Lupica Loves That Jose Reyes

Holy crap. Lupica is back, once again, on Reyes' jock. Can he make it any more obvious that he wants to get in bed with Jose? I mean, really…take a look at this…

But even now, as Reyes rolls over on his back...

Um…ewww?

…and begins to stretch legs…

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

that change everything for the Mets when they are healthy, the shortstop is the one you want to watch the most.

I've actually been tuning in to more Mets games this season…for one reason - Ike Davis.

Even now, almost three hours before the game starts, he smiles and laughs at something Alex Cora says to him in Spanish and reminds you of a kid waiting for recess to start.

Is Lupica saying that Reyes can't wait to get out of Citi Field?

That's how I read it.

This is comedy…look at how Lupica turns into the most nauseating Met Apologist of all time…

Met Apologist: Wright looks as if he is ready to make some noise at the plate.

Reality: Wright is not making any noise at the plate. Only 3 players in the MLB have more strike outs.

Met Apologist: Jeff Francoeur keeps hitting balls that would be homers in other parks.

Reality: Jeff Francouer can't hit a home run at home.

Met Apologist: Reyes made you watch him all over again this week, made you remember that it is almost a year since the kid at shortstop was in the middle of everything for the New York Mets.

Reality: Reyes is hitting .242 with an OPS+ of 78.

The spin doctor is in!

Moving on…remember when Lupica said this about Carlos Beltran?

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers? - 4/8/2007

So what do you think he had to say about Beltran in yesterday's shitty column?

He has turned out to be a bad contract for the Mets

HAHA what a douche.

But of course, we can't get through a Lupica article without some quality Yankee bashing…

I keep hearing about all this pop in (Nick) Johnson's bat, and maybe we'll see it before too long.

They're nearly hysterical about David Ortiz's batting average in Boston, and the Yankees had a designated hitter with a batting average of a buck-twenty coming into this weekend.

The funny thing is, and every Yankee fan knows it, is that the Yankees got Nick Johnson for his ON BASE PERCENTAGE, not his home runs, you dopey little dwarf. Who the hell is talking about the "pop" in Nick Johnson's bat?

Where is the pop in Jose Reyes' bat?

How about $66 million, ZERO home runs Jason Bay?

Come on, Mike! I can do this in my sleep! At least make it challenging!

Mark Teixeira's concern for Bobby Wilson after that collision at the plate Friday night must have started right after he practically had to step over Wilson to get back to the dugout.

Teixeira is such a rude bastard…how dare he not give the poor guy a hug after that collision!

You know I'm a glass half-full guy

You are just a ray of sunshine on the Yankees. Really.

so on Friday night I was just happy to see Teixeira hit anything.

2010 Mets = 3rd highest payroll in the NL…

…and 2nd worst batting average in the NL.

Lupica comedy. Gotta love it.

Just For The Record...

I tried, but I couldn't let this one go. This is from Lupica's Sunday Shooting from the Lip... and my buddy Fafa already mentioned it. Just wanted to point out some things.

Brett Gardner might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Bubba Crosby.

Crosby was 27 years old when he came to the Yankees with Scott Proctor in exchange for.... the 400 year old mummified corpse of Robin Ventura. A fourth outfielder, and a decent bullpen arm... in exchange for a third baseman's dead body.

Here's Bubba's career line in the minors: .277/.342/.417 with 48 homers and 107 steals over parts of 10 seasons.

And here are Brett Gardner's numbers: .288/.388/.385 with 9 homers and 150 steals over 4 parts of 4 seasons.

Gardner is 24 years old. He's extremely patient at the plate. He has blazing speed, as shown by his 34 stolen bases in 80 games at AAA. He's a plus-defensive player with outstanding range. Offensively, he's a slap-hitter. He has no illusions about hitting the ball out of the park. He doesn't have "developing power." He's a prototypical lead-off hitter.

Bubba Crosby didn't have great speed. He didn't have power. He had poor plate vision. He was a completely different player... and he was basically a throw-in.

The problem isn't that there's ANY similarity between these two players.

The problem is that Mike Lupica REALLY BELIEVED that Brian Cashman was comfortable with starting the 2006 season with Crosby in CF. This was NEVER the case. Cashman took that stance in an attempt to drive down the prices of viable CFs in trade and in free agency.

Yes, we're paying Damon $13 Million a year... if you remember correctly, he was originally looking for $15 Million a year, and 5 years.

There is NO reasonable comparison between Gardner and Crosby.

Am I saying that Gardner is a lock? No. Am I guaranteeing that he's a great player? No. But regardless, he's absolutely nothing like Crosby.

Comparing them is sort of like saying...

David Wright might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be Ty Wiggington.

Jose Reyes might turn out to be a keeper, and he might turn out to be a cross-dressing Polynesian midget on stilts!

Mike Pelfrey might turn out to be an ace, and he might turn out to be an alien space ship inhabited by Eddie Murphy!!!

Or my personal favorite...

Joe Smith might turn out to be a closer, and he might turn out to be a squirrel with a light saber!!!!

Another Love Letter To Reyes.

Jose Reyes has been playing with his head up his ass since last season and the media has been rightfully hammering him.

You knew sooner or later we would get this stupid article – Mike “Met Apologist” Lupica trying ease the pressure on his dopey broad boyfriend, Jose Reyes.

And yes, we have to endure this bullshit through Lupica comparing Reyes to Jeter, once again, having to compare Mets and Yankees to prove his point.

You know the way we roll here right now, because Jose Reyes is an easy target and so is his team.

This isn't about who is the most famous shortstop in town, or the one with the most rings, or the one who is the captain of the New York Yankees, or the one who makes almost as much money as any player in big-league history. This isn't about class or resume.

If this was about class and resume, there wouldn’t even be a column this week.

This is just about the baseball season being played and the way it is being played, as the All-Star break comes up fast, by the two shortstops in town, only one of whom ever catches a real beating.

Here’s a recent shitty article in the Daily News about Derek Jeter.

And here’s another.

Yep, Jeter never takes a beating from the media.

But which one of them is having a better year?

Jose Reyes has played 85 games. He has 361 at-bats, 63 runs, 106 hits, 21 doubles, 10 triples, 9 home runs, 38 RBI, 29 stolen bases, a .355 on-base percentage and a batting average of .294. In the field, he has those 12 errors.

Derek Jeter has played 81 games for the Yankees, has 323 at-bats, 48 runs scored, 91 hits, 16 doubles, 3 triples, 4 home runs, 36 RBI, 5 stolen bases, an on-base percentage of .345 and a batting average of .282. And seven errors.

Yes, it’s true: Reyes has better numbers this season, so far, than Jeter.

So why does Reyes get so more more grief than Jeter?

It’s not a mystery to anyone who has seen Reyes play at least two games this season.

Here’s why, Lupica:

Jeter = smart.
Reyes = dumb.

Jeter knows how to play the game smart, while Reyes often looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and it costs his team.

Please, his own manager refers to him as “she” and “her”. What the fuck does that tell you?

Lupica wonders why his boyfriend always gets the short end of the stick (not to be confused with the end of Lupica’s short stick), yet look at the laundry list of shittiness he writes about Reyes…

Again, this is stuff that LUPICA wrote about Reyes…

Reyes throws his glove

gets into it with announcers

did nothing the second half of last season when the Mets needed him more than they ever have

Reyes gets picked off bases

makes too many errors

the immature things he's done

the knothead plays he's made

he really did wander too far off base

tried to steal third base for no earthly reason.

He wrote all this shit, meanwhile he can’t figure out why Reyes gets slammed by the media.

Only one of them gets routinely blamed for doing everything but breaking up A-Rod's marriage.

Mike Lupica, premiere sports writer for the Daily News, kicking a guy as his marriage is falling apart.

Believe me, this is no attempt to get Reyes off the hook

HAHAHAhahaah BULLSHIT. You’ve been trying to get Reyes off the hook for the past year. It’s embarrassing.

So Lupicock writes about all of Reyes’ fuck ups, then says he’s not trying to get him off the hook, then he immediately takes Reyes off the hook with this…

Still: the storyline sometimes is that Reyes is the one to blame. He's not.

Let me get this straight: Reyes fucks up all the time, you aren’t trying to get him off the hook, yet he’s never to blame.

Can you say Met Apologist?

Yes, Reyes is fast, but he is dumb.

Just like Lupica’s wife.

Oh shit! I just knocked the guy’s marriage – can I be a premiere sports writer for the Daily News now?

For everything that has gone wrong this season for the Mets, they are four games out of first in the loss column. Jeter's team is 10.

Just to be clear – it has nothing to do with the Red Sox being great or the Rays being the best, or the NL East being a joke.

That’s right – the Yankees are 10 games out because Jeter sucks, and the Mets are only 4 games out because Lupica has wet dreams about Reyes.

The New York Mets Payroll is Still $140 Million Dollars!

I told you that's the name of every post I do from now on... okay, not really. But you laughed, didn't you? Shooting from the Lip. For the record, isn't the phrase "shooting from the hip"? Is that what passes as witty wordplay these days? Am I getting old? Or is Lupica just a complete fucking douchebag?

Tom Coughlin's football Giants finished one of those seasons just four months ago, the greatest finish and the greatest season any New York sports team has ever had.

Really Mike? So the 2008 Giants had the greatest season in New York history?

What about the 1996 Yankees? You remember? Down 2-0 and came back? Wade Boggs riding around the Stadium on a Pony and crying? The end of an 18-year drought for the Yanks? Jeter's legacy beginning? Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden getting their second rings? David Cone? Jimmy Key? Rivera-to-Wetteland?

Shit, what about the 1986 Mets? Doc and Darryl and Keith and at least 700 lbs of cocaine? And Lenny Dykstra walking around the clubhouse with steroids in a fucking I.V. drip? Mookie and HoJo and Lee Mazzilli and George Foster? Buckner handing the series to Los Mets in a refrigerator box?

What about the 1994 New York Rangers? 1940!! 54 Years!! The Curse is Over!! Now I Can Die in Peace signs!! Stephane Matteau!! Messier's guarantee!! Does any of this ring a bell at all? Mike? Are you there? Mike?

I've gone back as far as 1986 and listed 3 different championship seasons better than the 2008 Giants. Don't get me wrong, I love the Giants, and I'll be forever grateful to them for ruining the Pats perfect season... but greatest championship in New York History? Sorry, but no.

But no one we are going to have will win as long and as often as Joe Torre did.

Know who won more than Joe Torre here? Casey Stengel. Know who else? Joe McCarthy. Know what they have in common? None of them are the SOLE REASON the Yankees won championships. None of them hit or pitched the Yankees to a ring as the manager. None of them made a diving grab in Game 7.

Stengel and McCarthy had terrific, amazing, outstanding baseball players. Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Maris, Berra, etc. You know the names.

Torre had the biggest, most ginormous payroll in baseball history, as Lupica can't stop reminding us. He also had O'Neill, Tino, Bernie, Jeter, Wade Boggs, Pettitte, Key, Cone, Clemens, Mo Rivera, Graeme Lloyd, El Duque, Hideki Irabu, Jorge, Scott Brosius, Homer Bush, Chuck Knoblauch, Chad Curtis, Shane Spencer, the mummified corpse of Glenallen Hill, Jimmy King Leyritz and Halle Berry's ex-husband! So lets not act like Torre managed the Yankees to anything that my fucking Shar Pei couldn't have managed them to.

He is, by all accounts – and starting with his account – thrilled to be in L.A. and thrilled to be a Dodger, even with his young team fighting to stay around .500. Good for him.

The warm weather is probably nice for his old body. And his young team is seriously underachieving, despite a strong pitching staff, good bullpen, and nucleus of GREAT young offensive players (who usually get benched in favor of veteran stiffs.)

Maybe he will win another World Series there, or two, be as big all over again with the Dodgers as Phil Jackson has become with the Lakers.

Probably not. And how many rings has Phil Jackson won without having the hands-down, unquestionably BEST talent in the game?

How many 'St. Louis Cardinals in 2006, how the fuck did they actually win' championships has Jackson won? Here's a clue. The same number that Torre's won. Fucking zero. Stop sucking their cocks. Winning when you should makes you good. Winning when you shouldn't makes you a legend. Wasn't that your point about the 2008 Giants?

Blah blah blah and some meaningless shit about what a nice guy Joe Torre is, even though I personally called for his fucking head every time the Yankees lost for the last 7 years. Now that he's gone, I feel like waxing poetic about the fucking guy because it's another subtle way to criticize the Yankees while ignoring the $140 Million Dollar tank-job that's happening across town.

Well, he might as well have said it.

---

I keep waiting for the news that Joba's first start has been declared an instant national sports holiday.

And I keep waiting for the Mets to win a World Championship. You've been waiting a couple of weeks. I've been waiting for over 20 fucking years. So shut the fuck up you pudgy, grey-haired, vertically-challenged little cunt.

A year ago at this time the Yankees were trying to keep from falling 15 games behind the Red Sox and this time they are already 10 games closer than that even with all the time that A-Rod missed.

Possible reasons the Yankees are 10 games closer this year:

A) The Red Sox aren't out to a 37-17 start.

B) Joe Torre is willing the Yankees to perform better from Los Angeles as a favor to Joe Girardi.

C) The Yanks are 8-3 since A-Rod came off the DL?

D) The best offensive player in the AL missed a bunch of time with a quad injury.

If you chose D, please slam your face into your computer screen repeatedly. I'll tell you when to stop.

The AL East is better this time around, starting with the Rays.

Did you listen to me? The Red Sox were 37-17 on June 2 last year. The Rays are 35-22. The Rays are not as good as the Sox were last year... and the number of games back is determined solely by relationship to the division leader. So "games back" is probably a shitty way to measure the quality of a division.

If the Mets want to make a run at Kevin Millar sometime this summer, well, that's fine with me.

What? Like if they cut Carlos Degado... and want to replace him with someone who'll give them the EXACT SAME LACK OF PRODUCTION?

Kevin Millar: Age 36. Stats: .236/.330/.379, 8 HR, 26 RBI.

Carlos Delgado: Age 36. Stats: .224/.306/.383, 8 HR, 25 RBI.

It's hard to find two players who's statistics through 200 at bats are that fucking similar. That is actually kind of amazing.

If my man Barry Melrose is coaching the Tampa Bay Lightning, I'm ordering my Lightning cap and T-shirt today.

Your man? Are you coming out of the closet Mike? And another thing... when did you become aware that Hockey is a sport? Did Barry whisper it in your ear last night?

So I'm sort of wondering when my good friend Paul Westphal, who was merely 191-88 his first time around with Phoenix, gets a call from the Suns.

Your good friend Mike? Yeah, Lupica Friends tag added. Just for the record, here are the known definitions of the word "friend" in the Encyclopedia Lupica:

1) Human-shaped plastic or rubber apparatus into which air is blown and is then used for sexual pleasure. See also: Blow-up Doll

2) Fuzzy, stuffed animatronic talking bear. See also: Teddy Ruxpin

3) Anyone who has berated or completely ignored Mike Lupica. See also: Joe Torre, Paul Westphal, John Calipari, Larry Brown, The Spice Girls (shortly after filing the restraining order)

Who's wearing the thong now, Abreu or Cano?

Allow me to rephrase this question.

Who's wearing the thong now, Lupica or Barry Melrose? And what is Jose Reyes going to say when he finds out?

The New York Mets Payroll is $140 Million Dollars

That's officially the name of every post I write from now on forever. I just want you all to know that. Okay, not really.

As you guys read below, Fafa's too burnt out to take the reigns on this newest nugget of Lupica knowledge, so here I am to take up the good fight against hacky, poorly conceived New York journalism.

Now we will find out if these Met ballplayers are going to be the ones who fire Randolph.

Nope. Omar Minaya's going to fire him... and pray that they start winning, cuz if they don't then he's next. These are his players that are either in decline (Delgado, Alou, Pedro) or underperforming (Reyes, Perez, every Catcher on the Team) or both. Barring something majorly fucking dramatic, Minaya will probably never work in baseball again.

And Monday night, the Mets looked as if they couldn't get a game off a beer-league softball team.

Newsflash to Mike Lupica: They couldn't get a game off a beer-league softball team. They're really shitty. It's not Willie's fault though.

Randolph has been living on the margin since the Mets blew a seven-game lead with 17 games to play last season.

Willie's hitting stats last September: .205/.279/.333, 2 HR, 15 K's, 5 SB, 4 CS
Willie's pitching stats last September: 6 GS, 2-2, 31 IP, 38 H, 21 ER, 6.10 ERA

Waiiiiiit!!! That's right! Willie is the manager! He didn't hit or pitch!!! So who's stats are those? Fuck! Those are the stats for Professor Reyes and Tommy Glavine!!!! Do another dance for me Jose!!!

Let me break this down for everybody out there. The Mets aren't going to get much better than this. You wanna know why? Because their roster is HIGHLY FLAWED. I've listed these reasons before, but I'll do it again. I'll try to be brief.

1) Oliver Perez, Orlando Hernandez, Mike Pelfrey and Nelson Figueroa are not good pitchers. Pedro isn't good any more. Maine is solid. Santana is great. Those other guys can win games when their team scores a lot of runs. But the Mets can't score a lot of runs this year. So those guys can't win much.

2) Reyes has reverted back to an average player. He gets caught stealing too much. He doesn't hit for power and he doesn't get on base enough.

3) Luis Castillo is worthless to a team that already has Reyes leading off. And he walks with a limp.

4) Delgado is a corpse. I'd say the same about Moises Alou, but corpses don't spend that much time on the DL. You carry them out to their position on the field and they don't complain... because they're dead. Alou can't even die peacefully out there.

5) The Mets have given 459 at bats this year to Brian Schneider, Angel Pagan, Damion Easley, Marlon Anderson, Gustavo Molina, Brady Clark, Raul Casanova and Endy Chavez. They've gotten 107 hits for a .233 average and 5 home runs. In other words, they've gotten nothing.

6) Their bullpen is BLEEEECH.

Blaming Willie Randolph for this bunch of crusty old bums and shitty minor leaguers is like blaming Mike D'Antoni if the Knicks don't make the playoffs next season. Even in a perfect world, if he does a perfect job, they're not a very good team.

So yeah, thanks for calling...

More Clemens bullshit

Here is Mike's take on Clemens pitching tonight.

Oh Christ, does anyone still care about his opinion on the Yankees, since it's just an unbelievably biased load of HORSE SHIT????

Clemens gets the ball against the Indians tonight. Even in the first round, it is the biggest game he has ever pitched for the Yankees, the one he made sound like it was practically his civic duty to come back and pitch when he announced his Yankee comeback, to all manner of Yankee foofaraw and fanfare, one Sunday afternoon at the Stadium.

Er, how is Game 3 of the 2007 ALDS more important than Game 7 of the 2001 World Series?

Retard.

Now Clemens, who hasn't pitched since Sept. 16, who was paid a million bucks a start to come back and has produced exactly six victories so far and a 6-6 record, isn't asked to put the Yankees ahead of the Indians. He is asked to keep the Yankee season, one he pledged to come back and save, very much alive.

Pedro Martinez 2007 "Fun Facts!"
Starts – five
Wins – three
Salary - $14 million
Pay per start - $2.8 million

Owned.

The Yankees look to him, and he has won big October games for the Yankees before - remember Game 2 against the Mets in the Subway Series of 2000?

Wha??

Game 2 of the World Series is huge? After winning Game 1?

Talk first about Clemens, asked to win the Geezer Game that Tom Glavine could not win for the Mets one week ago.

Tom Glavine couldn’t win, Pedro Martinez couldn’t win, El Duque couldn’t win…

Can they come back? After everything that has happened since the Yankees last won it all, I still think they will.

But don’t worry – if the Yankees blow it, good ole Mikey will be writing articles about it until the end of time.

One of the most famous starters in all of baseball history is supposed to save a season tonight.

Well, here’s the thing.

Clemens had to leave the game due to an injury.

DUE TO AN INJURY.

He didn’t fail because he sucked.

But…let’s look at players who DID fail, not because of injury, but because they SUCKED…

Jose Reyes, September 2007 - .205 BA. A total loser when he’s needed.

Pedro Martinez, September 27 – Needed a win against the lowly Cardinals, Pedro gets the loss.

Tom Glavine, September 30 – Got lit up like a dirty bitch in the last game of the season, effectively ending the Mets year.

* * *

How's Kaz Matsui looking these days?

Looks to me like he’s still playing, something I can’t say about Jose Reyes.

While we're on the subject of the Mets…

FINALLY, Mike is finally going to rip them to shreds, for folding at the end of the season like little bitches, for having the highest payroll in the NL and not even making the playoffs, for Jose Reyes playing worse than, well, worse than Kaz Matsui…

Before the business of next season begins in earnest, there is still a lot of work to be done this past season.

And that means Fred Wilpon, Jeff Wilpon, Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph - just the four of them, nobody else from the front office - have to get together in a room and sort things out.

That’s all we get?

Actually Mike said some more shit, but it was lame, and it CERTAINLY wasn’t knocking the Mets.

Jose Reyes went from being called the most exciting player in baseball, and even a possible MVP candidate…

Well, who was the dumb midget turd who said something stupid like that?

Please Mike, don’t act like it wasn’t you who was trying to get a reach-around from Reyes.

Jeez, you never say anything bad about Reyes – what’s the matter, he didn’t swallow last night?

…to being the third-best shortstop in his own DIVISION.

Well that’s what happens when you are in a powerhouse division like, uh, the, uh, NL East.

Oh, and that’s also what happens when you OVERRATE a player.

And it all seemed to happen faster than Reyes can go from first to third.

Ah - I knew you would sneak a compliment in there somehow. Nice touch – maybe he’ll swallow now.

Speaking of which – remember when Mr. Lupica said the following about Jose Reyes?

"In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate." – Shooting From The Lip, 3.4.07

Check out what was in today’s column…

there is still nothing better on a Sunday afternoon than watching Brett Favre - the Cal Ripken of his sport and the Henry Aaron of his sport - throw a football around the way he is right now for the Packers.

If you have Brett Favre in fantasy football, I think it’s time to unload him.

Maybe somebody needs to tell Tom Coughlin that he has absolutely no chance of keeping his job, and that bringing him back was the dumbest idea since "Temptation Island."

Dude, get the HELL out of your house. These reality TV references are getting creepy.

Go play ball or something outside with your kids…

…if they aren’t too embarrassed to be seen with you in public.

The AL East race still has juice

Here we go – the last series between the Yankees and Red Sox this season, and Lupica has to check in with his incredible load of shit.

Diss #1 - never in this world was a team as loaded as the Yankees supposed to be 14 1/2 games off the lead at the end of May.

Diss #2 - The Yankees try to come all the way back and not have to play the Angels in the first round of the playoffs, because if they do, they could be one round and out for a third year in a row.

Diss #3 - The Yankees have overcome a lot. The Red Sox have overcome more, are 9-3 in September without Manny Ramirez.

Isn't it funny how EVERY TEAM has "overcome" more than the Yankees?

UPDATE: Since this article was printed, the “great” Red Sox have gone 1-5, and the “loaded” Yankees have gone 5-1.

Just for shits and giggles, Lupica’s team, the Mets, have also gone 1-5 since this article was written.

Oops, the Mets just blew it against the powerhouse Marlins, giving up three runs in the 9th and one in the 10th.

One and SIX.

Awesome.

Diss #4 - The Yankees? They are playing the way they were supposed to play all along, especially with a team full of stars, and another payroll pushing $200 million.

YAY! It’s the “$200 million” line that all Yankees fans have come to love!

It’s just not a Lupica article without the mention of the Yankees payroll.

For the last time, this Yankee team isn't a "Rocky" movie.

Yeah, it’s a baseball team, not a movie.

Thanks for the update, you midget genius.

The other night, the Yankees went up against the Blue Jays with Alex Rodriguez, the MVP of everything, and Jorge Posada, an MVP candidate himself in any other season except A-Rod's. They had Robinson Cano and Hideki Matsui and Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon. They had Derek Jeter…

Here comes the backhanded Jeter “compliment”!

…who still has the numbers, even though they seem pretty soft this time.

Pretty soft?

Let’s compare "soft"Jeter to Lupica’s butt buddy, Jose Reyes.

You know, Lupica’s “most exciting player in New York”?

Jeter
BA - .318
RBI - 67
SLG - .440
OBP - .388
OPS - .828
OPS+ - .123

Reyes
BA - .289
RBI - 50
SLG - .427
OBP - .362
OPS - .789
OPS+ - 108

And let's not forget...

NUMBER OF TIMES BENCHED FOR NOT HUSTLING
Jeter - 0
Reyes - 1

The only thing "soft" is Lupica around a hot chick.

Around Reyes?

That's another story.

The Red Sox have been vulnerable for awhile. The Red Sox should have added a hitter instead of Eric Gagne at the trade deadline, and paid for it when Gagne came over and blew three games fast. If that doesn't happen, the East is over already. Only it's not. Manny is hurt, Tim Wakefield got hurt and has had two bad starts since coming back, Daisuke Matsuzaka - tonight's Red Sox starter - has looked tired over his last several starts, and as hittable against everybody else as he usually is against the Yankees.

Holy shit, GIVE IT A REST, MIKE!!

When the Red Sox have hurt or underachieving players, they are “vulnerable”.

When the Yankees have hurt or underachieving players, Lupica writes jokes about them for months and reminds us how the Yankees have overpaid for their entire team.

Nice double standard, you dopey douche bag.

Maybe you and crybaby Youkilis should share a nice tender hug together. Candy ass bitches.

Steinbrenner, ARod AGAIN, fawning over Reyes...AGAIN

Happy April Fools Day everyone! Let's kick the day off right by slamming New York's biggest fool, Mike Lupica.

This week's Shooting From The Lip is all about how Steve Swindal is most likely getting the boot from the Yankees family and the person next in line after George Steinbrenner COULD be like James Dolan.

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Yes, people, it took this pencil neck turd a week to come up with an article about something that COULD happen.

Not something that WOULD happen or DID happen.

A week's pay for writing about a hypothetical question.

So this is where we are with the Yankees, where they try to turn "King Lear" into some kind of modern reality TV show

Really, is this the best he can come up with? Total crap, just to piss off Yankees fans?

Oh sure, it COULD happen, but not likely, considering there is no one in sports who is as stupid as James Dolan.

Thanks for the informative article, Mike.

***

When people started calling Alex Rodriguez a "great" third baseman a couple of years ago, I always wondered, relative to what?

This comes from a guy who once said this...

A-Rod is having a wonderful season, and might end up MVP of the American League, even if David Ortiz has clearly been the MVP in the season played so far

Ortiz, MVP?

Is it just me, or dont you think the Most Valuable Player should own, oh, I don't know, a GLOVE?

So a guy plays for about a total of 5 minutes a night on offense and its ok to call him an MVP, but dont you DARE call a converted gold-glove winning shortstop to third base during an MVP season "great".

Shame on you, Yankees fans.

I was reminded during an idle hour the other afternoon that "Spin City" is still one of the most underrated sitcoms of all time.

And reminded again how brilliant Michael J. Fox was in it.

Very valuable information.

Just like everything else Mike writes about - worthless crap.

I think Mike took a ride on the Larry King Bus Of Stupidity.

And the moment we've all been waiting for...yes, its the Weekly Mets Ass Kissing Comment...

You know the best part about the Mets having a game tonight?

It means Jose Reyes is back in season.

This is a wonderful time to be a New York baseball fan.

There are so many players to watch, and so many of them are great players, and some of those great players have a lot of World Series rings.

I would rather watch Reyes play baseball than any of them.

Jesus Christ Mike, keep it in your pants!

I hope you are enjoying his 1 for 4 night and getting doubled up off first on a line drive as much as I am.

How about that baserunning on the error out in left field? Wasn't that exciting, watching Reyes jog to first, expecting to be out?

And how about getting picked off first in the 9th inning?

Fascinating player, that Reyes!

Steroids, proposing to Jose Reyes, Pavano bashing

It’s every Yankee fan’s favorite day of the week – Sunday! Because Sunday means another stupid Shooting From The Lip column by our favorite dwarf, Mike Lupica.

This week, Lupica talks about the steroid bombshell that exploded all over the news last Wednesday. As usual, Lupica waits until Sunday to write about it, long after its been covered to death.

Lupica (of course) has to mention Giambi in the article, because he admitted using steroids…3 friggin years ago!

If it is true about Sarge Matthews' kid, he goes in the headlines now, with Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi and all the rest of them.

I guess Mike didn't get the memo that Sheffield has been traded.

Where’s the mention of New York’s latest steroid user, Guillermo Mota? Oh, right, I forgot - Lupica doesn't have time to bash the Mets, only the Yankees.

But of course Lupica has to add a little post-Valentine's Day love note to his new boyfriend, Jose Reyes…

In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate.

Of course you want to see Reyes at the plate - it's gotta be better than having to stomach their ancient pitching staff.

I wonder how Curt Schilling took it when Lupica dumped him for Reyes?

Speaking of Curt Schilling, isn't it funny how Lupica totally fell for Schilling’s bloody sock, but still has NO CLUE what Giambi apologized for?

Interesting.

Now look at all this work Lupica has to do to come up with a cheap shot at Carl Pavano…

You probably have heard by now that a journeyman pitcher named Matt White, trying to earn a job with the Dodgers, has found out there is 24 million tons of stone ledge on some property he bought.

And that stone ledge like this, used for building faces and sidewalks and stone walls, is insanely valuable and can go for as much as $100 a ton.

While nobody thinks they can get all of this stone ledge out of the ground and make White a billion or so dollars, there is plenty enough to make him a millionaire many times over.

And the way I look at it is this:

This guy could end up richer than Carl Pavano!

Ho ho ho! That's a good one, Mike!

Carl Pavano is the butt of just about every Yankee joke, and Lupica had to check in with his "humor".

Way to be original.

So Lupica thinks Pavano's been overpaid?

How about Daisuke "I've never pitched in the MLB" Matsuzaka?

How about Lupica's last boyfriend from the Red Sox, Josh Beckett? Remember how Mike basically proposed to him? Didn't hear too much about him last season, except when NASA complained about all the homeruns he gave up and are now orbiting around the Earth.

Pavano had injuries; what's Lupica's excuse for Beckett?

Oh, that's right...he just sucks.