This Week's Load Of Crap

I skipped Lupica's dumb column about Brett Favre and went straight for the blurbs...

I loved the All-Star Game the other night, from the Hall of Famers on the field, to George Steinbrenner on the field, to Michael Young's sac fly.

So I guess all that hype you complained about last week was all for nothing?

I ended up sitting in the stands for the last half of it,

Because security wouldn’t let you sit there for the first half?

stayed to the end,

Let’s hear it for Mike Lupica – he actually left his New Canaan house to witness a sporting event in person, and he stayed for the entire game!

I mean, wow.

and had as much fun watching it play out as I've had watching any All-Star Game in any sport.

Did you sit on Wilpon’s lap during the game?

Everybody always seemed to have the bases loaded and there were about four different times when you were sure it was over.

Only then it wasn't, and they played on.

Amazing how sports works like that – you never know how it will end.

Thanks for finally getting up to speed, Mike.

Tell you what, though: I wish I could have been with the commissioner of all baseball, my friend Mr. Selig,

It’s good to know that you aren’t above name-dropping at this point in your career.

Come to think of it, at your height, you aren’t really above anything, are you?

when his home plate umpire called Dioner Navarro out when he was clearly safe, and the game should have ended right there.

That might have been kind of neat.

Neat? Of all the adjectives the Midget of Media could have used, he went with “neat”.

What a dork.

Can somebody explain to me why there is this constant panic rush to write off the 2008 Yankees, who aren't just in the running for a wild card, but to still win the AL East?

Yes, Mike Lupica really wrote this.

It’s like when Dwight Gooden was doing those “Just Say No To Drugs” commercials in the ‘80s while snorting lines between takes.

I think it's sort of official that you're going to see me coming out of the bullpen for the Mets before El Duque does.

Considering when Wilpon says “jump,” you always respond with “how high?”

Actually, replace “jump” and “how high” with “swallow” and “how much.”

I do love it when the Yankees act surprised, and sometimes nearly get the vapors, when aging players start to break down on them.

You mean like El Duque, Pedro Martinez and Felipe Alou?

One more time, for those of you (Lupica) who haven’t been paying attention:

Yankees = 8th oldest team in the league.

Mets = 3rd oldest team in the league.

As always, the I-Team at this paper finds it pretty darn special when it breaks a story like the one it did this week about Kirk Radomski shipping HGH to Roger Clemens' house and then seeing the same news presented as breaking news somewhere else.

Coming from a guy who has never ONCE broken a story, yet will dwell on a topic until the end of time as if it was his own.

How quickly Lupica forgot the reason why Lisa Olsen quit.

Jonathan Papelbon may need a filter on his mouth sometimes, and will never be the darling of Yankee fans, but if there is one thing the young man is not, it is overrated.

Why single out Yankee fans?

The guy is a great pitcher, but he seems to love coming across as a total douche. You don’t have to be a Yankee fan to see this.

No wonder you are standing up for him – he’s your kind of guy!

No matter how much Yankee Stadium sang that to him the other night.

When a guy starts talking about being better than another player, when he clearly is not, then he is overrating himself.

So fuck you.

I'll be off for a week or so working on my second serve.

Second serving of what, “Load ala Wilpon?”

See you in August.

You’ll be missed.

Mike Lupica vs. Peter Abraham

Here are two different versions of how the crowd reacted when George Steinbrenner appeared on the field at the All Star game...you guess who wrote what...

Here's the first description...

There was Steinbrenner's name on the message board, and this low, steady cheer that followed the golf cart toward the infield at Yankee Stadium.

This was not close to the explosion of noise, the familiar clap of thunder, that Derek Jeter heard when he was introduced Tuesday night, or even what Alex Rodriguez heard when he ran to third base to stand with Brooks Robinson and Mike Schmidt.

And here's the other...

After dozens of ovations, the loudest cheers were left for George Steinbrenner last night.

The 78-year-old owner of the Yankees, sobbing as he rode a golf cart in from left field, delivered the ball to the mound for the ceremonial first pitch before the All-Star Game.

Lupica Tries (And Fails) To Get In Rivera's Pants

So the All Star game is finally upon us, and Lupica takes the opportunity to shit on the occasion, and to praise the only real closer in this town - Mariano Rivera.

We will make this more than it is this week at Yankee Stadium,

Three reasons why Lupica is annoyed by the All Star game getting overhyped:

1. It's a feel good story
2. It's actually about sports
3. It doesn’t involve ARod and Madonna

the last All-Star Game in the place, maybe the last great baseball occasion in the place if the Yankees don't find a way to make the playoffs this season.

By my calculations, there are at least 32 more great baseball occasions scheduled in Yankee Stadium - they are called games.

All the way until the last out Tuesday night, we will hype this up as if it were the Super Bowl of All-Star Games, or the Olympics, because it is the Stadium and it is the Yankees and it is New York and it is, after all, what we do here.

Considering most All Star games take place in new stadiums, it will be a refreshing change to hype up the stadium due to all its history.

We will, to the end, continue to call this The House That Ruth Built, even though it is not, it is not Babe Ruth's Yankee Stadium, not the one he saw from home plate or Joe DiMaggio saw or Yogi or The Mick.

Wrong. It is the same stadium. A facelift does not mean its not the same stadium. It's like when you wear lifts in your shoes - you may look different, but you are still the same asshole.

But there is one player who will participate in this game Tuesday night who does not have to be hyped up as he stands with one last collection of baseball stars and the baseball ghosts of this Stadium and the one before it that Derek Jeter is always talking about. And that player is No. 42 of the Yankees, the last player to wear Jackie Robinson's number in baseball:

Mariano Rivera.

Mo.

Well it certainly isn't Billy Wagner.

Fuck, Joes Reyes wasn’t even invited.

The beauty of baseball and the beauty of sports is that there is always a debate about this giant of the sport or that.

Or who is hanging out with Madonna.

Some will say that Ruth will always be the biggest player of them all, has to be, just because of the distance he put between himself and the rest of the field when he seemed to invent the home run in baseball at the same time he was inventing the Yankees.

Until someone can overpower the league with their hitting as well as their pitching, it will be Ruth. It was stupid for you to even compare Rivera to Ruth.

But there will be others who say that the best player of them all was the great Henry Aaron or Willie Mays and maybe someday - if he ends up getting enough rest to hit 800 home runs - some will say that Alex Rodriguez, Mr. Fun, was the best ballplayer of them all.

Mr. Fun?

As in, "opposite of Mike Lupica"?

Nevermind; that would be "Mr. Tall".

God forbid Lupica writes an article without taking a swipe at ARod.

He hasn't always been perfect,

Now Lupica is gonna remind us of Rivera's fuck ups? Gee, no one saw that coming.

because no one is, so there was the night when Sandy Alomar Jr. beat him in a game in the first round and helped knock the Yankees out and there was the bottom of the ninth in Game 7 against the Diamondbacks and there was the worst night of all, for him and his team, when he couldn't get the last three outs he needed against the Red Sox, Game 4 of '04, and keep the Red Sox down against the Yankees, where they had always been.

How is blowing game 4 in the 2004 in the ALCS, with a 3 games to 1 lead, worse than blowing game 7 in the 2001 world series?

Jeez, we still had 3 more chances in 2004; in 2001, that was it.

It does not change his standing, or his rank.

But, just for shits and giggles, Lupica had to bring it up anyway.

When he does come through the bullpen doors tomorrow night, whenever they play "Enter Sandman," when the place goes wild for him once more, understand something:
In this Yankee Stadium, in the rebuilt Stadium and not the one Ruth built,

Did I forget to mention that Ruth didn't build this version of the stadium?

He didn't really build the first version of it either; it was…laborers!!!

the man running toward the pitching mound is the greatest Yankee of them all.

I really feel Lupica wrote this to set fans up for a big let down, with Mike keeping his fingers crossed that Rivera would blow the lead.

Too bad it was Crapplebon and Wagner who both contracted a bad case of SUCK during the game last night.