Speed Up Reality For Reality TV!

You would think, after reading the latest literary bowel movement from Lupica, that he hates baseball. Today's article is all about how the games in the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry take too long and are too annoying.

The biggest rivalry in sports, and Shithead wants them to speed it up and get it overwith.

I think Lupica was just pissed because the game cut into his American Idol/Biggest Loser/Rock of Love II time.

God forbid the little troll pulls himself away from his reality TV fetish and actually watches/reports on/enjoys sports.

The Yankees and Red Sox played another four-hour game last night at the Stadium, the kind of four-hour, nine-inning game they have played against each other in each of the last two seasons, the kind of game that tries to turn what we still call the best rivalry in sports into something, even on a night when both teams came from behind, into something that makes a tractor pull seem like high drama.

Because baseball fans hate to see lots of baseball and runs and lead changes - what a bore!

How ironic that Mike complains about the length of the game in a sentence longer than the 5th fucking inning.

And made you wonder more than once what if Isiah Thomas might get fired before this one ended.

Wow, I'm so used to seeing swipes at the Yankees in Lupicas' articles about the Knicks…now he's bashing Isiah in Yankee articles?

Isiah, you are done.

And, no, I wasn’t thinking about Isiah during the Yankee game - I was wondering if you were gonna write a stupid fucking article about the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry.

Thanks for not letting me down.

Four hours and eight minutes this time.

Jesus Christ, almost a HUNDRED words into the article and you are still talking about the length of the game!?

Put down the stopwatch asshole!

Yankees 15, Red Sox 9. Some seasons they play 19 games against each other. This year it is only 18. No worries. They'll find a way to make up the extra time easy.

Just like you find ways to fill in your article with worthless crap, like reporting on the length of game?

It started Wednesday night in the fifth inning, an epic fifth inning, one that lasted nearly an hour in real time, 53 minutes to be exact.

What did I say about that stopwatch, bitch!?

And "nearly an hour in real time"? What the fuck other kind of time would we be talking about? Bullet time? Uranus time? Hammer time?

The Red Sox came into the top of the fifth down 7-3 to Chien Ming-Wang, who wasn't all that far away from no-hitting the Red Sox last Friday night in Fenway. Then the Red Sox started banging Wang around, five straight hits to start the inning…

Singles, Mike. Five singles. You make it sound like Wang was the second coming of Mel Rojas.

Sometimes the games between these two teams don't just make you wonder about how the Democratic debate is going in Philadelphia, they seem longer than the whole Democratic campaign.

That is so ironic, because Mister Six and I were just discussing this last night…

FaFa - Wow, this is a long game!

Mister Six - Do you know what this game makes me wonder?

FaFa - How the Democratic debate is going in Philadelphia?

Mister Six - Actually, I was wondering if this game is longer than the whole Democratic campaign!

(Cue the crickets)

So it was Wednesday night. Because the Yankees came right back in their half of the fifth against Julian Tavarez.

Ok, that was the beginning of a paragraph. Does it even make sense?

No.

Julio Lugo tried to throw one in the general direction of one of Chuck Knoblauch's old throws…

Here's an idea - try writing a positive article about the Yankees without simultaneously shitting on the Yankees.

Seriously. Surprise us one year.

…the Yankees needed a Triple-A catcher and Chad Moeller, who really can catch and throw and handle pitchers and always could, needed a job. Now here he was in the middle of Red Sox vs. Yankees last night. The biggest year he ever had in the majors was with Milwaukee in 2004, when he got to the plate 317 times and played 101 games and hit just .208. He has never hit much.

His biggest year in the majors was when he hit .208, and then you go on to say he has never hit much?

Great analysis Mike!

The Yankees hit the ball all over the Stadium, hit the way they're going to have to hit this season with this pitching staff…

That's right Mike. Keep punching the Yankees in the balls.

I know it's hard for you to separate criticism from praise when it comes to reporting on the Yankees.

As always, they take wins any way they get them against the Red Sox. No matter how long they take.

Hopefully today's game will take less time, so it won’t cut into your busy schedule of not watching sports events.