Apparently Lupica Spit After He Sucked Calipari...

Because a day later, he's sucking the ballsacks of Bill Self and the National Champion Kansas Jayhawks. Not to brag, but a certain someone told you who was going to win that game. It's like I said, The Curse of Lupica!! The mere glance of Mike Lupica could turn Michael Jordan into Stephon Marbury in a big game. But lets get right to it.

This was only a shot to tie against Memphis … But everybody who saw Chalmers knock this one down knew that Memphis wasn't coming back even if Kansas had.

Which is why they stopped the game right then and there. It was fucking over. Memphis had no chance. Probably because John Calipari was out of witty quotes.

So there, one more time, the first of all the times Mario Chalmers' shot will be replayed from now on in college basketball, there he was, coming from his left, nearly losing control of the ball, but holding on to it, because there are times when the ball doesn't bounce away from you in a moment like this, because it is supposed to be in your hands.

This sentence is the Dirk Diggler of sports journalism. It's long and strong and bound to get the friction on. This sentence runs like a 78 pound Kenyan in the Boston Marathon. If Eliot Spitzer were as long as this sentence, Ashley Alexandra Dupre would have done him for free. In case you missed the point, this is a very long, run-on sentence…and so poetic and beautiful too.

There are times in a boy's life when he becomes a man, and Mario Chalmers was becoming and man and nobody in the world could stop him from reaching this pubescent right of passage. Nobody could take his ball away. Which is why the five Memphis defenders simply walked off the court as he drifted to his left and killed them from beyond the arc. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

"Ten seconds to go and we think we're national champions," Memphis coach John Calipari would say. "Then a kid makes a shot and all of a sudden we're not."

Oh, now John's full of witty quotes again! Where was this witty quote when Kansas was coming back from a 9-point deficit and your team needed inspiration!! You were supposed to will them to win with your witty quotes!! And at the most critical time in the game, in the season, you choked like Mike Lupica when his nose hits scrotum in a 69!

Seriously though, feel free to congratulate me on being right about Kansas. Adios.