What are the sheer odds? Walking by the Oompa Loompa Display at the Stamford Mall, I found a crumpled handwritten piece of paper and picked it up – imagine my shock when I realized I’d actually stumbled upon Limpicock’s Christmas List!
Dearest Santa:
Have you lost weight? You look fabulous, and I LOVE that red suit! Just curious here – you also have red socks?
Now down to business - for Christmas, I want:
1 - Shoe lifts;
2 - The ability to access information quickly so I can try this new approach to writing called “research” – maybe some type of connection that allows my PC to gather information from reliable sources instantly, giving me an almost unlimited ability to better do my job (I know, I’m living in a crazy dream-world, but SOME day) …, wait, scratch that – I don’t care to do a better job;
3 - Shoe lifts;
4 - More readers who hate New York sports in general (and the Yankees specifically), and are mindlessly willing to suspend reality in order to see my views;
5 - an industrial drum of Astro-Glide for when Omar comes over;
6 – a larger soapbox to preach from (people walk by and ask me how much for the lemonade - I HATE that!);
7 – surgery to make my face just a little more smug;
8 – shoe lifts;
9 – a breakout year from: Beltran (to FINALLY bat over .285 since becoming a Met), Reyes (to FINALLY bat over .300 since coming to the majors), and I really want Wright to get rbi’s that mean something;
9 – a weekend getaway at Imus’s ranch for me and the Wilpons (better have some more Astro-Glide waiting there, too … oh wait, never mind – Imus gets it at a discount);
Listen Claus, I’ve been a very smug little boy this year and fully expect you to come thru for me,
Mikey
PS – don’t know if you get news up in the North Pole, but the Yankees have just spent almost half a billion dollars this winter and (obviously) have the highest payroll in baseball – just thought you should know. What do you mean, it’s actually $425 million over various extended periods of time, and that stating it that way is deceiving? You …, you’re QUESTIONING ME??!! You fat bastard, do you know who I am?? I’ll rip that beard off your face and jam it up your … sorry – I lost it there for a second.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas - from Santa's Smug Elf!
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6 comments:
The Yankess' projected payroll for 2009 is actually less than their 2008 payroll, due mostly to expiring unrenewed contracts like Abreu and Giambi.
Lupica writes all these nonsense articles about the Yankees, yet never takes the Mets to task for selling naming rights to their stadium(which has blown up in their faces) nor mentions the financial geniuses in FLushing, Fred and Jeff Coupon, were swindled out of over $300 million. Nor that his beloved Sawx could build a new stadium with revenue sharing cash, but they're fans are too stupid to see that their outdated firetrap is about to be a huge hinderance to their finances.
He should save time and energy-just write "Yanks suck, mets and Sawx rule!". What insight. What a whiny sniveling douchebag.
Lupudick got the ultimate Christmas gift. The Yankees gave him months of material by trying to win. In Lupilogic the Yanks were losers for not signing Beltran to the big contract so they compensated by spending bigger on Texiera. How about this, they passed on Beltran because he is a average talent and is not worth $100 million, but spent it on Texiera because he is a gold glove, switch hitting, power hitter. Why is it okay to spend $100 mil on a no talent, but stupid to spend it on talent. Oh yeah, the Yanks did it. Go skewer the Mets for spending huge money on Beltran, Pedro, Delgado and suck-rod. The dwarf killed the Yankees for spending big money on over the hill Superstars. Now they sign CC, Tex, AJ, who are all above average talents and young and they get killed again. That is superior signings. He kills them for going with the kids, and he kills them for switching the plan and signing proven stars. Enjoy your night of loading the sled you pathetic elf. I look forward to reading half of your articles after the new year. No sane person could ever get through a whole article of yours you no talent Met loving boob.
What an idiot. I think that poor Mikey has turned into the one thing he despised when he was a young reporter; Dick Young. That's right, the soul of the late great has taken over poor Mikey's body and has destroyed his brain.
It's obvious how much Mickey has become so much like Young in his columns over the years. It's a shame. Young got in trouble because he allowed himself to become a paid shill for the Mets. Now Lupica is pretty much doing the same thing.
1) Jose Reyes has hit .300 in a season (2006).
2) Yankee fans are still waiting for Dora, err, I mean A-Rod, to get a meaningful RBI as well.
3) The overpaid, overrated Yankees still won't win a World Series despite spending $423.5 million on free agents this off-season.
4) The overpaid, overrated Yankees won't even win their own division. Those Boston Red Sox will crush their hopes once again and the millions of bandwagon Yankee fans across the world will be crying in their beers.
Go Mets!
Go Sox!
ReyesDaMan
How I pitty you.
You do relize that reporting it as 423.5 million is deceptive. This year they are spending $23 million on CC Sabathia, 16.5 million on Aj Burnett and 22.5 on Mark Teixerra. You are also forgetting that Yankees had almost 90 million in Payroll come off the books, as it looks now there payroll will actually be lower than it is now.
I hope the cole that Santa Left in your stocking hasn't left you too upset. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanuka, Happy KAwnazza, and Have a Nice Festivus.
Mets fans, wait until your annual post-Aug 31st meltdown to write your BS! Thats when the mets players go on vacation!
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