Comedy Of Error

In yesterday's piece of crap article, Lupica's hatred for the Yankees came shining through. Check out this shit...

The Yankees were 13-14 over a month of baseball that ended with Friday night's sparkling performance against the White Sox, and when you play that kind of dreary baseball over this long a period, you get people wondering if you're still the $200 million odds-on favorite to repeat.

Over the last two months, here are the two teams from which our kids have won series:

Mariners. Tigers.

How funny. The little twerp said two months instead of two weeks.

In reality, the Yankees have gone 32-22 in the last two months, winning 10 series against the following teams:

Toronto
Oakland
Seattle
Tampa Bay
Kansas City
Cleveland
Kansas City
Detroit
Seattle
Chicago

Hmm...I wonder how the Mets did during that span?

The Mets have gone 22-32 in the last two months, going from 2nd place to 4th place, winning 5 series against the following teams:

St. Louis
Colorado
Houston
Pittsburgh
Houston

Good stuff!

Little douche boy should consider proof reading.

At least he got his "$200 million" into the article...for the 200 millionth time.

Sabathia Is No Beckett!

So Sabathia beat the Phillies last night, which means Lupica had to throw out his pre-written article about how great Halladay is, and how he owns the Yankees.

I guess that's why he wrote a nasty article about Sabathia.

Oh wait, Lupica hates the Yankees! He would never write a good article about them!

Let's take a look at some of the crap he shits out on Sabathia.

"Sabathia has rarely had his best stuff this season"

"Now Sabathia just looks big"

"Sabathia managed to get his seventh win of this season"

"Sabathia just being a little off his game, again"

"They can get to first place with Sabathia pitching only marginally better than Javy Vazquez"

"Not great Tuesday night. Just good enough"

"Still not the ace of the staff"

Here are Sabathia's stats from last night.

IP: 7
ER: 3
Hits: 5
BB: 3
SO: 7

NOW…Let's compare those stats to THIS game from a non-Yankee pitcher…

IP: 8
ER: 3
Hits: 6
BB: 1
SO: 5

And let's see what the mini douche wrote about that performance…

"He was the real story of this game"

"This is the kind of pitcher the Mets hope Johan Santana can be"

"This was the kind of game that big pitchers are supposed to win for their teams"

"Was the ace everybody wants, the one who stands there and says he is going to throw it about 95 miles per hour for the next three hours or so, dig in, see if you can hit it"

Guess who he was writing about - you got it - Josh Beckett, checking out of that 4/17/08 game with a 5.12 ERA.

Cano Sucks!!!

So let's see…Robinson Cano is playing like a madman…leave it to a douche like Lupica to rain on his parade!

So you know: Through Friday night's games Austin Jackson - the kid the Yankees traded away for Curtis Granderson - was hitting .350 for the Tigers and had two more hits for the season than Robinson Cano does.

Lupica was on the right track. If anything, he could have ripped the Yankees for trading Austin Jackson away for Curtis Granderson. Certainly, Austin Jackson is doing awesome, and Granderson, other than lighting up Papelbon, really hasn't done much at the plate.

But why let logic get in the way of Yankee bashing?

At a time when Cano is supposed to be the hottest guy in the world and MVP of everything.

I can't believe I have to waste my time looking up the stats of these two players to make Lupica look like an ass.

Again.

Christ…it took me about 25 seconds to collect these stats…25 seconds I'll never get back!!!

Damn you, Lupica!!!

Jackson stats:
AB - 109
BA - .367
Hits - 40
2B - 7
3B - 2
HR - 1
RBI - 8
BB - 10
K's - 34
OBP - .420
SLG - .495
OPS+ - 146

Cano stats:
AB - 93
BA - .387
Hits - 36
2B - 6
3B - 1
HR - 9
RBI - 21
BB - 8
K's - 12
OBP - .433
SLG - .763
OPS+ - 223

So, what have we learned? Other than Lupica, once again, is cherry picking stats to prove his worthless point?

Austin Jackson has 4 more hits (by May 3rd) than Cano…in sixteen more at bats!!! Give me a fucking break, Mike! Cano leads the league in OPS+!!! Jackson leads the league in strike outs! Look at the home runs!!! Jesus fucking Christ!!! *(&)#Q)(*#@&!!!!11!!!!

Cano isn't supposed to be the hottest guy in the world!!! Obviously, Jose Reyes is!

Speaking of Lupica's inflatable sex toy...

Reyes stats:
BA - .216
HR - 0
SB - 4
RBI - 6
OPS+ - 51

I mean, who really gives a shit about the rest...oh, except Lupica, who claims that Reyes "is the one you want to watch the most"

Please.

And now it's time for more Shits And Giggles!!!

Lupica December 17th column headline - "Champion New York Yankees fall to second place behind Boston Red Sox in arms race"

Yankees team ERA - 3.63 - 4th in AL
Red Sox team ERA - 4.78 - 12th in AL

Oops!

Lupica Loves That Jose Reyes

Holy crap. Lupica is back, once again, on Reyes' jock. Can he make it any more obvious that he wants to get in bed with Jose? I mean, really…take a look at this…

But even now, as Reyes rolls over on his back...

Um…ewww?

…and begins to stretch legs…

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

that change everything for the Mets when they are healthy, the shortstop is the one you want to watch the most.

I've actually been tuning in to more Mets games this season…for one reason - Ike Davis.

Even now, almost three hours before the game starts, he smiles and laughs at something Alex Cora says to him in Spanish and reminds you of a kid waiting for recess to start.

Is Lupica saying that Reyes can't wait to get out of Citi Field?

That's how I read it.

This is comedy…look at how Lupica turns into the most nauseating Met Apologist of all time…

Met Apologist: Wright looks as if he is ready to make some noise at the plate.

Reality: Wright is not making any noise at the plate. Only 3 players in the MLB have more strike outs.

Met Apologist: Jeff Francoeur keeps hitting balls that would be homers in other parks.

Reality: Jeff Francouer can't hit a home run at home.

Met Apologist: Reyes made you watch him all over again this week, made you remember that it is almost a year since the kid at shortstop was in the middle of everything for the New York Mets.

Reality: Reyes is hitting .242 with an OPS+ of 78.

The spin doctor is in!

Moving on…remember when Lupica said this about Carlos Beltran?

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers? - 4/8/2007

So what do you think he had to say about Beltran in yesterday's shitty column?

He has turned out to be a bad contract for the Mets

HAHA what a douche.

But of course, we can't get through a Lupica article without some quality Yankee bashing…

I keep hearing about all this pop in (Nick) Johnson's bat, and maybe we'll see it before too long.

They're nearly hysterical about David Ortiz's batting average in Boston, and the Yankees had a designated hitter with a batting average of a buck-twenty coming into this weekend.

The funny thing is, and every Yankee fan knows it, is that the Yankees got Nick Johnson for his ON BASE PERCENTAGE, not his home runs, you dopey little dwarf. Who the hell is talking about the "pop" in Nick Johnson's bat?

Where is the pop in Jose Reyes' bat?

How about $66 million, ZERO home runs Jason Bay?

Come on, Mike! I can do this in my sleep! At least make it challenging!

Mark Teixeira's concern for Bobby Wilson after that collision at the plate Friday night must have started right after he practically had to step over Wilson to get back to the dugout.

Teixeira is such a rude bastard…how dare he not give the poor guy a hug after that collision!

You know I'm a glass half-full guy

You are just a ray of sunshine on the Yankees. Really.

so on Friday night I was just happy to see Teixeira hit anything.

2010 Mets = 3rd highest payroll in the NL…

…and 2nd worst batting average in the NL.

Lupica comedy. Gotta love it.

Blurbs from "Shitting From The Lip"

So here we are, two weeks into the season, and the Yankees are in cruise control, winning their first four series against REAL teams - the Red Sox, Rays, Angels, and the Rangers.

Mike's "Dream Team", the Mets, have lost 3 of their 4 series, with a chance to lose their fourth tonight...losing to such power houses as the Nationals and the Marlins...sitting in last place in their division, with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

And once again, Mike refuses to mention the Mets payroll. Does anyone remember the last time he cried about their payroll?

Nothing seems to change, between the Mets sucking and Mike not saying anything about their payroll.

Here are some stupid Lupica blurbs from today's shit article...

Nice to see the luxury suites at Yankee Stadium on Opening Day no longer looking like the view of the Pacific from Malibu.

2010 Yankees average attendance per game - 44,699, 1st in the AL
2010 Mets average attendance per game - 33,477, 9th in the NL

And just for laughs...

2009 Yankees attendance - 3,674,495
2009 Mets attendance - 3,154,270

When Bernie Williams bounced that ceremonial first pitch in front of home plate the other day, it was my friend George King who mentioned in the press box that Bernie was throwing as well now as when he was 23.

Haha! I get it! Bernie never had a good arm!

Say, how's Carlos Beltran looking these days out in centerfield?

You do wonder sometimes if the Mets left base-running school a few credits shy of graduation.

Base-running school? This is why the Mets are 4-7? Because of of lack of base running skills?

How about hitting school? The Mets are 14th in the NL in batting average.

How about hitting with RISP school? The Mets are batting .163 w/RISP.

On base percentage? Mets are 12th in the NL.

Slugging? Mets are 15th in the NL. Ouch.

OPS? 15th in the NL.

This is all with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

The Mets are a joke...and Mike is a tool for not writing a weekly article about it, like he does with the Yankees payroll.

More payroll fun!

We all know about Lupica's obsession with the Yankees payroll. He was even kind enough to remind us how much the Yankees have spent since the Yankees last won the world series on a yearly basis.

Now that the Yankees have won the world series, maybe he can inform us how much the Mets have spent since they last won the world series!

Don't hold your breath. It won't happen.

But, since I hate the Mets, and Lupica, I did some research...the Mets have spent $1,597,000,000 since 1986!

$1.6 BILLION.

Suck on that, Lupica.

Some of my favorite Lupica quotes

In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate - 3/4/2007

Jose Reyes Sept/Oct stats
2007 - .205 BA, .279 OBP, .333 SLG
2008 - .243 BA, .314 OBP, .402 SLG
2009 - bruised vagina - did not play

The Mets will draw as big as the Yankees draw when both new parks are open - 4/8/07

Mets attendance 2009 - 3,154,270
Yankees attendance 2009 - 3,674,495

Maybe somebody needs to tell Tom Coughlin that he has absolutely no chance of keeping his job, and that bringing him back was the dumbest idea since "Temptation Island." - 10/7/2007

The Giants are Super Bowl champions four months later.

The Yankees are ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals. - 12/2/2007

Mets sign Santana; out the last six weeks of the 2009 season with an injury.

…Santana, the one the Mets finally got for a bag of balls… - 2/24/2008

Mets give Santana a $151 million contract.

The bottom line here is that the Mets need more guys like Wagner, not fewer. - 5/19/2008

Billy Wagner stats
Career 10.32 post season ERA
2008 - seven blown saves, injured for 8 weeks
2009 - traded

Do you know who I am!? - 7/14/2008

Trying to get past security at the all star game.


The Mets are 14-9 now under Manuel, a good manager and a good man worth rooting for - 7/17/08

2008 - epic collapse to the Marlins, over $115 million payroll difference
2009 - fourth place finish with $149 million payroll, highest in the NL

I do love it when the Yankees act surprised, and sometimes nearly get the vapors, when aging players start to break down on them. - 7/19/2008

2009 - Mets players spent more than 1,480 days on the disabled list, more than any other team.

Same shit, different season.

So Lupica has to start his blurbs with, of course, a Yankee payroll diss!

I love it when I hear the Red Sox are "inching" up on the Yankees in payroll now that they're within $40 million.

Right.

It's practically first-and-goal!

Ha! First and goal! I get it! Except...that's a football phrase. So it doesn't really work, Mike.

How about "They're in the same ballpark!"

Oh wait, that doesn't show any anti-Yankee bias.

Oh well.

Imagine they were, say, $70 million apart...or even $77 million apart!

Like the Mets...and the Nationals...or the Marlins!

Ouch! 2-4 against two of the worst teams in baseball! At home!

C'mon, Mike! Give us the scoop!

Joe West has never been any kind of huggy bear in baseball, and he got jumped pretty good for saying that the Yankees and Red Sox play ridiculously long games.
But you know what?

The Red Sox and Yankees play ridiculously, stupidly long games, occasionally nine-inning games that don't just push four hours but go past five.

Occasionally past five hours?

Since 2000, the Yankees and Red Sox have played each other 183 times.

How many times do you think one of their 9 inning games made it over 5 hours?

Try...zero! Nice job, Mike!

And just for shit and giggles, out of those 183 games, how many do you think made it over 4 hours? Including extra inning games?

Twelve. That's right, only twelve.

How many were UNDER three hours?

Forty two!

So suck on it, Joe West.

And Mike, well, you're just a douche.

By the way, anyone remember in early 2007, when there was talk that George Steinbrenner was going to step down as the owner of the Yankees?

This is what the little douche wrote about it...

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Since then, the Yankees have won the world series.

There is only one team in New York that has owners comparable to Dolan...the Mets.

I've been waiting three fucking years for Lupica to make that comparison.

Please. We know it will never happen.

Did Lupica even watch the game?

"That was cool," Lee said...having fun with a night like this in the World Series because if you'd pitched like this against Jeter and Damon and Teixeira and A-Rod, so would you.

Jeter stats, Game 1:
4 AB, 2 singles, 1 double, 1 run scored.

Ummmm....duh?

Word Count on Today's Lupica Article.

How many times in today's article can Lupica hammer the fact that the Yankees have a high payroll?

Word Count:

Money = 8
Spend = 7
Spent = 3
Payroll = 4
$200 Million = 1

Mitch Williams, You Dumb Shit.

OK sorry for taking so long to post in here. Get over it.

So I was listening to Boomer and Carton this morning, and they had baseball "genius" Mitch Williams on. Remember Mitch Williams? His claim to fame is SUCKING in the 1993 world series.

Just in case you forgot - 2.2IP, SIX earned runs, and two losses. Yes, he was a closer, as in, closing the door on the Phillies hopes of winning the 1993 world series.

So our buddy Mitch has moved on from destroying the Phillies dreams to destroying his credibility as a baseball analyst. He was telling Boomer and Carton how Jimmy Rollins is much better than Jeter in offense. Carton said "how can you say that?" and Mitch replied "I looked at their numbers!"

OK dumb ass, lets take a look at their numbers, shall we?

Jeter:
107 R, 212 H, 27 2B, 1 3B, 18 HR, 66 RBI, 30 SB, .334 BA, .406 OBP, .465 SLG, 129 OPS+

Rollins:
100 R, 168 H, 43 2B, 5 3B, 21 HR, 77 RBI, 31 SB, .250 BA, .296 OBP, .423 SLG, 85 OPS+

Um, what the fuck numbers were you looking at? Rollins owns Jeter in doubles and triples. Yay. He must have been ignoring the irrelevant stats, like batting average, on base percentage, OPS+...

Don't you have some series ending home runs to be giving up somewhere, Mitch?

Another fucking idiot owned.

A Christmas Present for ReyesDaMan!!

Just because he made some yappy comment about how "The Yankees are all hype and no substance."

So why don't we go position by position here... and obviously, teams aren't finalized yet.  But this is just for fun.  And I'll make some guesses when I feel confident.

Catchers - Jorge Posada and Jose Molina vs. Brian Schneider and Ramon Castro

Posada, even coming off surgery, is by far, the best offensive player here.  Molina is the best defensive guy here.  Castro is the better catcher on the Mets, and he doesn't even start.

Advantage - Yankees.

First Base - Mark Teixeira vs. Carlos Delgado

Teixeira is the second best player at his position in the game (behind Pujols).  Delgado is like... the second oldest player at his position.  Aside from a fluky month and a half... where Delgado hit like Bonds (and was probably taking some form of drug), Carlos was a complete stiff.

Advantage - Yankees.

Second Base - Robinson Cano vs. Luis Castillo

Cano is in his early 20's, coming off a bad year.  Castillo is in his mid-30's, coming off a worse year.  And he walks with a limp.  And he's supposed to be a speedster.  And barring a rules-change, you still can't steal first base.

Advantage - Yankees.

Third Base - Alex Rodriguez vs. David Wright

David Wright is the best third baseman in the NL.  There's no doubt about that.  Sadly for him, Alex Rodriguez is a 3-time MVP, and one of the top 3 players in the entire game.  A-Rod outdoes Wright on offense and defense.

Advantage - Yankees.

Shortstop - Derek Jeter vs. Jose Reyes

Yankee fans are going to jump straight up my ass about this, but I'm going to be honest here.  Jeter's aging.  And I'm not the type to salivate over his calm eyes and intangibles.  I'm a stats guy.  Reyes has better stats.  He loses points for being an immature hot dog though.  And everybody knows you can't get a hot dog at Shea in October.

Advantage - Mets

Left Field - Johnny Damon/Hideki Matsui/Manny Ramirez vs. Fernando Tatis?

As it stands, Damon and Matsui are better, more proven, and probably equally defensively inept to Tatis.  In the event that Manny ends up in the Bronx, this becomes an even more ridiculous advantage.  Tatis had a fluky couple of months before getting hurt.  He hasn't been even decent in about 10 years.

Advantage - Yankees.

Center Field - Melky Cabrera/Brett Gardner/Nick Swisher vs. Carlos Beltran.

Although, if Manny comes to the Bronx, Damon will shift to Center.  Regardless, Beltran is one of the 3 best defensive CFs in the game.  And he's capable if not overwhelming on offense.  He's better than anybody the Yanks will stick in Center this year.

Advantage - Mets.

Right Field - Xavier Nady vs. Ryan Church

Nady went for 25 homers and 97 rbi last year between Pittsburgh and the Yanks.  Church was surprisingly better than decent for the Mets, except for those repeated concussions.  Church is better on defense.  Nady is probably better on offense.  Neither one has fully proven themselves.

Advantage - Even.

Starting Pitching - Sabathia, Wang, Burnett, Chamberlain & Hughes

vs. Santana, Maine, Pelfrey, Niese... and... Oliver Perez!  Or Derek Lowe.

Do we need to get in-depth about this?  You can argue all you want about Santana vs. Sabathia... but after that, it's all Yankees.  Wang, Burnett and Chamberlain are so much better than Maine, Pelfrey and any of those other four names... that it's not debatable.  And whether the Mets get Lowe or Perez, again... this isn't even close.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Bullpens:  Jose Veras, Brian Bruney, Edwar Ramirez, Damaso Marte, Phil Coke vs. J.J. Putz, Dr. Von Heimlich, Gag Me Sidearm, and the Chokin' Twins.

Point is... the Yanks bullpen was solid last year.  Actually a little better than solid.

The Mets pen was the worst in baseball.  I don't have stats to prove this.  But does anybody want to argue about it?  What?  No?  Mmkay.  Putz is the only significant new piece.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Closers:  Mariano Rivera vs. Francisco Rodriguez

Mo's coming off surgery and says he'll be fine.  He's up there in age, but he's coming off a good year.  Rodriguez set the saves record last year.  His velocity was down for most of the season.  And he allows a ton of baserunners.  Paired with some suspect defense, those baserunners could be dangerous for the Metsies.  But we'll see.

Advantage:  Even.

So in closing... the score is 7-2 for the Yankees.  Which could also very easily be the final score of every game the Yankees play against the Mets in the coming season.  Especially when the Yankees get Manny.

Merry Christmas - from Santa's Smug Elf!

What are the sheer odds? Walking by the Oompa Loompa Display at the Stamford Mall, I found a crumpled handwritten piece of paper and picked it up – imagine my shock when I realized I’d actually stumbled upon Limpicock’s Christmas List!

Dearest Santa:

Have you lost weight? You look fabulous, and I LOVE that red suit! Just curious here – you also have red socks?

Now down to business - for Christmas, I want:

1 - Shoe lifts;

2 - The ability to access information quickly so I can try this new approach to writing called “research” – maybe some type of connection that allows my PC to gather information from reliable sources instantly, giving me an almost unlimited ability to better do my job (I know, I’m living in a crazy dream-world, but SOME day) …, wait, scratch that – I don’t care to do a better job;

3 - Shoe lifts;

4 - More readers who hate New York sports in general (and the Yankees specifically), and are mindlessly willing to suspend reality in order to see my views;

5 - an industrial drum of Astro-Glide for when Omar comes over;

6 – a larger soapbox to preach from (people walk by and ask me how much for the lemonade - I HATE that!);

7 – surgery to make my face just a little more smug;

8 – shoe lifts;

9 – a breakout year from: Beltran (to FINALLY bat over .285 since becoming a Met), Reyes (to FINALLY bat over .300 since coming to the majors), and I really want Wright to get rbi’s that mean something;

9 – a weekend getaway at Imus’s ranch for me and the Wilpons (better have some more Astro-Glide waiting there, too … oh wait, never mind – Imus gets it at a discount);

Listen Claus, I’ve been a very smug little boy this year and fully expect you to come thru for me,

Mikey

PS – don’t know if you get news up in the North Pole, but the Yankees have just spent almost half a billion dollars this winter and (obviously) have the highest payroll in baseball – just thought you should know. What do you mean, it’s actually $425 million over various extended periods of time, and that stating it that way is deceiving? You …, you’re QUESTIONING ME??!! You fat bastard, do you know who I am?? I’ll rip that beard off your face and jam it up your … sorry – I lost it there for a second.

Lupica Cancels The Super Bowl

Sorry boys and girls, according to Mike Lupica, NO ONE will be winning the Superbowl this season.

Cancel the rest of the games.

If (the Giants) lose to the Panthers at home Sunday night that makes it three losses in a row. And you know how many teams have lost three in a row in December and then gone on to win the Super Bowl? None, that's how many.

None.

That’s how many.

Since it’s never happened, that means it never will, according to sports “expert” Mike Lupica.

Using "LupiLogic," let’s see why no one else will win the super bowl this season…

The following teams have never won the super bowl, and thus, never will:

Buffalo Bills
Cleveland Browns
Cincinnati Bengals
Tennessee Titans
Houston Texans
Jacksonville Jaguars
San Diego Chargers
Philadelphia Eagles
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Carolina Panthers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Arizona Cardinals
Seattle Seahawks

Let’s see who else will be left out of the Superbowl this season…

The Patriots never won a Superbowl without Tom Brady, never will.

The Jets never won a Superbowl since they moved to Giants Stadium, never will.

The Dolphins never won a Superbowl without Don Shula, never will.

The Steelers have a black football coach not named Tony Dungy – you know how many black football coaches not named Tony Dungy have won the Superbowl? None, that’s how many.

The Ravens never won a Superbowl with a rookie QB, never will.

The Colts never won a Superbowl with Reggie Wayne being their lead receiver, never will.

The Broncos never won a Superbowl with six losses during the regular season, never will.

The Chiefs have Herm Edwards - he never won it all, never will.

The Cowboys? Tony Romo can’t win a playoff game, never will.


You get the idea.

Let’s hope the Giants can win this weekend, so they can go on and win the Superbowl.

Too bad there won’t be any team to oppose them.

Newsflash!!! Mets and Yankees Acquire Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA!!

And our best friend, Mike Lupica, was blessed with the opportunity to cover both deals! But lets run you over the details of each deal first.

Yankees get: New Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA of Old Babe Ruth, age 25.

Red Sox get: Alfredo Aceves, Brett Gardner, Ian Kennedy, Mark Melancon & $20 Million Dollars.

Yankees sign New Babe Ruth to a 10-year contract extension worth $250 Million.


Mike Lupica's Coverage:

Theo Epstein, again, proves what an amazing general manager that he is, by fleecing a boatload of cash and four of the best Yankee prospects of the last 20 years out of Brian Cashman.

The Yankees offered fists-full of money for a guy who's not proven, who might well buckle under the pressure of playing baseball in New York. Who knows how Babe Ruth will respond to the media and the rigors of playing in New York City? Certainly not Cashman, who commits too many years, and too many dollars to a guy who's probably overrated.

And moreso, how does Cashman explain it to his spoiled fans, when Gardner turns out to be Bernie Williams? And when Kennedy and Aceves morph into Pettitte and Mussina? And best of all, if Melancon becomes the next great closer in baseball?

The Yankees have thrown away their future because they're desperate to get young, to get the big name, even if it comes with a big body. An overweight outfielder who's behavior off the field will never be as good as on it.

For Cashman's sake, he'd better hope those prospects are typical "Yankee Prospects." You know, the ones everybody loves until it's time to bring them up to The Show.

And now for the Mets deal:

Mets get: New Babe Ruth, Cloned from DNA of Old Babe Ruth, age 25.

Phillies get: Mike Pelfrey, Fernando Martinez, Daniel Murphy, Jon Niese, Nick Evans & $30 Million Dollars.

Mets sign New Babe Ruth to a 15-year contract extension worth $500 Million.

Mike Lupica's Coverage:

This was a deal the Mets had to make. Ruth is a big man who's ready for the big city. In fact, there's no other city big enough for him. The biggest thing about this kid is his talent. He solves so many problems for the New Mets, giving them a big bat in the outfield and an extra large persona inside the clubhouse. And the biggest thing of all for the big kid that's heading to Flushing, is the big hits he'll produce in the clutch.

People might say that the Mets gave up too much, or paid too much, or tried to hard, but there's just no way Omar Minaya could let this opportunity pass him bye. This changes everything for the Mets, who show that they won't back down from anybody.

Hot Stove = Steaming Pile of Lupishit

Now that we are in the thick of the hot stove season, Lupica is doing his annual rant about the Yankees overspending for free agents.

I just wanted to take this moment to look back at all the shit that Lupica wrote about Santana last year.

Remember when everyone thought the Yankees were going to get Santana? This is what Lupica wrote:

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals.

And this:

Why won't Santana break down sometime during the length of his contract?

And this:

Put me down as somebody who thinks that Johan Santana is a wonderful pitcher, but not the second coming of Sandy Koufax and not somebody I would pay $150 million on a bet.

So, since the Yankees were about to get Santana, Lupica immediately started slamming the deal.

Then, after the Yankees had no intentions of giving up their future for Santana, the Mets stepped in and made the trade for him.

Look how fast Lupica changed his tune:

The Mets finally showed up for the baseball winter, beat the Yankees and the Red Sox to Santana

Yes, the Mets "beat" the Yankees to Santana…

And this:

This is one deal the Mets have to close.

Suddenly, he goes from "don't sign a pitcher to a long term deal!" to "Mr. Wilpon, I'll wear that cute little French maid number if you get Johan!"

…it is going to cost between $110 million and $120 million in the end…

And, as we all know, it cost $31 to $41 million more than Lupica predicted, and $1 million more than Lupica would have paid on a bet, whatever the fuck that means.

I'm just bringing this all up now, because for the entire 2009 season, no matter how good Sabathia does, we are going to hear about how much the Yankees overpaid for him, and I wanted to remind you how quickly Lupica switched gears about Santana once the Mets made the trade for him.

Let's move on to all the bullshit Lupica wrote in the last few days, starting with the K Rod free agent signing…

There is no binding deal, yet, or physical, but the Mets get the guy they want now, before the Yankees get the big guy they want, which means CC Sabathia, who is big in all ways.

Mike Lupica, who, in a pinch, could take a bath in a thimble, is making fun of Sabathia's size.

Irony - gotta love it.

You can look at it this way: If Frankie Rodriguez is the Mets closer in the 2006 National League Championship Series, the Mets go all the way to the World Series.

When he had his very best chance on a team good enough to win it all - the 2002 Angels, before he was the Angels' closer - he was all you could ever want.

That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, that was also SEVEN seasons ago.

K Rod's post season stats since he became the permanent closer for the Angels in 2005:

Since 2005:

8.3IP, 8Ks, 6BBs, 13 hits, 5.40 ERA

How about the last two post seasons?

2.7IP, 3Ks, 3BBs, 6 hits, 13.48 ERA

Um…ouch?

I guess Mike was too busy fellating Omar Minaya to look at K Rod's stats past 2002.

Next up, the CC Sabathia free agent signing…

No matter what kind of Christmas story the Yankees try to write on CC Sabathia, this has to be the first time in all recorded sports history that a team practically had to beg somebody to take an offer of $161 million

Sabathia said he wanted to go to the west coast and stay in the NL - did you think lowballing the guy would have been a better plan?

The Yankees did what they had to do with Sabathia: Money-whipped the guy they decided they absolutely had to have.

Correct - they had to overpay for a guy they had to have.

He is also not the pitcher that Santana is, Santana being a guy who probably would have pitched the Yankees into October last season

Just like he pitched the Mets into October last season?

It is also worth mentioning Sabathia has about the same postseason record as Chien-Ming Wang.

Post season records:
Wang - 1-3
Sabathia - 2-3

And, just for fun:
Santana - 1-4

Wow, look how bad everything gets when you cherry pick stats.

Maybe CC Sabathia, who is young and has the arm and carried the Brewers on his back in August and September, will turn out to be the guy who puts the Yankees back on top after so many other free agents and superstars did not. Jason Giambi (remember the Yankees bidding against themselves on him?) wasn't and Mike Mussina wasn't and Roger Clemens wasn't the second time around and neither was Randy Johnson. A-Rod sure hasn't been.

Hold the phone, Mike.

Has Pedro? No.

Has Santana? No.

Please, the Mets couldn't even reach the postseason with him.

When was the last time a SINGLE PLAYER "carried" him team to a world series title? When the Yankees had their dynasty in the '90s, who was the one player who carried the team? Jeter? O'Neill? Tino? Rivera?

Let me know when it happens, because it hasn't yet.

Nice job singling out ARod there. I guess two MVP awards in 5 years means you are worthless.

Next up, Lupica wrote some shit about the Yankees trying to get more financing for the new stadium. I don't really understand this shit, so I'll let Brian W from Brooklyn sum it up…

Mr. Lupica-

So, in a week during which the Wilpons and their partners found out that a. Citibank might not be able to pony up for "Citifield" naming rights due to bankruptcy and b. they had been swindled out of half a billion dollars, the Yankees are a fiscal blight. Got it! Save us all the trouble of reading your gibberish. Just write "I HATE THE YANKEES" in the biggest size font possible.

Missed where you were an expert on finance or economics, but when has the fact that you know nothing ever stopped you? May be you could've left your Connecticut mansion and found out that Mr. Madoff was taking his clients' money and wasting it on Democratic pols. But that would involve actual reporting.

On to the stupid blurbs…

I can't be sure of this, incidentally, but I think the governor of Illinois was also in on the bidding for Sabathia and Burnett .

I love when Lupica tries to mix politics, baseball and humor, all in the same sentence!

Someone let me know when he learns anything about, well, politics, baseball and humor.

Recently, a Met fan friend of mine asked me why I hate Lupica so much. I told him because he rips on the Yankees and all the NY teams, except the Mets.

Let's see how many NY teams he rips here…let's start with the Giants…

We keep hearing that the Giants, if they keep winning, get home-field throughout the playoffs, and they do.

Except off the way they played last Sunday in Meadowlands weather, you wonder just how much of an advantage that is actually going to be.

We know that Simms and LT and them used to love to play at home when the wind was blowing around like something from the Weather Channel.

So I guess what Lupica is trying to say is that the Giants are no good in playing in bad weather, correct?

So how does he make his point?

They were total champions in the cold of Lambeau Field in their NFC Championship Game.

Um, right - I guess that game was played in good weather?

And lost to the Panthers, bad, the last time they played a home playoff game.

Just something to consider.

Did you consider that that game was played three years ago?

What a douche.

Moving on to the Jets…

I guess my question for the Jets goes something like this:

If all they wanted to do was throw short passes, which is all they threw against the 49ers, why didn't they just keep Chad Pennington ?

Maybe because he SUCKED as a Jet?

Moving on to the Rangers…

When the Rangers lost to the Devils, 8-5, on Friday night, who was playing goal - Dolan ?

HAHAHAHAHAhaahahaha!!! Oh Mike, you are too funny!

And too short.

Back to the Yankees...

I'm not the world's biggest Andy Pettitte fan, but I wouldn't take a dime less to come back to the Yankees.

Because this isn't about what they think is right with him.

It's about how they want things to look.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with Pettitte's 4.54 ERA, right Mike?

So there you have it. A week's worth of bullshit and Mike gets in all his knocks against the Yankees, Giants, Yankees, Jets, Yankees, Rangers, and the Yankees.

And the Yankees.

I can't wait to read his shit for another baseball season.

Let's Play...Guess The Closer!!!

Which of these is K-Rod, who just got signed for $37 million by the Mets, and which is Joe Nathan, Mo Rivera, Jonathan Papelbon, Brad Lidge, and, just for shits and giggles, Billy Wagner?

2008 Stats:

Closer A: 69.3 IP, 1.95 ERA, 92 K, 35 BB, 1.226 WHIP

Closer B: 70.7 IP, 1.40 ERA, 77 K, 6 BB, 0.665 WHIP

Closer C: 69.3 IP, 2.34 ERA, 77 K, 8 BB, 0.952 WHIP

Closer D: 67.7 IP, 1.33 ERA, 74 K, 18 BB, 0.901 WHIP

Closer E: 47 IP, 2.30 ERA, 52 K, 10 BB, 0.894 WHIP

Closer F: 68.3 IP, 2.35 ERA, 77 K, 34 BB, 1.288 WHIP





If you said A, B, C or D is K-Rod, then you are...a dumbass!

If you said E is K-Rod, then you...underestimated Billy Wagner!

If you said F is K-Rod, the closer out of this group who has the worst ERA, most walks, and worst WHIP, then you are...CORRECT!

And, most likely, a Yankee fan.

I can't wait to hear Mike Lupica say how the Mets "had" to make this deal.

A - Brad Lidge
B - Mo Rivera
C - Jonathan Papelbon
D - Joe Nathan
E - Billy Wagner
F - K-Rod

Yanks Add Swisher - Great Move

I'm Mister Six, and I approve this deal. Basically, we're buying low on a guy who's coming off his worst year and is almost a lock to improve.

Swisher's a good defensive player, he's versatile, and his salary for the next 3 years is pretty tame, at least in Yankeeland.

Plus when you take into account that he batted .245 on balls in play last year, it's hard to imagine him being that unlucky again. He fits the Yankee mold for patient hitters, drawing 82 walks last year and seeing 4.51 pitches per at bat.

In my opinion at least, that pretty much spells the end of Bobby Abreu in pinstripes... and I have no problem with that. Swisher should be good for .270/.380/.500 next year. He should hit 30 homers and drive in 100 in our offense, and also should return to 30+ doubles.

The way I see it, the Yankees desperately need to move Hideki Matsui. Right now, our starting outfield should be Nady/Damon/Swisher. We don't want to be locked into using Matsui as a full-time DH... especially since, as you all know, I'm a huge advocate of signing Manny Ramirez as our DH.

Stick Posada behind the plate, Teixeira at 1B, Ramirez at the DH and Sabathia in the rotation and the 2008 season is a rap. Mark it down.

As for what we gave up... Wilson Betemit was a huge disappointment. Jeff Marquez was 23, and probably not in line to make an impact in the Bronx any time soon. He's just got too many guys ahead of him in line, and at 23, how long can you hold onto him with no intention of making him more than a Darrell Rasner-type fill-in guy?

Hughes, Kennedy, Brackman, Aceves, Betances, and even Alan Horne were probably ahead of Marquez in line, so it's not a huge loss.

And whenever you get the White Sox to throw in a "prospect" in a trade, you've probably got a pretty good chance of striking gold.

Re: Bloomberg: Third Term?

Everybody's talking about this. Lupica even chimed in on it not so long ago.

They're saying that Bloomberg's indispensable, because of the economic crisis, to which I quote Charles de Gaulle...

“The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men.”

Something to keep in mind.

Russo makes me feel bad for Mets fans.

I was feeling all giddy about the Mets collapse, then I watched this stupid ass video.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/26942916#26943643

What the hell is this guy on?

Are you serious, Russo? Look at yourself. You are acting like a complete asshole.

I hope your wife is happy with all that money from your new contract, because she sure can't be proud of being hitched to a loser like you.