It's Hank, Cash & Joe's Fault!!! Those Pricks!!!

Thanks, Bill Madden, for this genius piece about how the failures of this season are the fault of the GM, the manager and the owner.

If you haven't already, go read the article. It explains how everything boils down to Hank's inability to take charge and be a full-blown asshole like his dad used to. And how Girardi's mismanaged the team. Oh, and how Cashman built the team.

It's Hank's fault for not getting Santana. Yeah, we knew that already. The Santana deal will be second guessed for the next hundred years. Or at least until Santana is a walking corpse from years 4 through 7 of the contract he inked with the Mets.

It's Cashman's fault for constructing a bench that involves Wilson Betemit and Morgan Ensberg... because as we all know, the 24th and 25th guys on a team's bench typically represent a 10 to 15 game swing in that team's overall record... right? Right? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? No? Okay, moving on.

It's Girardi's fault because of the Manny game... in like... April. Oh, and for resting Damon for a game this week. And for using Damaso Marte, when he's "clearly a situational reliever."

So lets start with the assertion that Marte is "clearly a situational reliever."

Damaso Marte in Pittsburgh: 47 innings, 1.157 WHIP, 47 K's, 3.47 ERA. And just for the record, here's what RHB's did against Marte in Pittsburgh - .214/.299/.321, and here's what lefties did against him - .258/.310/.394.

To clarify, there's nothing situational about a lefty who's better against righties than lefties. Marte has had a bad week and a half. It's not a fucking incrimination of his entire career. It's a bad week and a half.

Just for the hell of it, lets play the blame game for this season.

1) Robinson Cano - .262/.302/.393 (OPS+ 84) is having a throw-away year. He's been fucking awful. This is obviously Brian Cashman's fault.

2) Derek Jeter - .284/.346/.396 (OPS+ 98) is in the midst of the worst season of his career. This must be because of the differences between Torre and Girardi, so we'll blame Joe Girardi for this.

3) Matsui, Posada and A-Rod's injuries - Three extremely productive hitters have missed majorly extended stretches, with Posada missing almost the entire season and Matsui having seen only 69 of 120 games. Surely the effects of The Curse of the Hank!!!

4) Chien-Ming Wang - 8-2 in 15 starts at the time of his injury, this guy won 38 games in 2006 and 2007. The fact that the Yankees are unable to dominate after the loss of a bonafide top-of-the-rotation starter is very obviously the fault of Cashman. He should have cloned the DNA of Sandy Koufax just in case something like this happened.

5) Hughes, Kennedy & Chamberlain - Two of them dramatically underachieved, all three got hurt at some point, and yet, one of them has developed into one of the best starting pitchers in baseball... but he's not here now. Kennedy might not be as good as anybody thought, Hughes has some injury issues, but has looked great during his rehab stint, and Chamberlain is a golden God. Again, the fault of Cashman for pinning his hopes on pitchers who don't cost $150 Million over 7 years.

And now, for the record, lets see what else Cashman's done this year.

1) Stole Xavier Nady & Damaso Marte from Pittsburgh: The trade market the past few years has been SAVAGE!!! Cashman gave up NOTHING GOOD, and got back a 29-year old outfielder with an OPS+ of 147. And Marte, who was closing games for Pittsburgh at the time he was dealt.

2) Rented Pudge Rodriguez straight up for Kyle Farnsworth: Yeah, Farns was pitching well, but Yanks fans still hated the prick, nobody trusted him in September or October, and he was going out the door in 2 months anyway. Pudge was the only available guy who could come near Posada's production, and he's here.

3) Sidney Ponson, Darrel Rasner & Dan Giese: Their names should go into the history books next to Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon. Do you guys realize that we got 178 innings of serviceable baseball from these three scrap-heapers? Kennedy, Hughes, Chamberlain and Wang have all suffered significant injuries... and yet we've been able to hang around.

Show me another team in baseball FUCKING HISTORY that's lost 4/5ths of their rotation over the course of a season, and even played above .500 ball! Do it!! I fucking dare you to do it!!! And they did it because of a 31-year old free agent who was once drafted in the 34th round of the draft, an alcoholic ex-convict, and a waiver-wire pickup from the fucking Nationals in 2006.

Cashman has pulled half this roster out of his fucking ass. Girardi's juggled his lineups and rotations all year just to keep 9 guys on the field. And Hank's kept his mouth mostly shut... except for that asshole time that he bitched out Mike Mussina... and Mussina magically turned into a 15-game winning dark horse for the fucking Cy Young.

Oh, and the time when Hank bitched that Joba should start. How was that working out before Joba got tendinitis? Wait, I'll tell you. In 12 starts, spanning 65 innings, Joba struck out 74 batters and worked a 2.76 ERA.

Yeah, Hank's a dick. And Joe and Cash are fucking awful. Give me a break Bill Madden. Just give me a break.

Don't be a dick, Bill Madden.

The fucking Daily News strikes again.

What the hell is up with these assholes? Is Lupica the sports editor now?

Bill Madden wrote this article about yesterday's dramatic win yesterday, and this was the title of his story...

Ending with bang won't start boom

Pack it in Yankees, your win yesterday will NOT have any affect on the upcoming games and the rest of the season. None. Won't. Will not happen. No chance.

Madden makes it perfectly clear that yesterday's game will NOT be the start of anything.

So check out the first sentence of his article...

It remains to be seen, of course, just how much momentum such an exhilarating and unexpected walk-off win over one of the teams ahead of them in their own division will have for these very imperfect Yankees. (Emphasis mine).

So what the fuck? Why have the doomsday headline, then completely contradict it in the first five words of the article?

You had to shit on the Yankees with a completely inappropriate headline?

I'm not saying yesterday's game will lead to a 20 game win streak, but to say it won't help is just subjective Lupishit.

Then having to clarify (contradict) the headline in the first sentence shows one of two things.

A) Some Mets fan hack comes up with the headlines, or
B) You are a dick.

Enough with the bullshit. Stop making yourself look like a Lupicock wannabe.

www.enough-vacations.com?

As you all know, Fafa's on vacation, which means that I'm in charge around here! I can say and do whatever I want! If I were so inclined, I could tackle politics or religion. I could enlighten you all about my personal views on gay marriage. Or I could explain my fool-proof argument for why Rudy Giuliani should be euthanized. But instead I think I'll just complain about crappy sports writing.

I think Mike Lupica might have gone on vacation too, because today's shitty Yankee-bashing Daily News article comes from the usually tolerable, Bill Madden! I don't hate you Bill, but you shit the bed on this one.

Well, I guess this is it and there's nothing left but to accept it: We have come to the end of the Phil Hughes-Ian Kennedy era.

Yeah, I mean... since they both suffered career-ending injuries over the weekend. I guess we can just kiss them goodbye. We'll always have September 2007 though. Wait a second... you mean neither one of them is dead? Or terribly harmed? Then what the fuck is Bill talking about?

Who could have possibly seen it coming? And yet, here we are, the first week of May, and the two whiz-kid starting pitchers, on whose sturdy right shoulders GM Brian Cashman had invested not just his reputation but the whole 2008 Yankee season, are both out of the rotation with no timetable for any return.

So wait... the Hughes-Kennedy era is over because of a bad April? Two first-rounders made a total of 9 bad starts, and one of them broke a rib... and we're done with those assholes forever? And the season is over? That's some really fucked up shit. I hope Bill's exaggerating.

The road from the Bronx to Columbus and Scranton over the years is littered with the broken spirits and dreams of young pitchers developed and hyped by the Yankees only to be abruptly discarded upon meeting failure at the big league level.

Wait, I know this song! I'll cut in with the chorus now!

I walk alone, I walk alone. I walk alone, I walk a--- MY SHADOW'S THE ONLY ONE WHO... Shit, I got carried away for a second. So we're not singing Green Day songs?

Who are these hyped, developed prospects who turned out to be busts? Over the years, we've brought up some minor leaguers. Matt DeSalvo, Tyler Clippard, Chase Wright, Christian Parker, Alex Graman, Jeff Karstens, and guys like that have been mostly bad. But none of them were heralded prospects, or guys we expected to develop into rotation mainstays. They were spot-starters and dudes we hoped could contribute a little.

An organization hyping Brandon Claussen in the hopes of dealing him at some point in the future for a quality player is one thing. Refusing to deal Hughes and Kennedy for the best pitcher in baseball is totally another thing. I think Bill Madden is asserting that the Yankees believed their own hype or something. The fact is that Hughes was the top-rated pitching prospect in baseball according to numerous non-New York-based sources. Everybody loved him. Most of those people STILL love him.

Of course, Cashman is not about to put Hughes and Kennedy, former No. 1 draft picks, in that category. (The category of busts)

Of course he's not. Because Hughes and Kennedy have made a total of NINE. BAD. STARTS. IN. FUCKING. APRIL.

As for Hughes and Kennedy, the much-hyped No. 1's, Hughes is said to be out at least until July with his stress fracture, while Kennedy probably will to have to string together at least four or five good starts in the minors - like Rasner did - before he gets the Yankees' attention again.

So Hughes is gone until he's healthy. Then he'll rehab and come back. And Kennedy's gone until he gets his shit together a little bit.

And that signifies the END of the Hughes/Kennedy ERA? It sounds like they're both going away for a short period of time, and then coming back again. So again I ask... are you exaggerating a little bit Bill?

Just to put the Hughes/Kennedy struggles into perspective, here are some game lines.

Mystery Player A
1) 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 1 BB, 2 K
2) 8 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7H, 2 BB, 2 K
3) 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 H, 5 BB, 8 K
4) 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 4 K
5) 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 2 K
6) 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 3 BB, 0 K

Oh my god! Mystery Player A started out good... and then regressed. And then lost his confidence and got scared to throw strikes! His career must surely have gone down the tubes from there!!! Who could he be?!

John Fucking Smoltz. That's who. At age 21, Smoltz went 2-7 with a 5.48 ERA and a 1.672 WHIP. He was dogshit, but he took his lumps and developed into a pretty good major league pitcher.

Mystery Player B
1) 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 9 K
2) 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 1 BB, 8 K
3) 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 K
4) 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 H, 4 BB, 5 K
5) 2 IP, 0 ER, 2 H, 1 BB, 1 K
6) 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 2 K

This guy is fucking awesome! Wow! I bet that's like Greg Maddux or Sandy Koufax's first 6 games! Wow! The guy didn't even give up a run in 4 of his first 6 outings!! Who could he be?

The answer is Zach Duke. He went 8-2 with a 1.81 ERA as a rook. Since then, he's 13-25 with A 4.82 ERA.

Six starts is a very small sample size. It proves absolutely nothing about how good or bad a baseball player is, or will be in the future.

Some of the best and most memorable pitchers in the history of baseball have started their careers poorly. And some of the worst/most forgettable guys have shot out to fast starts and faded away. Only time is going to tell how good Hughes, Kennedy and Chamberlain will be.

Bill Madden exaggerated a lot in his article. He never admitted it. I'm sad for Bill.