Transcript of Lupicunt's Conversation with Yankee Stadium Security!!

With a little digging, I managed to find an exact transcript of Mike Lupica's conversation with Yankee Stadium Security during the All Star Game, as he tried, unsuccessfully, to enter the lower boxes.

Lupica: Hi... I'm Mike Lupica from the Daily News!
Security Guard #1: What? Did somebody say something?
Security Guard #2: I heard it too! Where did it come from?
Lupica: HEY!! I'm down here you sons of bitches!!!!

SG#1: Oh, what can I do for you little boy? Did you lose your daddy?
Lupica: I'm Mike Lupica from the Daily News! I want to go to my seat!!
SG#2: Lupica, Lupica... hmm... you're not on the list, and frankly, I've never heard of you.
Lupica: That's... that's impossible!!! I'm the author of the New York Times Best Selling book, "Heat!"

SG#1: I thought you just said you wrote for the Daily News!! Which one is it little fella?
Lupica: It's both!! It's both!! I write books too!!
SG#2: Hey! I've been working here for 10 years! If you're a member of the press, how come I've never seen you before?
Lupica: Because I've been covering New York sports for over 30 years!! I don't NEED to come to games any more!! Because I've already SEEN everything!!!

SG#1: I still don't know who he is.
SG#2: Me neither, lets test him. Hey short fry... if you're a baseball journalist, tell me something about the Yankees!
Lupica: Their payroll is $200 Million Dollars!!
SG#1: No no, tell me something about somebody on the team!
Lupica: Jason Giambi took steroids!! And so did Andy Pettitte!!
SG#2: Everybody knows that, those are old stories. Tell me something current!!!
Lupica: Umm... A-Rod is having sex with Madonna!!!
SG#1: This guy sounds like a paparazzo.
SG#2: Yeah, hey little guy. I'm sorry, but we can't let you in here. You need to leave.

Lupica: Umm... could you check the list again? Maybe my name is misspelled. It's Lupica. A... L... B... O... M. First name is Mitch.

SG#1: Ohhhh! Mitch Albom, sure, why didn't you just say so. Go right ahead sir.
Lupica: Oh God Dammit...