It's Hank, Cash & Joe's Fault!!! Those Pricks!!!

Thanks, Bill Madden, for this genius piece about how the failures of this season are the fault of the GM, the manager and the owner.

If you haven't already, go read the article. It explains how everything boils down to Hank's inability to take charge and be a full-blown asshole like his dad used to. And how Girardi's mismanaged the team. Oh, and how Cashman built the team.

It's Hank's fault for not getting Santana. Yeah, we knew that already. The Santana deal will be second guessed for the next hundred years. Or at least until Santana is a walking corpse from years 4 through 7 of the contract he inked with the Mets.

It's Cashman's fault for constructing a bench that involves Wilson Betemit and Morgan Ensberg... because as we all know, the 24th and 25th guys on a team's bench typically represent a 10 to 15 game swing in that team's overall record... right? Right? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? No? Okay, moving on.

It's Girardi's fault because of the Manny game... in like... April. Oh, and for resting Damon for a game this week. And for using Damaso Marte, when he's "clearly a situational reliever."

So lets start with the assertion that Marte is "clearly a situational reliever."

Damaso Marte in Pittsburgh: 47 innings, 1.157 WHIP, 47 K's, 3.47 ERA. And just for the record, here's what RHB's did against Marte in Pittsburgh - .214/.299/.321, and here's what lefties did against him - .258/.310/.394.

To clarify, there's nothing situational about a lefty who's better against righties than lefties. Marte has had a bad week and a half. It's not a fucking incrimination of his entire career. It's a bad week and a half.

Just for the hell of it, lets play the blame game for this season.

1) Robinson Cano - .262/.302/.393 (OPS+ 84) is having a throw-away year. He's been fucking awful. This is obviously Brian Cashman's fault.

2) Derek Jeter - .284/.346/.396 (OPS+ 98) is in the midst of the worst season of his career. This must be because of the differences between Torre and Girardi, so we'll blame Joe Girardi for this.

3) Matsui, Posada and A-Rod's injuries - Three extremely productive hitters have missed majorly extended stretches, with Posada missing almost the entire season and Matsui having seen only 69 of 120 games. Surely the effects of The Curse of the Hank!!!

4) Chien-Ming Wang - 8-2 in 15 starts at the time of his injury, this guy won 38 games in 2006 and 2007. The fact that the Yankees are unable to dominate after the loss of a bonafide top-of-the-rotation starter is very obviously the fault of Cashman. He should have cloned the DNA of Sandy Koufax just in case something like this happened.

5) Hughes, Kennedy & Chamberlain - Two of them dramatically underachieved, all three got hurt at some point, and yet, one of them has developed into one of the best starting pitchers in baseball... but he's not here now. Kennedy might not be as good as anybody thought, Hughes has some injury issues, but has looked great during his rehab stint, and Chamberlain is a golden God. Again, the fault of Cashman for pinning his hopes on pitchers who don't cost $150 Million over 7 years.

And now, for the record, lets see what else Cashman's done this year.

1) Stole Xavier Nady & Damaso Marte from Pittsburgh: The trade market the past few years has been SAVAGE!!! Cashman gave up NOTHING GOOD, and got back a 29-year old outfielder with an OPS+ of 147. And Marte, who was closing games for Pittsburgh at the time he was dealt.

2) Rented Pudge Rodriguez straight up for Kyle Farnsworth: Yeah, Farns was pitching well, but Yanks fans still hated the prick, nobody trusted him in September or October, and he was going out the door in 2 months anyway. Pudge was the only available guy who could come near Posada's production, and he's here.

3) Sidney Ponson, Darrel Rasner & Dan Giese: Their names should go into the history books next to Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon. Do you guys realize that we got 178 innings of serviceable baseball from these three scrap-heapers? Kennedy, Hughes, Chamberlain and Wang have all suffered significant injuries... and yet we've been able to hang around.

Show me another team in baseball FUCKING HISTORY that's lost 4/5ths of their rotation over the course of a season, and even played above .500 ball! Do it!! I fucking dare you to do it!!! And they did it because of a 31-year old free agent who was once drafted in the 34th round of the draft, an alcoholic ex-convict, and a waiver-wire pickup from the fucking Nationals in 2006.

Cashman has pulled half this roster out of his fucking ass. Girardi's juggled his lineups and rotations all year just to keep 9 guys on the field. And Hank's kept his mouth mostly shut... except for that asshole time that he bitched out Mike Mussina... and Mussina magically turned into a 15-game winning dark horse for the fucking Cy Young.

Oh, and the time when Hank bitched that Joba should start. How was that working out before Joba got tendinitis? Wait, I'll tell you. In 12 starts, spanning 65 innings, Joba struck out 74 batters and worked a 2.76 ERA.

Yeah, Hank's a dick. And Joe and Cash are fucking awful. Give me a break Bill Madden. Just give me a break.