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Monday, April 21, 2008

Shooting from (about a foot and a half Behind) the Hip.. (you know, the Bum!)

In what must be considered the shock of the year, it was announced this week that Isiah Thomas will no longer be coaching the New York Knicks. I just don't understand why people refuse to see all the good that Isiah has done for the Knicks, the City of New York, and quite frankly, the Planet Earth! Did you know that every time the Knicks lose a game by 20 or more, a rare species of endangered Wildlife sees a large boost in population? Just last week, Isiah's bad coaching might have ensured that your grandchildren will be able to see Elephants at the Zoo in 20 years!!

Okay, I'm kidding. Isiah sucked balls and everybody knew he was on the way out. And to celebrate, Mike Lupica sets his focus on none other than Anucha Browne Sanders! Does anybody know who she is? I've barely ever heard her name mentioned… wait… yes I have!! Months ago! When she mattered! Lupica returns to a story that's been thoroughly covered and was put to bed by EVERYBODY ELSE when it was no longer important (because she got a huge payout and justice was aptly served.)

I'm not going to tear into specific aspects of what was said, because it's all tired and hacky at this point. Instead, I'd like to point out one glaring issue: Mike Lupica's Unabashed Hypocrisy!! Yes, that gets bold, and underscoring!!

Lupica is completely outraged that Isiah allegedly sexually harassed Browne Sanders. He's flabbergasted at the nerve it would take for a black man to call a black woman a "Black Bitch." Now if Isiah were white… and he had called Browne Sanders something classier, like saying… a Nappy-Headed Ho. And he had done it in a more private way, like say… via a syndicated radio show that was broadcasted to millions of people… then it'd be okay.

I'm going to tackle this next part Lupica style. With sentence fragments. Mean ones. Ones that get the job done.

Mike Lupica defended his butt-buddy Don Imus for months. Defended him when nobody else was dumb enough to. Defended his racist, sexually-themed comments. Comments that not only defamed an innocent team of college girls, but also an entire race. Defended Imus. And in doing so, spat in the face of common sense and journalistic responsibility.

But when it's Isiah, behind closed doors with nobody to correlate the story in any way, Lupica insists on being the first and last guy in town to take shots at the situation. Dare I say a bit of good old fashioned racism is at work here?

***

Did you see that shit? Three stars means that I'm going to move on to the next stuff. I just stole a Lupica literary tool! I'm on Fiyyyyyyyah!! Like Mariahhhhh!!! I'm slightly ashamed of myself for saying that.

You knew there were going to be a lot of nights like Friday night for Yankee fans this season, especially the ones who wanted Brian Cashman to do whatever was necessary to get Johan Santana out of Minnesota.

"Not someone I'd pay $150 million for on a bet." Why the quote? To again, remind you that this was Mike Lupica's stance on Johan Santana mere days before the Mets handed him a $151 million dollar contract. Pick a side of the fence Mike. Seriously.

Derek Jeter said Kyle Farnsworth buzzing Manny the other night didn't count, because Manny didn't get hit. And I just want to see how amusing the Yankees think it is the next time somebody throws 100 behind the captain's ear.

Here's some news for you. The next time someone throws 100 behind the captain's ear, they'll be wearing a Red Sox uniform. They’ve been throwing at Yankee hitters without retaliation for the last 12 years. With this painstaking thing called "research", I've learned that last season, the Red Sox hit 9 Yankee batters in their 18 games. Further research reveals that Derek Jeter has been hit 16 times in his career by Red Sox pitching. Manny Ramirez, on the other hand, has been hit 7 times by Yankee pitching. Shut the fuck up about this Mike. It's a non-story.

Good news at the Stadium! The last one Manny hit off Mussina just landed underneath the Avis sign in left.

Haha yeah! Manny really killed that one! It just landed!! Haha!! Boy oh boy!! Manny crushed that ball!! I'm surprised that after he dug in and hammered the hell out of one like that, and then stood there to admire it like Manny always does, that nobody threw one at him… oh shit… my bad.

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