Comedy Of Error

In yesterday's piece of crap article, Lupica's hatred for the Yankees came shining through. Check out this shit...

The Yankees were 13-14 over a month of baseball that ended with Friday night's sparkling performance against the White Sox, and when you play that kind of dreary baseball over this long a period, you get people wondering if you're still the $200 million odds-on favorite to repeat.

Over the last two months, here are the two teams from which our kids have won series:

Mariners. Tigers.

How funny. The little twerp said two months instead of two weeks.

In reality, the Yankees have gone 32-22 in the last two months, winning 10 series against the following teams:

Toronto
Oakland
Seattle
Tampa Bay
Kansas City
Cleveland
Kansas City
Detroit
Seattle
Chicago

Hmm...I wonder how the Mets did during that span?

The Mets have gone 22-32 in the last two months, going from 2nd place to 4th place, winning 5 series against the following teams:

St. Louis
Colorado
Houston
Pittsburgh
Houston

Good stuff!

Little douche boy should consider proof reading.

At least he got his "$200 million" into the article...for the 200 millionth time.

Sabathia Is No Beckett!

So Sabathia beat the Phillies last night, which means Lupica had to throw out his pre-written article about how great Halladay is, and how he owns the Yankees.

I guess that's why he wrote a nasty article about Sabathia.

Oh wait, Lupica hates the Yankees! He would never write a good article about them!

Let's take a look at some of the crap he shits out on Sabathia.

"Sabathia has rarely had his best stuff this season"

"Now Sabathia just looks big"

"Sabathia managed to get his seventh win of this season"

"Sabathia just being a little off his game, again"

"They can get to first place with Sabathia pitching only marginally better than Javy Vazquez"

"Not great Tuesday night. Just good enough"

"Still not the ace of the staff"

Here are Sabathia's stats from last night.

IP: 7
ER: 3
Hits: 5
BB: 3
SO: 7

NOW…Let's compare those stats to THIS game from a non-Yankee pitcher…

IP: 8
ER: 3
Hits: 6
BB: 1
SO: 5

And let's see what the mini douche wrote about that performance…

"He was the real story of this game"

"This is the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be"

"This was the kind of game that big pitchers are supposed to win for their teams"

"Was the ace everybody wants, the one who stands there and says he is going to throw it about 95 miles per hour for the next three hours or so, dig in, see if you can hit it"

Guess who he was writing about - you got it - Josh Beckett, checking out of that 4/17/08 game with a 5.12 ERA.

Cano Sucks!!!

So let's see…Robinson Cano is playing like a madman…leave it to a douche like Lupica to rain on his parade!

So you know: Through Friday night's games Austin Jackson - the kid the Yankees traded away for Curtis Granderson - was hitting .350 for the Tigers and had two more hits for the season than Robinson Cano does.

Lupica was on the right track. If anything, he could have ripped the Yankees for trading Austin Jackson away for Curtis Granderson. Certainly, Austin Jackson is doing awesome, and Granderson, other than lighting up Papelbon, really hasn't done much at the plate.

But why let logic get in the way of Yankee bashing?

At a time when Cano is supposed to be the hottest guy in the world and MVP of everything.

I can't believe I have to waste my time looking up the stats of these two players to make Lupica look like an ass.

Again.

Christ…it took me about 25 seconds to collect these stats…25 seconds I'll never get back!!!

Damn you, Lupica!!!

Jackson stats:
AB - 109
BA - .367
Hits - 40
2B - 7
3B - 2
HR - 1
RBI - 8
BB - 10
K's - 34
OBP - .420
SLG - .495
OPS+ - 146

Cano stats:
AB - 93
BA - .387
Hits - 36
2B - 6
3B - 1
HR - 9
RBI - 21
BB - 8
K's - 12
OBP - .433
SLG - .763
OPS+ - 223

So, what have we learned? Other than Lupica, once again, is cherry picking stats to prove his worthless point?

Austin Jackson has 4 more hits (by May 3rd) than Cano…in sixteen more at bats!!! Give me a fucking break, Mike! Cano leads the league in OPS+!!! Jackson leads the league in strike outs! Look at the home runs!!! Jesus fucking Christ!!! *(&)#Q)(*#@&!!!!11!!!!

Cano isn't supposed to be the hottest guy in the world!!! Obviously, Jose Reyes is!

Speaking of Lupica's inflatable sex toy...

Reyes stats:
BA - .216
HR - 0
SB - 4
RBI - 6
OPS+ - 51

I mean, who really gives a shit about the rest...oh, except Lupica, who claims that Reyes "is the one you want to watch the most"

Please.

And now it's time for more Shits And Giggles!!!

Lupica December 17th column headline - "Champion New York Yankees fall to second place behind Boston Red Sox in arms race"

Yankees team ERA - 3.63 - 4th in AL
Red Sox team ERA - 4.78 - 12th in AL

Oops!

Lupica Loves That Jose Reyes

Holy crap. Lupica is back, once again, on Reyes' jock. Can he make it any more obvious that he wants to get in bed with Jose? I mean, really…take a look at this…

But even now, as Reyes rolls over on his back...

Um…ewww?

…and begins to stretch legs…

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

that change everything for the Mets when they are healthy, the shortstop is the one you want to watch the most.

I've actually been tuning in to more Mets games this season…for one reason - Ike Davis.

Even now, almost three hours before the game starts, he smiles and laughs at something Alex Cora says to him in Spanish and reminds you of a kid waiting for recess to start.

Is Lupica saying that Reyes can't wait to get out of Citi Field?

That's how I read it.

This is comedy…look at how Lupica turns into the most nauseating Met Apologist of all time…

Met Apologist: Wright looks as if he is ready to make some noise at the plate.

Reality: Wright is not making any noise at the plate. Only 3 players in the MLB have more strike outs.

Met Apologist: Jeff Francoeur keeps hitting balls that would be homers in other parks.

Reality: Jeff Francouer can't hit a home run at home.

Met Apologist: Reyes made you watch him all over again this week, made you remember that it is almost a year since the kid at shortstop was in the middle of everything for the New York Mets.

Reality: Reyes is hitting .242 with an OPS+ of 78.

The spin doctor is in!

Moving on…remember when Lupica said this about Carlos Beltran?

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers? - 4/8/2007

So what do you think he had to say about Beltran in yesterday's shitty column?

He has turned out to be a bad contract for the Mets

HAHA what a douche.

But of course, we can't get through a Lupica article without some quality Yankee bashing…

I keep hearing about all this pop in (Nick) Johnson's bat, and maybe we'll see it before too long.

They're nearly hysterical about David Ortiz's batting average in Boston, and the Yankees had a designated hitter with a batting average of a buck-twenty coming into this weekend.

The funny thing is, and every Yankee fan knows it, is that the Yankees got Nick Johnson for his ON BASE PERCENTAGE, not his home runs, you dopey little dwarf. Who the hell is talking about the "pop" in Nick Johnson's bat?

Where is the pop in Jose Reyes' bat?

How about $66 million, ZERO home runs Jason Bay?

Come on, Mike! I can do this in my sleep! At least make it challenging!

Mark Teixeira's concern for Bobby Wilson after that collision at the plate Friday night must have started right after he practically had to step over Wilson to get back to the dugout.

Teixeira is such a rude bastard…how dare he not give the poor guy a hug after that collision!

You know I'm a glass half-full guy

You are just a ray of sunshine on the Yankees. Really.

so on Friday night I was just happy to see Teixeira hit anything.

2010 Mets = 3rd highest payroll in the NL…

…and 2nd worst batting average in the NL.

Lupica comedy. Gotta love it.

Blurbs from "Shitting From The Lip"

So here we are, two weeks into the season, and the Yankees are in cruise control, winning their first four series against REAL teams - the Red Sox, Rays, Angels, and the Rangers.

Mike's "Dream Team", the Mets, have lost 3 of their 4 series, with a chance to lose their fourth tonight...losing to such power houses as the Nationals and the Marlins...sitting in last place in their division, with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

And once again, Mike refuses to mention the Mets payroll. Does anyone remember the last time he cried about their payroll?

Nothing seems to change, between the Mets sucking and Mike not saying anything about their payroll.

Here are some stupid Lupica blurbs from today's shit article...

Nice to see the luxury suites at Yankee Stadium on Opening Day no longer looking like the view of the Pacific from Malibu.

2010 Yankees average attendance per game - 44,699, 1st in the AL
2010 Mets average attendance per game - 33,477, 9th in the NL

And just for laughs...

2009 Yankees attendance - 3,674,495
2009 Mets attendance - 3,154,270

When Bernie Williams bounced that ceremonial first pitch in front of home plate the other day, it was my friend George King who mentioned in the press box that Bernie was throwing as well now as when he was 23.

Haha! I get it! Bernie never had a good arm!

Say, how's Carlos Beltran looking these days out in centerfield?

You do wonder sometimes if the Mets left base-running school a few credits shy of graduation.

Base-running school? This is why the Mets are 4-7? Because of of lack of base running skills?

How about hitting school? The Mets are 14th in the NL in batting average.

How about hitting with RISP school? The Mets are batting .163 w/RISP.

On base percentage? Mets are 12th in the NL.

Slugging? Mets are 15th in the NL. Ouch.

OPS? 15th in the NL.

This is all with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

The Mets are a joke...and Mike is a tool for not writing a weekly article about it, like he does with the Yankees payroll.

More payroll fun!

We all know about Lupica's obsession with the Yankees payroll. He was even kind enough to remind us how much the Yankees have spent since the Yankees last won the world series on a yearly basis.

Now that the Yankees have won the world series, maybe he can inform us how much the Mets have spent since they last won the world series!

Don't hold your breath. It won't happen.

But, since I hate the Mets, and Lupica, I did some research...the Mets have spent $1,597,000,000 since 1986!

$1.6 BILLION.

Suck on that, Lupica.

Some of my favorite Lupica quotes

In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate - 3/4/2007

Jose Reyes Sept/Oct stats
2007 - .205 BA, .279 OBP, .333 SLG
2008 - .243 BA, .314 OBP, .402 SLG
2009 - bruised vagina - did not play

The Mets will draw as big as the Yankees draw when both new parks are open - 4/8/07

Mets attendance 2009 - 3,154,270
Yankees attendance 2009 - 3,674,495

Maybe somebody needs to tell Tom Coughlin that he has absolutely no chance of keeping his job, and that bringing him back was the dumbest idea since "Temptation Island." - 10/7/2007

The Giants are Super Bowl champions four months later.

The Yankees are ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals. - 12/2/2007

Mets sign Santana; out the last six weeks of the 2009 season with an injury.

…Santana, the one the Mets finally got for a bag of balls… - 2/24/2008

Mets give Santana a $151 million contract.

The bottom line here is that the Mets need more guys like Wagner, not fewer. - 5/19/2008

Billy Wagner stats
Career 10.32 post season ERA
2008 - seven blown saves, injured for 8 weeks
2009 - traded

Do you know who I am!? - 7/14/2008

Trying to get past security at the all star game.


The Mets are 14-9 now under Manuel, a good manager and a good man worth rooting for - 7/17/08

2008 - epic collapse to the Marlins, over $115 million payroll difference
2009 - fourth place finish with $149 million payroll, highest in the NL

I do love it when the Yankees act surprised, and sometimes nearly get the vapors, when aging players start to break down on them. - 7/19/2008

2009 - Mets players spent more than 1,480 days on the disabled list, more than any other team.

Same shit, different season.

So Lupica has to start his blurbs with, of course, a Yankee payroll diss!

I love it when I hear the Red Sox are "inching" up on the Yankees in payroll now that they're within $40 million.

Right.

It's practically first-and-goal!

Ha! First and goal! I get it! Except...that's a football phrase. So it doesn't really work, Mike.

How about "They're in the same ballpark!"

Oh wait, that doesn't show any anti-Yankee bias.

Oh well.

Imagine they were, say, $70 million apart...or even $77 million apart!

Like the Mets...and the Nationals...or the Marlins!

Ouch! 2-4 against two of the worst teams in baseball! At home!

C'mon, Mike! Give us the scoop!

Joe West has never been any kind of huggy bear in baseball, and he got jumped pretty good for saying that the Yankees and Red Sox play ridiculously long games.
But you know what?

The Red Sox and Yankees play ridiculously, stupidly long games, occasionally nine-inning games that don't just push four hours but go past five.

Occasionally past five hours?

Since 2000, the Yankees and Red Sox have played each other 183 times.

How many times do you think one of their 9 inning games made it over 5 hours?

Try...zero! Nice job, Mike!

And just for shit and giggles, out of those 183 games, how many do you think made it over 4 hours? Including extra inning games?

Twelve. That's right, only twelve.

How many were UNDER three hours?

Forty two!

So suck on it, Joe West.

And Mike, well, you're just a douche.

By the way, anyone remember in early 2007, when there was talk that George Steinbrenner was going to step down as the owner of the Yankees?

This is what the little douche wrote about it...

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Since then, the Yankees have won the world series.

There is only one team in New York that has owners comparable to Dolan...the Mets.

I've been waiting three fucking years for Lupica to make that comparison.

Please. We know it will never happen.

Did Lupica even watch the game?

"That was cool," Lee said...having fun with a night like this in the World Series because if you'd pitched like this against Jeter and Damon and Teixeira and A-Rod, so would you.

Jeter stats, Game 1:
4 AB, 2 singles, 1 double, 1 run scored.

Ummmm....duh?

Word Count on Today's Lupica Article.

How many times in today's article can Lupica hammer the fact that the Yankees have a high payroll?

Word Count:

Money = 8
Spend = 7
Spent = 3
Payroll = 4
$200 Million = 1