He sucks!! You win!! I can't continue to preach the same argument about looking at the numbers and VERY OBVIOUSLY SEEING that this guy is a freak of nature the likes of which the game has NEVER SEEN BEFORE EVER! I just can't. So you win.

You look at the left side of the Mets' infield over the season that has been played so far, especially the youth there, and once again ask a fair question about which guys you want on your side over the next few years in baseball, Wright and Reyes or A-Rod and Jeter.

Would you rather have two 12+ year vets... or two guys in their mid 20's!! WOW MIKE!!

Why don't you go ask Met fans if they'd rather have Jeter, and have won the World Series in 1996, 1998, 1999 and 2000... or Wright and Reyes and their youth.

I bet you 9 out of 10 Met fans would trade Wright and Reyes for the 2000 World Championship STRAIGHT UP. And then the Yankees would have Wright, Reyes, A-Rod AND Jeter!! HAHAHAAH!!!! Prove me wrong!!!

"I just love to win," he says. "You can have the stats and all the rest of it. I just want to win."

David Wright really said that? Hmm... he might be on his way to the Yankees on his own then... because he's not going to win shit in Flushing.

Fuck the rest of this article. Onto the blurbs!!!!

You can say this about Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, who has been as tough and fearless talking about the war in Iraq as anybody in the Senate and not afraid to admit mistakes: From now until the end of this campaign, people certainly are going to know he's in the hall.

That's why I read the sports section of the NY Daily News! So that I can keep my finger on the pulse of the political agendas of liberal dwarves!!! Thank you Mike!! Without your insight, I'd have nothing to chat about with my co-workers. By the way, my co-workers are all Smurfs.

But I never did understand why Omega was initially reluctant to show the underwater video images of Phelps' amazingly close call with Milorad Cavic of Serbia in the 100-meter butterfly and why swimming's governing body, FINA, was no better than Omega.

I kept watching that hold-your-breath finish along with everybody else watching that night on television and I thought Phelps touched the wall first.

Well why weren't you at the Olympics then Mike? If your EYES are on the job, we don't even NEED to time the races!! You can just WATCH everybody, and let us know if YOU THINK they went fast enough to set a World Record!! You can reminisce about when you saw Carl Lewis run, and tell us that there's just no way that Bolt is faster than Carl Lewis!!

Let me explain this as clearly as I can. Nobody in this world, anywhere, in any country, give a flying fuck about your eyes, Mike. We don't care what you see, or what you think you see. You're just an asshole with a sports column in a newspaper. You're not the authority on anything. So just because YOU THOUGHT that Michael Phelps touched the wall first, doesn't mean that it's a done deal. We needed to know that he really did win that race. We needed replays and time-checks. Do you understand now?

A 13-year-old named Kelsey Thomas, from Redmond, Ore., won the eighth go-round of the ranch rodeo at the Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids with Cancer.

Yes Mike, we get it. Imus helps kids with Cancer! Sadly though, do you know what else we get? That helping kids with Cancer doesn't make it okay to spout racial slurs on a nationally broadcasted radio show. And for that, Imus is still a fucking asshole. Just like you.

Robinson Cano has had about as good a season as Rudy Giuliani, but the difference between him and our chatty former mayor is that there's still time for Cano to turn things around.

OMG WTF!? Cano is Guiliani? Does this make any fucking sense to anybody?

In Mike Lupica analogies, Jose Reyes is a lot like Barack Obama. Why? Because Lupica really wants to suck both of their cocks.

By the end of another Olympics, let's just say that I'm not looking to put that fanfare music on my iPod.

You know, I'm not surprised to hear that Lupica has an iPod. What he didn't tell you, is that it's a Shuffle. Not because of the price. Just because the regular iPod is too heavy for him. It's like a regular person carrying around a stereo system and DJ Speakers.

I am very hopeful that the Jets can make the playoffs this season even though I believe that Brett and Mangini might get along about as well as Bill and Hillary.

1) Who are you fucking kidding Mike? You want the Jets to crash and burn. You want to write 600 articles about what a mistake Favre was. You want to sit and cackle about their failures as you cheer on your New England Patriots behind closed doors. You want to suck breast milk from Tom Brady's tit and shit all over the Jets the way you shit all over EVERY New York Team.... unless they win a championship. Then you'll wax poetic about it for a couple of weeks, and gradually return to bashing them... starting with subtle digs and building up to full-blown idiocy.

2) Brett and Mangini might get along like Bill and Hillary? You really think they're going to have a daughter together? Aren't they both married men?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Happy Trails Mad Dog!!

Yeah, it took a few days, but I'm going to touch on this one a little.

When I heard that Chris Russo was leaving the Fan, I did squirt a few tears... because I realized that there's going to be nothing left to interrupt Mike Francesa's asinine rants.

That radio show is going to suck more than Michael Jackson at a Boy Scout's sleepover.

So they're saying that Russo's going to head over to XM/Sirius. Call me crazy, but his solo show might just be the bomb Osama bin Laden's been waiting to drop on America.

As much as I dislike Francesa, he was sorta like an idiot-filter for Russo, because at least there was SOMEONE there to keep Russo's moronic statements in check a little.

Left to his own devices, he'd still be claiming that Will Clark was better than Mattingly... or whining about how he'd sell his kids to see the Giants win a World Series.

So to Chris Russo, the extent of my farewell message is as follows:

Chris, go fuck yourself. If it were up to me, they'd launch your ass onto the satellite and force you to do your show from out there. And last but not least, enjoy 5 more years of Barry Zito, you sorry son of a bitch.

Friday, August 15, 2008

It's Hank, Cash & Joe's Fault!!! Those Pricks!!!

Thanks, Bill Madden, for this genius piece about how the failures of this season are the fault of the GM, the manager and the owner.

If you haven't already, go read the article. It explains how everything boils down to Hank's inability to take charge and be a full-blown asshole like his dad used to. And how Girardi's mismanaged the team. Oh, and how Cashman built the team.

It's Hank's fault for not getting Santana. Yeah, we knew that already. The Santana deal will be second guessed for the next hundred years. Or at least until Santana is a walking corpse from years 4 through 7 of the contract he inked with the Mets.

It's Cashman's fault for constructing a bench that involves Wilson Betemit and Morgan Ensberg... because as we all know, the 24th and 25th guys on a team's bench typically represent a 10 to 15 game swing in that team's overall record... right? Right? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? No? Okay, moving on.

It's Girardi's fault because of the Manny game... in like... April. Oh, and for resting Damon for a game this week. And for using Damaso Marte, when he's "clearly a situational reliever."

So lets start with the assertion that Marte is "clearly a situational reliever."

Damaso Marte in Pittsburgh: 47 innings, 1.157 WHIP, 47 K's, 3.47 ERA. And just for the record, here's what RHB's did against Marte in Pittsburgh - .214/.299/.321, and here's what lefties did against him - .258/.310/.394.

To clarify, there's nothing situational about a lefty who's better against righties than lefties. Marte has had a bad week and a half. It's not a fucking incrimination of his entire career. It's a bad week and a half.

Just for the hell of it, lets play the blame game for this season.

1) Robinson Cano - .262/.302/.393 (OPS+ 84) is having a throw-away year. He's been fucking awful. This is obviously Brian Cashman's fault.

2) Derek Jeter - .284/.346/.396 (OPS+ 98) is in the midst of the worst season of his career. This must be because of the differences between Torre and Girardi, so we'll blame Joe Girardi for this.

3) Matsui, Posada and A-Rod's injuries - Three extremely productive hitters have missed majorly extended stretches, with Posada missing almost the entire season and Matsui having seen only 69 of 120 games. Surely the effects of The Curse of the Hank!!!

4) Chien-Ming Wang - 8-2 in 15 starts at the time of his injury, this guy won 38 games in 2006 and 2007. The fact that the Yankees are unable to dominate after the loss of a bonafide top-of-the-rotation starter is very obviously the fault of Cashman. He should have cloned the DNA of Sandy Koufax just in case something like this happened.

5) Hughes, Kennedy & Chamberlain - Two of them dramatically underachieved, all three got hurt at some point, and yet, one of them has developed into one of the best starting pitchers in baseball... but he's not here now. Kennedy might not be as good as anybody thought, Hughes has some injury issues, but has looked great during his rehab stint, and Chamberlain is a golden God. Again, the fault of Cashman for pinning his hopes on pitchers who don't cost $150 Million over 7 years.

And now, for the record, lets see what else Cashman's done this year.

1) Stole Xavier Nady & Damaso Marte from Pittsburgh: The trade market the past few years has been SAVAGE!!! Cashman gave up NOTHING GOOD, and got back a 29-year old outfielder with an OPS+ of 147. And Marte, who was closing games for Pittsburgh at the time he was dealt.

2) Rented Pudge Rodriguez straight up for Kyle Farnsworth: Yeah, Farns was pitching well, but Yanks fans still hated the prick, nobody trusted him in September or October, and he was going out the door in 2 months anyway. Pudge was the only available guy who could come near Posada's production, and he's here.

3) Sidney Ponson, Darrel Rasner & Dan Giese: Their names should go into the history books next to Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon. Do you guys realize that we got 178 innings of serviceable baseball from these three scrap-heapers? Kennedy, Hughes, Chamberlain and Wang have all suffered significant injuries... and yet we've been able to hang around.

Show me another team in baseball FUCKING HISTORY that's lost 4/5ths of their rotation over the course of a season, and even played above .500 ball! Do it!! I fucking dare you to do it!!! And they did it because of a 31-year old free agent who was once drafted in the 34th round of the draft, an alcoholic ex-convict, and a waiver-wire pickup from the fucking Nationals in 2006.

Cashman has pulled half this roster out of his fucking ass. Girardi's juggled his lineups and rotations all year just to keep 9 guys on the field. And Hank's kept his mouth mostly shut... except for that asshole time that he bitched out Mike Mussina... and Mussina magically turned into a 15-game winning dark horse for the fucking Cy Young.

Oh, and the time when Hank bitched that Joba should start. How was that working out before Joba got tendinitis? Wait, I'll tell you. In 12 starts, spanning 65 innings, Joba struck out 74 batters and worked a 2.76 ERA.

Yeah, Hank's a dick. And Joe and Cash are fucking awful. Give me a break Bill Madden. Just give me a break.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Shut Up Millar, Ya Douche

Edwar Ramirez got ejected from the game vs Baltimore on Tuesday, for throwing inside.

Cry me a river.

So what did Big Mouth Millar have to say about it?

"He's a cute little fella," Millar said of the very thin Ramirez. "He doesn't throw very hard and doesn't have very good stuff. It was probably a good idea that they did throw him out because it would probably have been (a shot to) Monument Park.

"He's good hittin'."

Kevin Millar vs Edwar Ramirez

4 ABs
1 hit
3 Ks

Orioles vs Edwar Ramirez

10.2 IP
2 ER
10 K's

Good hittin? When does that start?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Joba Owns Beckett And Red Sox; What Does Lupica Say?

Word up, Lupica haters!

This week, Lupica wrote another fucking column about Clemens, and how George Bush shouldn’t give him a pardon.

Who gives a shit, really?

The only person in the world who isn’t tired of Clemens is Lupica.

Give it a rest, Mike. The guy is a total tool. We get it.

Move the fuck on.

Blurbs…

It was pretty neat, I thought, that Charlie Manuel criticized Jose Reyes for being a hot dog on the same day Manuel's shortstop, Jimmy Rollins, couldn't make it to Shea Stadium on time.

Apples, meet Oranges.

A-Rod's friends now are out there saying the whole thing is Cynthia Rodriguez's fault, she drove the poor guy into the arms of other women, and I'm thinking these are the kinds of friends angling for a shot at "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

Sports, Lupica. Try covering it sometime.

Nice job plugging another worthless TV show.

You don't have to like Billy Wagner,

Good.

or the way he blows sky high sometimes, or everything he says, whether he is standing in front of his locker or talking on the radio.

And if you are a Mets fan, you can already be wondering about whether Frankie Rodriguez or somebody else could be the closer here before long.

But you still have to say that Wagner is one of the most interesting people to ever hold down the job of closer in New York.

He sucks in the clutch, and he’s a joke in the post season. He’s got a big mouth and he’s a team divider.

This is why he is “interesting” and deserving of space in Lupica’s dumb column.

You can have “interesting”; I’ll take Rivera.

On Saturday, Joba pitched the best game in his short career, beating the Red Sox in Boston, with Josh Beckett going for the Sox.

Josh Beckett, Mike Lupica’s wet dream from Boston.

Remember this quote by the dwarf?

"The Yankees have a lot. Just nobody like Beckett." - Lupica, 4.18.08

Every sports writer in New York wrote a story about Saturday's game.

Here’s what Lupica had to say…

The Yankee broadcasters kept saying that it made no "sense" for Joba to put a fastball up in Kevin Youkilis' eyes the other night, and I'm wondering what sort of "sense" it made when Joba put two over Youkilis' head last season.

That’s all, folks!

No story, no column, nothing. Just bullshit about Joba throwing at Youkilis again.

Imagine the sports media without Lupica…we’d never learn anything about the Yankees.

Or anything else relevant.

A tough young girl from Sunny Valley, Ore., named Camala (Cami) Million, won the fifth go-round rodeo at the Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids with Cancer last week, and turned in a record time of 19.62 seconds doing it.

Wow, did you snort a line of cocaine with Imus while discussing this story with him?

Even between one season and the next, it remains one of the most amazing things in sports that the Knicks and Rangers, combined, have won two playoff series in the last eight seasons at the Garden.

New York Mets: one playoff series win in the last seven seasons, with the highest payroll in the NL for the last five years.

But hey, at least they got two last places finishes under their belt during that time.

And that neither one of them, despite piles and piles of money spent, has made it past the second round of the playoffs.

Yet once again, no mention of the Mets payroll or lack of success in October.

Can Carlos Delgado win Comeback Player of the Year just for the way he's come back in the same season?

Ask Robinson Cano. He would have won it the last two seasons.

And possibly this season.

The bushier Giambi's mustache gets, the more he looks like a bouncer.

Uninteresting, unfunny and uninformative. Typical Lupica.

If Mike Pelfrey had an unusual nickname, people might get as excited about the way he's pitching for the Mets as Yankee fans are about Joba.

Joba’s ERA is 1.3 points lower than Pelfrey.
Joba’s WHIP is .2 lower than Pelfrey.
Joba has 20 more K’s in 45 less innings.
Joba just owned the Red Sox.
Joba was converted to a starter after every bitch in sports media said it was the wrong move.

Throw all that away; Yankees fans are excited for Joba because of…his unusual nickname?

Sports journalism at it’s finest.

If you're Brian Cashman, you have to make the trade he just made with the Pirates, no questions asked.

But there has never been a single time when the Yankees have traded prospects when we didn't hear that it was the greatest trade ever

So every time the Yankees have traded prospects, it was considered the greatest trade ever?

Typical Lupica: blowing things out of proportion to prove his point.

and the prospects they sent off to a team like the Pirates really didn't matter in the whole grand scheme of things.

Cashman quote : “We ended up paying a pretty steep price in terms of four useful players. But the deal makes a lot of sense for us on several levels.”

Never a single time, right Mike?

Fucking asshole.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

This Week's Load Of Crap

I skipped Lupica's dumb column about Brett Favre and went straight for the blurbs...

I loved the All-Star Game the other night, from the Hall of Famers on the field, to George Steinbrenner on the field, to Michael Young's sac fly.

So I guess all that hype you complained about last week was all for nothing?

I ended up sitting in the stands for the last half of it,

Because security wouldn’t let you sit there for the first half?

stayed to the end,

Let’s hear it for Mike Lupica – he actually left his New Canaan house to witness a sporting event in person, and he stayed for the entire game!

I mean, wow.

and had as much fun watching it play out as I've had watching any All-Star Game in any sport.

Did you sit on Wilpon’s lap during the game?

Everybody always seemed to have the bases loaded and there were about four different times when you were sure it was over.

Only then it wasn't, and they played on.

Amazing how sports works like that – you never know how it will end.

Thanks for finally getting up to speed, Mike.

Tell you what, though: I wish I could have been with the commissioner of all baseball, my friend Mr. Selig,

It’s good to know that you aren’t above name-dropping at this point in your career.

Come to think of it, at your height, you aren’t really above anything, are you?

when his home plate umpire called Dioner Navarro out when he was clearly safe, and the game should have ended right there.

That might have been kind of neat.

Neat? Of all the adjectives the Midget of Media could have used, he went with “neat”.

What a dork.

Can somebody explain to me why there is this constant panic rush to write off the 2008 Yankees, who aren't just in the running for a wild card, but to still win the AL East?

Yes, Mike Lupica really wrote this.

It’s like when Dwight Gooden was doing those “Just Say No To Drugs” commercials in the ‘80s while snorting lines between takes.

I think it's sort of official that you're going to see me coming out of the bullpen for the Mets before El Duque does.

Considering when Wilpon says “jump,” you always respond with “how high?”

Actually, replace “jump” and “how high” with “swallow” and “how much.”

I do love it when the Yankees act surprised, and sometimes nearly get the vapors, when aging players start to break down on them.

You mean like El Duque, Pedro Martinez and Felipe Alou?

One more time, for those of you (Lupica) who haven’t been paying attention:

Yankees = 8th oldest team in the league.

Mets = 3rd oldest team in the league.

As always, the I-Team at this paper finds it pretty darn special when it breaks a story like the one it did this week about Kirk Radomski shipping HGH to Roger Clemens' house and then seeing the same news presented as breaking news somewhere else.

Coming from a guy who has never ONCE broken a story, yet will dwell on a topic until the end of time as if it was his own.

How quickly Lupica forgot the reason why Lisa Olsen quit.

Jonathan Papelbon may need a filter on his mouth sometimes, and will never be the darling of Yankee fans, but if there is one thing the young man is not, it is overrated.

Why single out Yankee fans?

The guy is a great pitcher, but he seems to love coming across as a total douche. You don’t have to be a Yankee fan to see this.

No wonder you are standing up for him – he’s your kind of guy!

No matter how much Yankee Stadium sang that to him the other night.

When a guy starts talking about being better than another player, when he clearly is not, then he is overrating himself.

So fuck you.

I'll be off for a week or so working on my second serve.

Second serving of what, “Load ala Wilpon?”

See you in August.

You’ll be missed.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Transcript of Lupicunt's Conversation with Yankee Stadium Security!!

With a little digging, I managed to find an exact transcript of Mike Lupica's conversation with Yankee Stadium Security during the All Star Game, as he tried, unsuccessfully, to enter the lower boxes.

Lupica: Hi... I'm Mike Lupica from the Daily News!
Security Guard #1: What? Did somebody say something?
Security Guard #2: I heard it too! Where did it come from?
Lupica: HEY!! I'm down here you sons of bitches!!!!

SG#1: Oh, what can I do for you little boy? Did you lose your daddy?
Lupica: I'm Mike Lupica from the Daily News! I want to go to my seat!!
SG#2: Lupica, Lupica... hmm... you're not on the list, and frankly, I've never heard of you.
Lupica: That's... that's impossible!!! I'm the author of the New York Times Best Selling book, "Heat!"

SG#1: I thought you just said you wrote for the Daily News!! Which one is it little fella?
Lupica: It's both!! It's both!! I write books too!!
SG#2: Hey! I've been working here for 10 years! If you're a member of the press, how come I've never seen you before?
Lupica: Because I've been covering New York sports for over 30 years!! I don't NEED to come to games any more!! Because I've already SEEN everything!!!

SG#1: I still don't know who he is.
SG#2: Me neither, lets test him. Hey short fry... if you're a baseball journalist, tell me something about the Yankees!
Lupica: Their payroll is $200 Million Dollars!!
SG#1: No no, tell me something about somebody on the team!
Lupica: Jason Giambi took steroids!! And so did Andy Pettitte!!
SG#2: Everybody knows that, those are old stories. Tell me something current!!!
Lupica: Umm... A-Rod is having sex with Madonna!!!
SG#1: This guy sounds like a paparazzo.
SG#2: Yeah, hey little guy. I'm sorry, but we can't let you in here. You need to leave.

Lupica: Umm... could you check the list again? Maybe my name is misspelled. It's Lupica. A... L... B... O... M. First name is Mitch.

SG#1: Ohhhh! Mitch Albom, sure, why didn't you just say so. Go right ahead sir.
Lupica: Oh God Dammit...

Stadium Security To Be Ripped on The Sports Reporters!!

You've seen what happened to poor Mike Lupica at the All Star Game... and if not, check out the post before this one. Thanks to Deadspin for the coverage!!

Yankee Stadium Security wouldn't let poor little Mike into the lower level boxes. We hear that they tried to escort him to the handicap seats actually.

Here's a list of the top 10 things Mike Lupica most likely said while arguing with security:

10) You wouldn't be doing this if I were Carl Pavano!!!
9) Come on man!! I'll stand on my seat so you don't even have to find a phone book for me to sit on!!
8) Andy Pettitte!!! Erm.. umm.. ROGER CLEMENS!!! Ermm... HILLARY CLINTON!!! Ack.. Jason Giambi!!!!
7) You know... I have a lot of friends who are Yankees fans!!!!
6) Alright, I'm sorry I wrote all that nasty stuff about the Yankees!! There!! That's a better apology than Giambi's!!
5) My man Barack Obama won't stand for this when he's president!!!
4) Come on man... I'll suck your dick! I'm good!! Just ask Jose Reyes!!!
3) I swear to God... I'll claim to have had sex with A-Rod if you don't let me in!!!
2) De plane, boss!! De plane!!!!! (Click the link to get this joke)

And... the number #1 most likely Lupi-quote from the All-Star Game.

1) Don't you know who I am!? This will remind you... The Yankees Payroll is $200 Million Dollars!!

"Do You Know Who I Am!?"

Check out Deadspin, where someone busted Lupica trying to get past security at Yankee Stadium...

"i was sitting by the entrance to the concourse in the lower level and i hear someone screaming at security so turn to look up the tunnel. It's Mike Lupica and he wasn't being given access to get to the lower field box level so he decided to throw a fit...he pulled a, "do you know who i am" to the guards and ultimately got nowhere, but it was easily an enjoyable moment watching his face turn bright red and freak out during the game..."




CLASSIC!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Mike Lupica vs. Peter Abraham

Here are two different versions of how the crowd reacted when George Steinbrenner appeared on the field at the All Star game...you guess who wrote what...

Here's the first description...

There was Steinbrenner's name on the message board, and this low, steady cheer that followed the golf cart toward the infield at Yankee Stadium.

This was not close to the explosion of noise, the familiar clap of thunder, that Derek Jeter heard when he was introduced Tuesday night, or even what Alex Rodriguez heard when he ran to third base to stand with Brooks Robinson and Mike Schmidt.


And here's the other...

After dozens of ovations, the loudest cheers were left for George Steinbrenner last night.

The 78-year-old owner of the Yankees, sobbing as he rode a golf cart in from left field, delivered the ball to the mound for the ceremonial first pitch before the All-Star Game.

Manuel's Guys Not Half Bad!

I'm just trying to catch up on some bullshit the dopey midget wrote last week.

There is a season now at Shea where there wasn't one a month ago,

That's news to me; I actually thought the season started three months ago.

a small stretch of baseball that has them looking better than they have since we thought they had put the Phillies away last September.

I see - there is a Mets season now because they had a small stretch of victories.

All season long, David Wright has said that the thing that could turn everything - and everybody - around is a nine-game winning streak. The Mets at least have a chance at one now, their last three games before the All-Star break, if they can finish strong against the Rockies, if they don't go into the premature victory lap we have seen from them before, the premature strut.

The only thing premature is how you determine the fates of teams based on records before the fucking All Star break.

You wrote off the 2007 Yankees in June and you are sizing rings for the 2008 Mets in July.

Great job, retard.

It is why the new manager called a team meeting before the Giants series and maybe should call one before they play the Rockies Friday night.

What should Manuel do when the Mets play a team that isn't 15 games under .500?

"They're good players right now," Jerry Manuel said when it was over Thursday and they had swept the Giants, on a day when everybody in the ballpark except John Maine seemed to realize that the Giants just wanted to lose one more game and get out of Shea for good.

They are good players right now?

What a perfect time for Lupica to pull out the Mets $140 million payroll.

Haha oh you know me, I'm just kidding.

And not holding my breath.


The Mets are 14-9 now under Manuel, a good manager and a good man worth rooting for,

Isn't this the guy who referred to Reyes as a "she" more than once? And who also said he would stab him?

He'll be a good manager - until September.

one who had nothing to do with the way the previous manager got fired.

Manuel didn't pull the trigger on Randolph? Thanks for the newsflash!

They are a game behind the Phillies in the loss column. They have won six in a row. They got more big swings Thursday from Fernando Tatis

Who?


The Mets got that amazing game the next night, 10-9, hanging on for dear life at the end after being ahead 10-1.

If by "amazing" you mean "one hit away from being their worst loss this season", then I completely agree.

Manuel, a grownup, was asked about Tatis' recent play, which means the guy going 11-for-22 in his last five games, with three home runs and eight RBI. The new manager smiled.

"He makes me look smart," Jerry Manuel said.

Um, thanks for clarifying that Manuel is a grownup.

Of course they're not in the clear, whomever is managing them. They're the Mets and things happen to them.

So when they lose, it's not about shitty playing; things just "happen."

When the Yankees lose, it's about payroll, their owner, their GM, ARod marital problems…

Not like they happen to Mr. Fun, Alex Rodriguez. But things do happen.

Mr. Fun, meet Mr. Predictable.

Now the Mets have to make sure they finish the traditional first half of it right.

Why? There is half a season to go.

Whatever, Lupica. You are such a hack.

Just For The Record...

I tried, but I couldn't let this one go. This is from Lupica's Sunday Shooting from the Lip... and my buddy Fafa already mentioned it. Just wanted to point out some things.

Brett Gardner might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Bubba Crosby.

Crosby was 27 years old when he came to the Yankees with Scott Proctor in exchange for.... the 400 year old mummified corpse of Robin Ventura. A fourth outfielder, and a decent bullpen arm... in exchange for a third baseman's dead body.

Here's Bubba's career line in the minors: .277/.342/.417 with 48 homers and 107 steals over parts of 10 seasons.

And here are Brett Gardner's numbers: .288/.388/.385 with 9 homers and 150 steals over 4 parts of 4 seasons.

Gardner is 24 years old. He's extremely patient at the plate. He has blazing speed, as shown by his 34 stolen bases in 80 games at AAA. He's a plus-defensive player with outstanding range. Offensively, he's a slap-hitter. He has no illusions about hitting the ball out of the park. He doesn't have "developing power." He's a prototypical lead-off hitter.

Bubba Crosby didn't have great speed. He didn't have power. He had poor plate vision. He was a completely different player... and he was basically a throw-in.

The problem isn't that there's ANY similarity between these two players.

The problem is that Mike Lupica REALLY BELIEVED that Brian Cashman was comfortable with starting the 2006 season with Crosby in CF. This was NEVER the case. Cashman took that stance in an attempt to drive down the prices of viable CFs in trade and in free agency.

Yes, we're paying Damon $13 Million a year... if you remember correctly, he was originally looking for $15 Million a year, and 5 years.

There is NO reasonable comparison between Gardner and Crosby.

Am I saying that Gardner is a lock? No. Am I guaranteeing that he's a great player? No. But regardless, he's absolutely nothing like Crosby.

Comparing them is sort of like saying...

David Wright might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Ty Wiggington.

Jose Reyes might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be a cross-dressing Polynesian midget on stilts!

Mike Pelfrey might turn out to be an ace, and he might turn out to be an alien space ship inhabited by Eddie Murphy!!!

Or my personal favorite...

Joe Smith might turn out to be a closer, and he might turn out to be a squirrel with a light saber!!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Shooting From The Lip

Sorry this is late. Well, not really.

This week's worthless article is about tennis.

I mean, really, who gives a shit.

The only sports "experts" in this town who have a hard on for tennis are Lupica and Chris Russo. What the fuck does that tell you?

Let's get right to the bullshit.

The worst possible news for A-Rod was Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook settling.

This is a sports columnist writing this.

Really.

I'm wondering if all the people who thought it was cool for John McEnroe to hug Roger Federer after the Wimbledon final would have had the same reaction if a woman had done the exact same thing?

I know it would have been a serious let down for Lupica.

The other Reyes - Argenis - has covered more ground in a week than Luis Castillo did the whole last month he was at second.

Who?

When the Yankees gave Jorge Posada all that money last winter - how long did he think he was going to be their catcher at his age?

And if they saw him as a future DH, don't you sort of think they have enough of those already?

Because Giambi, Matsui and Damon all have contracts with the Yankees for the next fifty years.

When do the position players start jumping off the assembly line from this crackerjack Yankee farm system?

You mean guys like Cano and Cabrera?

Reality check - take a look at the farm system for that team over in Shea, if they even have a farm system.

David Wright should have been an All-Star on the first ballot.

I guess Lupica is trying to say that David Wright is having a better season than Chipper Jones.

David Wright stats:

94 games.
282 batting average
.380 OBP
.499 SLG
OPS+ 134

Chipper Jones stats:

83 games
.376 batting average
.472 OBP
.614 SLG
OPS+ 189

Is this some sort of joke? How does Lupica justify his stupid statement?

There are teams in the league other than the Mets, you tool.

Fucking sports expert, my ass.

It is probably just one of those crazy coincidences you get in life sometimes that after a week of getting banged around on the front page, A-Rod decided it was time for his little girls to make a road trip.

More ARod personal issues bullshit! Yay!

And by the way?
If you really are hanging around with John Rocker castoffs, you really do have to take a long look at where your love life is.


Please, you would give your undersized left nut to get a piece of anything that Rocker or ARod used up and threw away.

Other than the fact their leftovers are female.

Your loss, Lupica.

When the Mets took the lead from 5-3 to 7-3 against the Giants on Thursday afternoon, my friend Dan Graziano from the Star-Ledger said they were just trying to "Wagner proof" the game.

Mike, you are allowed to say bad things about the Mets; you don't have to quote someone else. I guess you don't want to upset the guys in your circle jerk club.

You know… Reyes, Wright, Wagner, Wilpon, Minaya, etc…

Joe Torre must like managing in a place where if you just hang around .500 and first place, they treat you like your number ought to be retired.

Wow, kind of like how you write articles on the Mets?

If somebody had told you a month ago that Carlos Delgado would have the numbers he has right now, and hit some home runs where he's hit them, tell me you wouldn't have signed for that deal on the spot.

Like I was saying?

When Hank Steinbrenner starts going on and on - and on - about the Red Sox not having any kind of national following, you do want to suggest he get out of the office a little more.

Coming from a guy who reports on Knicks games from his house in Connecticut.

Brett Gardner might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Bubba Crosby.

Master Of The Obvious strikes again!

Question No. 1 about Jason Giambi: When did he decide he was going good enough to start talking about himself in the third person?

When did this happen? I missed it.

Question No. 2: In light of the whole thong story, when you heard him talking about "The Big G," didn't you think he meant a G-string?

Possibly.

Another great article.

About things other than sports.

Thanks, Mike. Another paycheck well earned.

Lupica Tries (And Fails) To Get In Rivera's Pants

So the All Star game is finally upon us, and Lupica takes the opportunity to shit on the occasion, and to praise the only real closer in this town - Mariano Rivera.

We will make this more than it is this week at Yankee Stadium,

Three reasons why Lupica is annoyed by the All Star game getting overhyped:

1. It's a feel good story
2. It's actually about sports
3. It doesn’t involve ARod and Madonna

the last All-Star Game in the place, maybe the last great baseball occasion in the place if the Yankees don't find a way to make the playoffs this season.

By my calculations, there are at least 32 more great baseball occasions scheduled in Yankee Stadium - they are called games.

All the way until the last out Tuesday night, we will hype this up as if it were the Super Bowl of All-Star Games, or the Olympics, because it is the Stadium and it is the Yankees and it is New York and it is, after all, what we do here.

Considering most All Star games take place in new stadiums, it will be a refreshing change to hype up the stadium due to all its history.

We will, to the end, continue to call this The House That Ruth Built, even though it is not, it is not Babe Ruth's Yankee Stadium, not the one he saw from home plate or Joe DiMaggio saw or Yogi or The Mick.

Wrong. It is the same stadium. A facelift does not mean its not the same stadium. It's like when you wear lifts in your shoes - you may look different, but you are still the same asshole.

But there is one player who will participate in this game Tuesday night who does not have to be hyped up as he stands with one last collection of baseball stars and the baseball ghosts of this Stadium and the one before it that Derek Jeter is always talking about. And that player is No. 42 of the Yankees, the last player to wear Jackie Robinson's number in baseball:

Mariano Rivera.

Mo.

Well it certainly isn't Billy Wagner.

Fuck, Joes Reyes wasn’t even invited.

The beauty of baseball and the beauty of sports is that there is always a debate about this giant of the sport or that.

Or who is hanging out with Madonna.

Some will say that Ruth will always be the biggest player of them all, has to be, just because of the distance he put between himself and the rest of the field when he seemed to invent the home run in baseball at the same time he was inventing the Yankees.

Until someone can overpower the league with their hitting as well as their pitching, it will be Ruth. It was stupid for you to even compare Rivera to Ruth.

But there will be others who say that the best player of them all was the great Henry Aaron or Willie Mays and maybe someday - if he ends up getting enough rest to hit 800 home runs - some will say that Alex Rodriguez, Mr. Fun, was the best ballplayer of them all.

Mr. Fun?

As in, "opposite of Mike Lupica"?

Nevermind; that would be "Mr. Tall".

God forbid Lupica writes an article without taking a swipe at ARod.

He hasn't always been perfect,

Now Lupica is gonna remind us of Rivera's fuck ups? Gee, no one saw that coming.

because no one is, so there was the night when Sandy Alomar Jr. beat him in a game in the first round and helped knock the Yankees out and there was the bottom of the ninth in Game 7 against the Diamondbacks and there was the worst night of all, for him and his team, when he couldn't get the last three outs he needed against the Red Sox, Game 4 of '04, and keep the Red Sox down against the Yankees, where they had always been.

How is blowing game 4 in the 2004 in the ALCS, with a 3 games to 1 lead, worse than blowing game 7 in the 2001 world series?

Jeez, we still had 3 more chances in 2004; in 2001, that was it.

It does not change his standing, or his rank.

But, just for shits and giggles, Lupica had to bring it up anyway.

When he does come through the bullpen doors tomorrow night, whenever they play "Enter Sandman," when the place goes wild for him once more, understand something:
In this Yankee Stadium, in the rebuilt Stadium and not the one Ruth built,


Did I forget to mention that Ruth didn't build this version of the stadium?

He didn't really build the first version of it either; it was…laborers!!!

the man running toward the pitching mound is the greatest Yankee of them all.

I really feel Lupica wrote this to set fans up for a big let down, with Mike keeping his fingers crossed that Rivera would blow the lead.

Too bad it was Crapplebon and Wagner who both contracted a bad case of SUCK during the game last night.