Lupica Loves That Jose Reyes

Holy crap. Lupica is back, once again, on Reyes' jock. Can he make it any more obvious that he wants to get in bed with Jose? I mean, really…take a look at this…

But even now, as Reyes rolls over on his back...

Um…ewww?

…and begins to stretch legs…

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

that change everything for the Mets when they are healthy, the shortstop is the one you want to watch the most.

I've actually been tuning in to more Mets games this season…for one reason - Ike Davis.

Even now, almost three hours before the game starts, he smiles and laughs at something Alex Cora says to him in Spanish and reminds you of a kid waiting for recess to start.

Is Lupica saying that Reyes can't wait to get out of Citi Field?

That's how I read it.

This is comedy…look at how Lupica turns into the most nauseating Met Apologist of all time…

Met Apologist: Wright looks as if he is ready to make some noise at the plate.

Reality: Wright is not making any noise at the plate. Only 3 players in the MLB have more strike outs.

Met Apologist: Jeff Francoeur keeps hitting balls that would be homers in other parks.

Reality: Jeff Francouer can't hit a home run at home.

Met Apologist: Reyes made you watch him all over again this week, made you remember that it is almost a year since the kid at shortstop was in the middle of everything for the New York Mets.

Reality: Reyes is hitting .242 with an OPS+ of 78.

The spin doctor is in!

Moving on…remember when Lupica said this about Carlos Beltran?

You think Carlos Beltran, even at $100 million, is looking like more and more of a bargain to the pinstripers? - 4/8/2007

So what do you think he had to say about Beltran in yesterday's shitty column?

He has turned out to be a bad contract for the Mets

HAHA what a douche.

But of course, we can't get through a Lupica article without some quality Yankee bashing…

I keep hearing about all this pop in (Nick) Johnson's bat, and maybe we'll see it before too long.

They're nearly hysterical about David Ortiz's batting average in Boston, and the Yankees had a designated hitter with a batting average of a buck-twenty coming into this weekend.

The funny thing is, and every Yankee fan knows it, is that the Yankees got Nick Johnson for his ON BASE PERCENTAGE, not his home runs, you dopey little dwarf. Who the hell is talking about the "pop" in Nick Johnson's bat?

Where is the pop in Jose Reyes' bat?

How about $66 million, ZERO home runs Jason Bay?

Come on, Mike! I can do this in my sleep! At least make it challenging!

Mark Teixeira's concern for Bobby Wilson after that collision at the plate Friday night must have started right after he practically had to step over Wilson to get back to the dugout.

Teixeira is such a rude bastard…how dare he not give the poor guy a hug after that collision!

You know I'm a glass half-full guy

You are just a ray of sunshine on the Yankees. Really.

so on Friday night I was just happy to see Teixeira hit anything.

2010 Mets = 3rd highest payroll in the NL…

…and 2nd worst batting average in the NL.

Lupica comedy. Gotta love it.

Blurbs from "Shitting From The Lip"

So here we are, two weeks into the season, and the Yankees are in cruise control, winning their first four series against REAL teams - the Red Sox, Rays, Angels, and the Rangers.

Mike's "Dream Team", the Mets, have lost 3 of their 4 series, with a chance to lose their fourth tonight...losing to such power houses as the Nationals and the Marlins...sitting in last place in their division, with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

And once again, Mike refuses to mention the Mets payroll. Does anyone remember the last time he cried about their payroll?

Nothing seems to change, between the Mets sucking and Mike not saying anything about their payroll.

Here are some stupid Lupica blurbs from today's shit article...

Nice to see the luxury suites at Yankee Stadium on Opening Day no longer looking like the view of the Pacific from Malibu.

2010 Yankees average attendance per game - 44,699, 1st in the AL
2010 Mets average attendance per game - 33,477, 9th in the NL

And just for laughs...

2009 Yankees attendance - 3,674,495
2009 Mets attendance - 3,154,270

When Bernie Williams bounced that ceremonial first pitch in front of home plate the other day, it was my friend George King who mentioned in the press box that Bernie was throwing as well now as when he was 23.

Haha! I get it! Bernie never had a good arm!

Say, how's Carlos Beltran looking these days out in centerfield?

You do wonder sometimes if the Mets left base-running school a few credits shy of graduation.

Base-running school? This is why the Mets are 4-7? Because of of lack of base running skills?

How about hitting school? The Mets are 14th in the NL in batting average.

How about hitting with RISP school? The Mets are batting .163 w/RISP.

On base percentage? Mets are 12th in the NL.

Slugging? Mets are 15th in the NL. Ouch.

OPS? 15th in the NL.

This is all with the 3rd highest payroll in the NL.

The Mets are a joke...and Mike is a tool for not writing a weekly article about it, like he does with the Yankees payroll.

More payroll fun!

We all know about Lupica's obsession with the Yankees payroll. He was even kind enough to remind us how much the Yankees have spent since the Yankees last won the world series on a yearly basis.

Now that the Yankees have won the world series, maybe he can inform us how much the Mets have spent since they last won the world series!

Don't hold your breath. It won't happen.

But, since I hate the Mets, and Lupica, I did some research...the Mets have spent $1,597,000,000 since 1986!

$1.6 BILLION.

Suck on that, Lupica.

Some of my favorite Lupica quotes

In the first week of March, there is nothing better than turning on the television in the afternoon and seeing Reyes at the plate - 3/4/2007

Jose Reyes Sept/Oct stats
2007 - .205 BA, .279 OBP, .333 SLG
2008 - .243 BA, .314 OBP, .402 SLG
2009 - bruised vagina - did not play

The Mets will draw as big as the Yankees draw when both new parks are open - 4/8/07

Mets attendance 2009 - 3,154,270
Yankees attendance 2009 - 3,674,495

Maybe somebody needs to tell Tom Coughlin that he has absolutely no chance of keeping his job, and that bringing him back was the dumbest idea since "Temptation Island." - 10/7/2007

The Giants are Super Bowl champions four months later.

The Yankees are ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals. - 12/2/2007

Mets sign Santana; out the last six weeks of the 2009 season with an injury.

…Santana, the one the Mets finally got for a bag of balls… - 2/24/2008

Mets give Santana a $151 million contract.

The bottom line here is that the Mets need more guys like Wagner, not fewer. - 5/19/2008

Billy Wagner stats
Career 10.32 post season ERA
2008 - seven blown saves, injured for 8 weeks
2009 - traded

Do you know who I am!? - 7/14/2008

Trying to get past security at the all star game.


The Mets are 14-9 now under Manuel, a good manager and a good man worth rooting for - 7/17/08

2008 - epic collapse to the Marlins, over $115 million payroll difference
2009 - fourth place finish with $149 million payroll, highest in the NL

I do love it when the Yankees act surprised, and sometimes nearly get the vapors, when aging players start to break down on them. - 7/19/2008

2009 - Mets players spent more than 1,480 days on the disabled list, more than any other team.

Same shit, different season.

So Lupica has to start his blurbs with, of course, a Yankee payroll diss!

I love it when I hear the Red Sox are "inching" up on the Yankees in payroll now that they're within $40 million.

Right.

It's practically first-and-goal!

Ha! First and goal! I get it! Except...that's a football phrase. So it doesn't really work, Mike.

How about "They're in the same ballpark!"

Oh wait, that doesn't show any anti-Yankee bias.

Oh well.

Imagine they were, say, $70 million apart...or even $77 million apart!

Like the Mets...and the Nationals...or the Marlins!

Ouch! 2-4 against two of the worst teams in baseball! At home!

C'mon, Mike! Give us the scoop!

Joe West has never been any kind of huggy bear in baseball, and he got jumped pretty good for saying that the Yankees and Red Sox play ridiculously long games.
But you know what?

The Red Sox and Yankees play ridiculously, stupidly long games, occasionally nine-inning games that don't just push four hours but go past five.

Occasionally past five hours?

Since 2000, the Yankees and Red Sox have played each other 183 times.

How many times do you think one of their 9 inning games made it over 5 hours?

Try...zero! Nice job, Mike!

And just for shit and giggles, out of those 183 games, how many do you think made it over 4 hours? Including extra inning games?

Twelve. That's right, only twelve.

How many were UNDER three hours?

Forty two!

So suck on it, Joe West.

And Mike, well, you're just a douche.

By the way, anyone remember in early 2007, when there was talk that George Steinbrenner was going to step down as the owner of the Yankees?

This is what the little douche wrote about it...

...if it is a member of the Steinbrenner family who eventually has the final say around the Yankees, no one knows if they will turn out to be some kind of first-rate sportsman and businessman.

Or if the Yankees might end up with their very own Dolan.

Since then, the Yankees have won the world series.

There is only one team in New York that has owners comparable to Dolan...the Mets.

I've been waiting three fucking years for Lupica to make that comparison.

Please. We know it will never happen.

Did Lupica even watch the game?

"That was cool," Lee said...having fun with a night like this in the World Series because if you'd pitched like this against Jeter and Damon and Teixeira and A-Rod, so would you.

Jeter stats, Game 1:
4 AB, 2 singles, 1 double, 1 run scored.

Ummmm....duh?

Word Count on Today's Lupica Article.

How many times in today's article can Lupica hammer the fact that the Yankees have a high payroll?

Word Count:

Money = 8
Spend = 7
Spent = 3
Payroll = 4
$200 Million = 1

Mitch Williams, You Dumb Shit.

OK sorry for taking so long to post in here. Get over it.

So I was listening to Boomer and Carton this morning, and they had baseball "genius" Mitch Williams on. Remember Mitch Williams? His claim to fame is SUCKING in the 1993 world series.

Just in case you forgot - 2.2IP, SIX earned runs, and two losses. Yes, he was a closer, as in, closing the door on the Phillies hopes of winning the 1993 world series.

So our buddy Mitch has moved on from destroying the Phillies dreams to destroying his credibility as a baseball analyst. He was telling Boomer and Carton how Jimmy Rollins is much better than Jeter in offense. Carton said "how can you say that?" and Mitch replied "I looked at their numbers!"

OK dumb ass, lets take a look at their numbers, shall we?

Jeter:
107 R, 212 H, 27 2B, 1 3B, 18 HR, 66 RBI, 30 SB, .334 BA, .406 OBP, .465 SLG, 129 OPS+

Rollins:
100 R, 168 H, 43 2B, 5 3B, 21 HR, 77 RBI, 31 SB, .250 BA, .296 OBP, .423 SLG, 85 OPS+

Um, what the fuck numbers were you looking at? Rollins owns Jeter in doubles and triples. Yay. He must have been ignoring the irrelevant stats, like batting average, on base percentage, OPS+...

Don't you have some series ending home runs to be giving up somewhere, Mitch?

Another fucking idiot owned.

A Christmas Present for ReyesDaMan!!

Just because he made some yappy comment about how "The Yankees are all hype and no substance."

So why don't we go position by position here... and obviously, teams aren't finalized yet.  But this is just for fun.  And I'll make some guesses when I feel confident.

Catchers - Jorge Posada and Jose Molina vs. Brian Schneider and Ramon Castro

Posada, even coming off surgery, is by far, the best offensive player here.  Molina is the best defensive guy here.  Castro is the better catcher on the Mets, and he doesn't even start.

Advantage - Yankees.

First Base - Mark Teixeira vs. Carlos Delgado

Teixeira is the second best player at his position in the game (behind Pujols).  Delgado is like... the second oldest player at his position.  Aside from a fluky month and a half... where Delgado hit like Bonds (and was probably taking some form of drug), Carlos was a complete stiff.

Advantage - Yankees.

Second Base - Robinson Cano vs. Luis Castillo

Cano is in his early 20's, coming off a bad year.  Castillo is in his mid-30's, coming off a worse year.  And he walks with a limp.  And he's supposed to be a speedster.  And barring a rules-change, you still can't steal first base.

Advantage - Yankees.

Third Base - Alex Rodriguez vs. David Wright

David Wright is the best third baseman in the NL.  There's no doubt about that.  Sadly for him, Alex Rodriguez is a 3-time MVP, and one of the top 3 players in the entire game.  A-Rod outdoes Wright on offense and defense.

Advantage - Yankees.

Shortstop - Derek Jeter vs. Jose Reyes

Yankee fans are going to jump straight up my ass about this, but I'm going to be honest here.  Jeter's aging.  And I'm not the type to salivate over his calm eyes and intangibles.  I'm a stats guy.  Reyes has better stats.  He loses points for being an immature hot dog though.  And everybody knows you can't get a hot dog at Shea in October.

Advantage - Mets

Left Field - Johnny Damon/Hideki Matsui/Manny Ramirez vs. Fernando Tatis?

As it stands, Damon and Matsui are better, more proven, and probably equally defensively inept to Tatis.  In the event that Manny ends up in the Bronx, this becomes an even more ridiculous advantage.  Tatis had a fluky couple of months before getting hurt.  He hasn't been even decent in about 10 years.

Advantage - Yankees.

Center Field - Melky Cabrera/Brett Gardner/Nick Swisher vs. Carlos Beltran.

Although, if Manny comes to the Bronx, Damon will shift to Center.  Regardless, Beltran is one of the 3 best defensive CFs in the game.  And he's capable if not overwhelming on offense.  He's better than anybody the Yanks will stick in Center this year.

Advantage - Mets.

Right Field - Xavier Nady vs. Ryan Church

Nady went for 25 homers and 97 rbi last year between Pittsburgh and the Yanks.  Church was surprisingly better than decent for the Mets, except for those repeated concussions.  Church is better on defense.  Nady is probably better on offense.  Neither one has fully proven themselves.

Advantage - Even.

Starting Pitching - Sabathia, Wang, Burnett, Chamberlain & Hughes

vs. Santana, Maine, Pelfrey, Niese... and... Oliver Perez!  Or Derek Lowe.

Do we need to get in-depth about this?  You can argue all you want about Santana vs. Sabathia... but after that, it's all Yankees.  Wang, Burnett and Chamberlain are so much better than Maine, Pelfrey and any of those other four names... that it's not debatable.  And whether the Mets get Lowe or Perez, again... this isn't even close.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Bullpens:  Jose Veras, Brian Bruney, Edwar Ramirez, Damaso Marte, Phil Coke vs. J.J. Putz, Dr. Von Heimlich, Gag Me Sidearm, and the Chokin' Twins.

Point is... the Yanks bullpen was solid last year.  Actually a little better than solid.

The Mets pen was the worst in baseball.  I don't have stats to prove this.  But does anybody want to argue about it?  What?  No?  Mmkay.  Putz is the only significant new piece.

Advantage:  Yankees.

Closers:  Mariano Rivera vs. Francisco Rodriguez

Mo's coming off surgery and says he'll be fine.  He's up there in age, but he's coming off a good year.  Rodriguez set the saves record last year.  His velocity was down for most of the season.  And he allows a ton of baserunners.  Paired with some suspect defense, those baserunners could be dangerous for the Metsies.  But we'll see.

Advantage:  Even.

So in closing... the score is 7-2 for the Yankees.  Which could also very easily be the final score of every game the Yankees play against the Mets in the coming season.  Especially when the Yankees get Manny.

Merry Christmas - from Santa's Smug Elf!

What are the sheer odds? Walking by the Oompa Loompa Display at the Stamford Mall, I found a crumpled handwritten piece of paper and picked it up – imagine my shock when I realized I’d actually stumbled upon Limpicock’s Christmas List!

Dearest Santa:

Have you lost weight? You look fabulous, and I LOVE that red suit! Just curious here – you also have red socks?

Now down to business - for Christmas, I want:

1 - Shoe lifts;

2 - The ability to access information quickly so I can try this new approach to writing called “research” – maybe some type of connection that allows my PC to gather information from reliable sources instantly, giving me an almost unlimited ability to better do my job (I know, I’m living in a crazy dream-world, but SOME day) …, wait, scratch that – I don’t care to do a better job;

3 - Shoe lifts;

4 - More readers who hate New York sports in general (and the Yankees specifically), and are mindlessly willing to suspend reality in order to see my views;

5 - an industrial drum of Astro-Glide for when Omar comes over;

6 – a larger soapbox to preach from (people walk by and ask me how much for the lemonade - I HATE that!);

7 – surgery to make my face just a little more smug;

8 – shoe lifts;

9 – a breakout year from: Beltran (to FINALLY bat over .285 since becoming a Met), Reyes (to FINALLY bat over .300 since coming to the majors), and I really want Wright to get rbi’s that mean something;

9 – a weekend getaway at Imus’s ranch for me and the Wilpons (better have some more Astro-Glide waiting there, too … oh wait, never mind – Imus gets it at a discount);

Listen Claus, I’ve been a very smug little boy this year and fully expect you to come thru for me,

Mikey

PS – don’t know if you get news up in the North Pole, but the Yankees have just spent almost half a billion dollars this winter and (obviously) have the highest payroll in baseball – just thought you should know. What do you mean, it’s actually $425 million over various extended periods of time, and that stating it that way is deceiving? You …, you’re QUESTIONING ME??!! You fat bastard, do you know who I am?? I’ll rip that beard off your face and jam it up your … sorry – I lost it there for a second.