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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Pedro is GOD OF THE METS!!!!

Look at how Lupicock is still in spin mode, this time for Pedro, as the rest of the team completely falls on their face.

No Reyes to squeal about, no Glavine, no Beltran.

Just Pedro.

The lone bright spot for the Mets.

He is 3-1.



He started 13 fewer games than Roger Clemens and still has half as many wins.

1. Only fools judge a pitcher’s worth on their number of wins.

2. Pedro is 35 and Clemens is 44 – who had less starts this year due to injuries?

3. Who had less starts in the last THREE years due to injuries?

4. I forgot – who’s going to the post season?

If one other big guy on the Mets pitching staff had shown up like this, the Mets would have won the NL East already and be setting things up so that Pedro, who wasn't around all summer, could pitch Game 1 against somebody this week.

What the hell is this idiot talking about?

Shown up like Pedro? Pedro LOST his last start, you dopey moron!

AND someone else DID show up to pitch. Maine threw a one-hitter on Saturday, and the Mets STILL didn’t win the NL East.

You even wrote a FUCKING ARTICLE ABOUT MAINE'S GAME, YOU DOUCHE. YOU FORGOT ALREADY!?!? Jeez, Reyes chokes down the stretch, and you start singing the praises of Pedro, who lost his last start. Holy Christ this shithead is amazing.

He worked harder than ever and came back and the other night, when he gave his team the seven innings he did, he could have helped save the Mets if he had gotten any help from all those who are supposed to be hitting stars on this team: Reyes, Wright, Beltran, Delgado.

Look genius…if Pedro was such a hero, he wouldn’t have to rely on his hitters to get him a win.

Three runs in 7 innings is hardly the work of a hero.

He missed the end of last year and saw his team fall one game short of the World Series, really one pitch short - the one to Yadier Molina in Game 7 - and didn't get the chance to close his New York deal.

At 34 years old, he went 9-8, then bowed out of the season due to an injury.

A true hero, indeed.

He came back this September, ready to deal. He pitched 28 innings and struck out 32 with that repaired right shoulder and had a 2.57 September ERA. He was every bit the star he was supposed to be.

Except for the last game he pitched.

Who else, of the Mets stars, can say the same right now?

Since their season is over?

No one.

* * *

You have to say there is at least the possibility Red Sox vs. Yankees wouldn't have been this close if Manny Ramirez hadn't missed an entire month down the stretch.

Yes, let’s all give the Red Sox a big gay hug for somehow managing to hold on to a division lead that went from 14.5 games to 1.5 games.


It would only have been like the Yankees losing Jeter for a month.

In 2003 Jeter was out for a month and a half with a dislocated shoulder; Yankees easily won the division by 6 games.

I’m quite sure you made no mention of that back in 2003.

Every time I see a picture of Lindsay Lohan's old man, or read more quotes from him, I imagine him having to go 12 rounds with one of the Klitschko brothers.

First one.

Then the other.

Wave the three-knockdown rule.

Why does Lupica have such a hard-on for Lindsay Lohan? I don’t even get what the hell he said about her dad. Does he find it funny to knock her all the time? She’s old news, and cracking on her and her family has gotten old.



Say it again: The Yankees better win the World Series and Family Guy Clemens better have a hand in doing that, or the pro-rated $28 million salary is as big a waste of money as Kei Igawa.

Say THIS again, or even ONCE…The 2007 Mets – the all-time biggest waste of $115,231,663.

Wow, doesn’t that have such a pleasant ring to it?

Oh yeah, he better give them a bang for their buck in October.

Or else what?

He was a big part of the Yankees getting to the post-season.

Pedro was a big part of getting the Mets to the October golf course, whether you like it or not.

I still think the Yankees should start David Cone in Game 3 of any series.

Well, he certainly can’t start for the Mets in Game 3 of any postseason series, now can he?

At least not this year.

The Yankees had to play their division series in Cleveland the last time they were a wild card, which didn't exactly work out so great exactly 10 years ago.

And Yankees fans should be concerned about that, because the 2007 Indians are the SAME EXACT TEAM as the 1997 Indians.

Jeez, even the 2007 Mets resemble their 1997 team better, due to neither team MAKING THE PLAYOFFS.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Which New York team COULD have the better ending?

As the regular season winds down, the Yankees and Mets are both racing to the post-season, the Yankees like a nuclear missle…and the Mets like a pack of wet firecrackers.

Take a look at how Mister Met Lupica puts his special “I hate the Yankees” spin on New York baseball…

Mets first…

The Mets could continue to stagger to the wire, manage to just hold off the Phillies, blow just about all of the 7½ -game lead they had over the Phillies with just over two weeks left. Then they could end up winning the World Series.

OK then coughcoughkeepdreamingassholecough…now let’s look at his Yankees analysis…

The Yankees could catch the Red Sox and still go out in the first round again, to either the Angels or the Indians, depending how things break.

Can you believe this bullshit?

I love it – when the Yankees are doing better than the Mets, Mike writes about how the Mets COULD BE better than the Yankees.


“Brilliant”, as in, “fucking stupid”!!!

Friday, September 14, 2007

The AL East race still has juice

Here we go – the last series between the Yankees and Red Sox this season, and Lupica has to check in with his incredible load of shit.

Diss #1 - never in this world was a team as loaded as the Yankees supposed to be 14 1/2 games off the lead at the end of May.

Diss #2 - The Yankees try to come all the way back and not have to play the Angels in the first round of the playoffs, because if they do, they could be one round and out for a third year in a row.

Diss #3 - The Yankees have overcome a lot. The Red Sox have overcome more, are 9-3 in September without Manny Ramirez.

Isn't it funny how EVERY TEAM has "overcome" more than the Yankees?

UPDATE: Since this article was printed, the “great” Red Sox have gone 1-5, and the “loaded” Yankees have gone 5-1.

Just for shits and giggles, Lupica’s team, the Mets, have also gone 1-5 since this article was written.

Oops, the Mets just blew it against the powerhouse Marlins, giving up three runs in the 9th and one in the 10th.

One and SIX.


Diss #4 - The Yankees? They are playing the way they were supposed to play all along, especially with a team full of stars, and another payroll pushing $200 million.

YAY! It’s the “$200 million” line that all Yankees fans have come to love!

It’s just not a Lupica article without the mention of the Yankees payroll.

For the last time, this Yankee team isn't a "Rocky" movie.

Yeah, it’s a baseball team, not a movie.

Thanks for the update, you midget genius.

The other night, the Yankees went up against the Blue Jays with Alex Rodriguez, the MVP of everything, and Jorge Posada, an MVP candidate himself in any other season except A-Rod's. They had Robinson Cano and Hideki Matsui and Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon. They had Derek Jeter…

Here comes the backhanded Jeter “compliment”!

…who still has the numbers, even though they seem pretty soft this time.

Pretty soft?

Let’s compare "soft"Jeter to Lupica’s butt buddy, Jose Reyes.

You know, Lupica’s “most exciting player in New York”?

BA - .318
RBI - 67
SLG - .440
OBP - .388
OPS - .828
OPS+ - .123

BA - .289
RBI - 50
SLG - .427
OBP - .362
OPS - .789
OPS+ - 108

And let's not forget...

Jeter - 0
Reyes - 1

The only thing "soft" is Lupica around a hot chick.

Around Reyes?

That's another story.

The Red Sox have been vulnerable for awhile. The Red Sox should have added a hitter instead of Eric Gagne at the trade deadline, and paid for it when Gagne came over and blew three games fast. If that doesn't happen, the East is over already. Only it's not. Manny is hurt, Tim Wakefield got hurt and has had two bad starts since coming back, Daisuke Matsuzaka - tonight's Red Sox starter - has looked tired over his last several starts, and as hittable against everybody else as he usually is against the Yankees.

Holy shit, GIVE IT A REST, MIKE!!

When the Red Sox have hurt or underachieving players, they are “vulnerable”.

When the Yankees have hurt or underachieving players, Lupica writes jokes about them for months and reminds us how the Yankees have overpaid for their entire team.

Nice double standard, you dopey douche bag.

Maybe you and crybaby Youkilis should share a nice tender hug together. Candy ass bitches.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Lupica starting to make shit up

Lucky us, the Dirty Bitch Lupica barely touched on the Yankees this week. Probably because they went 4-2 since his last putrid article.

Joba Chamberlain is going to be a big Yankee starter, I get that.

Wow, Mike. Impressive.

Going to be such a tremendous Yankee starter that they can't pitch him two days in a row while he's a reliever. I get that.

Gee, Mike, nothing gets past you!

What I don't get: Why can't Joba Chamberlain be groomed to be the Mo Rivera of the future?

Ah Christ, I knew it wouldn’t last.

You dumb fuck – who said he can’t be groomed to be the closer?

Ever hear of Dave Righetti?

You think we'd be hearing about how brave Roger Clemens is, pitching through elbow problems and blister problems, if his record were 10-2 instead of 6-6?

Who the FUCK is calling Clemens “brave”?

I swear to Christ, Lupica makes this shit up when there is nothing left to rag on the Yankees about.

First it was the Yankees announcers who “cheered” too much for them to win – Shooting From The Lip, 8-19-07.

Then it was Hughes being regarded as the “best prospect in the land” – Shooting From The Lip, 9.02.07.

Now everyone is supposedly calling Clemens “brave”?

Mike, put down the crack pipe, you are hallucinating again…

They know the age is 45, but they expect him to pitch like his number, which is 22.

Oh, haha.


Tim McCarver’s on the phone…he wants his sense of humor back.

If the Yankees had lost Derek Jeter at the end of August and the beginning of September the way the Red Sox have lost Manny Ramirez with an oblique injury...there'd be talk of Purple Hearts all around, right?

Uh, no, because Manny Ramirez has a history of September “ailments” that seem to magically elude MRI’s and x-rays.

When Jeter gets hurt, he plays through it, like he has been with his busted up knee.

But, it’s okay, because it’s Manny “being Manny”!

Manny’s built-in injury excuse is…himself!

The only one who deserves a Purple Heart is Jeter, because he plays through pain.

And Lupica deserves a kick in the balls for constantly dissing him.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Yanks sweep Red Sox; what does Lupica say about it?


The Yankees played perhaps their best series of the season, and the Mets played their worst, and Yankees still get the shaft from Lupica. What a tool.

Here’s a quick list of which Yankees take the hit from Lupica this week…

Carl Pavano (shock)
Phil Hughes
Joba Chamberlain

Beckham's contract could turn out to be a bigger waste of money than Carl Pavano's, if such a thing is possible.

Is Lupica basing this on injuries, or performance?

Because I can think of plenty of players not worth their contract based on performance…

Robert Alomar
Roger Cedeno
Jeromy Burnitz
Kaz Matsui

But see, those names just aren’t as funny as Carl Pavano’s.

I mean, that HAS to be the reason Lupica is still mentioning his name 4 months after season-ending surgery, right?

Who declared Phil Hughes the greatest pitching prospect in all the land, the Yankee announcers?

Uh, well, YOU, apparently, considering no one else has declared him the greatest pitching prospect in all the land.

You know who the Mets want to be?

The Yankees?

They want to be the team that beat them out of going to the World Series last year.

Please explain.

Last September, the Cardinals had a seven-game lead on the 20th of September and proceeded to lose eight of their next nine games and saw their lead in the NL Central shrink to a half game. Five weeks later they had won it all. The Mets can do the same thing.

HAHAAHA Oh Christ, that’s some good comedy right there.

Right now, you know the only guy the Mets have who has wildly over-performed this season?

Marlon Anderson.


The Yankees can act as if Joba Chamberlain is the most wrongly accused guy since Capt. Alfred Dreyfus, but guess what?

Worst fucking reference of all time.

Throwing over Kevin Youkilis' head in a blowout game the other day, at the end of a three-game sweep, was bush league.

Red Sox pitchers have been beaning Yankee batters for the last ten fucking years, but Joba throwing near Youkilis is bush league?

Seriously, are you retarded?

If it was some sort of accident, let's see the next time he puts two over a guy's head on successive pitches.

If Joba wanted to hit him, don’t you think he would have?

Oh, haha, silly me…I expected Lupica to do some thinking.

My bad.