Finally, a writer shits on the Mets!

Ever wonder what an objective article about the Mets looks like? (This question is for Lupica.)

This article by Phil Mushnick of the Post warmed my heart, especially after the Mets beat us yesterday.

Let's count how many time he takes a steaming dump on these slackers...

The Mets, since at least the Mike Piazza days, have been a minimalist team.

One.

It's the least they can do.

Two.

And though it's a recidivist and self-evident truth, what you see is apparently just your imagination, yours and a few in the media.

No doubt directed at Lupica.

Mets are always on first base when they should be on second;

Three.

they seldom pressure outfielders to make a frantic throw, the wild one that would place that Mets runner, the one who should have been on second, on third.

Four.

Win or lose, they regularly get out-hustled and out-fundamentaled.

Five.

They neither play nor think hard.

Six.

And then, older but no wiser, they go out there and do it again.

Seven.

The Mets attach the names of precious metals to their ticket pricing - platinum, gold, silver - but they mostly play with hearts and heads of tin.

Eight.

Last season, they colossally blew the season because they lost games to indifferent and thoughtless play.

Nine.

At season's end, Willie Randolph dismissed such an assessment as "media fodder." But what Randolph calls fodder is real.

In the top of the first of Game 1 of this season, there were two out when Carlos Delgado's wind-blown fly to center fell. But as SNY's Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez duly noted, Luis Castillo, jogging from first, already had surrendered, thus he made third instead of home. Here we go again.

Ten.

And here we are again. If there's a game-winning, season-changing lesson to be learned, it's always lost on the Mets.

Eleven.

Thursday, in a 0-0 game, two outs and Castillo at first, David Wright hit a high fly down the right-field line. Castillo and Wright jogged it out. And when the ball was dropped and the play ended, Wright was at first instead of second, and Castillo, again, was at third instead of scoring. Mets baseball, the Mets being Manny.

Twelve.

Hernandez, who six weeks ago noted that Castillo's two-out jog cost the Mets a 1-0 lead, this time said, "It's a lesson learned." No it isn't.

Thirteen.

And in SNY's post-game, Cohen, Hernandez and Ron Darling incredibly joined Randolph in semi-absolving Castillo, all suggesting that he might not have scored anyway. Good grief, he could have scored skipping hard!

Fourteen.

Regardless, neither Castillo nor Wright minimally forced the last-place Nationals to panic, to make an act-fast throw.

With one out in the bottom of the ninth, the game ended when Carlos Beltran was doubled off third after a line drive to first. Why, with one out, he was heading home on a line drive as opposed to only a ground ball to the right side - if a line drive gets through, he easily scores - never even came up.

There was no fundamentally good reason for Beltran to be breaking for home on a line drive. New York Mets lost, 1-0. Yeah, media fodder.

Holy shit! That was fucking brutal! Watch out Phil, Lupica's gonna go Van Gundy on you!

Thank you for making my day, Phil! There's at least one writer in NY that isn't full of shit!

Fun Fact We'll Never See From Lupica

We all know how Lupica loves to throw his worthless "fun facts" in our face, by cherry picking some stupid stat that makes some Red Sox player look better than some Yankees player.

So here is today's fun fact that Lupica would never acknowledge...

Mike Mussina
6-3, 3.99 ERA

Josh "Ace" Beckett
4-5, 4.21 ERA

Suck on that, Lupidick!

How did Lupica's bitch do last night?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What Did I Miss While On Vacation?

I'm assuming Lupica wrote a great article about Mariano, having 10 saves and still hasn't given up a run.

Or something about Cano, starting to hit again.

Maybe something about Rasner, a young pitcher finally coming through for the Yankees?

Let's see...

Sunday, May 4th - "Yankee Stadium Prices Are Insane!"
Tuesday, May 6th - "Rocket throws a curve, but we need one right down the middle"
Saturday, May 10th - "For Andy Pettitte, No Clear Sailing"
Sunday, May 11th - "Mike D'Antoni has stiff task ahead leading Isiah Thomas' stiffs"

To recap...SAME OLD BULLSHIT.

Yankee prices, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Isiah Thomas...holy shit!

And, what a surprise - NOTHING ABOUT SPORTS.

Let's tackle this one smelly turd at a time...


May 4th

There is a guy I know who has tickets behind the Yankee dugout, has had them for awhile.

Lupica poetry at its finest.

Last season each seat cost $150 per game. This season, because it is the last season at the old Yankee Stadium, the cost went up to $250.

"I told my friends who are going this season, ‘Enjoy yourselves, because you'll never be this close again,'" my friend said Saturday.

First of all, and I've said this before, no self-respecting Yankee fan would ever talk to low life Lupica.

So Lupica, is this the same "friend" who said this in December?

"The Yankees will never rebuild from within until this Steinbrenner is suspended."

Remember that article, when you bashed the Yanks for considering breaking the bank for Santana?

What happened? Oh right - the METS broke the bank for Santana, in a deal the "Mets had to close".

Way to be in touch with Yankee fans, Mike. Your "friend" is just as retarded as you are.

Where is the article about the Mets ripping off their fans?

Oh, here it is! Except it's not from Phil Mushnick, not Lupica.

Surprise.

You wonder why Yankee fans don't care what Johan Santana or anybody else on the field costs?

Um, because Johan Santana is a Met?

Next week The Today Show is going to do a week-long series called, "Where in the world is Robinson Cano?"

Since May 4th...

Robinson Cano .364 BA, 2 HR, 4 RBI
Jose Reyes .222 BA, 0 HR, 3 RBI

Well, we know where Robinson Cano has been.

Where has Reyes been? Lupica's bed perhaps?

May 6th

"I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans," Clemens continued, and right there you wanted to ask him what exactly he was apologizing for, but by now it's clear that he doesn't do well with any kind of cross-examination once he's given his name.

No, I'm not gonna defend Clemens. He's got issues. Issues that Lupica feels necessary to point out in every goddamn column he writes. It's old to everyone taller than 5'-6".

This is the kind of apology that Jason Giambi originally gave when his testimony about using steroids, offered in front of the BALCO grand jury, was leaked to a newspaper.

Here we go again with the Giambi apology.

EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR LUPIDICK KNOWS WHY HE APOLOGIZED.

Get over it Mikey!!!

You should be asking why the fuck did the Mets re-sign Mota after testing positive for steroids! We're still waiting for that article!

Giambi sat there at Yankee Stadium with Joe Torre and Brian Cashman and he apologized that day, even though he never said for what, once you could see how broken up he was about being a "distraction" to his teammates.

Step away from reality TV and PLEASE start reporting on SPORTS, not non-sports related shit that happened 5 years ago!

May 10th

I'm just going to assume that since Yankee announcers think Joba's dance moves are swell after a strikeout they'll keep themselves under control the next time Manny Ramirez poses after a home run as if he's in a photo shoot for Annie Leibowitz.

Did everyone notice when Joba threw near Youkilis' head last year, the Dick said it was "bush league?"

And when Farnsworth threw behind Manny's head a couple of weeks ago, Lupica shit all over the Yankees for it?

What has he said in the past about Manny standing at home plate, admiring his home runs?

"Good news at the Stadium! The last one Manny hit off Mussina just landed underneath the Avis sign in left."

Manny has been showboating since forever, and you have never called him out on it.

Jeez, does an athlete have to play in New York for you to shit all over him?

How about giving props to players instead of "reporting" on the same tired themes, Mike? Fuck, I even get email from Mets fans who hate you!

And who the FUCK is Annie Leibowitz?!

Get your fucking head out of your ass, or get the fuck out of New York. You are a miserable little tool who has no fans, no friends, and no life.

Piling On!! Fuck yeah!!!

I told you all about my hero, Daniel A. McBride, who wrote into Voice of the People and shredded their main Midget Mike Lupica... well... guess what!!!

Make it two days in a fucking ROW!!! And a new hero at Enough-Lupica!

Inquiring mind

Manhattan: Mike Lupica, would you please tell us all why you hate the Yankees so much (and the Republican Party, for that matter, too)?
Please?

Tim Cunningham

Timmy Cunningham, you write in and let me know that you're seeing this and you, me, Fafa and Daniel McBride are gonna go out and get fucking shitfaced to celebrate!

To everybody else, keep up the good work. Bombard the News, let them know that you all hate this guy... show Lupica what happens to little Yankee bashers in the Big City.

Hate Mike Lupica? You're Not Alone...

Daniel A. McBride is my new fucking hero! Daniel, if you're reading this, you seriously need to write in and let us know, because I want to buy you a drink or something. I'm not even kidding.

Who's Daniel A. McBride? He's the guy who wrote in to The Daily News and had his opinion published in the "Voice of the People" section. Here's what Mr. McBride had to say.

Yawn
Massapequa, L.I.: Will someone inform Mr. High and Mighty Mike Lupica that there are other things going on in the sports world besides Roger Clemens? We get it, Mike. You don't like him. Please move on to your millionth tired article about the Yankees' payroll.

Daniel, if I was a gay man, I'd proposition you for sex. Hell... if you take me up on the drink offer, I might proposition you for sex anyway. Okay, that's a joke, but you get what I'm saying.

This guy hammered Lupica... not only for constantly writing about Roger Clemens... but for writing the same boring articles about the Yankees payroll over and over too!!

Maybe now that this has been said IN THE PAPER, the editors in the sports department will REALIZE that Mike's been submitting the same 5 articles for the last 10 years, and demand something new from him. Don't they realize that he's freeloading for a paycheck?

Daniel, you the man.

I Love Being Proven Right....

Did I tell you guys yesterday that Lupica has a fucking Roger obsession? Did he prove me right? I swear to fucking Christ, if this arrogant little prick isn't the most predictable force in ignorant sports journalism, I'll be fucked by a gorilla.

I don't know what I find more disgusting. The idea of Roger Clemens having sexual relations with a 15 year old girl...

Or the image of Mike Lupica masturbating furiously to pictures of The Rocket every time some new fact comes out in this page, as he moans things like, "Oh yeah Roger... you naughty boy. If you keep being so naughty I'll be as cool as Mitch Albom!!" and spraying his little dwarven seed all over his word processor.

Without even reading this article, I'm sure of three things.

1) Lupica will make a reference to politics, most likely the Clintons.
2) Lupica will make a reference to Jason Giambi.
3) There will be some obscure reference to pop culture from 25 years ago that nobody gets, but it will nevertheless become a central concept of the column.

So here we go...

So now he comes out with an apology about nothing, an artless, pathetic combination of lawyering and agenting that makes Clemens sound like Bill Clinton saying he did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinksy.

And here's item number 1 on the checklist.

Bill Clinton didn't have sex with that woman. He let her hold his cigar. Does this really have anything to do with Roger Clemens? Nope.

This is the kind of apology that Jason Giambi originally gave when his testimony about using steroids, offered in front of the BALCO grand jury, was leaked to a newspaper.

Bingo! That's two out of three!!

For the six thousandth time Mike, everybody knew what Giambi was apologizing for. His confession to a Grand Jury was leaked to the papers. Giambi's vagueness was for the purpose of protecting the three years and about $60 Million that remained on his contract. And Giambi never really "lied" about taking drugs.

Clemens is lying about doping. And lying about screwing a 15-year old. And probably lying about 7,000 other things. And he was vague because he doesn't want to get sued. Regardless, this situation is very fucking different. You're the only one who doesn't understand that Mike.

There is a book that Dan Jenkins wrote called "Baja Oklahoma," and in it Jenkins lists his 10 stages of drunkenness. And the last two could apply to almost anything, to being drunk with power or celebrity or ego or even being President of the United States. On Jenkins' list No. 9 is invisible and 10? No. 10 is bulletproof.

I don't want to brag or boast... but "Baja Oklahoma" was published in 1981. That makes it roughly 27 years old. Now lets see if it becomes a recurring theme in the article. All we have to do is skip to the end...

He still thinks he is bulletproof. He's not. He must have thought that once he started swinging away, nobody else would swing back. That's not the way it works.

Emphasis is, of course, mine. Stage 10 of drunkenness according to Dan Jenkins' 27-year old book comes back again. Roger thinks he's bulletproof. That's stage 10!!!! Woo hooo!!

Here's my question. What in fucking hell do these 10 stages of drunkenness have to do with Roger Clemens? Is Lupica suggesting that Clemens is drunk?

Well, that would be the most reasonable explanation so far for why he started sticking it to a 15-year old girl.... guys do some crazy shit when they're drunk.

www.enough-vacations.com?

As you all know, Fafa's on vacation, which means that I'm in charge around here! I can say and do whatever I want! If I were so inclined, I could tackle politics or religion. I could enlighten you all about my personal views on gay marriage. Or I could explain my fool-proof argument for why Rudy Giuliani should be euthanized. But instead I think I'll just complain about crappy sports writing.

I think Mike Lupica might have gone on vacation too, because today's shitty Yankee-bashing Daily News article comes from the usually tolerable, Bill Madden! I don't hate you Bill, but you shit the bed on this one.

Well, I guess this is it and there's nothing left but to accept it: We have come to the end of the Phil Hughes-Ian Kennedy era.

Yeah, I mean... since they both suffered career-ending injuries over the weekend. I guess we can just kiss them goodbye. We'll always have September 2007 though. Wait a second... you mean neither one of them is dead? Or terribly harmed? Then what the fuck is Bill talking about?

Who could have possibly seen it coming? And yet, here we are, the first week of May, and the two whiz-kid starting pitchers, on whose sturdy right shoulders GM Brian Cashman had invested not just his reputation but the whole 2008 Yankee season, are both out of the rotation with no timetable for any return.

So wait... the Hughes-Kennedy era is over because of a bad April? Two first-rounders made a total of 9 bad starts, and one of them broke a rib... and we're done with those assholes forever? And the season is over? That's some really fucked up shit. I hope Bill's exaggerating.

The road from the Bronx to Columbus and Scranton over the years is littered with the broken spirits and dreams of young pitchers developed and hyped by the Yankees only to be abruptly discarded upon meeting failure at the big league level.

Wait, I know this song! I'll cut in with the chorus now!

I walk alone, I walk alone. I walk alone, I walk a--- MY SHADOW'S THE ONLY ONE WHO... Shit, I got carried away for a second. So we're not singing Green Day songs?

Who are these hyped, developed prospects who turned out to be busts? Over the years, we've brought up some minor leaguers. Matt DeSalvo, Tyler Clippard, Chase Wright, Christian Parker, Alex Graman, Jeff Karstens, and guys like that have been mostly bad. But none of them were heralded prospects, or guys we expected to develop into rotation mainstays. They were spot-starters and dudes we hoped could contribute a little.

An organization hyping Brandon Claussen in the hopes of dealing him at some point in the future for a quality player is one thing. Refusing to deal Hughes and Kennedy for the best pitcher in baseball is totally another thing. I think Bill Madden is asserting that the Yankees believed their own hype or something. The fact is that Hughes was the top-rated pitching prospect in baseball according to numerous non-New York-based sources. Everybody loved him. Most of those people STILL love him.

Of course, Cashman is not about to put Hughes and Kennedy, former No. 1 draft picks, in that category. (The category of busts)

Of course he's not. Because Hughes and Kennedy have made a total of NINE. BAD. STARTS. IN. FUCKING. APRIL.

As for Hughes and Kennedy, the much-hyped No. 1's, Hughes is said to be out at least until July with his stress fracture, while Kennedy probably will to have to string together at least four or five good starts in the minors - like Rasner did - before he gets the Yankees' attention again.

So Hughes is gone until he's healthy. Then he'll rehab and come back. And Kennedy's gone until he gets his shit together a little bit.

And that signifies the END of the Hughes/Kennedy ERA? It sounds like they're both going away for a short period of time, and then coming back again. So again I ask... are you exaggerating a little bit Bill?

Just to put the Hughes/Kennedy struggles into perspective, here are some game lines.

Mystery Player A
1) 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 H, 1 BB, 2 K
2) 8 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7H, 2 BB, 2 K
3) 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 H, 5 BB, 8 K
4) 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 4 K
5) 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 H, 6 BB, 2 K
6) 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 3 BB, 0 K

Oh my god! Mystery Player A started out good... and then regressed. And then lost his confidence and got scared to throw strikes! His career must surely have gone down the tubes from there!!! Who could he be?!

John Fucking Smoltz. That's who. At age 21, Smoltz went 2-7 with a 5.48 ERA and a 1.672 WHIP. He was dogshit, but he took his lumps and developed into a pretty good major league pitcher.

Mystery Player B
1) 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 9 K
2) 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 1 BB, 8 K
3) 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 K
4) 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 H, 4 BB, 5 K
5) 2 IP, 0 ER, 2 H, 1 BB, 1 K
6) 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 2 K

This guy is fucking awesome! Wow! I bet that's like Greg Maddux or Sandy Koufax's first 6 games! Wow! The guy didn't even give up a run in 4 of his first 6 outings!! Who could he be?

The answer is Zach Duke. He went 8-2 with a 1.81 ERA as a rook. Since then, he's 13-25 with A 4.82 ERA.

Six starts is a very small sample size. It proves absolutely nothing about how good or bad a baseball player is, or will be in the future.

Some of the best and most memorable pitchers in the history of baseball have started their careers poorly. And some of the worst/most forgettable guys have shot out to fast starts and faded away. Only time is going to tell how good Hughes, Kennedy and Chamberlain will be.

Bill Madden exaggerated a lot in his article. He never admitted it. I'm sad for Bill.

Shooting Myself in the Face...

First and foremost, I want to say that I'm surprised at the topic of this week's "Shooting from the Lip." There's a new Clemens scandal, and we all know about Lupica's "Roger" fascination. But instead, he decides to write about the prices at Yankee Stadium. Screw the long intro, here we go.


There is a very good reason why most Yankee fans don't care how much their team spends on baseball players.

26 World Championships? 39 Pennants? 47 Playoff Appearances? George Steinbrenner winning the National Football Foundation's Gold Fucking Medal? Come on, you thought I wasn't going to reference that every chance I got?

One of the best reasons is that their team keeps asking them - at least the most well-heeled of them - to spend more and more to help pay the freight.

Umm... what? We don't care how much our team spends on players because the team asks us to pay the freight? This makes no fucking sense. These two sentences mean: I don't care how much you spend on players... as long as I'm the one actually paying for it!!! Please, if anybody understands the correlation Lupica's trying to make... e-mail me and explain it. I'm fucking lost. Seriously. And it's upsetting me.

There is a guy I know who has tickets behind the Yankee dugout, has had them for awhile.

Come on Mike, tell us who he is. Give us a name, I dare you for two reasons. (1) I think you're full of shit. I don't think you know anybody who goes to Yankee games. I think you googled some prices so you could bitch about them. (2) If you do, in fact, have a 'friend' sitting behind the plate at Yankee games, I want to know his identity so we can have security ban him from the building. He's fucking up our karma.

Lupica writes a bunch more, detailing the cost increases of Yankee premier ticket plans... but really, what's the fucking point of all this?

Are you telling me that the Mets didn't raise prices after inking Santana to $151M? And they're not going to raise them even more when they move into Shiti Field next year? The Mets have been a laughing stock in baseball for longer than they've been respectable, they're coming off the biggest collapse in late-September history, and they still raised prices.

Part of what you're paying for at Yankee Stadium, is the brand. The New York Yankees are the Calvin Klein Versace Tommy Hilfiger Prada Jackie Chan Marlon Brando D&G of baseball.

The Mets are something like this.

Point is, Lupica meanders on about the prices of seats around the new Yankee Stadium for a page and a half... and then drops this nugget again.

You wonder why Yankee fans don't care what Johan Santana or anybody else on the field costs?
The seats closest to the field are as good place to start as any.

So again, Lupica's entire point is: Yankee fans don't care how much players cost... because the more money the Yankees spend on players, the more expensive tickets will get. You nailed it on the head Mike. I hope the Yankees sign Darren Erstad to a 80 year, $6.4 Trillion dollar contract! Then I can spend the GNP of Liechtenstein on bleacher seats! Hooray!!!

***

Rusty Hardin, the Isiah of lawyers, still wants what's happening to Roger Clemens to be the media's fault and not his fault.

You know, Clemens isn't the only Roger that Lupica is obsessed with. For the record though, how is it Rusty Hardin's fault that Clemens did steroids and boffed a 15-year old girl? Are you trying to tell me that this is the sort of legal advice that Rusty Hardin gives?

Clemens: I'm totally going to get sued Rusty. I just hit a parked car. What should I do?

Rusty: Well Roger, if I were you, I'd do some steroids and boff a 15-year old girl.

Clemens: How's that going to help with me getting sued for hitting a parked car?

Rusty: How the hell should I know. I just want to do steroids and boff 15-year old girls! Giggity-giggity-goo!!! Alllllright!!!

The hot romance between Phil Hughes and a whole bunch of Yankee fans has cooled at a record pace, even for the big bad city.

Yeah, I know, right? The fucking nerve of that scumbag Phil Hughes to have a shitty April and break a rib! Phil Hughes is a selfish douchebag! And to think, just two weeks ago I got slapped with a restraining order for masterbating outside his apartment because I was so in love with him!!

You know what Billy Wagner did when he spoke up about Oliver Perez the other day?

Created a gigantic clubhouse rift? Fucked up team chemistry? Earned the nickname, "The White Gary Sheffield"? Made the author of this page cry?

He spoke for pretty much all Mets fans.

Fuck the heck!?

Next week The Today Show is going to do a week-long series called, "Where in the world is Robinson Cano?"

He's in Liechtenstein with Carlos Beltran! As reader, Mark P. was kind enough to point out, Cano has only 3 hits less than Beltran (and the same number of homers). Except that Beltran earns enough money to sit in the premium seats at the New Yankee Stadium! Carlos Delgado's really tearing it up lately too.

Maybe it's April, and Cano is traditionally a slow starter. Or maybe he's hiding in a cave in Uzbekistan.

Something That Bothers Me...

I don't have an article to tear up today. I wish I did. The last column I saw from Lupica actually put some heat on the Mets, albeit for all the wrong reasons, but I guess I can't bitch too much about that. What's bothering me today, is the fact that Michael Ignacious David Gary Eliot Thomas Lupica (M.I.D.G.E.T. for short) won the Jim Murray award in 2003.

For those of you who don't keep up with obscure sportswriting awards, the Jim Murray Award is given out by the National Football Foundation every year, to outstanding sportswriters. Turns out that the National Football Foundation gives out a few different awards (the highest honor of which, is the Gold Medal, but more on that later.)

Reasons Lupica Winning This Award Bothers Me:

1) Lupica hasn't written anything intelligent in at least 12 years, yet won an award in 2003.
2) Lupica hasn't written about football, except to tell us that Tom Coughlin should be fired, in about 8 years.
3) I just googled "Jim Murray Award Recipients" and found abso-fucking-loutely NOTHING. Seriously, is this a real award? Or does Mikey just edit his own Wikipedia page to include obscure, unverifiable shit like this?

But back to that National Football Foundation Gold Medal stuff that I promised. This part's actually interesting!

Seven U.S. Presidents, Four U.S. Generals, a Supreme Court Justice, and a slew of cool/important fuckers have received this thing, including Dwight D. Eisenhower, Douglas MacArthur, Herbert Hoover, JFK, John Wayne, Jack Kemp, Jackie Robinson, Red McCombs, Roger Staubach and Joe Paterno.

And guess who else won one. Yup, you guessed it. George M. Steinbrenner, III.

Gold. Fucking. Medal.

Just try and top that Lupica.