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Wednesday, August 29, 2007



FLUSHING, N.Y. -- The New York Mets today announced that a sold out crowd in excess of 400 guests helped raise more than $500,000 at last night's Mets Foundation "Teammates in the Community" charity event sponsored by NetJets at Richards in Greenwich, Conn.

The Mets Foundation will distribute the proceeds of the event to a variety of worthy causes selected by Mets ownership and players who participated in last night's live auction including the Boys & Girls Club of Greenwich, Cure Childhood Cancer Foundation, Esperanza, Harlem RBI, Extra Bases Foundation, Ronald McDonald House of Durham, NC, Second Chance Learning Center, David Wright Foundation, Willie Randolph Foundation.

The live auction emceed by Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca and author/journalist Mike Lupica raised $277,000 and featured unique Mets experiences such as a wine tasting and lunch at a Manhattan restaurant with wine connoisseurs Tom Seaver and Rusty Staub, shagging fly balls with Carlos Beltran, a batting clinic with Carlos Delgado, playing a round of golf with Tom Glavine, a personal Spanish lesson with "Profesor" Jose Reyes, and personal instruction on playing any position on the field with David Wright. The prizes will be fulfilled in the weeks ahead.

The New York Mets Foundation, founded in 1963, funds and promotes a variety of charitable causes, including educational, social and athletic programs for young people in the community. A registered 501(c) 3 charity, the Mets Foundation takes no portion of contributed funds to offset administrative costs. Every dollar contributed to the Foundation is directed to accomplishing its mission.

NetJets made a major contribution to sign on as the presenting sponsor of this charitable event. The pioneer and worldwide leader in fractional aircraft ownership, NetJets allows individuals and companies to enjoy all the benefits of owning your own jet and more at a fraction of the cost.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Yanks to blame if they miss playoffs...NO SHIT!

Big news, Lupica haters…This week, Lupica decided to write about something other than bashing the Yankees.

Just kidding! It’s the same bullshit that Lupica has been writing about for the last month or so…if the Yankees don’t make the playoffs, it's on the heads of Torre, Cashman, and the players!

No shit!? I thought the tee shirt vendors across the street were to blame!

Thanks for the heads up, Master of the Obvious!

If the Yankees had won a game against the Tigers that started late Friday night and ended at 3:30 Saturday morning, nobody would have been blaming Major League Baseball because of when it started and when it finished, or looking to point fingers as soon as Carlos Guillen's 3-run dinger cleared the fence.

Nobody would have been mad at anybody and Joe Torre wouldn't have been at a loss for words when it was over. Are you kidding? It would have been a brand new episode of "Yankeeography"!

Actually, the Yankee announcers were complaining about it before the game even started…remember, the announcers that YOU keep ripping for being "homers"?

Oh sure. If a Yankee had hit the home run Guillen hit for the Tigers, the whole thing would have been classified as an instant pinstriped classic.

Newsflash: the ending time of a game does not dictate whether or not the game is a classic, you clueless bitch.

The Yankees want to be the late show of this baseball season, here and everywhere. Want to be, should be.

For a columnist who blasts us with run-on sentences on a weekly basis, this is probably the BEST run-on sentence he has ever written.

Give them all props for coming back the way they have...

Practice what you preach, you stupid midget.

But remember something as they make one last run: This isn't "The Little Engine That Could." Or even close.

Uh oh, do I smell a team salary comment coming up?

This is another $200 million team…


Mike Lupica, leading the charge in bringing us new and exciting facts about our favorite New York sports teams…well, that, and regurgitating THE SAME BULLSHIT FOR YEARS…

The reality of this Yankee team is that if it doesn't make it to the postseason, which would mean the first Yankee team since 1993 not to make it to the postseason…

1993? That would mean the Yankees made the postseason in 1994.

Wow, remember how great that postseason was?

Me neither.

The Yankees have their team now. If they don't win with it, then the deal is the same as it's been all along: Somebody over there ought to have some explaining to do.

Just because the deal is the same doesn’t mean your column has to be the same, every week, for two months.

Have they had to overcome a lot? They have.

Uh oh…here comes the Mets comparison!

You think the Mets haven't?

I swear to god, you can set your watch to Mike Lupica.

The Mets haven't had Pedro Martinez since last summer. What comparable long-term pitching loss have the Yankees had since then?

Holy shit, cry me a river, Mike!

Go cry to the Mets for not picking up a pitcher in the offseason to fill in for the hurt Pedro.

Torre has his team. It is a team that has fought back, over the last three months, as well as any he has had. Now that team is supposed to finish the job. No medals for trying. At least not at these prices.

That’s right Mike - the season shouldn’t even be played, because the Yankees have the highest payroll, they should automatically be in the postseason.

Funny - I don’t recall Mike going ape shit like this when the Mets were dying in last place with the highest payroll in the National League.


I will watch "Big Brother 8" before I watch another single minute of NFL preseason football.

Shouldn’t sports columnists be more into things like, you know, SPORTS, rather than outdated reality TV shows?

I'm thinking now that I should have gotten with Roger Clemens' trainer when I turned 45.

Please Mike, you were a lost cause back when you were in elementary school…remember, when you always got picked last for pick up games?

When David Ortiz hits the way he has hit the last couple of weeks, the Red Sox are better.

So let me get this straight...when Ortiz is better, the Red Sox are better?

Quality insight right there.

Did you know, the team win the most runs after nine innings, wins?

I can't lie: I wasn't watching when Bonds hit No. 761 the other night.

Oh Mike, you are such an outstanding sports fan.

NO ONE outside of San Francisco was watching either.

I have a feeling that Bonds homerun was only one of many baseball events that Lupica has missed.

Seeing there is so much bad reality TV to watch.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Oh my god the BASHING NEVER ENDS!!!

Welcome back, Lupica haters!

Last Friday, the Yankees started a stretch in their schedule where they were going to start playing a bunch of playoff contenders for about a month. Let's take a look at how they made out so far.

8.10.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 6-1
8.11.07 - Beat first place Indians on the road - 11-2
8.12.07 - Beat second place Indians on the road - 5-3
8.13.07 - Beat Orioles at home - 7-6
8.14.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 12-0
8.15.07 - Lost to Orioles at home - 6-3
8.16.07 - Lost to first place Tigers at home - 8-5
8.17.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home- 6-1
8.18.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 5-2
8.19.07 - Beat second place Tigers at home - 9-3

So what can we take from this?

1. The Yankees knocked TWO first place teams into second place.

2. So far, during this "rough stretch" of their schedule, they have played .700 ball.

3. Some douche bags (cough cough Sweeny Murti cough) said the rough stretch didn't start until they played Detroit. In that case, the Yankees are playing .750 ball.

4. Before this rough stretch started, the Yankees were six games out of first place...after 10 games, they are now FOUR games out of first (thanks Gagne, your check is in the mail).

You may be asking yourself, "well, this is all great news, but what does it have to do with that little bitch Mike Lupica?" Well guess what? The little fuck never mentions ONE THING about how the Yankees are completely tearing it up, even after wiping their asses with Cleveland and Detroit. We get the SAME BULLSHIT that Lupica thinks is important...payroll, Giambi, payroll, Pavano, payroll...

Gee, Giambi just makes you believe in happy endings all over again, doesn't he?

Oh my GOD give it a fucking rest with Giambi!

He did steroids, he apologized for it, he met with Mitchell about it, he got a nice pat on the back and he is back to playing again.

By the way, you know who DOESN'T make me believe in happy endings?

Mike's little bitch Guillermo Mota; you know, Public Enemy Number One over in Flushing? He got busted for roids, got suspended, got RE-SIGNED by the Mets, and now he is blowing games left and right for Tom Glavine. Come to think of it, Mota's stupid resigning by the Mets IS a happy ending.

Joe Torre is too old to have to answer questions about Gary Sheffield.

Old? Is that the best adjective Lupica could come up with?

How about "smart"?

How about not even asking Torre about Sheffield, since Sheffield is a fucking moron?

God forbid the NY media sticks to things that NY sports fans actually care about.

There was all this thought after the Red Sox got Eric Gagne that the race in the American League East was over.

But now that he's blown three games in his last nine, Red Sox fans are sort of thinking that the race would be over if they'd never gotten the big guy.

This is as close as Lupica gets to giving the Yankees props. God forbid he actually comes right out and says the Yanks are playing great. Lupica dumps all the credit on Gagne.

What a dick.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for - the weekly "Mention How Much Money The Yankees Like To Spend" moment!

You want to know the difference between the Yankees economy - still - and everybody else's?

They not only spend $52 million on Johnny Damon and $40 million on Carl Pavano and $26 million on Kei Igawa, but when the time comes to write them off, whatever the reasons, it's like some kind of check-writing speed bump.

He could have mentioned how the Yankees filled in open roster spots more than adequately with farm guys like Melky, Shelley Duncan, Hughes, and Chamberlain.

He could have made a favorable comparison to the Yankees trade deadline moves versus the Red Sox getting Gagne.

Haha holy shit! What was I thinking? This is Mike Lupica we're talking about! Haha!

Thank god for Lupica - without him, I would never know anything about Carl Pavano.

There has always been a fair amount of rooting on YES, because that's what you get on all state-run baseball television.

But this year, as the Yankees have come back, there has been more than ever.

I guess this is Lupica's new angle. Since he can't knock the surging Yankees, he'll knock the fucking announcers!?

What the hell, he was bashing the Yankee announcers a few weeks ago too - jeez, who knew that Lupica likes to repeat himself, over and over?

And over?

What a shocker.

I guess it's wrong for the YES announcers to root for the Yankees, but it's ok for a bitch like Lupica to slam them on a weekly basis.


By the way, while the guys on YES are "rooting" for the Yankees, what the hell is going on in the Mets broadcast booth?

They are an 8-ball and a Wally Backman away from having the entire 1986 team up in there.

Which is kind of ironic - what do the current Mets and the '80s Mets have in common?

They are both massive underachievers.

Yet another topic Lupica wouldn't dare touch on.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

This week, it's Clemens that takes the hit!

UPDATED 8.08.07

Oh, look, everyone! Our favorite little dirty bitch Mikey wrote ANOTHER Yankee bashing article! This stupid ass has NOTHING better to write about? How about the Mets losing their grip on first place? How about the Yankees working their way into the Red Sox backyard? How about the Yankees in the wildcard race?

No such luck - we get the usual anti-Yankee bullshit. Again.

There has been nothing remarkable about Clemens except his salary.

Actually, the remarkable thing is that Mikey keeps slamming the Yankees, while the Red Sox lead has been melting away on a daily basis, and the Mets are 17-15 since July 1st.

He is 3-5 and should be 3-6, because when you put your team in an 8-0 hole the way he did on Thursday afternoon and your team ends up losing the game, you're the losing pitcher.

So Mikey wants to tack on extra losses because of Thursday's disaster, but he says nothing about the games Clemens should have won.

June 15 vs Mets (first place team), 6.1 IP, 2 ER, Clemens loses 2-0.
July 7 vs Angels (first place team), 8 IP, 1 ER, Clemens loses 2-1.
July 18 vs Bjays, 6 IP, 1 ER, Clemens gets ND.

Clemens should have gotten the win in those 3 games - so he should actually be 6-4.

But why would Mikey want to confuse anyone with facts when he can just as easily put his stupid ass anti-Yankee spin on everything?

By the way Mikey, how many of those eight runs were earned?

Oh, right. Three.

The Yankees better make the playoffs and Clemens better pitch better the rest of the way, or you know what he is? He is more wasted pitching money.

Oh my god, the horror! Please say it isn't so!

The way Igawa is. The way Carl Pavano was.

Only a dumb baised shit like Lupica would compare Clemens to the likes of Igawa and Pavano.

The Yankees didn't spend high this week to go out and rent - or even buy - a top reliever like Eric Gagne, one who fits their current needs much better than he fits Boston's. Why?

Because they didn’t want to give up anyone named Cano, Cabrera, Hughes, Chamberlain, or Kennedy for some fat mess who'll become a free agent at the end of the season? Because they didn’t want to sell the farm, which you always say they do? You dick?

Because they have already rented the most expensive high-rent pitcher in the history of baseball: Clemens. They are paying him $1 million a start and so far they have gotten three wins out of him.

1. The Yankees can afford it.

2. Three wins that should have been six. (See the numbers above…they are called stats, Mikey).

(Randy) Johnson had an earned run average of 5.00 last season, on his way to 17 victories. Clemens is a little bit under that as he has gotten to 3-5 in those 11 million-dollar starts.

Clemens ERA is 4.23. How is that considered a little bit under 5? That’s almost a full point.

Before Thursday's debacle, Clemens ERA was 3.92.

UPDATE 8.08.07

Clemens gave up one run in 6 innings last night, so his ERA is now 4.00.

Once again, NOT a little bit under 5.

Thanks for not being biased. Again.


Clemens has the 3rd best ERA of all the Yankees starters - exactly what the Yankees expected of him; the third starter.

If the Yankees don't make the playoffs, and if this is all Clemens has, then he is just another pitcher in decline who came here for a lot of Yankee money …Kevin Brown was that guy (trade) and Javy Vazquez was that guy (trade), so were Jose Contreras ($5 mil) and Randy Johnson (trade).

Nice job, Mikey! Three of the four guys you said came here for "a lot of Yankee money" were traded here.

Can you believe this ass munch actually gets paid to write this shit?

I was waiting for Matsui to put the whole thrilla thing back into the Godzilla thing.

Well, now that Matsui is kicking ass all over the league, will you give him props, like you do with all your bitches over in Flushing?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

By the way, I think the reason most people rooted the way they have for A-Rod to hit No. 500 is so Yankee announcers would stop treating routine fly balls to the outfield like the most exciting thing to happen in baseball since Bobby Thomson's home run.


People cheered for Arod to hit his 500th homerun to protest the Yankee announcers' coverage of routine fly balls?

If anyone can comprehend what the fuck Lupica is trying to say here, please let me know.

Oh, I keep forgetting. Mikey just wants to slam the Yankees, Yankee fans, Yankee announcers, Yankee hats, Yankee keychains.

You know, like most objective sports columnists.