Same shit, different season.

So Lupica has to start his blurbs with, of course, a Yankee payroll diss!

I love it when I hear the Red Sox are "inching" up on the Yankees in payroll now that they're within $40 million.

Right.

It's practically first-and-goal!

Ha! First and goal! I get it! Except...that's a football phrase. So it doesn't really work, Mike.

How about "They're in the same ballpark!"

Oh wait, that doesn't show any anti-Yankee bias.

Oh well.

Imagine they were, say, $70 million apart...or even $77 million apart!

Like the Mets...and the Nationals...or the Marlins!

Ouch! 2-4 against two of the worst teams in baseball! At home!

C'mon, Mike! Give us the scoop!

Joe West has never been any kind of huggy bear in baseball, and he got jumped pretty good for saying that the Yankees and Red Sox play ridiculously long games.
But you know what?

The Red Sox and Yankees play ridiculously, stupidly long games, occasionally nine-inning games that don't just push four hours but go past five.

Occasionally past five hours?

Since 2000, the Yankees and Red Sox have played each other 183 times.

How many times do you think one of their 9 inning games made it over 5 hours?

Try...zero! Nice job, Mike!

And just for shit and giggles, out of those 183 games, how many do you think made it over 4 hours? Including extra inning games?

Twelve. That's right, only twelve.

How many were UNDER three hours?

Forty two!

So suck on it, Joe West.

And Mike, well, you're just a douche.

By the way, anyone remember in early 2007, when there was talk that George Steinbrenner was going to step down as the owner of the Yankees?

This is what the little douche wrote about it...

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Since then, the Yankees have won the world series.

There is only one team in New York that has owners comparable to Dolan...the Mets.

I've been waiting three fucking years for Lupica to make that comparison.

Please. We know it will never happen.

Mike Lupica vs. Peter Abraham

Here are two different versions of how the crowd reacted when George Steinbrenner appeared on the field at the All Star game...you guess who wrote what...

Here's the first description...

There was Steinbrenner's name on the message board, and this low, steady cheer that followed the golf cart toward the infield at Yankee Stadium.

This was not close to the explosion of noise, the familiar clap of thunder, that Derek Jeter heard when he was introduced Tuesday night, or even what Alex Rodriguez heard when he ran to third base to stand with Brooks Robinson and Mike Schmidt.

And here's the other...

After dozens of ovations, the loudest cheers were left for George Steinbrenner last night.

The 78-year-old owner of the Yankees, sobbing as he rode a golf cart in from left field, delivered the ball to the mound for the ceremonial first pitch before the All-Star Game.

Shooting for the Blurbs...

Since Fafa already saved me the frustration of making statistical comparisons between Jeter and Jose Reyes and pointing out the obvious facts, that Jeter's on pace for well over 3,000 hits, has been a key member on 4 world championship teams, and will probably be the most unanimously voted first-ballot Hall of Famer in baseball history five years after he retires... I'm going to skip right to the blurbs. And boy, do we start with a bang.

You know why the Brewers can make a big play for C.C. Sabathia when they want to make a run?

Because they probably wanted to get him out of the AL? Because the Brewers offered several of the best prospects in their system, including a minor league outfielder who's hit 20 homers in less than half a year? Because it's still three weeks before the deadline and nobody else has really made any offers for Sabathia yet?

Because they have real prospects in their system, not Yankee prospects.

Or you could go with the crazy answer. I could comment on the quality of the "real prospects" that the Mets traded for Santana after Brian Cashman decided not to give up a bunch of those shitty "Yankee prospects." I could make fun of the fact that Santana's been in Queens for half a year, and already looks desperate to get the fuck out of there. I could even go through stats and point out the fact that players like Joba Chamberlain, Brett Gardner, Jose Tabata, Alan Horne, Andrew Brackman and Dellin Betances are, in fact, real, genuine article prospects who've come through the Yankee system, along with Chien-Ming Wang, Robinson Cano and Melky Cabrera over the last few years. Not to mention that Hughes and Kennedy aren't exactly busts just yet.

What has the Met system produced since Wright and Reyes? Joe Smith? Yup, a fucking side arming middle reliever. That's what the entire minor league system has given the Mutsies in the last 4+ years.

Back in the day, when Hugh Carey was the governor of New York and Jimmy Breslin nicknamed him Society Carey, Breslin also described Carey as "a dream character in dancing pumps."

Hugh Leo Carey was born on April 11, 1919. He was the Governor of New York (and yes, we capitalize titles out of respect for the people who hold/held them Mike. It's called journalism) from 1975 to 1982. You went at least 26 years into the past for this quote. What could possibly be so important about this quote as to make you dig so deep into the annals of your brain?

And that's sort of the way I think about Hank Steinbrenner now.

Of course. A veiled shot at Hank Steinbrenner. While we're at it, why don't you just make fun of his 78-year old, mostly infirmed father? Or maybe you can write a few articles about his sister's failed marriage, you'd enjoy that, wouldn't you? Mike Lupica is a classless piece of tabloid-writing shit who should be fired.

After Hank yelled about how the Yankees weren't hitting and they better start or else and then they put an 18-spot on the Rangers, Hank must have had to be tied down so he wouldn't float away.

Funny. Lets recollect some recent events.

Hank yelled about Mussina ---> Mussina turned his season around and has 11 wins already.
Hank yelled about hitting ---> Yankees score 18 runs the next day.

Lupica says "Mets need more guys like Wagner" ---> Since May 18th (when Lupica said this), Wagner's blown 5 saves.

Pre-Lupica Wagner: 17 IP, 9H, 0 ER, 9 saves, 1 blown save, 0.00 ERA.
Post-Lupica Wagner: 18 IP, 17H, 9 ER, 10 saves, 5 blown saves, 4.50 ERA.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Curse of Mike Lupica.

When I heard that the hotdog eating contest between Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi ended up in that tie and they had to go to a 5-dog overtime, I just assumed it was pretty much the same as penalty kicks in soccer.

I love the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest! I really do. Although I'm sure it's not for the same reason that Mike Lupica does. I'm fascinated by people with the ability to stuff like 30 pounds worth of food into their stomach in 12 minutes. Mike Lupica just likes watching men eat hot dogs. A lot.

If Jaromir Jagr were a baseball player, he'd probably say he'd signed with Avangard Omsk in Russia because of the school system there.

Or maybe he signed there because Glen Sather informed him that the club was moving on without him. And because that 36, he can make $5 million a year to play against lesser competition and not get his ass kicked for 82 games a year. It also might have to do with the fact that he played for Avangard Omsk when the NHL went on strike a few years ago. This wasn't so much about the money, as the fact that the Rangers told him to go. Why make him out to be the bad guy? He played his ass off in New York.

I guess my favorite headline in the whole slew of them with A-Rod was the one about how Madonna had "brainwashed" our third sacker.

Yup, there you have it. The favorite headline of the number 1 sports journalist in New York City is tabloid bullshit. Just for the record... I imagine that brainwashing went something like this:

Madonna: I'm loved by gay men all over the world... you're loved by gay men all over the world... that can't be a coincidence. Can it?
A-Rod: I never thought of it that way. We should move to Hollywood, have children and pray to Xenu together!!
Madonna: No no!!! Xenu is Scientology!! Scientology is for fucking wack-jobs and schizophrenics!! I'm into Kabbalah!
A-Rod: What's the difference?
Madonna: Kabbalah is like... well... it's like. Shit. It's Jewish Scientology, okay? You dick.

You know who is in a real tough spot if Brett Favre really does want to come back and play football this season?

The guy that writes for enough-lupica.com and placed bet $10,000 that Favre would stay retired?

The people running the Green Bay Packers are in a real tough spot.

I beg to differ. I think I'd be in a much tougher spot explaining how I lost TEN FUCKING GRAND on the dumbest bet I've made since betting that Ivan Drago would beat Rocky!!

Because they probably don't want to envision a world where he comes out of the tunnel at Lambeau Field wearing the colors of the Chicago Bears.

Hey Mike, listen. Fuck the Bears and fuck the Packers. I'm talking about ten thousand fucking dollars! I better not lose that money because some geriatric cock-sucker wants to take one last go of it. He rode off into the sunset. He better stay in the fucking sunset!!

It just shows you that you can never predict all the storylines for the Yankee season, unless of course you had kabbalah in the pool.

So Kabbalah tells the future? Great... I can track down Madonna and she can tell me what's gonna happen with this whole Favre thing, because I'm kind of worried that Big Tony's going to break my legs over some money.

(P.S. - No, I didn't REALLY bet any money on whether or not Favre would stay retired. I'm stupid, but not that stupid.)

Fred Wilpon Approved This Message

How sad that the great Mike Lupica has to be a fan of such a shitty team.

As the Mets keep tripping over their own collective two feet, Lupica has to keep finding ways to make them look good. Lupica's taken the "Yankees Suck" route a million too many times, and now he's trying to find a new way to keep Fred Wilpon in his bed.

So Mike is now taking the route of "Met Apologist Of The Decade".

Read this bullshit and see how pathetic Lupica has become.

Yes, it's worse than ever.

Now what for the Mets?

It is a particularly good question for Fred Wilpon and Jeff Wilpon and Omar Minaya and even Tony Bernazard, a Mets vice president suddenly regarded as the John Dillinger of the National League by people who've never met him.

Right. Lupica never slammed someone he never met. What a load of horse shit. Everyone is saying Bernazard is a piece of shit, except Lupica. What does that tell you about the guy?

You ask where they go from here as much as you do all the Met ballplayers, unless you think the firing of Willie Randolph is the crime of the century in baseball and the people who did it can never come back from it.

Yes, crime of the century.

Typical Lupica, completely blowing things out of proportion to prove his point.

Now the people in charge go back to work and prove to their fans that they still know what they're doing, that they didn't turn into a complete bums with this one act

They are bums because they have the highest payroll in the NL and they SUCK. Their GM put together a team full of senior citizens and is putting too much faith in Wright and Reyes.

Wright has never heard the word "hustle" and Reyes has trouble tying his shoes. Hey, at least he runs fast.

Johan so far has been a bust, Wagner is a joke, Beltran will never live up to his contract, Castillo is signed for 4 years…need I go on?

It is absolutely fair to say that Randolph is the same guy who won 97 games two years ago and brought the Mets to within a swing or two of a World Series I believe they would have won.

Oh fuck it - the Mets only have two World Series titles; we won't mind if you want to change history and say they actually won their third in 2006. Go ahead!

Maybe we can all pretend the Mets didn’t collapse in historic fashion last season too.

It often happens like this in sports: You hire someone knowing who he is and end up firing him for the same reasons. It happened to Randolph the way it has happened to a lot of them. You can make the case that it even happened to Joe Torre at Yankee Stadium.

Considering Torre wasn't fired, you can't make the same case for him. Thanks for trying.

As bad as the Wilpons and Omar looked this week, they do have some work to do to catch up with the way the old man (Steinbrenner) did it in his prime

Lupica must be referring to how many World Series titles Steinbrenner has over Mike's new love interest Fred Wilpon.

Mike can keep slamming Steinbrenner, but at least the Yankees aren't the embarrassment of NY and the MLB.

Mr. Wilpon, can you please untie Lupica from your bed so he can get his dignity back and continue slamming the Yankees? Watching him try to defend your crappy team is bringing a tear to my eye.

Something That Bothers Me...

I don't have an article to tear up today. I wish I did. The last column I saw from Lupica actually put some heat on the Mets, albeit for all the wrong reasons, but I guess I can't bitch too much about that. What's bothering me today, is the fact that Michael Ignacious David Gary Eliot Thomas Lupica (M.I.D.G.E.T. for short) won the Jim Murray award in 2003.

For those of you who don't keep up with obscure sportswriting awards, the Jim Murray Award is given out by the National Football Foundation every year, to outstanding sportswriters. Turns out that the National Football Foundation gives out a few different awards (the highest honor of which, is the Gold Medal, but more on that later.)

Reasons Lupica Winning This Award Bothers Me:

1) Lupica hasn't written anything intelligent in at least 12 years, yet won an award in 2003.
2) Lupica hasn't written about football, except to tell us that Tom Coughlin should be fired, in about 8 years.
3) I just googled "Jim Murray Award Recipients" and found abso-fucking-loutely NOTHING. Seriously, is this a real award? Or does Mikey just edit his own Wikipedia page to include obscure, unverifiable shit like this?

But back to that National Football Foundation Gold Medal stuff that I promised. This part's actually interesting!

Seven U.S. Presidents, Four U.S. Generals, a Supreme Court Justice, and a slew of cool/important fuckers have received this thing, including Dwight D. Eisenhower, Douglas MacArthur, Herbert Hoover, JFK, John Wayne, Jack Kemp, Jackie Robinson, Red McCombs, Roger Staubach and Joe Paterno.

And guess who else won one. Yup, you guessed it. George M. Steinbrenner, III.

Gold. Fucking. Medal.

Just try and top that Lupica.