Let's Salute Baseball Fans

Question: What do you get when you get high-fived by a midget?

Answer: A giant smack in the balls.

This one is for the baseball fans of New York City, who keep coming no matter what

Tell me, in what city have fans decided to stop coming to games?

who sometimes are even a bigger story than the teams they come to watch.

Like the stupid Mets fans, who still think they are a great team.

Everybody talks about the 1950s in New York…

I know what you’re saying! I mean, on Christmas Eve at the in-laws, all everyone talked about was the 1950’s in New York! I kinda felt bad for all the other decades that were left out of the conversation.

At one point I even said “that reminds me about this one time in the 1940’s…”

All I got were dirty looks.

You want to pick the real Sportsman of the Year in New York? It is those eight million strong, men and women and children.

They stayed with their teams until the very end

Uh oh…I sense a small diss regarding the historical collapse of the playoff-less 2007 Mets, and a book about the failures of the Yankees.

stayed even past that dreadful first inning from Tom Glavine on that last Sunday at Shea Stadium, stayed as the inevitable for the Mets — everything that had been happening for the past 16 games - became truly inevitable against the Marlins.

So many Mets fans stayed all the way until the bitter end, and there had never been a baseball ending this bitter for a New York team, at least not since the Dodgers finally blew it all to the Giants in 1951.

But you wouldn’t know it from reading Lupica’s column, considering he chalked up the collapse to “bad luck”, not “bad team”.

The Yankees did better than the Mets

Wow, that had to hurt.

At least it sounds like Loopy is going to at least acknowledge the Yankees amazing comeback from an awful first half.

Or Arod’s amazing season.

Or the emergence of Joba.

then couldn’t get past the first round of the playoffs again, couldn’t get past the first round for the third year in a row, couldn’t win one round with another $200 million team.

So instead of talking about the best comeback this city has seen in years, we get the same bullshit about first round exits and $200 million payroll.

How many years do you think Lupica would get if plagiarizing yourself was illegal?

In Boston they are now convinced that Fenway Park, the scene of an amazing celebration of baseball for every home game the Red Sox play, has now become the de facto capital of the sport. The Red Sox have now won two World Series since 2004, won two since the Yankees won their last in 2000 and seem set up to win more than that over the next few years.

Wow, when I read the first sentence of this article (“This one is for the baseball fans of New York City”) I kind of assumed it would be an article about the baseball fans of New York City.

Anyone think Lupica mentioned how many more World Series the Marlins had won than the Mets in 2003, since the Mets last won in 1986?

No, but I bet the number 200 million was mentioned at least twice in that 2003 October article.

So it was not just the history of this rivalry that changed after the Yankees were ahead 3-0 in the American League Championship Series of ’04, it was the current history of baseball. It is one reason that Hank Steinbrenner has come out of the gate spending money like this, spending as much in any offseason as the old man ever did, would be willing to spend more on Johan Santana. He wants to take something back from the Red Sox.

Seriously, can this asshole EVER write ANYTHING positive about a team that has made the postseason THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS IN A ROW!?

Saluting baseball fans in New York City?!

Thanks Mike.

Just kick us in the nuts next time.

They sell out the whole season in Boston.

Under 39,000 seats and the only baseball team in town? How is this worth mentioning?

They sell the tickets they sell and would probably sell as many as the Yankees if they had a ballpark as big as the old Yankee Stadium, or the new one.

“Sell…sell…sell!?!?” Ever see “Marathon Man”?

Their teams break their hearts - and, in the case of the 2007 Mets, their legs, too - and they keep coming.

Um, you forgot to mention the 2006 Mets.
The 2005 Mets.
The 2004 Mets.

Oh fuck it, all TWENTY (!!!) Mets teams since 1986.

Is it time to say $200 million again, Mike?

The Sportsman of the Year isn’t A-Rod. It’s the people who watch him play. And pay his salary. This one is for them.

Once again, thanks Mike, we appreciate the compliment.

By “compliment”, I mean “smack in the balls”.

* * *

Just hearing George Carlin on Imus the other week with his unique - and screamingly funny - take on steroids in baseball has me ready for his next HBO special already.

OH hahhaha that old bag Imus sure is funny…

Did they give their take on their overdoses of cocaine and booze too?

If I were the people making the decision for the Mets about who should work with Howie Rose on radio next season, the star search would end with a great young guy named Jon Schiambi, whom I first heard doing Marlins games.

And thanks for the great insight on WHY you would hire him.

Way to expand on your opinion. Dick.

Whenever we go more than few days without hearing from Hank Steinbrenner, I just assume he forgot to get his flu shot.

Oh hahaha! I see you still suscribe to the Imus “book of humor”, which states “being funny is optional’.

Happy New Year.

Fuck you, midget.

The difference between the Yankees and Red Sox

Welcome back, Lupica haters!

You knew it wouldn't be long until Lupicock would start crying about Yankee payroll, since they committed the ultimate sin by signing players!

The evil Empire strikes again!!!!

The Yankees have already spent $400 million the past few weeks and you know what that means, right?

It means 400 million will replace 200 million as the most overused number in Mike's weekly piece of shit article?

They're ready to spend more!

I’ll laugh my ass off if the Red Sox make the deal for Santana.

Lupica won’t say anything about it, except how much of a “magician” Theo Epstein is.

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals.

Right – and I remember when you wrote that article slamming the Red Sox for breaking the bank for Dice K.

Haha, just kidding. You never wrote that article.

$51 million just to talk to him.

Please.

Why?

Because they want him.

Genius.

Why else?

Because the Red Sox do.

So again, why slam just the Yankees? Why not lump the Red Sox in too? What happens if the Red Sox get him? Will you just ignore it, like every other time you’ve fucked up with your stupid assumptions?

Why won't Santana break down sometime during the length of his contract?

Because he's going to be a Yankee, that's why.

Yes, let’s assume every player who gets a longterm contract is gonna break down. That’s why your Mets didn’t go after Vlad Guerrero. How’d that work out for your Flushing bitches?

You want to know why the Yankees lose money on their baseball operation despite drawing 4 million fans a year to Yankee Stadium, why they need to be propped up by their network?

Now Mike is concerned the Yankees lost money this season? Aww, thanks Mike! Who knew you cared, ya filthy midget fuck!

Because of an offseason like this, when they are prepared to spend half-a-billion dollars on four baseball players:

A-Rod.
Posada.
Rivera.
Santana.

Three of those four are Hall of Famers, and two of those four are in their prime.

I know they’re not as good as, say, Brian Schneider and Ryan Church (for Lastings Milledge HAHA!!!) but they aren’t exactly chopped liver.

By the way, didn’t the Mets look into trying to get Santana and Posada?

Didn’t Mets fans have visions of Arod in that putrid blue and orange uniform?

If the Mets had any money or any players worth trading, they could have made all these deals too. And you would have loved it.

Johan Santana is a great pitcher, no doubt.

So SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

He isn't the Bionic Man just because the Yankees want him, and the Red Sox might get him.
See? There’s a difference – the Yankees want him, the Red Sox only might get him.

Red Sox, good…Yankees, BAD!!!

I've got a friend I write about sometimes,

Bullshit. You have no friends.

called Sweeney the Yankee Guy.

Sounds like a douche.

He sent me this e-mail the other day, when he found out what the Yankees were willing to give up in young guys for Santana:

Again, look at what the Red Sox are willing to give up, you stupid dick!

"The Yankees will never rebuild from within until this Steinbrenner is suspended."

Ask your retard of a “friend” when was the last time the Yankees starting pitching staff was made up of 3 to 5 homegrown guys? Wang, Joba, Kennedy, Hughes, and if you want to add Pettitte, that’s FIVE. If you take out Pettitte and Hughes, that’s still THREE.

That’s not building from within?

Your “friend” is an asshole.

And so are you Mike.

Article by some other Yankee hating bitch.

Look! It's a writer who aspires to be as stupid and annoying
(and anti-Yankees) as Mike Lupica!

While we’re waiting for Lupica to dislodge his foot from his mouth after Arod told Boras to take a hike, we found a new asshole to bust on.

Here’s an article by Tim Brown, a brainiac from Yahoo! Sports…

Yankees' horror show looking like a sequel

A lot of fans considered the Yankees’ 2007 season to be one of the most exciting.

Glad to know you thought it was a horror show.

The horror show was actually playing at a different baseball stadium not too far away.

On the occasion of Alex Rodriguez's third American League MVP award and with his contract negotiations by now presumably in the seventh-inning stretch, this is a good time to consider what it is A-Rod so desperately desired to come back to.

How about the best chance at getting to the playoffs all ten years of his new contract?

The New York Yankees have lost 13 of their last 17 playoff games and basically dismissed their iconic manager because of it,

They didn’t “dismiss” Torre, you numbnuts, Torre turned down their more than generous offer.

and they just spent nearly $400 million to put the same product back on the field, only with potentially less pitching.

“Potentially less” pitching?

I don’t see Pavano or Igawa anywhere near Yankee Stadium, do you?

I see Joba, Kennedy and Hughes…I didn’t see them in the beginning of 2007.

By the way…

…anyone with half a brain knows that “potentially less” is the same thing as saying “potentially more”. It can go either way.

You just chose to put a negative spin on it to suit your less than stellar article.

Oh, and you also hate the Yankees. Which makes you a biased dick.

So, for the seventh consecutive winter the Yankees are working their way back from something less than a parade.

Along with about twenty five other teams.

Where’s your article about the Mets, yet again doing NOTHING with the NL’s highest payroll, for the 5th consecutive year?

Yes, the champion – again – is in Boston.

Again?

And here I thought the Cardinals won the year before.

Silly me.

The manager is in L.A.

Newsflash, asshole – Joe Torre, the guy who brought NO titles to the Yankees in the last seven years, IS NOT THE MANAGER OF THE YANKEES.

I love it. The Yankees don’t win the series for seven years and it everyone's fault except Joe Torre's, just because he decided to leave.

The ace of the staff – in standing if not numbers – is in Houston.

Roger Clemens is, too.

If they brought Clemens back, you would have thought it was a GOOD idea?

Jeez you are a dumb confused bitch.

They haven't been among the top five earned-run average staffs for four years, and in those four consecutive playoff series losses have had an ERA under 5 once. Their ERA against the Cleveland Indians this October was nearly 6.

Wait a minute! Are you trying to say there is a direct correlation between playoff series losses and poor pitching?!?!

NO WAY.

So THAT’S how you got a job writing about sports!

Hughes had a 2.73 ERA in September (beware the September numbers)

What the fuck does that even mean?

Chamberlain was sensational when not shellacked in insects.

True

Kennedy was great in three September starts, against Tampa Bay, Kansas City and Toronto.

Great! This all suggests that we’ll be better off than we were in the beginning of 2007, where our starting pitchers in the first month were:

Pavano
Pettitte
Mussina
Igawa
Rasner
Pavano
Wright
Karstens
Wang
Hughes

(Arod) being there will help.

Arod will "help"?

Ya think, genius?

The Yankees had better hope he brings his bat, though.

What…the…fuck…

Tim Brown, you are a stupid asshole.

Youth served as Phil Hughes bails out Roger Clemens

Low-paid rookie saves Joe Torre's job and Yankees' season.

This stupid ass article is about how Phil Hughes supposedly saved Joe Torre from extinction by putting forth a great effort in relief of Roger Clemens, whose hamstring wouldn't allow him to pitch more than 3 innings.

Phil Hughes, because he is a "low paid rookie".

Because, you see, a high priced veteran is not worthy of being called a hero in Mike Lupica's beady little eyes.

I'm not taking anything away from Phil Hughes; he did a great job in relief.

But...Where are the kudos for Johnny Damon? The guy went 3 for 4 with FOUR RBI!!

He basically hit a back-breaking three run home run, the one lone offensive bright spot in this series. The entire article was about Phil Hughes, and Johnny Damon, the one with the big contract who gets smacked around all the time by Lupica, barely gets a mention.

It was 2-0 for Cleveland by then, and long since obvious at Yankee Stadium that Clemens, pitching with a bad hamstring, pitching with an old man's legs and an old man's rag arm on this night, wasn't going to save Torre or the season or anything else.

This was before Johnny Damon tried to hit one to Gerard Avenue, before Damon hit the 3-run homer that really changed everything in Game 3 against the Indians.

What was that Lupica? What did Damon do?

Damon hit the 3-run homer

A three run homer!? Wow! That must have had quite an impact on the game Mike!

that really changed everything

Everything?

everything

Oh, but he gets paid a lot of money, so let's just gloss over what he did.

It's okay to give credit where credit's due, even if the player is due millions of dollars.

More Clemens bullshit

Here is Mike's take on Clemens pitching tonight.

Oh Christ, does anyone still care about his opinion on the Yankees, since it's just an unbelievably biased load of HORSE SHIT????

Clemens gets the ball against the Indians tonight. Even in the first round, it is the biggest game he has ever pitched for the Yankees, the one he made sound like it was practically his civic duty to come back and pitch when he announced his Yankee comeback, to all manner of Yankee foofaraw and fanfare, one Sunday afternoon at the Stadium.

Er, how is Game 3 of the 2007 ALDS more important than Game 7 of the 2001 World Series?

Retard.

Now Clemens, who hasn't pitched since Sept. 16, who was paid a million bucks a start to come back and has produced exactly six victories so far and a 6-6 record, isn't asked to put the Yankees ahead of the Indians. He is asked to keep the Yankee season, one he pledged to come back and save, very much alive.

Pedro Martinez 2007 "Fun Facts!"
Starts – five
Wins – three
Salary - $14 million
Pay per start - $2.8 million

Owned.

The Yankees look to him, and he has won big October games for the Yankees before - remember Game 2 against the Mets in the Subway Series of 2000?

Wha??

Game 2 of the World Series is huge? After winning Game 1?

Talk first about Clemens, asked to win the Geezer Game that Tom Glavine could not win for the Mets one week ago.

Tom Glavine couldn’t win, Pedro Martinez couldn’t win, El Duque couldn’t win…

Can they come back? After everything that has happened since the Yankees last won it all, I still think they will.

But don’t worry – if the Yankees blow it, good ole Mikey will be writing articles about it until the end of time.

One of the most famous starters in all of baseball history is supposed to save a season tonight.

Well, here’s the thing.

Clemens had to leave the game due to an injury.

DUE TO AN INJURY.

He didn’t fail because he sucked.

But…let’s look at players who DID fail, not because of injury, but because they SUCKED…

Jose Reyes, September 2007 - .205 BA. A total loser when he’s needed.

Pedro Martinez, September 27 – Needed a win against the lowly Cardinals, Pedro gets the loss.

Tom Glavine, September 30 – Got lit up like a dirty bitch in the last game of the season, effectively ending the Mets year.

* * *

How's Kaz Matsui looking these days?

Looks to me like he’s still playing, something I can’t say about Jose Reyes.

While we're on the subject of the Mets…

FINALLY, Mike is finally going to rip them to shreds, for folding at the end of the season like little bitches, for having the highest payroll in the NL and not even making the playoffs, for Jose Reyes playing worse than, well, worse than Kaz Matsui…

Before the business of next season begins in earnest, there is still a lot of work to be done this past season.

And that means Fred Wilpon, Jeff Wilpon, Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph - just the four of them, nobody else from the front office - have to get together in a room and sort things out.

That’s all we get?

Actually Mike said some more shit, but it was lame, and it CERTAINLY wasn’t knocking the Mets.

Jose Reyes went from being called the most exciting player in baseball, and even a possible MVP candidate…

Well, who was the dumb midget turd who said something stupid like that?

Please Mike, don’t act like it wasn’t you who was trying to get a reach-around from Reyes.

Jeez, you never say anything bad about Reyes – what’s the matter, he didn’t swallow last night?

…to being the third-best shortstop in his own DIVISION.

Well that’s what happens when you are in a powerhouse division like, uh, the, uh, NL East.

Oh, and that’s also what happens when you OVERRATE a player.

And it all seemed to happen faster than Reyes can go from first to third.

Ah - I knew you would sneak a compliment in there somehow. Nice touch – maybe he’ll swallow now.

Speaking of which – remember when Mr. Lupica said the following about Jose Reyes?

"In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate." – Shooting From The Lip, 3.4.07

Check out what was in today’s column…

there is still nothing better on a Sunday afternoon than watching Brett Favre - the Cal Ripken of his sport and the Henry Aaron of his sport - throw a football around the way he is right now for the Packers.

If you have Brett Favre in fantasy football, I think it’s time to unload him.

Maybe somebody needs to tell Tom Coughlin that he has absolutely no chance of keeping his job, and that bringing him back was the dumbest idea since "Temptation Island."

Dude, get the HELL out of your house. These reality TV references are getting creepy.

Go play ball or something outside with your kids…

…if they aren’t too embarrassed to be seen with you in public.

Enough Bullshit About Payroll

For years we've had to endure the same payroll bullshit from Mike The Douche Lupica.

The Yankee payroll is $200 million - every week, every month, every year, every article we have to hear about it. We get it. We did a little research about the Mets payroll - and guess what? Time to shove it up your ass, Mike.

You see, while the Yankees have had the highest payroll in the league, they have also made the playoffs every year.

Here's a quick breakdown for those of you (Lupica) who don't fucking get it.

(Click on the image, dumbass.)

Now, here's a breakdown of what the Mets have done since they last made the world series. I can't go all the way back to when they last WON the world series, for fear of crashing my hard drive.

(Click again, genius.)

So that's about three-quarters of a BILLION DOLLARS, and ONE PLAYOFF APPEARANCE!?

ONE DIVISION TITLE!?

TWO LAST PLACE FINISHES!?

And yet we have to hear, on a weekly fucking basis, how much the YANKEES LIKE TO SPEND!?

Mike, you are a fucking joke.

Go tell your golf buddy, Fred Wilpon, we said hi.

May be A-Rod's last shot to help Bombers opt into Series

Hello Lupica haters! Well look at this - no kissing the ass of Reyes, so you know what THAT means...

It's October Baseball time!

That's right! The time of year when the Yankees are getting ready to play and the Mets are getting ready to play golf.

It's also the time of year when Lupica starts to really hammer the Yankees, because his Mets are, once again, left out.

This article is all about, surprise, ARod!

In three Octobers with the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez has won nine postseason games.

Total.

You mean the Yankees won nine postseason games. Total.

Last time I checked, baseball is a team sport, numbnuts. One player cannot win a game by himself. Not even your butt buddy Jose Reyes, as we all saw this past September.

The most expensive baseball player in this world, the most famous this side of Barry Bonds because of the season he just had, now tries to do much better than that, starting tomorrow night against the Indians. So do the Yankees.

So wait - you are trying to say the Yankees AND Arod are trying to do better this postseason?Get the hell out of here - what a job uncovering that incredible story!

Mike is like Clark Kent, a newspaper writer who has the ability to turn into a super hero!!!

LOOK!!! Up in the sky!!!

It's a bird…

it's a plane…

it's…Repetitive Man!

Their payroll is always around $200 million.

Faster than a speeding bullet!!!

…we will see how aging starting pitching stands up for the Yankees at this time of year.

More powerful than a locomotive!!!

We will see about Roger Clemens, if and when he pitches, if the Family Guy can win the kind of postseason game for the Yankees that Randy Johnson - who was supposed to be the lefthanded Clemens here - never did in his 40s.

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!!!

What a douche. The same shit, over and over.

Is everything (Arod's) fault? Not on your life. No one has ever suggested that it is.

This coming from a guy who (more than) once said this -

…here is the progression for A-Rod, such as it is, since the Yankees made the big trade for him:

2004: Lose in the ALCS to the Red Sox, blowing a 3-0 lead in the process, the most epic calamity in the history of the organization.

2005: Lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Angels.

2006: Lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Tigers.

Tell me again how this is NOT suggesting it's ARod's fault?

But it is also fair to say that if he had done anything against the Angels, if he had somehow provided one huge offensive game against the Tigers - and why shouldn't we expect that from him? - then everything might have been different and the Yankees might already have their 27th world championship.

Maybe if ANYONE did ANYTHING MORE in those series, you wouldn't be writing this dumb fucking article, for the tenth time.

We know you love to lay the blame on Arod, because the Yankees made a great deal to get him, and because he has outperformed your bitch over in Flushing.

By the way, we're all waiting for the article(s) where you dump on Reyes for blowing the 2007 season for the Mets.

No one ever thought after the Subway Series of 2000 that the Yankees, spending the way they did, adding Randy Johnson in that time and Mussina and Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui and Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield, could ever go six years without winning it all.

The Mets spent more than everyone in the NL since they lost the World Series in 2000 - how has all that spending worked out for them?

Nobody thought Alex Rodriguez could go three years as a Yankee without a ring.

That's why people watch baseball - anything can happen.

Arod could go three years as a Yankee without a ring, the Mets can outspend all NL teams for SEVEN YEARS and only have ONE POSTSEASON to show for it.

Funny how you only mention the Yankees.

Fuck you.

Who Else Hates Mike Lupica?

I'm always doing research on this little punk ass bitch, hoping to find something I can use against him, other than the obvious (shortness, always hammering the Yankees, being in love with Reyes, shortness, etc) and I recently stumbled upon some funny shit.I've heard about former ESPNer Jason Whitlock talking shit about Mike Lupica. In case you missed it, here is what he said about Lupidouche...

Q: In one of your most memorable appearances on The Sports Reporters, you got into a tiff with Mike Lupica and Mitch Albom when you said sports was just ‘entertainment.’ Lupica told you to go work on ‘Entertainment Tonight.’ You haven’t appeared with either of them since. Have the three of you kissed and made up?

Whitlock: I don't have a problem with Mitch Albom. Lupica is an insecure, mean-spirited busybody. He's upset because I put a clown suit on him on that show and in a follow-up column I wrote for ESPN. His little disingenuous overreaction to an opinion I'd stated previously on the show was staged to try to put me in a bad light. I guess no one had ever informed Mike that the 'E' in ESPN stood for Entertainment. The Little Fella probably won't let the producer (Joe Valerio) have me back on the show again. That's cool. They're mostly upset that I wouldn't participate in their Barry Bonds witch hunt and help them single Bonds out as the creator of steroids. Lupica doesn't like to be disagreed with, and he's spoken so abusively to that producer for years that the producer probably doesn't realize people are allowed to disagree with Lupica. I enjoyed my time on the show. But if the price of admission is stepping to Lupica's drum, I'm more than happy to go without.

Pretty funny shit!

Anyway, here's another sports reporter dishing the dirt on turd burglar Lupica...New York Post's very own Mike Vaccaro...I have no idea who asked him this question, but who gives a shit...

Q: We have to ask about Lupica. There are at least two other NY-area writers who wanted to do interviews with us, but wouldn’t because of the Lupica question. Are you and Lupica on speaking terms? We’ve got our own theories as to why the masses detest the guy, but do you have any idea as to why he’s so loathed? At the same time … how much of a rivalry is there between the sports guys at both papers?

Vaccaro: I can only speak for myself here, but there are two problems I have with what’s become of him. First, and foremost, is that he simply doesn’t put nearly as much time or effort into the column as he once did. That’s indisputable. He does TV. He writes books, sometimes two a year. He writes his left-wing screeds in the Daily News on Wednesdays. So it’s clear the column suffers for that. He hardly ever travels. He hasn’t covered one Knicks game in person this year, despite ripping them every week. And that’s just the obvious symptoms. Beyond that, I’ve heard him give his explanation for why he doesn’t show up as often anymore, and it’s essentially this: After nearly 30 years writing a column in New York, he’s not going to see anything he hasn’t already seen before. And to me, that not only insults those of us who do think it’s worthwhile to get to the ballpark and the arena—specifically the other columnists at the News who have to make up for the work he finds so unnecessary and inconsequential—but it’s an affront to the very essence of column writing, which is to be accountable and available, to be there.The other issue I have, frankly, is the way he treats people. I’ve been around too many good, talented people who also write columns for a living—Dave Anderson leaps to mind, and Harvey Araton, and Filip Bondy, and Mark Kriegel, and Bob Ryan, Steve Serby, and Bill Plaschke; it’s a substantial list—who believe that treating others properly is just as much a part of having a high-profile job as anything else. They won’t throw a public fit if they don’t like the seat they’ve been given. They won’t threaten to have people fired in a hissy fit. One of the great ironies, to me, is that Mike made his bones in this business by standing up to Dick Young, who in his declining years became a bitter ideologue who took great pleasure in ripping other writers in his columns. Young, I have to believe, is having a great laugh right now whenever he reads Lupica writing about “the coverage” of the local teams from high atop his Connecticut perch.

As for our relationship, we have none. It ended when I came to the Post, he started lobbing subtle, stupid shots at me in his “Lip” column and I started returning fire in my Sunday column. It’s unfortunate. The guy used to be a hero of mine.

Holy SHIT!! That is GOLD, JERRY!!! If anyone else finds any dirt on butt pirate Lupica, please email it to me.

We'll all have a good laugh at his expense!

From: JTPYX 1977:

I'm at college and the guy in the room next door is a jounalism major. He's writing a paper on Sports Journalism and he calls a young Daily News columnist, Mike Lupica. Believe it or not, Lupe is cool and helps my dorm-mate out.

1987:As a Jet fan, I travel to CLE to watch the JETS play the Browns in the playoffs. It was a SATURDAY game. The Giants are playing the next day so the whole NY press corps is on the plane with us the next morning....heading back to NY at 7:30. I see Lupica struggling to put something in the overhead (he's actually so short he'd have trouble putting something UNDER his seat) and I say, "You look a lot like Mike Lupica." Ever gracious, he fucking ignores me....(I'm 2 feet away)....so, I follow up with, "Dont'cha?" He snottily replies, "Yeah, I'm his twin brother." Turns out the shithead has the seat right next to me, so he's stuck with the "reader" for 2 hrs or so. What a douchebag.

1997: I get a job in media and I have the chance to go to JET games in the press box. Lupe doesn't make it out to too many things but one day....there he is....front and center in the press box at the M'lands. He's so attention-starved that he never shuts the fuck up. Talking loudly and constantly he just makes a pest of himself to the 50 people w/in earshot. I've been to about 20 games in the press box and he's the only one with the "look at me - look at me" diva-vibe going on. What a punk.

Mets' last stop on the 7 train

Mets come up with unlucky 7's everywhere.

Unlucky.

This is how the Mets got to where they are - as in, “out of the playoffs”.

It had nothing to do with their 17 game free fall.

It had nothing to do with Reyes turning into Rafael Santana in September.

It had nothing to do with Glavine being “disappointed” in the Mets final game of the season, where he gave up 7 runs in the first inning.

It had nothing to do with Omar Minaya carelessly spending $115,231,663 on a team that couldn’t beat the lowly Marlins and Nationals in the last two weeks of the season.

No, in the sad lonely world of Mike Lupica, the Mets are now officially out of the playoffs because of bad luck.

Can you imagine the nasty article we would have gotten if the Yankees folded?

How many times were we reminded by Lupicock that this season would be on the head of the players, coaches, and management if they didn’t make the playoffs?

How often did we have to hear these two numbers – 200 million, and 1 billion?

The Yankees have spent a billion dollars in the last 6 years, and what do they have to show for it?

At least they make the fucking playoffs.

The Mets spent ¾ of a billion dollars in the last 6 years.

What did they get for that?

One division title.

One.

One second place finish. (The most money ever spent without making the playoffs).

One third place finish.

One fourth place finish.

TWO LAST PLACE FINISHES.

Will Mikey mention the payroll in this final Mets article?

Will he talk about how they are now the proud owners of the worst collapse in MLB history?
This wasn't what the Mets were supposed to be on the last day of the season." Considering they absolutely SUCKED the last two weeks, why is Mikey surprised?

This wasn't supposed to be the end of baseball at Shea.

Newsflash – baseball ended at Shea on September 14.

There was at least supposed to be another game in Philadelphia, one more chance to win the National League East.

No, bitch.

No.

When you have a 7 game lead and cough up EIGHT games, it’s over Johnny… OVER!

But that chance was gone after the top of the first inning yesterday, gone when it was 7-0 for the Marlins against Tom Glavine; now these last innings were the last part of it for the Mets, as bad an ending as any New York sports team has ever had.

Let’s be honest – the WORST ending any New York sports team has ever had.

Now it was officially ending for them inside Shea an inning at a time and an out at a time, even though you knew it had really ended in the top of the first yesterday.

Please.

You counted the Yankees out in May.

You waited till the last day of September to count the Mets out, even though they mailed it in 2 weeks ago?

So observant.

Now down the steps in the top of the seventh came Giana Luca of Whitestone. She is 75 and was with her family, and goes all the way back with her Mets, can still tell you all about the day, a much better baseball day than this, when Gary Carter came into the candy store she used to own in Corona.

You know why Lupica had to interview a 75 year old?

Because the Mets HAVEN’T WON A WORLD SERIES IN 21 YEARS - NO ONE ELSE THERE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER IT.

She came in with the Mets at the Polo Grounds and has had all these years at Shea, and now here she was outside what will be her team's new home, a spectacular new home, in 2009.

Spectacular new home!?

Your team just FOLDED LIKE FUCKING CARDBOARD IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS OF THE SEASON, AND YOU ARE CALLING THEIR NEW BALLPARK “SPECTACULAR”!?!!?

What a giant dick!

What’s the chance the new Yankee Stadium would have gotten a Lupica endorsement like that, had they never made it back to the playoffs?

What total bullshit.

She smiled. "They gave me some ride for two whole years and then everything went wrong in two weeks. But that's baseball, isn't it?"

Two whole years?

She must mean 1969 and 1986.

When the Yankees seemed to have fallen apart this year, when they were 14 games behind the Red Sox, it was still May. The Mets did it all wrong, the worst way, falling apart when they did in September, falling apart the way no other team had ever fallen apart with 17 to play in baseball.

And therein lies the difference:

2007 Mets – fell apart.

2007 Yankees – playoff bound.

And when the Mets got one last chance, winning their Saturday game big on a day the Phillies lost, they showed up with nothing yesterday.

Fuck, they had TWELVE CHANCES in TWO WEEKS, you jerkoff!

"At least they gave me yesterday," Giana Luca said, then she walked slowly toward the parking lot, the shell of Citi Field on her right, Shea and her team's season behind her, quiet everywhere.

A seven-game lead gone forever. 7-0 Marlins in the top of the first. Last stop on the 7 train.

Great, so where’s the knock on Reyes completely shitting a brick in September?

Where’s the diss of Milledge, jogging after Willis’ double, turned into a triple?

Where’s the diss of Delgado, who fell off the face of the earth?

How about Omar?

And where the FUCK is the mention of the payroll!?!?!

We’re always getting how much the Yankees spent since their last world championship, well what the fuck – how much have the fucking Mets spent since 1986!?

I AM PISSED OFF.

Pedro is GOD OF THE METS!!!!

Look at how Lupicock is still in spin mode, this time for Pedro, as the rest of the team completely falls on their face.

No Reyes to squeal about, no Glavine, no Beltran.

Just Pedro.

The lone bright spot for the Mets.

He is 3-1.

HAHAHAHAAHA The ONE GREAT pitcher for the Mets – THREE AND ONE!

Please.

He started 13 fewer games than Roger Clemens and still has half as many wins.

1. Only fools judge a pitcher’s worth on their number of wins.

2. Pedro is 35 and Clemens is 44 – who had less starts this year due to injuries?

3. Who had less starts in the last THREE years due to injuries?

4. I forgot – who’s going to the post season?

If one other big guy on the Mets pitching staff had shown up like this, the Mets would have won the NL East already and be setting things up so that Pedro, who wasn't around all summer, could pitch Game 1 against somebody this week.

What the hell is this idiot talking about?

Shown up like Pedro? Pedro LOST his last start, you dopey moron!

AND someone else DID show up to pitch. Maine threw a one-hitter on Saturday, and the Mets STILL didn’t win the NL East.

You even wrote a FUCKING ARTICLE ABOUT MAINE'S GAME, YOU DOUCHE. YOU FORGOT ALREADY!?!? Jeez, Reyes chokes down the stretch, and you start singing the praises of Pedro, who lost his last start. Holy Christ this shithead is amazing.

He worked harder than ever and came back and the other night, when he gave his team the seven innings he did, he could have helped save the Mets if he had gotten any help from all those who are supposed to be hitting stars on this team: Reyes, Wright, Beltran, Delgado.

Look genius…if Pedro was such a hero, he wouldn’t have to rely on his hitters to get him a win.

Three runs in 7 innings is hardly the work of a hero.

He missed the end of last year and saw his team fall one game short of the World Series, really one pitch short - the one to Yadier Molina in Game 7 - and didn't get the chance to close his New York deal.

At 34 years old, he went 9-8, then bowed out of the season due to an injury.

A true hero, indeed.

He came back this September, ready to deal. He pitched 28 innings and struck out 32 with that repaired right shoulder and had a 2.57 September ERA. He was every bit the star he was supposed to be.

Except for the last game he pitched.

Who else, of the Mets stars, can say the same right now?

Since their season is over?

No one.

* * *

You have to say there is at least the possibility Red Sox vs. Yankees wouldn't have been this close if Manny Ramirez hadn't missed an entire month down the stretch.

Yes, let’s all give the Red Sox a big gay hug for somehow managing to hold on to a division lead that went from 14.5 games to 1.5 games.

Fascinating.

It would only have been like the Yankees losing Jeter for a month.

In 2003 Jeter was out for a month and a half with a dislocated shoulder; Yankees easily won the division by 6 games.

I’m quite sure you made no mention of that back in 2003.

Every time I see a picture of Lindsay Lohan's old man, or read more quotes from him, I imagine him having to go 12 rounds with one of the Klitschko brothers.

First one.

Then the other.

Wave the three-knockdown rule.

Why does Lupica have such a hard-on for Lindsay Lohan? I don’t even get what the hell he said about her dad. Does he find it funny to knock her all the time? She’s old news, and cracking on her and her family has gotten old.

Really.

Old.

Say it again: The Yankees better win the World Series and Family Guy Clemens better have a hand in doing that, or the pro-rated $28 million salary is as big a waste of money as Kei Igawa.

Say THIS again, or even ONCE…The 2007 Mets – the all-time biggest waste of $115,231,663.

Wow, doesn’t that have such a pleasant ring to it?

Oh yeah, he better give them a bang for their buck in October.

Or else what?

He was a big part of the Yankees getting to the post-season.

Pedro was a big part of getting the Mets to the October golf course, whether you like it or not.

I still think the Yankees should start David Cone in Game 3 of any series.

Well, he certainly can’t start for the Mets in Game 3 of any postseason series, now can he?

At least not this year.

The Yankees had to play their division series in Cleveland the last time they were a wild card, which didn't exactly work out so great exactly 10 years ago.

And Yankees fans should be concerned about that, because the 2007 Indians are the SAME EXACT TEAM as the 1997 Indians.

Jeez, even the 2007 Mets resemble their 1997 team better, due to neither team MAKING THE PLAYOFFS.

Which New York team COULD have the better ending?

As the regular season winds down, the Yankees and Mets are both racing to the post-season, the Yankees like a nuclear missle…and the Mets like a pack of wet firecrackers.

Take a look at how Mister Met Lupica puts his special “I hate the Yankees” spin on New York baseball…

Mets first…

The Mets could continue to stagger to the wire, manage to just hold off the Phillies, blow just about all of the 7½ -game lead they had over the Phillies with just over two weeks left. Then they could end up winning the World Series.

OK then coughcoughkeepdreamingassholecough…now let’s look at his Yankees analysis…

The Yankees could catch the Red Sox and still go out in the first round again, to either the Angels or the Indians, depending how things break.

Can you believe this bullshit?

I love it – when the Yankees are doing better than the Mets, Mike writes about how the Mets COULD BE better than the Yankees.

Brilliant!

“Brilliant”, as in, “fucking stupid”!!!

The AL East race still has juice

Here we go – the last series between the Yankees and Red Sox this season, and Lupica has to check in with his incredible load of shit.

Diss #1 - never in this world was a team as loaded as the Yankees supposed to be 14 1/2 games off the lead at the end of May.

Diss #2 - The Yankees try to come all the way back and not have to play the Angels in the first round of the playoffs, because if they do, they could be one round and out for a third year in a row.

Diss #3 - The Yankees have overcome a lot. The Red Sox have overcome more, are 9-3 in September without Manny Ramirez.

Isn't it funny how EVERY TEAM has "overcome" more than the Yankees?

UPDATE: Since this article was printed, the “great” Red Sox have gone 1-5, and the “loaded” Yankees have gone 5-1.

Just for shits and giggles, Lupica’s team, the Mets, have also gone 1-5 since this article was written.

Oops, the Mets just blew it against the powerhouse Marlins, giving up three runs in the 9th and one in the 10th.

One and SIX.

Awesome.

Diss #4 - The Yankees? They are playing the way they were supposed to play all along, especially with a team full of stars, and another payroll pushing $200 million.

YAY! It’s the “$200 million” line that all Yankees fans have come to love!

It’s just not a Lupica article without the mention of the Yankees payroll.

For the last time, this Yankee team isn't a "Rocky" movie.

Yeah, it’s a baseball team, not a movie.

Thanks for the update, you midget genius.

The other night, the Yankees went up against the Blue Jays with Alex Rodriguez, the MVP of everything, and Jorge Posada, an MVP candidate himself in any other season except A-Rod's. They had Robinson Cano and Hideki Matsui and Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon. They had Derek Jeter…

Here comes the backhanded Jeter “compliment”!

…who still has the numbers, even though they seem pretty soft this time.

Pretty soft?

Let’s compare "soft"Jeter to Lupica’s butt buddy, Jose Reyes.

You know, Lupica’s “most exciting player in New York”?

Jeter
BA - .318
RBI - 67
SLG - .440
OBP - .388
OPS - .828
OPS+ - .123

Reyes
BA - .289
RBI - 50
SLG - .427
OBP - .362
OPS - .789
OPS+ - 108

And let's not forget...

NUMBER OF TIMES BENCHED FOR NOT HUSTLING
Jeter - 0
Reyes - 1

The only thing "soft" is Lupica around a hot chick.

Around Reyes?

That's another story.

The Red Sox have been vulnerable for awhile. The Red Sox should have added a hitter instead of Eric Gagne at the trade deadline, and paid for it when Gagne came over and blew three games fast. If that doesn't happen, the East is over already. Only it's not. Manny is hurt, Tim Wakefield got hurt and has had two bad starts since coming back, Daisuke Matsuzaka - tonight's Red Sox starter - has looked tired over his last several starts, and as hittable against everybody else as he usually is against the Yankees.

Holy shit, GIVE IT A REST, MIKE!!

When the Red Sox have hurt or underachieving players, they are “vulnerable”.

When the Yankees have hurt or underachieving players, Lupica writes jokes about them for months and reminds us how the Yankees have overpaid for their entire team.

Nice double standard, you dopey douche bag.

Maybe you and crybaby Youkilis should share a nice tender hug together. Candy ass bitches.

Lupica starting to make shit up

Lucky us, the Dirty Bitch Lupica barely touched on the Yankees this week. Probably because they went 4-2 since his last putrid article.

Joba Chamberlain is going to be a big Yankee starter, I get that.

Wow, Mike. Impressive.

Going to be such a tremendous Yankee starter that they can't pitch him two days in a row while he's a reliever. I get that.

Gee, Mike, nothing gets past you!

What I don't get: Why can't Joba Chamberlain be groomed to be the Mo Rivera of the future?

Ah Christ, I knew it wouldn’t last.

You dumb fuck – who said he can’t be groomed to be the closer?

Ever hear of Dave Righetti?

You think we'd be hearing about how brave Roger Clemens is, pitching through elbow problems and blister problems, if his record were 10-2 instead of 6-6?

Who the FUCK is calling Clemens “brave”?

I swear to Christ, Lupica makes this shit up when there is nothing left to rag on the Yankees about.

First it was the Yankees announcers who “cheered” too much for them to win – Shooting From The Lip, 8-19-07.

Then it was Hughes being regarded as the “best prospect in the land” – Shooting From The Lip, 9.02.07.

Now everyone is supposedly calling Clemens “brave”?

Mike, put down the crack pipe, you are hallucinating again…

They know the age is 45, but they expect him to pitch like his number, which is 22.

Oh, haha.

Ha.

Tim McCarver’s on the phone…he wants his sense of humor back.

If the Yankees had lost Derek Jeter at the end of August and the beginning of September the way the Red Sox have lost Manny Ramirez with an oblique injury...there'd be talk of Purple Hearts all around, right?

Uh, no, because Manny Ramirez has a history of September “ailments” that seem to magically elude MRI’s and x-rays.

When Jeter gets hurt, he plays through it, like he has been with his busted up knee.

But, it’s okay, because it’s Manny “being Manny”!

Manny’s built-in injury excuse is…himself!

The only one who deserves a Purple Heart is Jeter, because he plays through pain.

And Lupica deserves a kick in the balls for constantly dissing him.

Yanks sweep Red Sox; what does Lupica say about it?

Unbelievable.

The Yankees played perhaps their best series of the season, and the Mets played their worst, and Yankees still get the shaft from Lupica. What a tool.

Here’s a quick list of which Yankees take the hit from Lupica this week…

Carl Pavano (shock)
Phil Hughes
Joba Chamberlain

Beckham's contract could turn out to be a bigger waste of money than Carl Pavano's, if such a thing is possible.

Is Lupica basing this on injuries, or performance?

Because I can think of plenty of players not worth their contract based on performance…

Robert Alomar
Roger Cedeno
Jeromy Burnitz
Kaz Matsui

But see, those names just aren’t as funny as Carl Pavano’s.

I mean, that HAS to be the reason Lupica is still mentioning his name 4 months after season-ending surgery, right?

Who declared Phil Hughes the greatest pitching prospect in all the land, the Yankee announcers?

Uh, well, YOU, apparently, considering no one else has declared him the greatest pitching prospect in all the land.

You know who the Mets want to be?

The Yankees?

They want to be the team that beat them out of going to the World Series last year.

Please explain.

Last September, the Cardinals had a seven-game lead on the 20th of September and proceeded to lose eight of their next nine games and saw their lead in the NL Central shrink to a half game. Five weeks later they had won it all. The Mets can do the same thing.

HAHAAHA Oh Christ, that’s some good comedy right there.

Right now, you know the only guy the Mets have who has wildly over-performed this season?

Marlon Anderson.

Who?

The Yankees can act as if Joba Chamberlain is the most wrongly accused guy since Capt. Alfred Dreyfus, but guess what?

Worst fucking reference of all time.

Throwing over Kevin Youkilis' head in a blowout game the other day, at the end of a three-game sweep, was bush league.

Red Sox pitchers have been beaning Yankee batters for the last ten fucking years, but Joba throwing near Youkilis is bush league?

Seriously, are you retarded?

If it was some sort of accident, let's see the next time he puts two over a guy's head on successive pitches.

If Joba wanted to hit him, don’t you think he would have?

Oh, haha, silly me…I expected Lupica to do some thinking.

My bad.

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

METS PRESS RELEASE (link)

FLUSHING, N.Y. -- The New York Mets today announced that a sold out crowd in excess of 400 guests helped raise more than $500,000 at last night's Mets Foundation "Teammates in the Community" charity event sponsored by NetJets at Richards in Greenwich, Conn.

The Mets Foundation will distribute the proceeds of the event to a variety of worthy causes selected by Mets ownership and players who participated in last night's live auction including the Boys & Girls Club of Greenwich, Cure Childhood Cancer Foundation, Esperanza, Harlem RBI, Extra Bases Foundation, Ronald McDonald House of Durham, NC, Second Chance Learning Center, David Wright Foundation, Willie Randolph Foundation.

The live auction emceed by Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca and author/journalist Mike Lupica raised $277,000 and featured unique Mets experiences such as a wine tasting and lunch at a Manhattan restaurant with wine connoisseurs Tom Seaver and Rusty Staub, shagging fly balls with Carlos Beltran, a batting clinic with Carlos Delgado, playing a round of golf with Tom Glavine, a personal Spanish lesson with "Profesor" Jose Reyes, and personal instruction on playing any position on the field with David Wright. The prizes will be fulfilled in the weeks ahead.

The New York Mets Foundation, founded in 1963, funds and promotes a variety of charitable causes, including educational, social and athletic programs for young people in the community. A registered 501(c) 3 charity, the Mets Foundation takes no portion of contributed funds to offset administrative costs. Every dollar contributed to the Foundation is directed to accomplishing its mission.

NetJets made a major contribution to sign on as the presenting sponsor of this charitable event. The pioneer and worldwide leader in fractional aircraft ownership, NetJets allows individuals and companies to enjoy all the benefits of owning your own jet and more at a fraction of the cost.

Yanks to blame if they miss playoffs...NO SHIT!

Big news, Lupica haters…This week, Lupica decided to write about something other than bashing the Yankees.

Just kidding! It’s the same bullshit that Lupica has been writing about for the last month or so…if the Yankees don’t make the playoffs, it's on the heads of Torre, Cashman, and the players!

No shit!? I thought the tee shirt vendors across the street were to blame!

Thanks for the heads up, Master of the Obvious!

If the Yankees had won a game against the Tigers that started late Friday night and ended at 3:30 Saturday morning, nobody would have been blaming Major League Baseball because of when it started and when it finished, or looking to point fingers as soon as Carlos Guillen's 3-run dinger cleared the fence.

Nobody would have been mad at anybody and Joe Torre wouldn't have been at a loss for words when it was over. Are you kidding? It would have been a brand new episode of "Yankeeography"!

Actually, the Yankee announcers were complaining about it before the game even started…remember, the announcers that YOU keep ripping for being "homers"?

Oh sure. If a Yankee had hit the home run Guillen hit for the Tigers, the whole thing would have been classified as an instant pinstriped classic.

Newsflash: the ending time of a game does not dictate whether or not the game is a classic, you clueless bitch.

The Yankees want to be the late show of this baseball season, here and everywhere. Want to be, should be.

For a columnist who blasts us with run-on sentences on a weekly basis, this is probably the BEST run-on sentence he has ever written.

Give them all props for coming back the way they have...

Practice what you preach, you stupid midget.

But remember something as they make one last run: This isn't "The Little Engine That Could." Or even close.

Uh oh, do I smell a team salary comment coming up?

This is another $200 million team…

BINGO!!!

Mike Lupica, leading the charge in bringing us new and exciting facts about our favorite New York sports teams…well, that, and regurgitating THE SAME BULLSHIT FOR YEARS…

The reality of this Yankee team is that if it doesn't make it to the postseason, which would mean the first Yankee team since 1993 not to make it to the postseason…

1993? That would mean the Yankees made the postseason in 1994.

Wow, remember how great that postseason was?

Me neither.

The Yankees have their team now. If they don't win with it, then the deal is the same as it's been all along: Somebody over there ought to have some explaining to do.

Just because the deal is the same doesn’t mean your column has to be the same, every week, for two months.

Have they had to overcome a lot? They have.

Uh oh…here comes the Mets comparison!

You think the Mets haven't?

I swear to god, you can set your watch to Mike Lupica.

The Mets haven't had Pedro Martinez since last summer. What comparable long-term pitching loss have the Yankees had since then?

Holy shit, cry me a river, Mike!

Go cry to the Mets for not picking up a pitcher in the offseason to fill in for the hurt Pedro.

Torre has his team. It is a team that has fought back, over the last three months, as well as any he has had. Now that team is supposed to finish the job. No medals for trying. At least not at these prices.

That’s right Mike - the season shouldn’t even be played, because the Yankees have the highest payroll, they should automatically be in the postseason.

Funny - I don’t recall Mike going ape shit like this when the Mets were dying in last place with the highest payroll in the National League.

***

I will watch "Big Brother 8" before I watch another single minute of NFL preseason football.

Shouldn’t sports columnists be more into things like, you know, SPORTS, rather than outdated reality TV shows?

I'm thinking now that I should have gotten with Roger Clemens' trainer when I turned 45.

Please Mike, you were a lost cause back when you were in elementary school…remember, when you always got picked last for pick up games?

When David Ortiz hits the way he has hit the last couple of weeks, the Red Sox are better.

So let me get this straight...when Ortiz is better, the Red Sox are better?

Quality insight right there.

Did you know, the team win the most runs after nine innings, wins?

I can't lie: I wasn't watching when Bonds hit No. 761 the other night.

Oh Mike, you are such an outstanding sports fan.

NO ONE outside of San Francisco was watching either.

I have a feeling that Bonds homerun was only one of many baseball events that Lupica has missed.

Seeing there is so much bad reality TV to watch.

Oh my god the BASHING NEVER ENDS!!!

Welcome back, Lupica haters!

Last Friday, the Yankees started a stretch in their schedule where they were going to start playing a bunch of playoff contenders for about a month. Let's take a look at how they made out so far.

8.10.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 6-1
8.11.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 11-2
8.12.07 - Beat second place Indians on the road - 5-3
8.13.07 - Beat Orioles at home - 7-6
8.14.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 12-0
8.15.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 6-3
8.16.07 - Lost to first place Tigers at home - 8-5
8.17.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home- 6-1
8.18.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 5-2
8.19.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 9-3

So what can we take from this?

1. The Yankees knocked TWO first place teams into second place.

2. So far, during this "rough stretch" of their schedule, they have played .700 ball.

3. Some douche bags (cough cough Sweeny Murti cough) said the rough stretch didn't start until they played Detroit. In that case, the Yankees are playing .750 ball.

4. Before this rough stretch started, the Yankees were six games out of first place...after 10 games, they are now FOUR games out of first (thanks Gagne, your check is in the mail).

You may be asking yourself, "well, this is all great news, but what does it have to do with that little bitch Mike Lupica?" Well guess what? The little fuck never mentions ONE THING about how the Yankees are completely tearing it up, even after wiping their asses with Cleveland and Detroit. We get the SAME BULLSHIT that Lupica thinks is important...payroll, Giambi, payroll, Pavano, payroll...

Gee, Giambi just makes you believe in happy endings all over again, doesn't he?

Oh my GOD give it a fucking rest with Giambi!

He did steroids, he apologized for it, he met with Mitchell about it, he got a nice pat on the back and he is back to playing again.

By the way, you know who DOESN'T make me believe in happy endings?

Mike's little bitch Guillermo Mota; you know, Public Enemy Number One over in Flushing? He got busted for roids, got suspended, got RE-SIGNED by the Mets, and now he is blowing games left and right for Tom Glavine. Come to think of it, Mota's stupid resigning by the Mets IS a happy ending.

Joe Torre is too old to have to answer questions about Gary Sheffield.

Old? Is that the best adjective Lupica could come up with?

How about "smart"?

How about not even asking Torre about Sheffield, since Sheffield is a fucking moron?

God forbid the NY media sticks to things that NY sports fans actually care about.

There was all this thought after the Red Sox got Eric Gagne that the race in the American League East was over.

But now that he's blown three games in his last nine, Red Sox fans are sort of thinking that the race would be over if they'd never gotten the big guy.

This is as close as Lupica gets to giving the Yankees props. God forbid he actually comes right out and says the Yanks are playing great. Lupica dumps all the credit on Gagne.

What a dick.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for - the weekly "Mention How Much Money The Yankees Like To Spend" moment!

You want to know the difference between the Yankees economy - still - and everybody else's?

They not only spend $52 million on Johnny Damon and $40 million on Carl Pavano and $26 million on Kei Igawa, but when the time comes to write them off, whatever the reasons, it's like some kind of check-writing speed bump.

He could have mentioned how the Yankees filled in open roster spots more than adequately with farm guys like Melky, Shelley Duncan, Hughes, and Chamberlain.

He could have made a favorable comparison to the Yankees trade deadline moves versus the Red Sox getting Gagne.

Haha holy shit! What was I thinking? This is Mike Lupica we're talking about! Haha!

Thank god for Lupica - without him, I would never know anything about Carl Pavano.

There has always been a fair amount of rooting on YES, because that's what you get on all state-run baseball television.

But this year, as the Yankees have come back, there has been more than ever.

I guess this is Lupica's new angle. Since he can't knock the surging Yankees, he'll knock the fucking announcers!?

What the hell, he was bashing the Yankee announcers a few weeks ago too - jeez, who knew that Lupica likes to repeat himself, over and over?

And over?

What a shocker.

I guess it's wrong for the YES announcers to root for the Yankees, but it's ok for a bitch like Lupica to slam them on a weekly basis.

Please.

By the way, while the guys on YES are "rooting" for the Yankees, what the hell is going on in the Mets broadcast booth?

They are an 8-ball and a Wally Backman away from having the entire 1986 team up in there.

Which is kind of ironic - what do the current Mets and the '80s Mets have in common?

They are both massive underachievers.

Yet another topic Lupica wouldn't dare touch on.

This week, it's Clemens that takes the hit!

UPDATED 8.08.07

Oh, look, everyone! Our favorite little dirty bitch Mikey wrote ANOTHER Yankee bashing article! This stupid ass has NOTHING better to write about? How about the Mets losing their grip on first place? How about the Yankees working their way into the Red Sox backyard? How about the Yankees in the wildcard race?

No such luck - we get the usual anti-Yankee bullshit. Again.

There has been nothing remarkable about Clemens except his salary.

Actually, the remarkable thing is that Mikey keeps slamming the Yankees, while the Red Sox lead has been melting away on a daily basis, and the Mets are 17-15 since July 1st.

He is 3-5 and should be 3-6, because when you put your team in an 8-0 hole the way he did on Thursday afternoon and your team ends up losing the game, you're the losing pitcher.

So Mikey wants to tack on extra losses because of Thursday's disaster, but he says nothing about the games Clemens should have won.

June 15 vs Mets (first place team), 6.1 IP, 2 ER, Clemens loses 2-0.
July 7 vs Angels (first place team), 8 IP, 1 ER, Clemens loses 2-1.
July 18 vs Bjays, 6 IP, 1 ER, Clemens gets ND.

Clemens should have gotten the win in those 3 games - so he should actually be 6-4.

But why would Mikey want to confuse anyone with facts when he can just as easily put his stupid ass anti-Yankee spin on everything?

By the way Mikey, how many of those eight runs were earned?

Oh, right. Three.

The Yankees better make the playoffs and Clemens better pitch better the rest of the way, or you know what he is? He is more wasted pitching money.

Oh my god, the horror! Please say it isn't so!

The way Igawa is. The way Carl Pavano was.

Only a dumb baised shit like Lupica would compare Clemens to the likes of Igawa and Pavano.

The Yankees didn't spend high this week to go out and rent - or even buy - a top reliever like Eric Gagne, one who fits their current needs much better than he fits Boston's. Why?

Because they didn’t want to give up anyone named Cano, Cabrera, Hughes, Chamberlain, or Kennedy for some fat mess who'll become a free agent at the end of the season? Because they didn’t want to sell the farm, which you always say they do? You dick?

Because they have already rented the most expensive high-rent pitcher in the history of baseball: Clemens. They are paying him $1 million a start and so far they have gotten three wins out of him.

1. The Yankees can afford it.

2. Three wins that should have been six. (See the numbers above…they are called stats, Mikey).

(Randy) Johnson had an earned run average of 5.00 last season, on his way to 17 victories. Clemens is a little bit under that as he has gotten to 3-5 in those 11 million-dollar starts.

Clemens ERA is 4.23. How is that considered a little bit under 5? That’s almost a full point.

Before Thursday's debacle, Clemens ERA was 3.92.

UPDATE 8.08.07

Clemens gave up one run in 6 innings last night, so his ERA is now 4.00.

Once again, NOT a little bit under 5.

Thanks for not being biased. Again.

Asshole.

Clemens has the 3rd best ERA of all the Yankees starters - exactly what the Yankees expected of him; the third starter.

If the Yankees don't make the playoffs, and if this is all Clemens has, then he is just another pitcher in decline who came here for a lot of Yankee money …Kevin Brown was that guy (trade) and Javy Vazquez was that guy (trade), so were Jose Contreras ($5 mil) and Randy Johnson (trade).

Nice job, Mikey! Three of the four guys you said came here for "a lot of Yankee money" were traded here.

Can you believe this ass munch actually gets paid to write this shit?

I was waiting for Matsui to put the whole thrilla thing back into the Godzilla thing.

Well, now that Matsui is kicking ass all over the league, will you give him props, like you do with all your bitches over in Flushing?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

By the way, I think the reason most people rooted the way they have for A-Rod to hit No. 500 is so Yankee announcers would stop treating routine fly balls to the outfield like the most exciting thing to happen in baseball since Bobby Thomson's home run.

Uh…what?

People cheered for Arod to hit his 500th homerun to protest the Yankee announcers' coverage of routine fly balls?

If anyone can comprehend what the fuck Lupica is trying to say here, please let me know.

Oh, I keep forgetting. Mikey just wants to slam the Yankees, Yankee fans, Yankee announcers, Yankee hats, Yankee keychains.

You know, like most objective sports columnists.

How many Yankees can Lupica bash in one article?

UPDATED 7.24.07

Let’s just get right to the bullshit, because there is plenty of it this week.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether Joe Torre is managing a Saturday night game against the Devil Rays in July, or a deciding game in the playoffs.

Newsflash, shithead – the Yanks have to play every game the rest of the way like it’s a deciding game in the playoffs, or else they won’t make it to the playoffs.

Julio Lugo, Red Sox shortstop, was hitting .225 after Friday night's games, with six homers and 47 RBI.

Derek Jeter, who was hitting 104 points higher than Lugo, had seven home runs and 48 RBI.

I just thought you should know that.

I was going to prepare a whole chart comparing these two players, but I figured, why bother…

…Lupica is the only asshole who thinks Lugo is comparable to Jeter.

And that includes EVERYONE in Red Sox Nation.

And just for the record…Jeter has had more than a handful of big hits.

The only big hit Lugo ever had was the one he planted on his wife’s face.

But you won’t hear about that from Mikey unless the Yankees acquire Lugo.

Then you’d never hear the end of it.

UPDATE 7.24.07

Lugo's batting average with runners in scoring position - .255
Jeter's batting average with runners in scoring position - .413

Nice job, shithead.

There have been times when winning Yankee teams didn't have a star center fielder. And there have been times when they haven't had a star first baseman. But it's pretty unusual when they've had neither one.

Jesus Christ! Mikey cries when we have a team full of all-stars, and now he cries when we don’t have stars at first and centerfield.

By the way, it is worth repeating that the Yankees have no excuses the rest of the way.

If they don't make the playoffs, then it is on this general manager, this manager, these players.

Thank you, Master of the Obvious!

Next thing Mikey is gonna tell us is the sun rises in the East.

Guess what? The Mets have had to overcome more adversity than the Yankees this season.

I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to disprove this stupid theory, but I don’t watch the Mets enough to know.

Or care.

Somebody needs to tell the analysts on the YES network to analyze a lot more and root a lot less.

You mean like how you are supposed to write about sports more and bash the Yankees less?

The Red Sox weren't as good as they looked when they built up that big lead at the end of May, it's just that the Yankees were that bad.

Nice way to cover your ass, once the Yankees take over first place.

Really Mikey, it’s not hard to see right through you.

J.D. Drew is so overpaid it's hard to believe the Yankees passed on him, frankly.

And he’s spent so much time on the DL, it’s hard to believe the Mets passed on him, you stupid ass.

Mussina's been a lot of laughs lately, hasn't he?

And this is HUGE news, because of Mussina’s reputation for being a clown.

Seeing A-Rod the other day with his family, signing his book for kids, well, it got me right here.

What a dick – Mikey can’t leave Arod alone, because he is by far the best player in NY, NOT Mikey’s stupid boy toy Reyes.

All in all, these are the Yankees Mikey busted on this week…

Jeter
Arod
Mussina
Clemens
Giambi
Torre

You would think the Yankees are 8-10 in July…

…oh wait, the METS are 8-10 in July!

The only Met player that got any grief from Mikey was Glavine.

So why do the Yankees get slammed so hard from Lupica?

Oh, right, because Lupica is an asshole.

I forgot.

95 lb Lupica takes on 90 lb Victoria Beckham

Well let's see what's new…the Mets lead in the NL East is dwindling, the Red Sox are starting to implode, the Yankees won 11 of their last 14 games…so of course Lupica did what every self-respecting New York sportswriter would do…

…he wrote a very important article...bashing POSH SPICE!!?!?

Yes, our heroic media midget has stooped to a new low. After months of nauseating us with his public affection for his boyfriend, Jose Reyes, he now decides to play the tough guy and drop the hammer on that super evil woman, Posh Spice, and her super evil TV show, "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America."

Look, we know the woman isnt a rocket scientist, but jeez, does her silly little reality show justify a snotty review, by a sports columnist no less!?

Prime-time programming in the summer months is dumber than usual by half.

Wait, The Sports Reporters is going prime-time this season!?

It was probably inevitable that television would get around to a ditz like Mrs. Beckham.

You go Mikey!!! If you jump high enough, you might be able to punch her…right in the kneecap!!!

Maybe the best moment of all was when she got all teary-eyed talking about how much she missed her husband and her kids

There's nothing more exhilarating than kicking a woman when she's down - ain't that right Mikey?

There are two things I find so god damn annoying about this article, besides the fact that an asshole like Mike Lupica wrote it.

1. Look in the mirror - Mike Lupica is so busy writing a worthless article knocking a silly TV show, meanwhile he appears on a weekly TV show on ESPN, the MOST WORTHLESS CABLE CHANNEL OF ALL TIME! You want sports? Don’t put on ESPN! You'll get X Games (worthless) Sportscenter (worthless) Pardon The Interruption (suicide is more fun) and, oh yeah, poker tournaments (kill me now).

If you want to bash what's on TV, Mike, why don’t you point your crusty little midget finger at the network you collect a weekly paycheck from!? It’s a friggin EMBARRASSMENT to sports fans.

2. Check your gender - Mike Lupica spends every moment fantasizing, then writing, about his dream date Jose Reyes. It’s beyond the point of admiration - let's be honest. It's painfully obvious he wants to have a physical relationship with that strapping young Mets shortstop.

So, while he's not jumping all over his inflatable Jose Reyes doll, Mike Lupica takes the time to shit his venom all over this…


"Light in the Loafers" Lupica strikes again.

Grow some balls, you tool.

Imus, Crappelbon, Pavano, the usual Yankee bashing crap

One down, two to go!

Now that Mike's coke buddy Imus got the boot from radio, we'll no longer have to hear him over the airwaves - thank god!

Now we just have to figure out a way to get him off TV and out of the newspapers.

This week's worthless piece of crap article by Lupica is all about the cokehead Imus and how the whole apology should have been between Imus and the Rutgers basketball team.

Did Imus get screwed? Yes.

Do I care? HELL NO!

Anything that's bad for Lupica is GOOD for me and good for the Yankees.

Imus had lost his career, at least for now.

Poor Mike - now he can't hear himself come across like a skirt-wearing jackass on the radio.

It was just one more part of this that was all wrong.

On the contrary, Mike - I did a little happy dance, knowing that your connection to the airwaves was cut off like Corzine racing to Imus' suck up session with Rutgers.

No one found his statements acceptable. No one will forget what happened

No one will care a week later, which is basically the case right now.

..and also includes a firing that never should have happened, and solves nothing...
Actually, it solves TWO things -

1. Getting that no-talent corpse Imus off the air, and
2. Getting YOU off the air.

We're all taught as kids to answer bad talk with good talk.

Actually, I was taught "If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all"

I just start websites where I say nasty shit.

The bottom line is this - Imus was a no-talent, and Lupica kissed his ass on the radio and in his piece of crap Sunday column.

That says a lot about the great Mike Lupica.

***

There are some nights when a Billy Wagner ninth inning is more exciting than the last five minutes of '24'

Translation : "I'm too much of a loser to give Mariano Rivera any props".

If you watched Jonathan Papelbon of the Red Sox come out of the bullpen against the Texas Rangers last Sunday night on ESPN, you saw one of the most dominating efforts by a closer you're going to see all season.

Yeah, and if Lupica bothered to mention Opening Day at Yankee Stadium, he could have commented on Rivera striking out the side in the 9th inning.

I think Lupica spent that day getting high on Jose Reyes dirty jock strap, instead of reporting on the Yankees.

You know, the team that OWNS New York?

Well, you could have picked me up off the floor when I found out Pavano was getting pushed back a couple of days with a sore arm.

I'd love to comment on this blurb, but I'm in too much shock...Lupica wrote about Pavano...AGAIN!?!?

How on the money was I with the Carl Pavano joke book?

Get used to it people - we are gonna be reading this shit ALL SEASON.

Sometimes my hamstrings get tight just watching the Yankees play.

Oh, HAHAHAHA I get it!

And sometimes people have the following reaction from reading Mike's column...


Where were the props for ARod?

Oh thats right - Mike cant say anything good about the Yankees.

Just wait until ARod goes hitless in 2 games.

Mike will mention that, and ARod's relationship with Jeter, ARod's fielding, etc, you know, the usual Lupica bullshit slams on the Yankees.

Opening Day at Shea - Who Cares?

What an exciting day in Flushing - it was Opening Day yesterday, and 55,000 poor confused souls sat in traffic for 3+ hours to watch the Mets raise their "Almost NL Champions!" banner - right next to those two lonely 1986 and 1969 championship banners.

What a great day in that dump they call Shea.

And, fortunately for us, our favorite midget Mike Lupica was there to cover the scene.He talked about how Keith Hernandez came in to throw out the first pitch.

Once he was as big a baseball star as the Mets have had, for one of the most entertaining teams in all of New York baseball history.

If by "entertaining" he meant "underachieving", then yes, the 80's Mets were VERY entertaining.

That was quite a run the 80's Mets had...how many titles did they win? Two? Three?

Oh right - it was one...barely.

Good day to be a Mets fan. Good time to be a Met. Old or new.

You know why its a good time to be a Met or a Met fan?

Because its April.

Not October, where the Mets finished out of first place 18 of the last 19 years.

That's only one better than the Devil Rays - congratulations Mets fans!

I'm curious Mike - where was your article about Opening Day at Yankee Stadium?

You never wrote one.

I guess there were no good storylines at Yankee Stadium that day.

They only had the family of the late Cory Lidle out there, with his young son throwing the ball in - not a retired ballplayer like Hernandez.

They only had Jason Giambi, who you constantly bash, providing emotional support for the family of his deceased friend.

They only had Bobby Murcer, his first time back since chemotherapy - not a super cool mascot like Mr. Met.

They only had ARod, the star in the soap opera you cant let go of, singlehandedly manufacture the go-ahead run later in the game and hit a 2 run bomb to win the game and win back Yankee fans.

I guess since the Yankees had nothing special going on at their Opening Day, you decided to ignore it.

Either that, or Yankee Stadium security kicked your sorry ass out.

I'm guessing the latter.

Mike Lupica drowns in Mets Kool Aid

Holy Christ Mike, put down the Mets Kool Aid before you go into some sort of sugar shock.

This week, Mike talks about how the Mets are going to be going toe-to-toe with the Yankees from now on, because the Mets are going to have a shiny new stadium!

Shea sometimes feels as old as dirt. It is the Mets who feel new all over again, even as their new ballpark is built in front of our eyes, on the edges of this season. The Yankees will have their own new ballpark by then. But it will not be Yankee Stadium and they will not draw 4 million anymore. The Mets will draw as big as the Yankees draw when both new parks are open, and will go toe-to-toe with them from now on.

Yes people - the Mets new "Citi Field" (pronounced "Shitty Field") will somehow magically put the Mets in the same league as the Yankees.

Apparently, Yankees fans will stop going to Yankees games because it will no longer be "Yankee Stadium".

And the Mets will draw as many people as the Yankees, because of that new stadium, and because their super cool mascot, Mr. Met, will be there too!

Why people will FLOCK to Shitty Field

Nobody can win the past with the Yankees. The Red Sox can't, the Mets can't, no one can.

Good for you Mike! The first step to recovery is being able to admit you have a problem.

But this is a fair fight between the Yankees and Mets from now on.

Easy, Mikey.

You had a taste of the post season after completely SUCKING for five years. (You wanna talk about payroll? How'd that National League top payroll work out for the Mets in 2005? 3rd place. 2004? Last place. 2003? Last place.)

Come back to us when the Mets actually WIN a world series.

I'll even take a NL pennant, just because I'm a nice guy.

And because you are so pathetic in your desperation.

The Yankees aren't going to dominate baseball ever again the way they did between 1996 and 2000.

Right - because history proves the Yankees never had the ability to dominate.

Well, except for the late '70s.

And early '60s. And there was that stretch in the '50s. And the late '40's.

Late '30s and '20s too.

Other than those times, the Yankees never dominated. And we shouldn't expect them to dominate ever again.

Even with the age we always hear about on their pitching staff, even with 40-year-old Moises Alou playing left and old Valentin at second, there is still something fresh and new to the Mets

Fresh and new?

Could it be the World Series trophy?

Haha, no, that can't be it.

Could it be Billy (We Are Gonna Need Extra Runs) Wagner?

Haha, I don't think so.

Could it be the emergence of Reyes and Wright?

Possibly.

I know what it is - it's Paul LoDuca's posse of underaged girlfriends!

Fresh and new indeed.

It is only the first week. The Mets make us pay attention to them already, as they try to come out of the blocks this season the way they did last season. That was an amazing series against the Cardinals in St. Louis, even if it didn't make up for Yadier Molina. The Braves' series started with that beatdown Friday night.

The Braves series started with a win, and ended with 2 losses.

Fresh and new?

Sounds more like "same old, same old" to me.

There will be almost daily speculation about Roger Clemens, as if the Stadium will fall down before Shea does if the Yankees don't somehow sign a pitcher who will turn 45 this season, one who walked away from them nearly four years ago.

The only one who has been speculating about Clemens for the past year has been YOU.

Time to move on Mike.

Maybe it will be this way for the Mets someday, after they have won a World Series or two.

Mike, they've been around for over 40 years and have a grand total of TWO World Series titles.

Get over this fact - the Mets will never be on the same level as the Yankees.

Ever.

Lets see the Mets match the quality of the Braves last decade first.

Hell, catch up to the success of the friggin Marlins first before you try comparing the Mets to the Yankees.

Get your head out of your ass - one division title does not make a team.

And a poorly named new stadium isnt going to help.

Pass on the Kool Aid Mike - you've had enough.

***

How do I get some kind of reprieve from the daily A-Rod clutch-hitting watch?

You have two choices: turn off the TV or watch him as he destroys the league.

It's not rocket science.

Just because he is light years better than your boyfriend Reyes doesnt mean you cant enjoy watching him.

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers?

I dont know, last October he looked more and more like a statue.

Happy Birthday today to my point guard, Zach Lupica, age 15. Everybody always says you can't measure heart. You keep showing everybody.

SHADDAP!!! No one gives a rat's ass.

Steinbrenner, ARod AGAIN, fawning over Reyes...AGAIN

Happy April Fools Day everyone! Let's kick the day off right by slamming New York's biggest fool, Mike Lupica.

This week's Shooting From The Lip is all about how Steve Swindal is most likely getting the boot from the Yankees family and the person next in line after George Steinbrenner COULD be like James Dolan.

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Yes, people, it took this pencil neck turd a week to come up with an article about something that COULD happen.

Not something that WOULD happen or DID happen.

A week's pay for writing about a hypothetical question.

So this is where we are with the Yankees, where they try to turn "King Lear" into some kind of modern reality TV show

Really, is this the best he can come up with? Total crap, just to piss off Yankees fans?

Oh sure, it COULD happen, but not likely, considering there is no one in sports who is as stupid as James Dolan.

Thanks for the informative article, Mike.

***

When people started calling Alex Rodriguez a "great" third baseman a couple of years ago, I always wondered, relative to what?

This comes from a guy who once said this...

A-Rod is having a wonderful season, and might end up MVP of the American League, even if David Ortiz has clearly been the MVP in the season played so far

Ortiz, MVP?

Is it just me, or dont you think the Most Valuable Player should own, oh, I don't know, a GLOVE?

So a guy plays for about a total of 5 minutes a night on offense and its ok to call him an MVP, but dont you DARE call a converted gold-glove winning shortstop to third base during an MVP season "great".

Shame on you, Yankees fans.

I was reminded during an idle hour the other afternoon that "Spin City" is still one of the most underrated sitcoms of all time.

And reminded again how brilliant Michael J. Fox was in it.

Very valuable information.

Just like everything else Mike writes about - worthless crap.

I think Mike took a ride on the Larry King Bus Of Stupidity.

And the moment we've all been waiting for...yes, its the Weekly Mets Ass Kissing Comment...

You know the best part about the Mets having a game tonight?

It means Jose Reyes is back in season.

This is a wonderful time to be a New York baseball fan.

There are so many players to watch, and so many of them are great players, and some of those great players have a lot of World Series rings.

I would rather watch Reyes play baseball than any of them.

Jesus Christ Mike, keep it in your pants!

I hope you are enjoying his 1 for 4 night and getting doubled up off first on a line drive as much as I am.

How about that baserunning on the error out in left field? Wasn't that exciting, watching Reyes jog to first, expecting to be out?

And how about getting picked off first in the 9th inning?

Fascinating player, that Reyes!